Chapter 40
forty
Percy
My heart’s pounding as I follow Chris down Lake Shore Drive away from town. My thoughts feel numb and hard to grasp, my movements too sluggish, as if I’m moving in slow motion.
This is crazy, right? We’re just being paranoid.
We’ve been trapped in this time loop for too long, and now we’re starting to twist things in our heads to justify whatever we want.
I’ve known Owen most of my life and pretty much all of his.
There’s no way he’d ever do anything so drastic, no matter how angry and hurt he is.
Except, I can’t know that for sure, can I?
Owen’s changed since the last time I saw him—that’s been plain from the beginning.
As much as I don’t want Chris’ suspicion to be true, I can’t rule it out as a possibility.
Nor can I deny how all the various pieces fit together to form a terrifying picture.
My stomach twists itself in a thousand knots. God, that would mean I’ve been utterly oblivious for weeks. Going about my daily routine, testing out hypotheses, and enjoying myself with Chris, all while every single Saturday night has ended with Owen—
“He’s not here!”
Chris’ frantic shout jerks me out of my reflections. I’d hardly registered weaving my way up the trail, guided by Chris. Now, I see we’ve reached Sunset Rock in record time. Darkness casts the narrow outcropping in shadow. I squint and scan the area—sure enough, no sign of Owen.
Fear claws up my throat, and I squeeze Chris’ hand, grateful for the connection. “You don’t think…”
Chris squeezes back. “No. If anything’s going to happen, we’ve still got almost twenty minutes. It’s been consistent until now—no reason to think anything’s changed this time.”
“But what if it has? What if in this cycle, we did something without even realizing it? What if we went somewhere or had a conversation we didn’t before, and that changed Owen’s plans?”
My voice is growing frantic, almost hysterical, but I can’t help it. I’m barely holding myself together, and once again, I’m grateful for Chris’ solid presence beside me. If he’s as much of an emotional mess inside, he’s hiding it better than I am.
Chris’ lips thin to a grim line. “I don’t mean to be harsh, Percy, but if we’re right, the fact that this time loop hasn’t ended is already proof we’re not too late.”
He’s right, and I cling desperately to that thought as we scour every inch of the area for anything we’d missed. That’s when I spot it—a small backpack wedged into the corner. “Chris!”
The bag is mostly empty—some pens and scraps of paper, a battered notebook with mostly illegible scribbles.
“Definitely Owen’s,” I say, recognizing the chicken scratch.
“If he brought his bag out here, he must be close.” Chris nods, holding up his cellphone’s flashlight as I unzip the front pocket and pull out a small black case.
“What…?” I open it and stop, my blood running cold.
Chris peers over my shoulder and swallows. “Is that what I think it is?”
My fingers tremble as I return the empty case to its pocket.
“Carol keeps a pistol at the Royal Lilac for self-defense,” I say faintly, my voice coming to me as if from far away.
“She took us to a shooting range on the mainland once. Owen and I both hated it, but she said we should learn the basics of gun safety. Just in case.”
“Perce…” Chris’ fingers find mine, his thumb stroking along the back of my hand. “Maybe we should go back. We can try again in the next iteration—confront Owen before he ever makes it out here. We don’t have to do this.”
My stomach twists as I stumble to my feet. “Yes. We do.”
“It could be dangerous. We have no idea how he’ll react.”
“I know.”
I start toward the stairs leading down, and Chris snags my hand, jerking me to a halt. “Dammit, Percy, will you stop and think for a moment!”
“There’s no time to think!” I snap, yanking my hand out of his grip. “We’ve only got a few minutes left before this iteration ends.”
“So what?” Chris moves to block me, narrowing his eyes when I try to slip past. “What does it matter if we save him this loop or the next? We have an infinite number of chances to get this right. Why risk our lives over nothing?”
“Because it’s not nothing! He’s not nothing!
” My body shudders, my breath coming in too-quick pants that leave me faintly dizzy.
“He accused me of not caring about him, of abandoning him, and if I walk away now, I’ll be proving him right!
I won’t leave him when he needs me most.” I won’t make the same mistake I did with you.
“But the time loop—”
“Fuck the time loop!” I snarl. “We don’t have the faintest fucking clue how it works.
For all we know, this’ll be the cycle it ends for good.
Or maybe now that we’ve figured out what’s happening, this is our last chance to get things right.
” Chris opens his mouth to keep arguing, but I cut him off.
“I’m not going to stand around and debate this, Chris.
Owen needs me, and I intend to do everything I can to be there.
Either help me save him or get the hell out of my way. ”
Chris stares at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable.
Then, his face breaks into a fierce grin.
“You know, you’re hot when you get all forceful like that.
” Despite the tension running through me, I blush, and he chuckles.
“All right, fuck it, I’m in. Let’s save that prick.
” His grin fades as he glances around the dark outcropping. “Assuming we can find him.”
“If he left his bag here, he’s gotta be nearby,” I repeat, hurrying down the cracked stairs. “Come on!”
We retrace the path back to the road, moving slower this time as we scan the surrounding area.
It’s hard to see anything in the faint moonlight, so at Chris’ suggestion, we switch to the flashlights on our phones.
It’s the kind of thing that should have occurred to me instantly, but my thoughts still feel frazzled, like I’m not firing on all cylinders.
Obviously, I think as I duck to peer around a tree, an icy gust of wind slicing past. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be trying to confront an armed, possibly suicidal teenager.
Except, as I’d told Chris, this was Owen.
No matter how much he’s hurting, I can’t believe he’d harm me with anything more than words.
And if I’m wrong? I glance over to where Chris is searching a few feet away.
Then, I guess we might get to put his theory about prematurely exiting the time loop to the test after all.
My gut is a tense ball of worry by the time we reach the road empty-handed. “No sign of him,” I say, sweeping my flashlight from side to side.
“You know him a lot better than I do,” Chris says. “Where else would he go?”
Fighting down my ratcheting panic, I try to think, to put myself in my former friend’s mindset.
I come out here to Sunset Rock once it’s empty, maybe sit for a while and watch the stars the way I used to.
I feel a twinge as I imagine Owen glancing at the empty spot on the ground beside him and wishing he wasn’t alone.
Eventually, I get up, go to my backpack, and grab what I need. But I don’t want to do it up here because…
Because it’s too visible? Or maybe because it’s too fraught a place, too full of memories?
I decide to go somewhere else—a nearby spot I find soothing, where I can prepare myself for the end in peace…
My eyes shoot open. “The water! Owen’s somewhere down along the shore.”
Chris covertly checks the time on his phone, and my stomach performs somersaults. “You’re sure?”
I hesitate, remembering how I’d seen him walking along the beach earlier today and likely during the iteration with the Northern Lights as well. How much he’d always loved listening to the waves. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
I lead the way off the road, shoving past some scraggly underbrush to the rocky beach.
A quick sweep reveals no sign of Owen, and I frantically glance both directions before picking my way along the shore to the right, figuring Owen would’ve probably headed further away from home and downtown, not back toward it.
Fuck, had my intuition been wrong?
Or…oh God, did this mean we were already too late?
The time loop hadn’t reset yet, but maybe we’d incorrectly guessed the end condition.
Or, a tiny, terrible voice whispers in the back of my head, maybe Owen’s lying nearby right now, his blood soaking the stones as he gasps his last breath, and the loop won’t end until he finally—
“There!” Chris hisses.
I follow his finger, and relief explodes in me when I spy a figure a few dozen feet further along the shore.
They appear to be huddled against a boulder, sitting with their knees drawn up to their chest. As we draw closer, I recognize Owen’s familiar lanky frame, his red hair a frizzy mess—or as much of a mess as it can be with how short he’s trimmed it.
Even with our flashlights, we’re almost on top of Owen before he notices us.
He’d been lost in his own little world, staring at something gripped tightly in both hands.
He starts, and I catch a glimpse of the object as he hurriedly tucks it away.
It’s a photo—one his mom had taken of the two of us playing in the garden a few summers ago.
Guilt coils heavily within me. How hadn’t I realized how much our friendship meant to him?
“Owen,” I begin, my voice trembling. Then, I hesitate. I’d been so focused on finding him that I hadn’t given much thought to what I’d do once we had.
He watches me with wide eyes, something like hope seeping into his face. Tear tracks run down his cheeks, and he’s shivering, not wearing nearly enough layers for how cold it is by the water.
“Here.” I fumble with my jacket, taking it off to hold out to him. “I think you need this more than I do.”