75. Chapter 75
Chapter 75
I ’m sitting in the Main Hall, staring at the newly forged sword we’ve placed o one of the shelves. There’s food on the table, music playing in the background, and everyone seems to be doing their best to celebrate the completion of the mission, despite everything that’s gone wrong.
But all I can think about is the man sitting in the corner, isolated from everyone else.
He’s glancing at me constantly, but it’s with resentment in his eyes that he’s doing it.
I look down at the food in front of me, but I just keep staring at it.
Raven tries to engage me in a conversation and fails.
And now that there’s no mission to distract me, I can no longer keep ignoring what happened the other night. I can no longer avoid thinking about the fact that he’s literally been raised to hate me.
If anything could make me seriously doubt love being able to conquer all, it’s that .
And even when I still believed in it, I was failing at making progress with him, so now that I’ve lost my faith…
It startles me, when with the corner of my eye, I spot him get up and walk over to me. He sits in the chair next to mine and starts piling my plate with more food even though I haven’t touched the one already on it.
“Eat,” he orders when he finishes.
And it’s all my favorite food that he’s chosen, but the very thought of eating is making me nauseous, so I just shake my head and fix my eyes on the sword again.
“You haven’t eaten anything all day,” I hear him say.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You’re moping.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“Not because I’m hungry.”
“ Eat. ”
Frowning, I turn to look at him. Any other day, the concern in his voice and the pouty, clumsy way in which he’s showing it would melt my heart. But now that I no longer see the end of the road… It’s only making my desperation grow.
“I don’t want to eat,” I snap a little, “I want you to believe the things I tell you.”
Holding my breath, I watch him grit his teeth and look away.
I get up and walk away, going to mope by the lake.
*
I don’t get much time alone. Cain comes, holding that damn plate in his hand. He lowers himself onto the plateau next to me and puts the food between us.
I turn away from him.
“You’re being stupid,” I hear him say in a low, drained voice.
I roll my eyes at him even though he can’t see me. “Am I?”
“Yeah, you obviously care about this cause of yours, but why the hell do you keep insisting on… me?”
I frown. I turn to look at him. “I love you, Cain.”
He inhales deeply, as if summoning patience. “I really wish you’d stop with that nonsense. I’m not someone to love , and you know it better than I do. That fae is someone to love, or any one of the millions of other men who are normal, stand-up people a woman could be truly happy with.”
The words make me sad. “No, you’re the only man for me,” I say as I reach for his hand.
He doesn’t let me take it. It’s with this bitterness in his voice that he gets up and demands, “You really think you know everything, don’t you?”
I just get up, frowning without saying anything.
“Fine,” he snaps. “You want to know why I don’t let people call me by my real name?”
Before I can reply, he takes me by the hand and lets me use Mind Magic on him.
*
I’m a child living in a huge, empty fortress on the top of a hill. I have my brother and the two of us cling to each other, feeling as if something terrible would happen to us in that house if we were ever to drift apart. There are people taking care of us, a man and a woman, but they never really speak to us. Most of the time, we train, we train hard to make our father proud, but once a day, in the evening, he comes to have dinner with us. And every time he does, it’s as if I forget to exist. I don’t know how to eat or talk anymore. He tells us that one of us is destined for greatness, but only one. There will come a day when we will both be tested and he will see which one. And when that day comes, we can’t waver.
Then, one day, he comes to watch us train. As usual, it doesn’t take me long to pin my brother down. When I turn to father for further instructions, he tells me the day has come and my first test is to kill my brother.
There’s not even an option in my mind to disobey. No, my struggle is forcing myself to do it. And it turns my heart to stone, but I obey.
*
“See?” he spits out as soon as I retreat from his mind. There’s such bitter shame in his eyes when he says, “I’m not the man you think I am.”
For a moment, I remain speechless, my heart hurting for him. “No,” I say with a shake of my head, “I know who and what you are, Cain, so please, don’t worry about me.”
I move to get closer, but he retreats, expelling a frustrated breath. “I’m not being selfless here. I don’t want to see you with anyone else, but…”
“But what?”
“I did get to know you, Anna. Who you really are is the best person I’ve ever known. Back in your room, I ended up snapping at you, but… you were honest with me even though it didn’t suit you. So I know you do care about me on some level, the way you seem to care about everyone.” He shakes his head. “Insisting on seducing me—”
I open my mouth to protest, but he doesn’t let me. “I know the goal isn’t to hurt me,” he says in a soft voice. “You’re securing a powerful ally in a fight you deem worthy of the sacrifice, and in the process, you’re giving me more than anyone’s ever given me. It’s just that…” He grits his teeth. “It does hurt simply because I know.”
I frown. “Know what?” I ask on a whisper.
Running his hand through his hair, he blows a bitter laugh through his nose. Then he glances away, wincing. “Look, I think it’s obvious by now that I won’t be able to make myself leave. If you want me to stay, I’ll help you do whatever it is you want to do, I’ll protect you from any harm that might befall you, I’ll care for you in any way you let me.” He locks eyes with me again. “I only have one condition.”
I nudge him to talk.
He turns dead serious. “I ask you to drop the pretenses.”
My eyebrows shoot up.
He gets closer, a plea in his voice. “I know you’re not faking being attracted to me, but I need you to stop faking… having those kinds of feelings for me. I know none of it is real. I mean — a woman like you loving a man like me? That’s the lie I simply can’t bear and I will never be able to come to terms with it, Anna—”
It’s by coming to throw my arms around him that I cut him off. He stiffens, but he doesn’t protest. I lean to whisper in his ear, “I’m not trying to trick you, Cain, my feelings for you are all as real as they get.” I pull away to look deep into his eyes, finding tears welling inside them. “And I know you think you’re not worthy of love,” I keep whispering, “but isn’t the fact that I already love you enough to make you realize you’re wrong?”
When I pull away some more, I don’t let him reply. I take his collar off.
His eyes widen. I lift my hand to touch his face and he lets me. I brush my fingers down the curve of his cheek, watching his breath catch.
The next thing I know, he’s wrapping his arms around my waist and crushing my body to his.
And the touch of his lips on mine, it’s at the same time so fierce and so gentle, I can do nothing but get completely lost in it.
*
Without knowing how or when it happened, I find myself standing in the middle of his room, my breathing shallow. He’s broken the kiss and pulled away ever so slightly, his chest falling up and down.
I hold my breath in anticipation.
Without taking his eyes off me, as gently as if I were made of glass, he starts work on unbuttoning my shirt. It’s just as it was with both Jericho and Orpheus and no one else — the intensity of his attention making me feel as if I’ve never been truly seen or touched before. Mesmerized, I watch him do the last couple of buttons and slide my shirt off my shoulders, his throat bobbing up and down and a muscle in his jaw jumping when his eyes land on my breasts. Still as gently as if he were afraid to break me, he slides one hand around my nape and the other around my waist, lowering his head to give my nipple a slow lick. A moan escapes my lips.
He stiffens. He lets out a groan, the grip of his hand on my waist turning brutal. For a second, I think he’ll snap. Then he collects himself and just keeps exploring, slowly and gently.
And I don’t know what’s driving me more crazy. His touch. The feel of his lips on my skin. How extremely focused he seems to be on every breath I take, every shiver that runs down my spine, every sound I make. It’s like he’s cataloging my every reaction to everything he does to me.
Once he gets me naked, though, he makes a point of not looking at me. I’m so eager for him, I move to take his pants off. He stops me, instead gently gathering me in his arms and getting me in bed. I play along, wanting to give him whatever it is he needs right now. It makes me inhale sharply, when he spreads my legs and gets his head between them. My heart starts pounding even before I feel his mouth on me.
He keeps being maddeningly slow and gentle, until I’m panting, tugging at his hair and writhing under his touch.
Then, just as I think the pleasure couldn’t be any greater, something sweeps all over my body, making my eyes fling open only to realize it’s his shadows caressing every inch of me.
Closing my eyes shut and biting down on my lip, I fall apart in his arms, my entire body spasming. He keeps licking and kissing until my breathing goes back to normal.
Then, when I set out to make him feel good, he does let me take his clothes off, but he doesn’t let me do anything more than that. He gathers me in his arms again and buries his face in my neck. There’s a moment of silence before he demands, “What you said last time, say it again.”
I know exactly what he’s talking about. “You’re mine and I’m yours.”
There’s a frown forming on his forehead, as if he can’t believe it. “The last bit, again.”
“I’m yours.”
“Again.”
“I’m yours, Cain.”
“Mine,” he mumbles before he starts kissing me again.
And the kisses turn more and more lazy, but he can’t seem to stop. He only does once he starts drifting off, and I keep looking at him, gathered in his arms with my lips swollen and my heart swelling with all the love for him.