Chapter 15 Impossible to Ignore
Impossible to ignore
ZARA
The world is off-kilter, and yet the earth beneath me is solid.
I can’t find my footing despite hours of walking and I haven’t shaken off the sensation I’ve just narrowly avoided a fate worse than I dared imagine.
Kade’s hands were there, steadying me, keeping me from being torn apart by my own magic as it ripped through me.
Cold sweat prickles my skin as I realize I’m unreasonably grateful and the warlock saved me.
He could have let me come to harm, but he didn’t, even though it could have solved his problem for him.
I’ve known him long enough to be suspicious and question whether he was truly chivalrous.
But in the wake of what happened, there’s only the quiet hum that sings between us and the longing, soul-searching looks he sends my way.
The forest is cold and unforgiving and a strange warmth lingers, and I’m sure his touch has left it.
I convince myself the blood weave made him act and that Kade is another asshole who happens to be a good fuck. An exceptionally good fuck who’s exceptionally well-endowed.
I should be horrified that he was on top of me.
I should loathe the idea that he might think I’m indebted to him.
But I’m neither and all my mind can focus on is the way his cock makes me come undone.
I’ve given up trying to lie to myself and I can’t fool myself into believing I’m anything other than in its thrall.
Kade is as silent as I am, and I wonder what he’s thinking.
I don’t doubt he noticed how my body reacted to his, how my hands sought reassurance from him.
I lift my eyes to the heavens and pray he hasn’t realized that for a split second, I felt safer than I’ve ever been, trapped underneath his solid and unyielding body.
He murmurs that I need to learn control and I grunt a response.
But he’s stirring something inside me and it’s curiosity.
It’s crazy to want this, but I do, and the novelty of learning to focus my power and wield it with more control has me on edge.
I want to try, more than I wanted to try for him, and I can’t stop thinking that I’ll be able to set the world on fire once I master it.
The air is thick with tension, even heavier than before. I glance at Kade, his gaze sharp and focused. He strides ahead and my eyes track him as he emerges into a clearing and heads straight for its center.
“This will do.” He turns and I creep toward him, far from certain about this. “Are you ready?”
I nod and my body screams it’s anything but ready. I’m already second-guessing myself, and a torrent of memories floods through me. I close my eyes and fight back my tears as I remember the lessons from Aleris and Ysolde, and even the High Mother.
“This isn’t the time for sentiment.”
The bond hums, and it’s like a current between us, pushing and pulling. It’s already a distraction and I can’t ignore it much longer, but I’m going to have to learn to. For both our sakes.
“We’ll start simple,” Kade continues. “Focus on your breathing. Slow. Controlled. Draw in power, and whatever you do, don’t force it. Just let it settle in your core, let it find its way to you.”
I inhale and close my eyes, trying to stay calm.
But there’s magic swirling inside me and it’s growing restless, increasingly eager to explode.
My fingers shake as its hum grows and I begin to feel something more flooding through me.
The vibrations pulse at a familiar frequency and the blood weave rises, reminding me of its neverending hold.
Fingers splay over my stomach and Kade presses his chest against my back. His breath licks over my neck and my next breath stutters out, my body unsure how to respond now that he’s near.
“Hold your center,” Kade says, his voice softer now, almost like he’s trying to be delicate. “Find and keep your peace, Zara.”
I draw another breath, deeper this time, but it’s hard to stay focused.
My chest tightens and my breathing hitches as Kade’s proximity floods my senses.
His chest rests on my back and I can’t stop the way my heart pounds, or stop myself from feeling the beat of his heart as it pounds against his thorax.
I should pull away, I should fight against him, but I don’t.
Instead, I stay, letting the tension roll through me.
Letting the bond between us tighten.
“Good girl,” Kade whispers, his voice so close it sends a shiver through me. “Don’t allow the chaos to move you. Don’t let it dictate what you do. This power is yours, Zara. You control it. You direct its flow. You decide the path it takes as it flows from you like the water in a river.”
His words float around me, but they seem so far away now.
They’re drifting past me and I let them carry me with them and I bask in their warmth as if I were swimming in a warm summer sea.
Their currents shift with the magic moving through me and the gentle swell of the ocean rises and falls inside me, surging forward like a tide racing towards the rocks on the beach.
Kade’s arms come around my waist again, and his movements are seamless.
He’s done this a thousand times before and I stiffen under his touch, but he won’t release me and he doesn’t back away.
His hands press onto my stomach and for a moment the noises roaring through my head quieten and I catch a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
The warmth of his hands spreads through me, grounding me in a way I didn’t expect.
The chaos within me still roars, but for a heartbeat, it’s softened and the world shifts just enough for me to catch my breath.
The rhythm of his heartbeat echoes against my back, steady and unyielding, and I can’t help but let myself relax into him, just for a moment.
I don’t pull away. My muscles slowly uncoil, the tension ebbing as his hands press against me.
“Focus, Zara,” Kade’s voice rumbles softly in my ear, his breath warm against the side of my neck. “Feel the energy. Let it flow, but keep your center. You don’t let it run wild.” His hands shift lower, finding their place, guiding the energy with a purpose.
My chest rises and falls with each breath, and for the first time, it feels like I can almost hear the magic inside me rather than feel it trying to escape.
It’s not just a force anymore, a wild thing thrashing to break free.
With Kade’s hands on me, it’s a current, a river, and I am the dam holding it back.
Kade’s voice is still there, a whisper against my ear, grounding me as much as his touch. “Good. Don’t fight it. Let it rise, but keep your focus. Direct it.”
The power surges again, and this time, I don’t panic. I stay in the moment, channeling the energy inside me instead of letting it overrun me. The storm waves aren’t as terrifying anymore and the magic is nothing more than a force I can control. One I can direct. One that belongs to me.
I push the air in my lungs through my parted lips and a faint strand of light lights the particles I’m exhaling. My fingers push the magic away, moving its light as it dances before us, its colored waves rippling across the clearing.
“Pretty,” Kade praises.
Nothing feels the way it did before. It’s strange and terrifying, a complete change in how my magic works. There’s no loss, no descent into chaos. Only calm and control, and it’s so foreign that it ought to terrify me.
But it doesn’t.
Just as the warlock standing behind me no longer scares me.
This is more than anything I’ve ever known. It’s a complete change and its carnage threatens to destroy me. It’s controlled chaos, and it’s more potent than the sharpest poison, more vicious than a leopard’s claws.
“Good girl,” he murmurs, his voice low and approving. “Turn your palm away and we’ll find out if you can handle a little destruction.”
I stiffen, my breath catching.
“Relax, Zara. Just a little. Control first, then release. Trust me.”
I don’t trust him. Not fully. But I nod anyway, determined to see this through. My hand shakes as I lift it and Kade catches my wrist, holding it for me as I cock it back.
“You don’t lose control, kitten,” he purrs. “You just release the power you hold.” A finger trails along my arm and I stare ahead, focusing on anything but his touch. “Let go for me, darling. Let it all go.”
I close my eyes, drawing in a shaky breath.
The storm inside me stirs again, an unruly tide ready to drown me.
But this time, I don’t fear it. I call it forward, a thread of power pooling in my core.
Kade’s grip on my wrist steadies me, an anchor I didn’t know I needed as the magic pulses and its intensity rises around me.
I open my eyes in time to see the faint glow of fire crackling around my fingers, dancing like embers caught in a breeze.
For a moment, I worry it might overwhelm me.
But I exhale slowly, my focus narrowing, and I just let go.
I fall without dropping and the magic releases in a brilliant arc, surging forward and striking a nearby boulder with a resounding crack. The rock splits cleanly in two, and my chest heaves, exhilaration and disbelief warring with me as the power ebbs away.
I’m left with a warm, heady satisfaction that’s different from the agonizing loss I’ve known when I used my magic before.
“It’s not that hard.” A smug grin tugs at my lips as I turn to Kade.
There’s no hint of mockery in his expression. “Not bad, little witch. Not bad at all.” His hand brushes against mine as he releases my wrist, and I swear there’s a flicker of pride in his eyes. “You’re a fast learner. You’ll be up to speed in no time.”
My pride fades into intrigue as curiosity takes its place. “How did you know how to do that?” I ask, tilting my head as I study him.
His expression shifts, the easy confidence dimming just slightly. “Would you believe me if I said I just did?”
“No.”
Kade sighs, his gaze shifting to the shattered bolder as though it holds the answers. His muscles ripple and his hands curl into fists before he releases the tension in a resigned sigh that’s almost sad.
“It’s how I use my magic,” he says, his voice quieter now. He dips forward and I catch the shudder as he flinches, fighting to hold back whatever’s gnawing at him. “Or rather, it’s how I use your magic.”
My stomach twists as the truth clicks into place. “Via the sigil.”
He nods, his gaze unwavering. “The sigil binds the magic we take from you, and pours it into the warlock who holds it. Our magic isn’t this chaotic, but we learn to tame yours.
The madness of your sorcery destroys the warlock unless they’re strong enough to control your chaos, as it would devastate the world around us. ”
“You die?” I ask.
Kade nodes again. “Many warlocks do, Zara. Your magic makes us stronger but only the best tolerate its burden. The sigil doesn’t just bind your magic; it burns through us, constantly testing whether we can control what we’ve taken.”
I glance at the shattered boulder, the weight of his revelation pressing down on me. “And you can control it? Control mine?”
“For now,” he says quietly, his jaw tight. “But the stronger the witch, the harder it is to contain. Your magic doesn’t like being bound. It fights, but you already know this. It’s what makes you strong, and it’s why you’ve been more powerful since the sigil broke.”
My stomach twists, guilt prickling at the edges of my anger. I pour my anger into my stare as my mind whirls and I follow what he’s just said to its inevitable, logical conclusion.
Powerful witches are hard to contain, and covens contain the power of more than one witch.
I always knew strong covens posed a greater problem for the warlocks, but I never realized just how dangerous we were.
None of us did. The other witches don’t know that they could easily overthrow the warlocks if they banded together, and the color drains from my face as the sudden deaths and unexplained disappearances begin to make sense.
“You’ve been…” I swallow and Kade’s lips quirk. “Gods, you’re despicable. How many Kade?” I step closer and he dares to step away from me. “How many have you killed, Kade?”
His head tilts and a weariness taints the darkness in his eyes. “Do you really want to know, Zara?” He tips his head further to the side. “Do you want me to count those among your coven in my tally?”
My chest tightens, and the fire burning through me steals the air from my lungs. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. All I see is my coven. The faces of Aleris, Ysolde, and the others flash in my mind, each memory a knife twisting deeper. I stagger back, my hands trembling at my sides.
“You’re a monster.”
Kade doesn’t flinch.
His expression doesn’t shift—not to deny, not to defend. Instead, he watches me, unmoved, as if bracing for the blow I might strike. The weight of everything between us feels heavier than any answer he could give, and the anger inside me builds like a gale.
“Do you want to know, Zara?” he asks softly, tilting his head as if studying me. “Because once you do, you can’t go back.”
I still and nod. “How much of my coven’s blood is on your hands?”
“Enough to keep my world safe.”
His confession drops between us like a stone into still water, rippling outward and filling the silence. I choke on the fury rising in my throat, but he turns away before I can respond, his voice cold and detached as he sighs.
“Hate me all you want, but don’t pretend we’re different,” he adds, softer this time, almost a whisper.
“You’d have killed every warlock you could if you’d been given half a chance.
You’re more terrifying than any witch I’ve ever met because you’re stronger than the rest of them.
But strength comes with a cost, and sooner or later, you’ll pay it. Just like I have.”
The silence that follows is deafening, and for the first time, I can’t find the words to fight back.
The quiet isn’t an empty void but a suffocating, oppressive force, pressing down on me with the weight of all the truths Kade has left unspoken.
I can’t find a response because there isn’t one, not when he’s right, and especially not when the implications of his truth echo between us and are impossible to ignore.