19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
T he following afternoon, I’m walking to my first training session with Jaeger, and while I’m curious to find out what my powers will be, I’m also feeling… worried. When I asked Dryden out earlier, I only felt excitement. Now that I have time to reflect on it, I can’t help but wonder if it’s all too soon.
Doubt and guilt gnawing at me, I enter the dimly lit classroom, finding Jaeger sitting cross-legged in front of a low wooden table.
“Take a seat, Anna,” she tells me as soon as I enter.
I smile. “Wow, so serious.”
She throws me a no-nonsense look that makes me understand we won’t be making light of this. Taking a seat across from her, I immediately turn serious.
“Today will be all about showing you how to do your rituals,” she says.
“Alright, I’m listening.”
“Biologically, Anna, you’re already a vampire, which comes with heightened senses and a slower aging rate, but to be granted any actual powers, you need to make your vows to the Holy Trinity, and keep doing it every day, unless you want the gods to overlook you.”
Frowning, I smile at her. “Yes, I’m well aware, thank you.”
She throws me a flat glare. And while I’m fearing that having to listen to information I’ve known practically all my life won’t exactly help with my distraction, I clear my throat and decide to just force myself to focus.
After all, this is kind of redundant, but it’s also important.
“The three gods making up the Holy Trinity,” Jaeger starts, “are Death…” She takes a fat white candle from under the table and places it on the smooth dark surface. “Dream…” Now there’s a spindle next to the candle. “And Flow,” she concludes, adding a bowl of blood to complete the set.
The bowl makes my mind flash with the image of Dryden’s blood.
Jaeger places her hands in her lap and looks at me, making me snap out of it. “Now,” she keeps going, “Death is the one granting Stealth and Strength, Dream Mind Magic, and Flow Blood Magic.”
She waits for me to signal that I got it. I nod.
“It’s good to acknowledge all three gods whenever you do your rituals, but the ones you’ll make actual vows to are the ones you’ll establish a deeper connection with. There’s no way to foretell which god you’ll connect with, or whether, eventually, it will be just one or all three of them. Only time will tell.”
I give another nod.
“So, for now, all I can do is show you how to do the rituals and have you do them yourself.”
Lighting the candle, pricking her finger on the spindle and adding a drop of blood to the bowl, she addresses each of the gods.
Once again, I have to fight to stop myself from ruminating about Dryden.
Once she’s done, she looks up. “Now you try it.”
I take a deep breath and start. Lighting the candle, I murmur, “Give me a light step, oh God of Death, and one day, I’ll walk away with you into the unknown.”
Nothing happens.
Alright. Pricking my finger on the spindle, I say, “Thank you, God of Dream, for making me your child.”
Still nothing. My eyebrows shoot up. Will it be Blood Magic then? Adding a drop of my blood to the bowl, I recite, “Give me mastery of the Flow, oh God of Flow, and I vow to use your blood to rise above nations.”
It makes me frown, when nothing happens, yet again.
I look up, finding Jaeger already staring at me. “Did I do something wrong?”
She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t. That’s alright, why don’t you just try again.”
I do, but still, nothing happens. Pressing my lips, I blow out a frustrated breath. “How many times did it take you ?” I ask Jaeger.
She just looks at me for a second. Then she shakes her head again, but it doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence, that she chooses not to answer my questions. “It’s all highly individual. Just keep doing it.”
Five more times I try, failing miserably. And every time I do the blood ritual, I only get more distracted by my thoughts of Dryden, my frustration steadily building.
“Is something distracting you, Anna?” Jaeger asks, a tinge of concern in her voice.
“You mean besides the impending end of the world?” I snap, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to save anyone when I’m not even as talented as an average vampire.
For a moment, Jaeger only stares at me, her jaw working. Damn it, I got her pissed. “I apologize,” I rush to say. “Yes, I guess I am a little distracted.”
To my relief, she inhales deeply and stops clenching her jaw. “The Holy Trinity are powerful beings,” she starts, still summoning patience, but succeeding, “but they’re also highly callous and egoistic. If they’re not all you’re thinking about while trying to connect with them, they’ll simply ignore you. There’s even a chance they’ll punish you.”
Get it together, Anna, I tell myself. “Got it.” And I hesitate, wondering if maybe I should talk to her about it.
“Oh come on, spit it out already,” Jaeger pleads.
I look away for a second. “Alright.” I take a deep breath and force myself to start talking. “You’ve never met either of them, but I told you about both Jericho and Orpheus.”
Her eyebrows shooting up a little, she nods. “You did. And I’m really sorry, Anna, for everything you had to go through—”
“No no, thank you,” I interrupt her with a gentle smile, “but that’s not what... The thing is… there might be a third one in the picture.”
“Dryden, yes, I know.”
This takes me aback. “ How ?”
She gives a slight smile. “I was there when you smelled his blood, Anna.”
I frown. “Right.”
“But shouldn’t this be something you’re happy about?” she asks gently.
I let out a laugh. “It’s a little more complicated than that. How do I explain this?” Blowing out a sigh, I shake my head. “On one hand, I seem to always end up with my mates, no matter the circumstances. The bond is too strong to be prevented or resisted. And when I try to resist it, I only end up royally fucking things up.” My voice starts cracking when I get deeper into it, baring my soul to my oldest friend. “On the other hand, this is not how it’s supposed to go. I’m supposed to have one mate per lifetime. And I sure as hell am not supposed to be expected to throw myself into someone’s arms mere weeks after losing Orpheus, while I’m still grieving and can’t picture spending my life with anyone else.” I pause for a moment, fighting tears back. “So, out of this sense of duty and fear of fucking things up all over again, I’ve asked Dryden on a date. But now that he’s said yes, all I can think about is… Is it too soon? I don’t feel ready and I can’t even bear the thought of disrespecting Orpheus’s memory.”
Once I’m done with my rant, I’m breathing heavily and Jaeger is looking at me thoughtfully. “Let me ask you something,” she finally says.
“Please do.”
“The fact that Dryden is your mate… Doesn’t that mean that he is Orpheus? That he is Jericho and all the mates from your previous lifetimes?”
“It does.”
“You still might not feel ready and that’s okay, but going on a date with him… How can you worry about it being disrespectful? It’s not possible for it to be.”
I think for a second, but I actually am reassured. “Thank you, Jaeger. Alright, I don’t feel as distracted as I did a minute ago. I think we can go back to the rituals now.”