Chapter Nine #2
“Jill was only a few months old when Diana overdosed. I was the one who found her, the needle still in her vein.” He stopped and Meggie could hear him inhaling deep breaths at the memory.
“I didn’t rest until I found who’d sold her the drugs.
I was like a madman hunting Nelson Bennett down, not sleeping, not eating, working day and night.
By the time I found him I’d collected enough evidence to put him away for life.
Not long after the trial Laura and I had a big fight and she told me I wasn’t Jill’s father, Nelson was.
Again and again she screamed that I was responsible for Nelson’s prison term.
In the beginning I wanted to believe she had said it out of some twisted hatred for me, but as time wore on I could see it was the truth.
Every time I looked at Jill I saw Nelson.
Laura and I separated when Jill was barely a year old.
A few years ago, Laura got drunk and smashed a car into a tree, killing herself.
I didn’t want Jill living with me then; I don’t want her now. ”
“But, Quinn.” Meggie was at a loss for words, struggling to know what to say, where to begin. “Can’t you see that Jill is
innocent in all this? She of all is blameless. When you look at Jill, you aren’t seeing Nelson, you’re seeing that unhappiness
all over again.”
“I told you before that Jill would destroy our love, ruin our chances for happiness. Don’t you see that it’s happening already?”
Inhaling an uneven breath to steady her nerves, Meggie began again. “No, I don’t. All I see is a man tortured by guilt. You
feel guilty because you couldn’t help your own sister, guilty because Nelson Bennett is spending the remainder of his life
rotting in a prison cell. That guilt is in your voice as plain as if you’d spoken the words. It’s not Jill, it’s the memory.”
“It isn’t.” The refusal came sharp and vigorous. “Who can blame me for wanting to start a new life? I want to leave the past
behind me. Can’t you understand the impossibility of doing that with Jill?” His voice was raised and forceful, as if he needed
the higher volume to make his point.
Slipping her arms around him, Meggie pressed her cheek to the gentle slope of his neck, her tongue tasting the spicy after-shave
he had applied that morning. “I love you, Quinn, but I can see that we can’t build a future until you’ve settled the past.”
“It’s settled,” he argued in an unreasonable voice. “I suppose you’re going to tell me that Christ has made everything right and I can go on my merry way. Well, where I come from that’s not the way things are handled.”
If Quinn was expecting an angry response from Meggie she didn’t have one for him. “No, but I will tell you that I know personally
what guilt can do to someone. I’ve lived with it, when I couldn’t do what my dad wanted from me. One thing I learned, Quinn.
I discovered there’s nothing I can do to make Christ love me more, and by the same token, there’s nothing I can do to make
Him love me less. Until you can accept that, our relationship will be at a standstill.”
He was quiet for so long afterwards that Meggie wondered if she’d said too much, gone too far. An intolerable sadness came
over her. It was happening again. Only inches separated them physically, yet whole worlds stood between them.
Each minute passed with an interminable slowness as they sat, arms around one another, in the darkened elevator.
“I’m glad you’re with me,” she whispered after a while. “I’d have been frightened to death in here alone.” Meggie could feel
the nod of his chin against the top of her head. “I’ve been receiving the phone calls again, worse than ever. Sometimes two
and three times a night.”
The grip of his arms tightened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just did,” she said and smiled.
“I mean before now. How long has this been going on?”
“It started again the middle of last week.”
“Think, Meggie, what happened in your life last week? There’s got to be some connection. I’m convinced whoever is making these
calls is someone you know and talk to every day.” Although there was a soft urgency in his voice, he continued to hold her,
his hand stroking her hair as if they were discussing Wall Street and not some demented thrill-seeker.
Mentally she ran through every day of the week, her memory tainted by the confusion between Quinn and herself.
Thoughtfully she shook her head. “There’s nothing.
I went to work every day like always. Had lunch with Carol Saturday afternoon, church on Sunday and then back to the salt mines Monday morning again. ”
Meggie could hear the frustrated sigh. “Are you sure you don’t recognize the voice?”
“I can’t,” she said, feeling the same frustration. “The voice is muffled. I couldn’t recognize my own father the way this
guy speaks. I phoned the telephone business office and am having my number changed again, but that isn’t any solution. If
you’d like you can come over this evening and listen yourself; maybe you can make out something I can’t. He usually phones
about the same time. It’s gotten to the point that I just pick up the phone and replace the receiver every night about eight.”
“I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you, Meggie,” he mumbled into her hair. The softly spoken words, more than anything,
showed the depth of his feelings for her.
“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” she assured him. “In the beginning of all this I was terrified. Then one Sunday I was sitting
in church and I had the most peaceful feeling come over me. I don’t think there’s any way to describe it. But ever since,
I’ve found the calls a nuisance, but they haven’t frightened me.”
A hint of anger reverberated in his husky voice. “Meggie, you’re too intelligent to believe that. I don’t want you to worry
or make yourself paranoid, but there’s got to be something more than this religious comfort.”
“There isn’t,” she began, yearning to explain, yet knowing it was useless. Quinn wouldn’t understand.
The elevator made a churning noise and the lights suddenly flashed. It took several minutes to readjust her eyes to the light. Meggie squinted at her watch and noticed they had been trapped in the elevator for over an hour.
Quinn helped her up and retrieved his coat, brushing off the dirt before laying it across his forearm.
The elevator began to move and as they stepped into the apartment building’s foyer, Meggie had the craziest compulsion to
stop and murmur a silent “thank you.” There was no way of telling how long it would have been before Quinn told her of his
past if it hadn’t been for the power outage. As it was his hand rested gently against the small of her back, directing her
as they walked to the parking lot.
The manager and a couple of others were waiting outside in the foyer when Meggie and Quinn walked off. Meggie was mildly surprised
at the amount of interest their little adventure had aroused. But she quickly dismissed the concern. She was already forty
minutes late for work and didn’t want to waste any more time.
Quinn’s Jeep was parked down from her car. He paused as she inserted her key into the door of her Mustang. “I’ll see you tonight,
Meggie.” He leaned forward, his lips brushing hers in a sweet, sensuous kiss that blocked out all conscious awareness but
the feel of his mouth over hers.
“Okay,” she said and smiled, wishing she had such a kiss to send her off every morning.
For such a shaky beginning Meggie had a good day.
She was busy, and although her thoughts were with Quinn they weren’t preoccupied as they had been the last few days.
Several times during the morning Meggie found herself consciously listening to people’s voices, hoping to find some connection with the voice on the phone.
It was hopeless. Not only didn’t she have a clue as to who would want to frighten her, she found it difficult to suspect anyone.
About noon, just as Meggie was ready to go to lunch, she saw Quinn walking across the floor. Several girls stopped working
to watch him. Meggie couldn’t blame them. Quinn had the male magnetism that captured a woman’s attention. It was amazing really,
because he wasn’t handsome. Not in the normal sense. Meggie couldn’t restrain the stirrings of pride as he stepped to her
desk.
“Can I take you to lunch?” His eyes held unspoken messages that were only for her.
“I suppose I could be persuaded.” She smiled up at him. Reaching for her purse, she scooted out of the chair and stood.
“Introduce me, Meggie. I’d like to meet the people you work with.”
Meggie almost laughed. Quinn wasn’t interested in these people; he had come with the object of learning who was in her office
in the hopes of tracking down the caller. “Why?” she questioned him bluntly.
His brows arched as he reached for her hand. “As your future husband I’d like to meet your friends.”
Just having him say the words did erratic things to Meggie’s heartbeat. “You’re not fooling me,” she said softly, leading
him to the department head’s office.
“I didn’t expect to,” he returned just as softly, his eyes smiling deeply into hers.
“Well, did anyone give you the impression they were dangerous?” Meggie tried to make a joke of it as she pushed the half-eaten salad aside.
Quinn had been unusually quiet during lunch.
Meggie could almost visualize his mind churning, tabulating details she would probably never have noticed about her coworkers.
She had issued an invitation to dinner but he barely seemed to notice or hear her.
“Is it my deodorant or something?” she asked finally, after he’d ignored practically every attempt she’d made toward conversation.
His returning smile held a puzzled twist. “Pardon?”