Chapter 11 #6
“Shh, enough.” I wanted her to stop blubbering, but I had no idea how to console her.
I wasn’t good at that sort of thing. Selene let out a deep breath and, little by little, began to calm down, though she did continue to cling to me.
And then the inevitable happened: a long, lethal exchange of glances.
What did she want me to do?
Did she want me to sleep on my pain?
Did she want to burn along with me?
What do you want, Tinkerbell?
Do you want to hold my hand while we fly elsewhere?
But my wings got ripped. Where did she expect me to go with her?
What did she really want? Did she want to kiss me, or bite me, or burn me?
Did she want to love me the way Kim had?
Neither of us said anything. We didn’t need to.
I stared at the reddened tip of her nose, her swollen lips, and shining eyes.
On instinct, I planted a kiss right there on her pert little nose before sinking down to her mouth; I left another chaste, fleeting kiss there too.
Her lips were warm, soft as silk, and wet with her tears.
With this vivid bit of sweetness, I was letting her know how much I wanted her, while Selene thought I was preparing to fulfill both of our fantasies.
But there was something inexplicable that kept me from unleashing the beast within me and urged me to lock him up tight, lest I give in to temptation.
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” I wanted her to stay with me, to spend more time with her. Selene wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, and I cupped her face, looking deep into her eyes.
“Here?” She sounded surprised. I was also surprised, but I had realized by that point that I was no longer in control of my thoughts.
Selene made too much noise inside my head.
“You don’t want to leave. So…” I trailed off.
I was actually suggesting that she stay and spend the night with me, so there was really no more to explain.
I shocked myself. I never slept—literally slept—with a woman unless I was really drunk.
If they tried to stay the night with me, I’d kick them out.
Sleeping next to a woman was an act of faith, an extremely personal and intimate one.
I could only see it as putting my unconscious body at the mercy of a woman who might do anything to me.
Selene looked around, casting a thoughtful glance at the couch.
“Okay, I’ll sleep here. You take the bedroom,” she answered, a sour note in her voice. She didn’t want to sleep in the bed where I’d fucked other people.
I watched Selene vacillate. All her questions about me rose up in my mind, making me feel uncomfortable in my skin the way I had since I was a child.
Then, Babygirl turned abruptly away from me and plopped down on the couch, looking tired and cold.
Once seated, she looked first at her dress abandoned on the floor and then at me.
Although her face usually kept no secrets from me, this was not a situation to which I was accustomed. So I was in trouble.
“Do you… Do you have anything I can borrow?” She bit her lower lip, and I looked at her, horrified. I looked at her like she was some enormous monster crowding my pool house when, in reality, she looked like a tiny fairy.
“Women never wear anything of mine,” I answered. If she thought I was going to break one of my nonnegotiable rules, she was dead wrong. Instead, I found a woolen blanket and tossed it to her.
Selene grabbed it out of the air and draped it over her thighs before pausing thoughtfully again.
“I’m not used to sleeping naked,” she complained, arranging her long hair behind her shoulders.
Why should I give a fuck?
Sometimes I felt like slapping her just as much as I felt like devouring her lips.
“Well, tonight, with me, you’re going to.” I was already breaking my rule about never sleeping with a woman, just like I’d broken so many others for her. Babygirl made a face, and I snatched the blanket from her with a huff.
“Come on, lie down.” I gestured for her to do as I said, but she just kept looking at me, annoyed.
“Don’t order me around,” she lectured.
“Just do it,” I said, sitting down next to her. There was nothing for Selene to do but to lie down naked next to me. I arranged the blanket over our bodies and settled into position beside her, where I could feel her warmth creeping over me.
Her pointed nipples pressed against my ribs, and I slipped my forearm under her neck to make her more comfortable. Silky hair tickled my skin all over, and her hand rested on my chest.
I looked at her, planning to tell her not to push it, but she just smiled and hooked her ankle around mine. It had never happened to me before, sharing this kind of intimacy with someone, and I felt discombobulated by it.
“You’re forcing me to sleep naked, so I’m going to need your body heat to keep warm,” Selene said before yawning so widely that one eye winked. I tried to conceal a smile as I breathed in her good smell. I felt like I was drunk on that damned coconut scent.
Then, her hand trailed slowly down to my stomach and drifted, little by little, back up to my chest. I had no idea what she was doing, but I liked it, so I allowed her to repeat the same movement several times.
Her touch was gentle, light, and soothing.
So soothing that I soon had to fight sleep so I didn’t go down before she did.
After a little while, her eyes closed. I couldn’t tell how many minutes went by as I lay there watching her.
But I did discover her preferred sleeping position: on her side with one knee wedged between my legs and one hand clenched into a fist right next to her mouth.
I stroked her hair, letting my fingers glide through the soft mass, and she sighed.
She liked being touched by me.
I was learning to linger over details that had never mattered to me before.
I found myself wanting to understand her and know her in all ways, not just sexually.
I stiffened when she moved, putting her head on my chest. Her nose was wedged right between my pecs, and I laughed. She was funny even in her sleep.
Funny and beautiful.
I adjusted myself so I could hold her better, and my erection brushed against her hip.
I sighed as I reflected on the fact that my physical desire for her would probably never fade, especially not in an intimate moment like this.
I wanted to take off my jeans and sleep in my boxers like I always did, but I didn’t want to wake her up, so I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it…
She had made a wreck of me and didn’t even know it.
She was drowning me in her ocean, and that was why I was always afraid to look into her eyes, with their little striations of iron and silver.
I was afraid of the way her small fingerprints were all over my soul.
But my heart didn’t know how to start over; it didn’t know how to give itself to another person and that’s why…
That was why I should have told her I was sorry and why I probably never would.
***
I woke at dawn and let out an irritated groan.
Sweet-smelling hair tickled my nose, and I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the sunlight streaming in through the glass doors.
I tried to shift position, but to no avail.
Selene was still asleep on my chest with her pink lips slightly parted and her upturned nose that perfectly matched the rest of her small, delicate features.
Finally, there was a little furrow on her forehead that gave her a concerned expression even as she slept.
I yawned and stretched out my arm, which felt numb from being in one position for too long.
I watched Selene sleep some more and rubbed a hand over my face.
All at once, my paranoia came back, assailing me from all sides before I even saw the colors of the sunrise.
I was afraid of the shit that would come from staying on that crappy little couch with her.
Selene might decide to take us sleeping together as something more than physical attraction on my part.
She might be convinced that I had feelings I didn’t have and might have even thought I was in love with her and that a relationship could happen between the two of us.
“Fuck,” I grumbled, my mind packed with worries.
After I fucked her by the indoor pool I had told myself over and over again that I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.
I wasn’t going to give her another piece of myself.
But now I’d done it once again. I shook my leg, trying to get her off me.
My morning wood was pressing up against her, and I needed to get away. Now.
“Mmh…” Selene moaned as she moved, the blanket slipping down her stomach and giving me a great view of her firm breasts.
I watched her with the intensity of a starving predator.
Her shoulders were narrow but defined, her breasts rounded, her nipples were small, perfect cylinders surrounded by areolae so light pink that they almost blended in with the rest of her skin.
I lifted my torso up slightly and slowly moved her arm away from my pelvis.
She muttered something unintelligible, and I smiled.
I positioned myself over her, using my elbows to hold myself up, and bent to give her neck a lingering kiss.
I didn’t want to do it, but my instincts somehow overwhelmed my good sense.
I had planned to wake her up and kick her ass out, but then Selene turned her head in the other direction, exposing more of that interesting spot. So I kept kissing her.
She smelled like coconut, sleep, arousal, and everything else we’d shared.
I moved down to her breasts and grazed one with the end of my nose.
Selene was still sound asleep while I was acting like a perv who couldn’t control his sexual urges.