Chapter 4
“It’s a good thing you’re nearly cleared to fly again,” my brother says, throwing himself on my bed in a sprawl of orange-red wings that resemble flame. “There are rumors that war is coming.”
I look up from my book with a frown. The sun’s rays warm me in my favorite window seat in my bedroom, the place that has become my refuge from Gareth’s painful silence. I’ve been recuperating at home for nearly three months and have heard nothing from him the whole time.
“Who’s talking about war?” I ask, setting my tablet aside on a mirrored end table. A tingle of unease ripples down my spine. When angels go to war, the whole world is scoured by their fury.
“All the cadets at the academy.” Samuel shoves one of my decorative pillows under his head, making himself comfortable.
His hair is the same color as mine, the dark gold strands framing a strong face and soft green eyes.
“The new rotation started this week, but Commander Gareth isn’t teaching.
Can you think of any other reason why they wouldn’t have their best instructor train new recruits?
He’s got to be preparing for something bigger. ”
I sit up. Or he’s being punished—because of me.
“Is he at court?” I fear for him if he is. Everyone knows that the archangels’ court is deadlier than a battlefield.
“That’s what I heard. I’m seriously thinking about heading into the Capitol to get the scoop for myself. You’re going to be cleared for duty in the next week or so, and then my leave will be over. I’ve got to go now, if I’m going at all.”
“I’ll go with you.”
He grins. “Fat chance. You’re only authorized to be home. No way Mom’s going to let you leave.”
“So we won’t tell her.”
“Ha!” Samuel sits up. “I’m not getting in trouble for you. Besides, you don’t want to risk a relapse. Flying long distances now could set you back to square one.”
“If we’re going to war, I’ll need to be airborne sooner rather than later,” I argue. “Anyway, you’re only on leave to be with me.”
He pushes to his feet. “Guilt trips won’t work. Let me find out what’s going on before you get all worked up. I’ll call you when I have news.”
“Samuel.” I stand, too. “I need to go.”
I need to talk to Gareth. I need him to tell me what’s going on.
My brother shrugs. “Fine. You get Mom to give the okay, and we’ll go together.”
“Deal.”
Samuel takes off first thing in the morning. I stand beside our mother while he ascends powerfully and gracefully into the sky, my wings twitching with the need to stretch and lift me along with him.
Unfortunately, my mother couldn’t be swayed, even after I confided in her. It isn’t right for me to chase after the commander, she says. When and if he’s ever ready, Gareth will come to me.
My brother waves before darting away, leaving me standing alone after my mother retreats inside. Unable to bear another moment trapped within the walls of my bedroom, I turn my back to the house and stalk off through the garden, heading toward the untamed land beyond.
Our home sits on a seaside cliff, bordered by billowing grasses and endless views. In centuries past, smugglers had used the caves at the shoreline to secret contraband into the country. Now, the coast is entrusted to my mother and policed by those who serve under her command.
Reaching the edge, I close my eyes and feel the salt-tinged breeze tug at me. If he’s lost his command, will Gareth ever forgive me? He’s given his whole life to the legion, even sacrificing whatever feelings he has for me.
“I won’t always be around to catch you, Annalise.”
My eyes fly open. Gareth hovers over the drop, his massive wings beating in rhythmic silence.
He’s dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt, and I stare greedily, never having seen him in anything other than a uniform.
My heart begins to ache, bleeding from the image of him so casual and at ease.
I want this side of him. I want all of him.
“And that’s the problem, isn’t it?” I step back. “That’s the reason you won’t be with me.”
He lands in the space I create for him, folding his wings.
He stands majestically before me, so tall and dark, a commanding presence.
Awareness thrums in my blood, a visceral reaction to the sexual magnetism he projects so effortlessly.
I remember the feel of him against my back, so hot and hard.
His steely control only makes his innate sensuality all the more compelling.
I look at Gareth and want sex. He makes me crave the darkest and most decadent pleasures.
“I’d heard you were at court,” I say.
“Obviously not.”
My feathers ruffle with irritation, and his gaze darkens.
“Why are you here, Gareth?”
“I live here. Just around the inlet.”
Surprise has me blinking. “Since when?” My mother would’ve known, but she said nothing.
“This will be my fifth summer.” He watches me like a hawk as that information sinks in. “I visited once and found a reason to stay.”
Me. He has to be talking about me. It was five years ago that he came to visit Samuel. Five years since I first realized that Gareth is everything I want.
I stumble back from the blow, my eyes stinging. Then I turn away and rush toward the house.
“Annalise!” he calls after me.
“No!” I round on him. “I’ve pined for you! Cried over you. Prayed for you to notice me. And now you tell me you’ve wanted me this whole time!”
He catches me by the elbows and yanks me close. “Your mother is a legend. Your father was, too. Samuel graduated at the top of his class. There was no way you weren’t going to be drafted, whether you realized it or not.”
Tears burn the backs of my eyes. “Go away!”
“When I accepted your mother’s invitation to scout you, I expected to find the next generation of a great lineage of warriors. Instead, I found my mate. And the one woman I couldn’t claim as my own. Too many people wanted a piece of you.”
“And the legion’s needs always come first,” I say bitterly. “Don’t they?”
Gareth shakes me. “I’m here, aren’t I? I resigned my commission.”
I freeze. “What?”
“I was going to push through until you graduated, but I realized in that damned cave that you were suffering without me, and I couldn’t stand it.”
My brain scrambles to grasp what he’s saying. “I assumed you got in trouble…”
“For what? I did nothing wrong, Annalise. The captain knows that. She knows me.”
My wings sag, the ends settling on the ground. “I went to the academy for you. If you’d told me how you felt five years ago—”
“You need the legion as much as it needs you. It’s in your blood.” He tucks a windblown strand of hair behind my ear, his touch achingly gentle. “And you were too young. You needed time.”
“It’s been three months since that day in the cave.” I can’t hide the accusation in my voice.
“I was still an instructor. I couldn’t reach out to you until I was free to.”
I push away, and he lets me go. Gareth needs the legion, too. But he’s given it up. For love. “I need to think.”
His jaw tightens, but he nods. “This could be our beginning, Annalise.”
The words are spoken as a statement, but his gaze searches mine for confirmation.
It breaks my heart that I can’t give it to him.