Chapter 20 Katherine—Not in His Bed
KATHERINE—NOT IN HIS BED
My mouth hurts. I think I bruised my lips. I rear back and clutch at the buttons of my carriage gown—buttons that will stay buttoned as I glance at Jahleel.
Lying in his bed, he doesn’t look humored. There are worries etched in his thin face. “Did not mean for you to hurt. And I’m not up to romance.”
My turn to glance at the saints painted above his bedchamber. “Is that it? Too many saints marching into your chamber, above your head? Should we move to my room? It’s crowded with furnishings, but not the sacraments.”
“The marriage bed is holy, or so I have read.”
I shake my head and put a knee on his mattress.
He gently shoves it off. “No. Katherine, I think I’m more partial to reading. I’d rather you begin with this.” He slides the book to me.
I take it. It’s ragged and worn. Creases gather along the spine. “You want me to read?”
“I’m not up to … I’d rather you read to me.” He points to a chair. “Pull it close then read. I’m dying to hear more of this story.”
Bewildered, I do so and pick up the book. “Pride and Prejudice, by A. Lady. This isn’t a joke?”
“I remember you read quite well.”
“Yes, I can read. That’s all you want?”
“I’ve been deprived of how you sound when you’re happy. Since I lack the power to order you to be happy, reading is a good substitute.”
“And my happiness matters?”
“It does. I have said so to Steele. I have him looking for the perfect man for you.”
I sit back and almost stamp my feet. “Picking someone with no input from me? Well, that sounds right.”
“You’ll have plenty of input, but I will make a preliminary assessment. That saves time. You’ll not marry someone poor or ill-tempered or anyone with a history of abuses.”
“Is that so?”
“Da. For the most part—poverty makes men do terrible things.”
“You had means when we met, but you didn’t have the wealth you have today.”
He shakes a finger at me. “See? Strange things, like leaving a perfectly good wife to go fight demons in London.”
Jahleel laughs, but it’s not an easy one. “I know your temperament, Katia. The man for you must have a sense of humor, be secure in his own worth, and allow you to be brilliant and bold. I don’t think I need to say anything about hidden vices.”
Tavis was a gambler. His father was, too. That is an awful defect. Jahleel—they lied about him, saying he had their sins. I was such a fool.
His face blanks. “And he must be in perfect health. It’s the only way to give you forever.”
I lock my jaw purposefully, otherwise it will fall to the floor.
“You don’t agree, Katherine?”
“No, it’s not that … You are having him make a similar exploration for you.”
“Yes, I want a widow, preferably with children. That way we know she’s fertile and has experience with loss.”
I must be red in the face. “This sounds reasonable.”
“That’s why I pick good matches. That’s why you asked for my assistance, right?”
I rub my fevered cheeks. “I’ve been working for three years to beat you, to save my father’s company. And—”
“And it’s Tavis’s fault it’s failing. I mean, if you’d known he was taking money, you’d have stopped him.”
All of my biggest sins are exposed, but not all of Tavis’s. And I’m done with revelations that do nothing but cause more pain. “I managed the ledgers. Wilcox Coal’s situation is my fault. I should never have put Tavis or the company in a position to ruin my father’s legacy.”
“You take the blame. Who’s magnanimous now?” He threads his fingers together. “Tavis was a great many things, but he’d never want you held responsible.”
What was the wise man trying to do? What new had he learned? I shake my head. “Let’s forget about the past. Let’s dive into Pride and Prejudice.”
I flip a few pages. “I’m not sure where you stopped.”
“I’m not sure either. I’ll have to ask Scarlett when she stops by.”
I begin in a random spot—the sculpted words flow.
“‘I have never been much in love; for had I really experienced that pure and elevating passion, I should at present detest his very name and wish him all manner of evil.’”
“That’s dreadful. Katherine, how am I to sleep? You’re a woman talking of love, passion, and evil?”
I reach his knee and give the fastened buckle of his dark pantaloon a little jiggle.
“I think that is Elizabeth talking about Wickham. I recall that he’s the villain.
” I flip ahead more pages. “Here’s a safe spot.
Elizabeth has gone to visit her old friend Charlotte Lucas.
She married the clergyman, Mr. Collins.”
Jahleel rubs his temples. “But she was the smart one. Why would she marry a fool?”
“You know that there are different reasons for marriage. When you and I marry again, these will be ones of convenience. Hopefully, both situations will turn into love.”
“Yours will, if you keep smiling, not fretting, Katia.”
I close the book. “So you want me here every night just for reading? That wasn’t a euphemism?”
“Why wouldn’t I say what I wanted?” He crosses his arms with lips pouting that mirror of Lydia’s. My heart stops for a moment. Then I grin.
“Why are you smiling, Katherine?”
“Your mouth. That expression. That’s Lydia’s pout. How many times have I seen the resemblance or one of you mimic the other and not been able to mention it? I can say it. Feel like singing it.”
A smile fills his face, reaching his eyes. Then he sobers. “This was a good first time.”
He yawns. “You go on to your room. Rest. We try again tomorrow. I will get the correct page number from Scarlett. I’m going to find out why the smart woman married a fool.”
He sends me back to the closet and the secret door. I can’t believe the change in him. Or that Jahleel is still searching for answers as to why I married a friend.
Or maybe it’s the changes in me. Freedom from all the lies helps me see more clearly. Jahleel is not the ogre I and others tried to twist him into. He’s quite decent, quite lovely.
“Good night, Jahleel.”
“Until tomorrow, Lady Hampton.”
When I make it into my room, I lean against the connecting door wishing he’d kept me a little longer, giving us both more time.