Chapter 33 Jahleel—Secrets and Walls
JAHLEEL—SECRETS AND WALLS
Off the table, I smooth the sheet, ridding it of wrinkles. “Another bit of honesty. My sight was once diminished. The blood sickness does strange things.”
“Guess a man who likes strategy loves surprises.”
“No. No, I don’t.” I force a smile. “But fear not. I see you, Katherine. You’re beautiful in emerald green.”
“You do like that color.” Katherine moves to the shelves where I keep my rarest chess sets. She takes them all in, studying the pieces just beyond her reach behind the glass. The subtle way she moistens her lips makes my frustrated blood boil.
Katherine points to my dark brown crystalline set. “Tell me about this one.”
“My amber set hails from Konigsberg. Baltic amber is rare and forms the color of warmed honey and cognac. If you hold a candle near, the figures glow.”
Katia dashes to the sconce and lights the small candle she’s taken from the table with tools. I listen to the patter of her feet and watch the tiptoeing like she’s about to dance. She returns, gets close to the glass. “It’s so lovely.”
Heart racing, I stand beside her and open the door and allow her touches to my pieces. “No one but me has held these tiny works of art in years.”
“Jahleel, tell me of this ivory-and-lapis one.”
“That was my father’s favorite. My mother gifted it to him. It’s a Mughal jeweled set. The craftsmen decorated each piece, some with rubies and even turquoise.”
“Is that a throne, Jasha?”
Why use such an endearment in a room of truth? “Da.” I pick up the throne for the king piece, which is carved with peacock feathers, and hold it for her inspection. “It’s made to resemble what the Mughal emperor sat upon and ruled one of the most powerful nations.”
She fingers it lightly, respectfully, but never takes possession. “Mother of pearl on the board?”
Reminded of how gentle she can be, I nod, wishing she’d been that careful with my heart. I force myself to breathe, and her jasmine fragrance triggers more memories. I need to get out of this small room that puts us too close together.
But then I must stop worshipping her lips, the nape of a neck that needs kissing, the movement of the feet—large and sleek, ready to waltz over my heart. “Mother of pearl,” I finally say. “Da … and the board is formed of fragrant sandalwood.”
I set the throne back into its proper place and take her to my favorite. “This ebony-and-silver set is over a hundred years old. Peter the Great played chess with my grandfather Gannibal on this set.”
She marvels at the rook, blooming like an onion-domed tower. The knights are forged as figures of the Cossack cavalry. “It’s stunning, Jahleel. Why hide these?”
“Not everyone understands. They mean something to me beyond the value. Each holds memories of my family’s legacy and of playing chess with my father. The two of us would battle as Anya and my mother watched. He was so proud when I outmaneuvered him and won.”
Her hand smooths my back. I feel her through my tailcoat. “May I hold the tower? Or should I say castle?”
“The rook piece? Most women don’t know that name or what it is.”
“I’m not most women. Chess was my father’s favorite, too. He gave the same love to me.”
Moving to the pulls of this cabinet, I feel my balance tiring and lean on the cane. “You open the glass. Take out the treasure.”
With extreme care, she opens the door. My breath deepens when she lifts the sculpted ebony piece.
Her eyes shine. “My father would always teach me the game. He’d force an open column. I mean file. He’d use that clear lane to wreak havoc.”
“You miss your father, Katherine? Of course you do. That’s a silly question.”
“That’s not silly. And I do, every day.”
“Cesar Wilcox would be fine with you giving Wilcox Coal to your enemies?”
She shrugs. “The Palmerses weren’t always enemies. They were friends of my father, of our whole family. They were the chaperones who accompanied me to St. Petersburg. I couldn’t have gone without them.”
I look at her, knowing she’s surely given me the clue Tavis taunted in my dreams. “Command me to fix the problem.”
“But I’ve … Haven’t I used your kindness enough? The matriarchs of Cheapside say you are always consumed with Wilcox problems.”
“I’m consumed with you, Katherine—sunset, midnight, dawn. Use me, Katia.” I take her into my arms. “Use me up. Let me make the pain go away. I can fix this, but I won’t impose my will.”
She nods and holds onto me. “Yes. Do a grand gesture, Darcy. I’m failing miserably, at everything.”
I flick tears away and kiss her soundly.
Oh, she tastes good even with the bitter tea on our tongues.
“Your father told me family is the most important thing. You kept every one of the Wilcoxes safe and together. That’s hard to do, especially for a woman alone in a world lorded over by men.
But you’ve done it by yourself. I know Tavis was no protection. ”
“He was my friend, but he struggled with his father. That’s my fault, too.”
No. Tavis caused his own problems. “You made difficult choices, but you kept fighting. I admire you.”
“Yes, Jasha. I kept fighting until you came back to fix things for good.”
I stare at her gorgeous dark eyes, jet-polished stones with flecks of gold and stars. I kiss her again thoroughly until she’s about to swoon. Her hands tremble, then collapse about my neck.
I am ruthless in my touches. I know what she loves. I raise her hem and hunt for paradise.
“Wait. I have to tell you something, Jasha.”
“Oh, Mary, Moses, Lazarus, Abraham. What more haven’t you told me?”
Her hand is on mine, gripping my fingers. “I said I wished we’d never met. But that is the biggest lie. I loved you instantly, too, the moment you took my hand. Your touch has always undone me.”
The woman puts her cheek against my chest. Her body, every curve, heats my bones. I want to hold onto this dream.
I can’t.
I can’t move forward. Nor can I step away. That’s been the problem, my problem, all along.
A kitten mewls. The bookcase opens. Steele appears at the entrance. “Sorry to interrupt.”
I pull a disheveled, barefoot Katia behind my back. “Yes.”
“Livingston just returned with your mother and daughter. He wanted to speak to you before tonight’s dinner at White’s. Shall I send him into your study?”
Rubbing my flushed cheeks, I shake my head. “Tell him I’ll meet at White’s. I’m occupied.”
My man retreats. Taking the kitten. Katia didn’t object. The room closes up again.
“Well, Steele’s timing is good.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “Yes, he stopped us from declaring that we chose us again.”
“I don’t remember talking.”
Her dark eyes are larger, more dangerous than anything. I draw her forward. “Come on, Katia. Let’s go.”
“You’re walking away? But … I guess it’s your turn.”
“This will be the second time for me. At St. George’s, I shouldn’t have walked away. I told your father we were still married. I wanted to challenge your new vows. I’d win, but he said you were finally happy. How could I stop you from being happy? I won’t ever hurt you again, even if it kills me.”
“You’re scared, Jahleel. You’re never scared.”
“’Course I am. I’m dying for you. But not having you is killing me. Settling for you merely reading is a torture. But you’re here, and we are friendly. I’d rather have a piece of peace with you than nothing at all.”
I wave to her. “Now come. I can’t get out of this dinner with Livingston, but tomorrow, you and I and Lydia can—”
“Augh.” She stumbles. Those gorgeous long toes hit my bookcase.
Without a thought, I drop to my knees, rubbing and cradling her foot. “This little piggy is cold and red.” I blow warm air on my palms and massage each luscious digit. “Nothing seems broken.”
“No. I think we’re almost fixed.”
When I look up, she whispers, “Checkmate.”
With both hands claiming her feet, I resign myself. “Guess you remembered?”
“Scarlett would call this a fetish. But not until I saw this room did I fully remember how you loved my feet. I think of how we rode to the dacha—my shoes off, legs in your lap as your fingers wrapped about my soles. You were pained to let go, were you not?”
“I’m pained now.” I release her and tug myself up with my cane. Once at the opening, I pull the lever, then blow out the sconce and ready myself to step through. Except if I walk out, all these feelings for her must die. “I can’t move. Winner takes all. A new deal or bet, is that what you want?”
“Jahleel Andrewovich Charles, I command you to solve all our problems, including my hunger.” The light from my study shows her outline approaching. She yanks the pull, and the secret panel begins to close. The slight screech muffles her asking me to love her again.
Darkness covers us as she grabs my waistcoat. “We are still married, Jasha, aren’t we? The truth. Tell me.”
“Katherine. I … Da. The decree has no date. Unsigned, it doesn’t end our marriage but does invalidate yours with Tavis.”
Katherine presses into me. “You kept our vows when I was faithless.” Her fingers sink into my hair, and she kisses my jaw. “I choose us.”
“What about forever, Katherine? You said that’s what you actually wanted.”
Her lips linger on my neck. Then she kisses me with the passion I miss. I feel her love—fragile, breakable like a rare tower piece. “I want us, too.”
Her bonnet falls away. My jacket, too. She unbuttons buttons and that gorgeous mouth whispers into my ear, “Love me, my husband.”
Paper complies.
Paper bends.
Paper crumbles and covers marble. Doesn’t that mean I win?
“Find me, Jasha. Find me. Then solve all our problems.”
The woman I’ve always wanted wants me. Miracle. Dream. Both.
Naked, unafraid, Katia and I wrap up in the surgery sheets. She’s in my arms … upright and then we roll on the floor.
Kisses. Caresses. Oh. Oh, Mary. Moses. Lazarus. Papen’ka Abraham. Maybe Grampa Gannibal too. Lord, those feet wrap about me with heels pressing into my calves.
Everything I’ve suppressed, hidden in fear, unsheathes and takes over my body. I’m hers, and she’s all mine.
All.
No treasures or medical instruments shatter as we do. We are careful and tender. Yet Katia and I, we love like there is a tomorrow.