Chapter Twenty-three
Alexandr Miroslav
“I miss my mother.”
I’m sorry to hear that.
“I haven’t seen her in years, you know?”
No, I didn’t. I hope you see her soon.
“I hate my father.”
I’m sorry.
“He brings me suitors, did you know?”
I do.
That was what I’d returned to when Paris had woken up. After wordlessly eating the new meal I’d brought her—this time it was a pasta and shrimp dish that gave off a calm whiff of lemon and salt—she took to watching the ceiling as if there were answers hidden between the paint.
Gradually, as the sun began to set, she spoke.
After she’d mentally found her footing and returned to herself, she asked me about what she’d missed, turning her head against her pillow to meet my eyes.
Skipping the small moment of violence, I instantly filled her in on what we discussed in the meeting, and she nodded attentively.
She was quick to comment that she hoped there wasn’t a riff, as we worked so hard to get along.
I doubted there would be one, considering everything had returned to normal once we’d stepped out of the library.
August had asked why I was filling up another plate to take, and I waved him off with, “Long night studying.”
Wolf, however, angled a look towards me before looking down to the plate, sliding his eyes back up to me, before looking away to focus on something across the Dining Hall. I found him looking at Mr Browne, who’d just entered from the staff entrance.
As quickly and stealthily as I could, I slipped out of the Dining Hall unnoticed. I chanced a look back over my shoulders and found Mr Browne speaking to Wolf as the boy looked around him in a circle before his eyes began searching the length of the hall.
I coughed at the burning sensation in my throat and forced myself to take in large gulps of air to calm my beating heart.
It wasn’t only that I was avoiding a teacher whose classes I kept missing consecutively, though not by any intentional means–of course. But also, I still wasn’t ready to face Mr Browne yet.
I blinked back into the present and waited for Paris to finish eating to break the news. When she placed her second plate down on her nightstand and stood on shaky legs, excusing herself to the bathroom, I let out a deep sigh and dropped my head between my shoulders.
It wasn’t out of exhaustion or frustration, but at the fact she’d thought turning on the faucet, the sound of running water, would conceal her choked retches.
Only once she’d returned to lay back down, did I speak, "Tomorrow's the day.”
She let out a strained hum as she stretched. “Yeah. D-day.”
I pursed my lips, forcing the words out and forcing myself to be ready for the outburst. “You won’t be at the Fenlon party.”
She paused with her arms raised above her before sitting upright and turning her thunderous features on me. “Excuse me?”
I winced with my eyes, squinting them at the volume of her voice before speaking in a calm tone, “You aren’t stable enough, Paris. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes turned menacingly dark, “Don’t play that crap on me, Sasha. I’m very capable. In fact, you do not tell me what I can and cannot do.”
“I–… I just think it would be best if you’re rested, and once you’re ready–”
“That’s not something you get to decide. That’s not a call you’re allowed to make.”
I watched her, wondering if the risk of her withdrawal getting in the way of tomorrow’s plan wouldn’t be outweighed by her resolve.
She was still going through withdrawals, no matter how hard I could tell she was trying to suppress them. She kept most of her limps out of sight and with every shudder, she’d complain about how cold it is. Her eyes kept going in and out of focus, slipping between the present and the abstract.
It didn’t matter in the end because Paris got what Paris wanted. And if she set her mind to playing her part at the Fenlon party, come hell or high water, she would be there.
I didn’t attempt to threaten her again, because I knew that would only make things worse. “Alright. If you think that you’re up for it. I certainly can’t stop you.”
I raised my shoulders in a show of impotence, and she relaxed, nodding in agreement. “Well, I don’t mean to be rude, but would you mind giving me some space? You tend to hover, if you didn’t know.”
I don’t hover.
I told her as much, but she only cracked a smile. “You kind of do. It’s okay, I won’t tell.”
I grumbled, feeling out of sorts at the revelation in my character, and stood to leave, only after asking her a few times if she was sure.
Wolf was waiting near my door when I turned the hall corner and looked at my approaching figure with his mouth agape. “God, have I been banging about for nothing?”
He looked between the door and myself as I rolled my eyes. “Yes, and I’m sure everyone residing in this hallway hates you for it.”
I was still trying to figure out if I should tell Rain, despite my promise and dedication to do the exact opposite, about my apprehension should Paris join us.
Maybe I could reveal only half-truths. Except, Rain was quick-witted and would see the truth through the smoke faster than I would be able to ‘produce more smoke’.
I went to pull out my key and unlock my door, Wolf shoving in after me as if it were his own place and b-lining straight for the space between my nightstand and the wall. He pulled out a box of cigarettes and got to work lighting one, smoke exhaling with his words. “Big day tomorrow.”
Watching him suck from the death-stick with such dependency made me understand why Evan thought I was such a horrible influence on his younger brother. But only slightly.
I scoffed, shrugging off my jacket. “You don’t have to tell me.”
Miraculously, I didn’t find myself anxious about the success rate of our plan. It was quite simple, really.
Find Scott either off his rockets, as Rain had put it, or close enough. If he wasn’t, we’d get him there ourselves. Once that was done, we would move him to a private room and pull whatever family secrets he had out from between his loose lips.
I liked to believe I was good at these kinds of operations, the covert ones, but I could acknowledge that working with a group took a great deal of the pressure away.
“Hey, Sasha?”
“Mhmm,” I answered, busy emptying out my backpack before walking over and cracking the window Wolf hadn’t remembered to open.
“How’s Paris doing?”
I shrugged, the lie forming in my mind. I’d already said earlier today that I had asked something of her. “She’s fine.”
Wolf nodded slowly, looking to the ground. He sniffed, took another drag of the cigarette, ran a hand over his hair, and then said, “She relapsed, didn't she?”
I froze. He wasn’t supposed to know that. His gaze, which I’d been avoiding, suddenly felt compelling to look at. As if I needed to look him in the eyes for this conversation. “How… did you know?”
Wolf tilted his head with a smile. “You brought her a plate of food–don’t say it was for you; we both know that’s a lie–and you wouldn’t do that for simple information. You’re too prickly about kind gestures.”
What was it with everyone and my mannerisms?
I let out a sigh from deep inside, one that exhaled all the fatigue that’d been building up along with my breath. I should have opted for sleeping on the floor instead of that god-awful, uncomfortable chair. “She’s better now.”
Wolf nodded again, handing me the cigarette. “Are you? Was what happened today because of her?”
I started to shake my head before pausing.
Was it?
I didn’t act particularly out of character.
I’d suspected Ajax had been the one to send Malikai to his demise and acted upon my suspicions.
There was no use playing around the point.
I might have outed him to Marigold and August, as I’m sure Rain had known, but they all had their secrets and weren’t of the judging sort.
Rain was just as frustrated with their positions on the fence, and tomorrow needed to work without a hitch, because we were nearing the holidays and we had nothing to show for it yet.
Nevertheless, I knew I owed him an apology. And I will do just that tomorrow. “I’ll sort it out with Ajax.”
“That wasn’t what I asked, Sasha.”
“Well, I don’t know what you want to hear.”
“Are you fond of Paris?”
I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. “Where is this coming from?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Yes.”
Wolf shook his head and opened his mouth to say something else before deciding to reword his initial thought, “I mean… Do you like her?”
I nodded my head at how conspicuously I had answered. “Yes. Most days.”
Wolf let out an exasperated sigh. “No, I mean–... Never mind, just–never mind.”
“Better that way.” I nodded again.
“So… how’d you find the literature exam?”
“Fine.”
“Did you always like literature?”
“Not always. And then I met someone who made me enjoy it.”
“Who?”
The quick back and forth ended when he asked that question.
The importance of reading instilled in me never went away. Even when I didn’t have time or was too dirty and run ragged to be allowed into the public library, despite the word ‘public’ displayed at the front.
“It doesn’t matter now. You should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day.”
Wolf easily agreed, finding that I wasn’t in a willing mood for our nightly conversations. We finished the cigarette quickly, in silence and between the two of us, before he headed back to his dorm.
If I had known what tomorrow would mean for me… If I had known… I would have savoured my time going to bed.