Chapter 22 #2
He laughs, guiding us toward a ticket booth. “You don’t have to sound so surprised. I’m not some stupid jock.” His tone remains light, but there’s a hint of something harder underneath.
“Of course not,” I say. “You’re one of the smartest people I know.”
Surprise flashes across his features, and he fixes me with such an intense stare that I avert my eyes. I can still feel him watching me as we grab tickets for the ferry and await the next crossing. Thankfully, the boats come every thirty minutes this time of year, so we don’t have long to wait.
We climb to the top deck like last time, nestling into seats near the back where we should be semi-protected from the wind. Few tourists are returning to the mainland this early in the day, so we have the upper level entirely to ourselves.
I gaze out across the lake, my thoughts drifting. As they so often have this trip, they turn to my mom. How often had she and my dad made this same crossing via ferry, the two of them laughing and snuggled close?
Every fiber of my being suddenly longs to grab Chris’ hand and press myself into his side while we have the benefit of privacy.
But I gave up the right to that sort of physical intimacy a long time ago.
I shove my hands underneath my thighs with the pretense of warming them so I can keep them in check.
“So, how’d you and Quinn meet?” I blurt when the silence becomes unbearable. “She seems…”
“Like the complete opposite of me?” Chris chuckles.
He leans back in his seat, and my eyes fix on his torso as he stretches.
“I think our friendship is more a testament to her persistence than anything else. I got a part-time job at this bookstore near campus last year, and Quinn came in one day looking for inspiration for a new sculpture. We got to talking about our favorite books, and when she dismissed horror as torture porn, I kinda went off on her.” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.
The wind catches his black bangs, making them flutter.
“I guess she admired my passion or something. She decided that we were destined to be best friends, and once she sets her mind on something, it’s pretty much impossible to deter her. ”
“I can imagine.” That much is obvious after only a couple erased days in her presence. “Do you like the work?”
“Eh. I mean, interacting with customers is only all right, but the bookstore itself is super cool. It’s nice spending so much time around books.
I, uh, switched my major from Business to English, actually.
Not that I have any idea what I’ll do with it.
” He gives a self-deprecating laugh. “A degree in English isn’t exactly the gateway to a lucrative career, as my mom never gets tired of reminding me. ”
I frown at how quick he is to dismiss himself. I spent enough time around his mother when we used to hang out at his place during high school to be pretty sure it’s her words he’s parroting.
“So what?” I ask. “If it makes you happy, do it. You can always figure the rest out later.”
Chris side-eyes me. “Again, I demand to know what happened to the overplanning Percy Wentworth I knew.”
I shrug, my cheeks coloring. “Hey, just because I’m terrible at following my own advice doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen.”
He’s silent for a moment, staring out across the water.
I watch the morning sun play over his face, highlighting the light stubble on his cheeks.
The surrealness of the moment strikes me.
After the frosty reception I’d received Friday night, this sort of casual catching up had seemed an impossibility.
“What about you?” he asks, jolting me from my reverie. “You still planning to make games?”
It takes me a couple of seconds to answer.
“Yeah, I think I’m in it for the long haul.
When you’re coding, everything makes sense—rules broken down into fundamental statements the computer can parse and interpret.
” I hesitate, debating whether to share this next bit, but the earnest way Chris is smiling at me makes up my mind.
“There’s actually this summer internship I’m going for right now.
It’s super competitive, though, so we’ll see.
It’s with Avnel Studio. They’re the team behind—”
“RuneWorld Online,” he says, nodding. “That was your favorite game back in high school.”
Warmth floods my chest. “You remember that?”
“Of course.” His tone turns teasing. “How could I forget after all the hours you spent playing instead of hanging out with me?”
“Hey, I tried so many times to get you to make a character, but you always refused! You said it wasn’t your kind of game.”
Chris surprises me by setting his jaw and turning to face me more fully. My heartbeat quickens at the intensity in his eyes. “Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge. Maybe I should’ve given it a chance.”
He holds my gaze for a long, charged moment, and I get the impression he’s not talking only about RuneWorld Online. Eventually, he breaks the connection, glancing down at his lap.
“I’ve, uh, actually been thinking about my own career path, and well…
I think I want to be a writer.” His next words tumble out in a rush.
“I’m planning to take some creative writing courses next semester.
I know it’s a long shot to get published, and my parents would flip, but I’ve always loved stories, so… ”
He scrunches his body up as though bracing for a scolding, and I’m filled with sudden anger at his parents or anyone else who ever made him feel like he’s not good enough. “Sounds awesome,” I say. His fragile gaze flicks up to me, hopeful. “What kind of stories would you want to write?”
He stares at me for a moment before his lips curl into a breathtaking smile. “I’m not sure yet. I’ve always loved horror, but I’m still trying out different genres to see what fits.”
I grin at the excitement glimmering in his eyes. “You should try writing about us.”
A deep blush colors his cheeks. “U-us?”
“Yeah. I mean, I know the exact words won’t stick, but a time loop still seems like a gold mine for an aspiring author.”
“Oh.” He clears his throat. “Right. Good idea.”
I frown, struggling to parse his strange reaction before giving up and changing the topic. “So, given your mutual animosity with Devon, I take it you quit the track team?”
Chris grimaces. “More like got tossed out on my ass. After that winter break, I considered going back in the closet. I mean, only my parents knew at that point, and they’d have been happy to pretend it never happened. But I dunno, that felt like…like giving up.”
“And you wanted to fight,” I say, a familiar shame creeping over me.
He meets my eyes and nods, his expression unreadable. “So, I said, Fuck it. I came out to my friends, my classmates, the team…”
I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach, able to guess the rest. “It didn’t go well?”
He huffs a bitter laugh. “It was a disaster. Coach made it crystal clear how he felt about a gay guy running on his track, and none of the others cared enough to fight for me.” He clenches his hands into fists, his voice brimming with anger.
“It was like I’d caught the plague. Everyone was suddenly too busy to hang out and would look at me differently when we did.
I was in a pretty rough state when I met Quinn.
She’s the only good thing to come from the whole mess—well, her and changing my major.
I’d only chosen Business to make my parents happy, and after I’d already let them down by being gay, I figured, What’s one more disappointment? ”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. His story hits painfully close to my own fears.
He’d made the opposite choice I had, choosing to live out and proud…
and the world had slapped him in the face.
Things might be better these days than they used to be, but there are still plenty of ignorant people around.
Maybe I’d been right not to risk coming out after all.
“Enough about me. What about you?” Chris asks. “How’s life been since your freshman year?”
I’m not sure how to reply to that. “Fine, I guess. Nothing’s changed, except it’s only me and my dad now.”
I flash back to my mom’s gaunt, worried face and the promise I’d made her based on a lie.
Chris might’ve had it rough these last few years, but at least he’d had the courage to be himself.
Me? I’d been stuck in my own sort of time loop long before returning to Mackinac Island, too much a coward to be honest about myself.
Chris must sense the change in me because he simply nods rather than pressing the topic. We sit in a not-quite-comfortable silence after that, my thoughts drifting as the ferry chugs along. The plume of water it leaves in its wake flashes in the sun.
When the ferry pulls up to the dock on the mainland, Chris says, “Well, we’re still here.” He makes a show of raising his arms and examining them. “No disintegration. No barriers stopping us from leaving the island or magical spell poofing us back. Looks like we’re free and clear.”
I survey the dock, squinting at the lines of people waiting to board for the return trip. “You’re right—everything seems normal. Whatever’s happening to us, I guess it doesn’t stop us from coming and going as we please. At least, not during the day.”
Chris sighs and tilts his head back. “Well, so much for that idea. Think they’ll notice if we stay up here and ride the ferry back across?”
“Actually…” An idea occurs to me. “Maybe we should stick around a while longer.”
Chris frowns. “What for?”
“Well, we know if we fall asleep on Mackinac Island, we wake up repeating Saturday there. But if the time loop is tied to that location, maybe falling asleep on the mainland—”
“Will break the cycle!” Chris interjects excitedly. “I’m in!”
“Great. But that means we have the rest of the day to burn.”
A smirk slowly spreads over Chris’ face. “Sounds like we need a way to entertain ourselves. Come on!”
Blushing, I try to squash the butterflies in my stomach as I follow him off the ferry, wondering just what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.