Chapter 29 Ellis #2
“You survived, Ellis,” Thomas said, reaching across the table to take that hand, holding it tightly in his.
“Against all odds, multiple times. And you need to stop apologizing for doing that. Stop carrying guilt that isn’t yours to carry.
Because you’re here, and for the first time in my life, I’m not waiting for you to die.
Mom isn’t secretly planning funerals, and Dad isn’t working fifty jobs to keep us afloat.
I just get to be your brother, and you get to be my sister.
We can all breathe again. We got the after. ”
A few more hot tears spilled at his words, and behind me, I swore I heard Liv mutter a soft “shit” under her breath.
As I met my brother’s eyes across the table, I felt the invisible string of guilt—an endless noose I’d always carried—loosen.
The guilt I had always associated with him finally unraveled.
For the first time, I allowed myself to breathe.
A small smile crept across my face, and he mirrored it with one of his own, squeezing my hand one last time before leaning back in his seat.
“So get prepared, Ellis,” he said with a casual air, shaking off the emotion. “Because I want to hear all about this Dove chick, and then I’m going to give you sooo much shit about it.”
I rolled my eyes and wiped them with the back of my hand just as the waitress set down our food and left wordlessly. I grabbed a fry and threw it at him.
“You suck. I won’t tell you anything if you’re going to give me shit.”
“Okay, I promise. I’ll be good.”
“Okay, well—”
“You’re blushing already, loser,” he snorted, picking up his burger—earning another French fry to the forehead.
“Are you serious?” I groaned at him, but deep down, I was buzzing with happiness.
Because this was normal. A healthy brother–sister interaction—something we hadn’t had in a long time, if ever.
So I pretended to be offended by his jabs, and he only made more of them.
Suddenly Liv appeared in the booth beside him, smiling at me with a twinkle in her eye.
That final link in the chain of guilt I had carried for Thomas disappeared entirely.
My heart leapt at the feeling.
The bell over the laundromat jingled weakly as I pushed open the door.
That familiar scent of detergent filled the warm air, hitting me all at once, and the steady rattling of machines echoed around the room.
Dove looked up from a folding table near the back, a neat stack of clothes beside her, and her whole face changed when she saw me, brightening with a soft smile.
The answering bloom in my chest felt more and more familiar each time I felt it.
It was as if my body had started to recognize her as a safe place.
“How’d it go?” she asked as I approached, sliding a perfectly folded tee onto her growing pile.
“Amazing,” I said, and meant it. “It was just so honest. We talked a lot out, and I…” I blew out a heavy breath. “I understand him a lot more now than I thought I did.”
Dove’s mouth tipped into a relieved smile, and she held out her arms. I went into them immediately.
She wrapped me up tight, her usual musky scent now softened by vanilla detergent.
My cheek pressed into her shoulder as her hand skimmed up and down my back, smoothing me out like one last crease, and I smiled with contentment.
“I’m really happy for you,” she murmured into my hair. “You look a lot lighter.”
“I feel lighter,” I admitted as I gently pulled back. “I don’t even know how to explain the feeling, really.”
Dove grinned and tugged on a piece of my hair before leaning in to press a chaste kiss against my lips. I savored that small taste of her before she pulled away.
“Come on, help me fold these clothes so we can get back to Jedd’s.” She let me go, and I moved to pick up a pair of pants. “I want to see how far along he is with the fireworks. Dusk is at six tonight. We’ve got, like, five hours.”
I watched as Liv drifted in slow circuits along the far wall, arms folded and humming under her breath as she read the posters and rule cards taped up. I wondered if she was actually reading them or simply lost in the torrent of her own mind, grappling with everything that was soon to come for her.
I hummed under my breath as I picked up Dove’s favorite oversized tie-dye tee and folded it with what was frankly embarrassing care.
Domesticity shouldn’t have made my heart thump, but there it was, this tiny, ordinary moment as we did chores side by side, and I was enjoying myself, purely wanting more of it.
“What are you wearing tonight?” I asked, setting down her shirt and trying to ignore the heat rising in my cheeks at my own thoughts.
“Probably just some jeans and a nice shirt,” Dove said with a shrug.
“Bold,” Liv deadpanned as she floated toward us, a smirk tugging at her lips. “Thanks for letting me hang around for this bit.” Her voice had lost its usual sass, shifting into something I might even dare to call shy.
Dove grinned at her and began tucking socks into each other. “You’ve been around for scattering her along the way. It’s only right you’re here for the final one. I mean, without you, I probably never would have had the chance to fulfill her final wishes anyway.”
Liv’s mouth twisted into a smile, and she sighed. “Can’t believe this ride is almost over.”
Dove glanced at me, then tipped her chin, eyeing Liv carefully. “How do you feel about tomorrow? Seeing your mom?”
Liv made a face. “Honestly? Like… a little better prepared, I think. Jedd was a good warm-up for what we might have to deal with. Mom is a little more… spiritually open, so she might be easy enough to clock from the get-go, but I feel a little more confident.”
I smiled and began helping Dove pair the socks. “How do you feel about everything you learned yesterday? We haven’t really had a moment to debrief since Jedd told us everything.”
“I don’t know,” Liv murmured, winding a pink strand of hair around her finger.
“I don’t know how to feel. I—I spent a year thinking I ran.
That I abandoned my best friend.” Her mouth pulled, and she winced visibly.
“Now I learn I threw myself over her like a human shield. Not coward Liv, but brave Liv.” Her brows knit together, and I watched her with pure empathy.
“Jedd was rambling a lot last night, clearly hoping I was in the loft with him. There are some documentary people sniffing around, and he thinks it’s part of the reason Bri packed up and left.
It’s why he was so suspicious when you two showed up. ”
“God, people are the worst,” I groaned, shaking my head. “Why can’t they just leave shit alone?”
“One person’s trauma is another person’s payday,” Dove said with a heavy sigh.
“Ten out of ten will haunt anyone who tries to immortalize that day on screen,” Liv grumbled. “Jedd says he feels better, though—like he has closure—and I’m glad I gave that to him… but I also think I’m scared now.”
“Scared?” Dove asked, her voice gentle as she paused her folding.
Liv’s eyes flashed up to meet ours. “Scared of being forgotten. I—I’ve been loud my whole life, front and center, and now…
the idea… the very thought that I’ll just fade?
That people will move on from me and I’ll become some cautionary tale or a paragraph in a true-crime podcast and not a person anymore? I hate that.”
I set down the green sweater I had been folding as her words hit me like a fist, and I shook my head firmly.
“Liv,” I said, my voice coming out a lot steadier than I felt.
“You are impossible to forget. Dove and I will never forget you. Bri will never forget you. And there’s no way in hell Jedd forgets you, even if—and when—he moves on.
You’re the kind of person who leaves marks on people’s souls.
That’s not something that just disappears from people’s memories. ”
Liv watched me for a long heartbeat, studying my face as if searching for something she’d misplaced. Then she huffed, her eyes suspiciously shiny. “You’re different now, Ellis. I actually think I like you.”
I snorted at her words. “Well, that’s good, I guess.”
We finished the last load of clothes and began piling them into freshly washed and dried canvas bags. It was going to be good to stop playing clothing roulette for a while. We separated our things into our own bags, and I thought back on my conversation with Thomas over lunch.
“Thomas said I looked alive,” I told Dove. “And that I had a bit of a tan.”
Dove regarded me through her brown eyes, smiling. “Well, you do. You certainly don’t look like the girl who wandered into my shop wearing judgment like a jacket.”
“Hey!” I nudged her slightly with my arm. “Why are you bringing up the past like that? And you were just as judgy.”
She shot me a wink, but then her expression sobered. “I do see it, though. You look different, Ellis. It probably surprised him.”
We made our way out to the Mustang, Liv already climbing inside, and we put our bags in the trunk as the early afternoon sun touched my cheek. As Dove closed the trunk, she turned, took my hand, and pressed a quick kiss against the back of it before her eyes met mine.
“I’m proud of you,” she told me. “What you did today was huge.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, her words filling me with that nervous flutter in my chest I was slowly becoming used to.
“I’m glad I did it. Seeing him today and talking… it felt like cutting off the knot and starting again, rather than spending the rest of our lives trying to untangle it. I feel like I can breathe.”
She smiled and gave my hand a squeeze, glancing into the car at the back of Liv’s pink hair.
“What you said to her was really nice, Ellis,” she said quietly. “About not being forgettable. I think it’s one of people’s biggest fears, even if they refuse to admit it.”
“It was true,” I said with a shrug, savoring the feeling of her hand in mine and the way she looked at me with those warm, inviting eyes. “You’re unforgettable too, you know. You made this whole trip feel a lot less like punishment.”
She gave me a wink and pressed a kiss to my cheek before tossing the keys into the air and catching them.
“I’ve had fun, Ellis Langley,” she said. “When in my life would I ever have gotten the chance to drive a vintage Mustang across the country? A few laminated binders and field meltdowns were a fair trade-off.”
I pushed her lightly, rolling my eyes. “It was one field meltdown.”
She caught my arm and tugged me into her, moving us so I was pressed between her and the trunk.
I swallowed as she swept a lock of hair behind my ear, her eyes fixed on mine as she took my chin in her hand and leaned in.
Her lips met mine in a soft kiss, saying everything she couldn’t put into words, and I melted into her, my hands resting at her waist as she kissed me deeply.
How could I have been so close to passing this up? That feeling of warmth and desire had become addictive whenever I was near her. What would have happened if I had kept my head buried in the sand and never met Dove?
Would I have ever felt this?
My cheeks heated as her tongue traced along my lower lip. She hadn’t been pushy, hadn’t rushed me, and hadn’t been forceful about anything.
God, if that didn’t make me a thousand times more attracted to her.
She pulled back, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead before giving me a playful tap and handing me the keys with a wink.
“Let’s head back,” she said. “Time to see if Jedd’s close to being done.”
As I watched her dart around to the passenger side and slowly followed to the driver’s seat, I realized the wildest thing about today wasn’t the conversation with my brother, or soothing Liv’s fears, or the fact that in some fancy pool house in San Marino, a boy who loved Liv was building fireworks out of Margaret’s dust.
It was that all of it—every small and impossible moment—carried things I could feel deeply. That I wasn’t closed off to the pain, the joy, and the unbidden emotions I was learning to let in. It was all part of a life I wanted, and a life I was living.
I wasn’t pretending anymore.