Chapter 28
Where I want her
KADE
The cold of the tunnel seeps into my bones, but I don’t loosen my grip on Zara’s arm.
She’s too quiet, her steps too precise, and every instinct tells me to stay on guard.
Malric’s laughter still rings in my ears, a haunting echo that feeds my simmering rage.
I shouldn’t have let it come to this. I shouldn’t have brought her here.
Her arm jerks against my grip. “Let go of me.”
I glance at her, my jaw tightening at the fury blazing in her eyes. I release her, my fingers tingling from where her skin burned against mine, or maybe that’s just the bond’s damn compulsion. Either way, I take a step back, giving her room to vent her anger. She doesn’t waste time.
“What did you agree to?” she demands, her voice sharp enough to cut through the heavy air. “What did you promise him?”
“Enough to get us what we need,” I reply, deliberately vague.
The last thing I want is to explain the full terms of Malric’s offer, not when she’s already looking at me like I’ve betrayed her. She screws her face up as she tosses that long silver hair of hers; her gaze boring into mine.
“I’m not a fucking toy to pass around or trade. What have you promised him?”
“Nothing he wasn’t going to take,” I snap, the words harsher than I intend. The accusation in her tone grates against the raw edge of my own guilt, and I don’t like it.
I know exactly what Malric is, and I know exactly what he wants.
He wants to size Zara up, to feel her magic and her softness.
My former tutor craves her power and he’s keen to experience all that she is.
He wants her pain and her suffering; he wants to see how far she’ll go and make her suffer.
He wants to break and bend and mold the girl I’m increasingly protective of.
Malric says this is the only way to weaken or break the blood weave, and I’m not sure I believe him. I don’t know if he wants something else, but I know Zara wants to break this connection and I no longer know what the fuck it is I want.
Except her.
I want her.
I want her to choose me and accept the inevitability of us, and if she has to go through a fucking awful experience with Malric to realize she’s better off with me, then I’m not about to stop it from happening.
She’ll suffer and it’ll hurt her, but she will learn through the pain and it’ll be a lesson she won’t forget. Or want to repeat.
We move in silence until we reach the end of the tunnel, and she stops me before I emerge onto the streets.
“What have you agreed to?” she hisses.
“He’ll test you, Zara,” I whisper, my eyes searching the shadows for danger.
“Malric put us all through it. He pushes and pushes and pushes until he knows all your strengths and weaknesses. He’ll find ways to hurt you and he’ll figure out your pressure points until he knows exactly how to break you. ”
Her jaw snaps as it shuts, and I hear her silent anger roar.
“We’ll talk more when we get home,” I gesture to the faint outline of the mansion at the center of Varric’s Hollow. “But for now, we need to move. Someone doesn’t want us here, and we’ll be safer inside the wards.”
“I don’t think so,” she says, refusing to budge. “Your brothers weren’t exactly welcoming.”
Her defiance is a spark in the suffocating dark, and for a moment, I hate how much I admire it. I take a step closer, lowering my voice to keep it from cracking.
“If we stay here, we’re sitting ducks. You want to hash this out? Fine. But not in the open where we’re exposed.”
The fire in her gaze flickers, uncertainty creeping into the edges.
She knows I’m right, but she doesn’t like it.
I don’t blame her and I stare into her emerald irises, dazzled by their green and startled at how they burn for me.
They’re mine and I want her for myself. I want this reaction for myself, and I never want anyone else to provoke this in her.
Reluctantly, she turns and steps into the streets of the city. It’s late, and the roads are empty save for the occasional shrouded figure lurking in the shadows. Even the usual hum of life feels stifled here, and the darkness of outlawed and deviant warlocks taints everything like a miasma.
Zara falls into step beside me, her silence heavier now.
My stomach twists as I glance at her from the corner of my eye.
She’s too still, her movements too deliberate.
The bond between us thrums with tension, each step amplifying the space growing between us despite the mere inches separating our bodies.
I grab her hand and drag her behind me, pulling her through the wards that guard our fortress again.
She doesn’t complain and I feel her sense the magic around her, learning its ebbs and flows as she starts to understand it.
Zara’s working it out and she’s doing it so she can move as freely as I can.
My teeth grind and we’re putting an end to her delusion of freedom as soon as we fucking can.
She exhales as we step inside, and the walls seem to press in, trapping the tension between us. I close the door behind us, leaning against it as my hands brace against the rough wood and my chest prepares for the onslaught from Zara.
There’s nothing.
I turn, startled by the silence, and watch as she walks up the staircase. The dim moonlight filters through the dusty glass, illuminating the silver strands of her hair and the rigid line of her shoulders.
Damn, I want to fuck her senseless.
I want her back to arch beneath me and hear her scream my name.
“Are you coming?” she asks, resigned.
I nod and follow behind her, staring at her ass as she makes her way to my quarters.
It’s stunning and she knows it. The sway of her hips is deliberate, a silent taunt that makes my blood roar louder than it should.
By the time we reach my rooms, I’ve barely reined in the impulse to press her against the door and remind her who she belongs to.
She steps inside without waiting for an invitation, her sharp eyes scanning the room as though expecting a trap. It’s barren but functional, a contrast to the chaos swirling between us. The fire in the hearth casts a low glow, shadows flickering across her face as she turns to face me.
“Well?” she asks, her tone clipped. “Are you going to explain, or are you just going to keep staring at me like that?”
My jaw clenches, every nerve screaming at me to push back, but the fight in her is too raw, too personal, and damn if I don’t find it beautiful.
“I told you, Malric’s test is unavoidable. If there was another way, I’d take it.”
Her laugh is cold, devoid of humor. She crosses her arms, defiance etched into every line of her face.
Her breath catches, her chest rising and falling as she stares at me, her composure unraveling.
It makes me want to wrap my hand around her pretty little throat and throttle her until her lungs burn and run out of air.
“He doesn’t get to touch you, Zara.”
I step closer, my hands curling into fists at my sides. The thought of anyone, especially someone like Malric, touching this girl has me itching to rip his heart out with my bare hands and feed it to him before he takes his last, pitiful breath.
My hands curl tighter as the thought claws at me. I push it down—barely—and take a deep breath. I need to approach this carefully. If I lose control, if I push her too hard, she’ll slip through my fingers entirely.
I unclench my fists, though the tension thrums just beneath the surface.
“You seem uneasy, kitten,” I say, my voice quieter now, deliberately even. “Are you having second thoughts about undoing the blood weave?”
Zara blinks, caught off guard for a moment, before that steel edge returns to her eyes. “Of course I want it undone. Why wouldn’t I?”
The sharpness in her tone stings more than it should, but I don’t let it show.
I nod slowly, buying myself a moment to think.
I need it, and I bite back the emotions tearing through me as my instincts scream that I should make it clear who she belongs to.
I own Zara, and it’s just a matter of time before she realizes she belongs to me.
Her body. Her soul. Her perfect little cunt and the pleasure it brings the both of us.
I shouldn’t have asked.
I was hoping for at least a moment’s hesitation, for her to waver just a little and admit this bond between us might be worth holding on to.
But Zara is Zara. She wants her freedom.
She wants to break every chain that she’s ever known, even the one binding her to me.
The witch won’t give me what I want easily, and I’m going to have to force it out of her.
I shouldn’t want this fucking blood weave.
But I want to keep her. I want her tied to me in every way.
I want to know she’s mine and I want to control her.
She shifts, her expression unreadable, though the bond between us hums with her restrained frustration. It’s an interesting development, and I wonder if the little minx is beginning to have second thoughts.
“Why are you asking me now?” Zara says, suspicion lacing her voice.
I step closer, letting my eyes lock on hers.
“It’s never too late to change your mind, Zara.
I could learn to live with the blood weave if trying to break it is too much for you.
It won’t be pleasant for you, and although I’ll feel some of what you’re enduring, it won’t be as bad for me.
” I let the words sink in, my voice dropping lower.
“But if you’re not sure, if there’s even a slither of doubt, we stop this here and now.
I won’t let Malric touch you unless you’re certain. ”
The words hang between us, heavier than I intended, and for a second, just a second, her resolve falters. But then she shakes her head, that fire in her gaze reigniting.
“I’m not changing my mind. I can’t live like this, Kade. Whatever happens with Malric, it’s better than this… this thing between us.”
My chest tightens at her words, but I force myself to stay calm, to keep my face impassive. Inside, though, a storm rages.
Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t feel the bond the way I do—the way it pulls, anchors, and completes me in a way I can’t fully explain. Or maybe she does feel it, and that’s why she’s so desperate to break it.
Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I can’t let her go.
Not now. Not ever.
Not when I can see what she could become.
And not when I know that, in the end, she’ll realize she belongs to me.
I tell myself it’s for her own good. That breaking the weave will hurt her in ways she doesn’t understand.
That she’s not ready to face the aftermath, the emptiness that comes when the bond has drained us and made us inseparable.
Sure, we’ll be changed and we’ll have each other, but we won’t be the same and while I’m accepting that, I don’t think Zara will.
But in all honesty, this isn’t about Zara.
It’s about me.
I won’t let her leave me, and I won’t let her be free and untethered. I’ll play along, let her think I’m helping her. She’ll think I’m her ally in her fight for freedom and when the time comes, when she’s staring into the abyss, I’ll be the one who pulls her back.
Because Zara might want to break the bond, but I’ll make damn sure she never breaks free of me.
“You’re sure, then?” I ask, my voice soft, almost coaxing.
Her gaze doesn’t waver. “I’m sure.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it will hurt you more than it hurts me.
” I’m not, but I’m sowing the seeds of doubt and dread in her mind.
“Malric will not be kind, but I’m sure you’ve been through worse, and he has at least said he will only go to your limits and no further.
He’s quite ruthless and rather sadistic. ”
A little colour drains from her face and her courage falters. Her lips press together, and for a moment, she looks away, her hands curling into fists at her sides. That little crack in her armor is all I need. Fear glints in her eyes when she meets my gaze again, and I resist the urge to smile.
“Zara,” I say, stepping closer, my voice dropping to a low murmur. “You don’t have to do this. We can live with the blood weave. It won’t be pleasant, but if you think it’s the lesser of two evils, then we can find ways to make it bearable.”
Her throat bobs as she swallows, her composure splintering further. The blood weave hums quietly, so subtly I almost miss it, and I stare at Zara, certain she’s oblivious to the increase in pressure as it pulls us together.
“I don’t want tolerable, Kade.” Her voice lacks the sharp edge from before, and I almost pity her. “I want freedom. I want a fucking choice.”
“Freedom?” I echo, tilting my head. “Freedom from me?”
I take another step, closing the space between us, my words softening as I let just the faintest hint of hurt seep into my tone.
“Even if Malric severs the blood weave, you’ll still need me.
I’m not trying to dissuade you, but I want you to understand that we’re stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, so you’d better start getting used to it.
We don’t have many choices left, kitten, and you’d best be under no illusions about what lies ahead. ”
She flinches, her mask slipping enough for me to see the flicker of doubt there.
Zara tenses, her fingers twitching at her sides as the blood weave hums louder, a faint pulse that echoes her hesitation.
Her lips part, her breath coming quicker now, and I watch the storm of emotions flash across her face.
I revel in her anger, doubt, and fear, delighting in the intoxicating mix as her vulnerability laced within her turmoil gives me the upper hand.
“I want this weave broken, too,” I lie. “But I don’t want to see you broken. Curious, isn’t it? I’d raze the world to ashes without a single regret, but here I am, worried about you.”
She stiffens, her jaw tightening, but the way her eyes dart to the side betrays her.
Zara’s trying to deny her feelings for me and, more importantly, she’s failing miserably.
The witch knows she’s falling for me and she’ll be mine soon enough.
She’s losing this fight, and her defenses slip again as her lip starts to tremble.
It’s time to help her unravel, and it’s going to take a softer approach.
I’ve already made her anxious and forced her to question everything.
She’s unsure and uncertain, looking for a way out, and a bit of kindness will lead her down a different path.
I reach out, brushing my fingers against her arm, barely a touch, but enough to make her shiver.
“You shouldn’t have to face this alone, kitten,” I murmur. “Let me help you through it. It’ll be easier that way.”
Her throat bobs again, and though she doesn’t pull away, her silence speaks volumes. She’s wavering, and I know I have her exactly where I want her.