36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
T hat same afternoon, I head to the classroom for an impromptu session with de Groot, which she scheduled because of the mission we’ll be going on tomorrow.
And while I do understand the need for me to become better at Mind Magic defense as soon as possible, especially since we’ll be getting in close contact with Cain again, saying that I’m reluctant would be an understatement. After all, my last session with her ended not just in physical and mental anguish, but in her managing to piss me off as well.
So, this time, my goal is not just to try to kick ass, but keep de Groot at arm’s length as well.
“Morning,” I say when I enter the classroom, finding her looking out the window.
She turns to face me, a smirk dancing on her lips as we take our usual positions.
There’s a moment of silence that I decide not to break.
“Not your usual chatty, intrusive self, I see,” she says in a snarky voice.
“Why don’t we just get on with it?”
She lifts an eyebrow. “Why of course.”
The next thing I know, she’s infiltrating my mind all over again, even more mercilessly than she did so far.
I strain to push her out, but all I manage is to prevent her from going deep. Still, all she gets are my memories of this morning’s meeting, nothing even remotely personal.
She leaves my mind, but I don’t get a chance to gloat. She doesn’t give me a single second to recover before she barges in all over again.
This time, I manage to fight her off.
There’s a smirk on my lips and the tiniest flash of surprise in her eyes before she collects herself and drawls coldly, “You seem to be putting much more effort into hiding that bleeding heart of yours.”
I tilt my head at her. “Isn’t that exactly what you need me to do?”
Without so much as a look of warning, she invades my memories again, this time immediately diving deep.
I find myself in my old room again, staring at the floorboard I hid the backpack under. There’s only numbness — in both my body and my mind — as I try to bring myself to get it out. After all, the memory of what happened the first time I attempted to escape is still fresh. Not so much how he chose to punish me, but the terrible hollowness of the realization that it was my supposed best friend who warned him. It takes me a while, but I finally muster all the courage and get on my knees. I take the backpack out, put the floorboard back, and take one last look at the room that for the last five years has been my prison. But just as I’m about to walk out, the door opens, making my stomach drop so violently, I think I’m going to faint. Then I see it’s my mother. At first, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Then I see the way she glances between me and the backpack slung over my shoulder. The look goes from surprised to scared to resenting. But what really takes me aback is that she proceeds to ignore the elephant in the room. She just walks up to me and takes the backpack off my shoulder, acting as if she’d just caught me returning from the school my father no longer allows me to attend. She lowers the backpack to the floor and locks eyes with me. The whisper that follows is still echoing through me. “You’re my sweet little girl, Anna.” She lifts her hand to brush a stray hair off my face. “You’re the only thing I have left in the world, you do understand that?” As if in a haze, I just nod. She gives me a hug and I don’t fully return it, not the way I normally do. But she doesn’t notice. She just lets out a content sigh and whispers, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Despite myself, I let the memory get to me, so when de Groot leaves my mind and I find myself back in the classroom, I’m a little too shaken-up for my taste.
De Groot observes me intently. “So the betrayal runs even deeper than I originally thought,” she says with a click of her tongue.
For a moment, I just look at her, my blood boiling. I fail to stop myself from snapping, “Exactly what kind of sick pleasure do you derive from my having suffered in life?”
She feigns surprise. “I don’t. It’s your persistent naivete that amuses me.”
I frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Last time…” She starts pacing. “When you defended your mother, I thought that was just the result of my having succeeded in angering you. It turns out you really are stupid enough to believe in love, ” she says mockingly, “in a world in which mothers participate in harming their children.”
She stops her pacing and comes to face me. “Even worse, you’re stupid enough to consciously let the person doing you harm take from you.”
I blink at her. “You do understand that we’re all just weak, lost creatures trying to survive in a world that gives zero fucks for our wellbeing? So, yeah, I can be fully aware of the fact that my mother fucked me over and not regret offering a helping hand to her. In the end, all that matters is living your life to the fullest, without being scared of consequences or getting hurt or any other stupid shit like that.” I ball my hands into fists. “But you know what I’d like to understand?”
She tips her head back defiantly. “What?”
“Why is it that you’re taking all this — my memories, my feelings and my views — so goddamn personally? Maybe you should think long and hard about what that means.”
I think I see her clench her jaw a little. “It means absolutely nothing,” she replies coldly. “I may have seen something of myself in you when I first met you, that’s all. Now I see it was all a mistake on my part and nothing more than that.”
With that, she moves to infiltrate my mind again.
But this time, I don’t just stop her. Using what I learned in my sessions with Jaeger, I attack her .
It comes as a shock, when I actually succeed. All of a sudden, I find myself inside her head, in a memory that seems to be the moment she decided to go into hibernation for me.
Because it’s me there, standing in front of her in that stupid nineteenth-century dress, in the brand new Entrance Hall with the shining Grimm Brothers statue in the background.
But what surprises me even more is the fact that the moment is accompanied by this feeling of great, acute hollowness, the likes of which I’ve only felt… in myself.
Then the image switches out for an image of Jaeger, and the next thing I know, I’m mercilessly flung out of her mind and back into the classroom.
To my surprise, I seem more shaken up than she does. It’s only for a split second that she observes me before saying, “Alright, that’s enough.”
And with that, she turns on her heel and starts walking away.
I frown, flooded by this sudden need to get close to her, to connect. “There’s really no need for any awkwardness, you know?” I rush to say, referring to the image of Jaeger.
She stops and turns to me again, letting out an amused scoff. “To feel awkward, little Aurora, you first need to give a shit about what others think of you.”
I come to block her before she can move again. “I believe there’s at least one person whose opinion you do give a shit about,” I dare to challenge.
She narrows her cold eyes at me. “I assure you,” she drawls, “whatever it is that you think is going on, you’re wrong. Understood?”
I hesitate for a second, then nod and step back. “Understood. Until next time then.”
She shakes her head. “There won’t be a next time.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Really? How is that possible?”
She smirks at me, but it’s clear she’s more distant than she’s ever been. “I’ve been a brilliant teacher, that’s how. You’re officially done with your training. I don’t want to see your bright-eyed, bushy-tailed self in this classroom ever again.”
The next thing I know, I’m all alone in the room.