31
I HAVE YOU
IVY
T he sunset colors fade into night's deep violets and midnight blues, as the stars shine through the darkness. They dance across the sky as I watch them from the window while I pass the minutes until this evening starts.
Mia turns me around and starts brushing my hair, working my long blond locks into a braid that keeps it up and exposes my neck. It’s modern but elegant, not too fussy but not messy—and she fixes it in place with enough pins and hairspray to make sure it isn’t going anywhere.
She smiles and I smile back, nervous.
She places ornamental pins in my hair and I sigh, uncertain.
She rests her hands on my shoulders and I stiffen, tensing when I should relax.
“Nerves?” she asks.
I nod meekly.
Today’s ceremony sounds so simple, so straightforward. All I have to do is get dressed up, walk into a room, kneel at Henry’s feet, and let him put a collar around my neck. I don’t have to recite any prayers or repeat any vows. I don’t have to perform any complicated ritual, and my dress has been chosen to make this easy.
Henry promised everything would be fine.
But fine never means fine and I’m growing more nervous by the second. I know I’m working myself into a state and I can’t stop myself. I’m spiraling and Henry isn’t here to calm me.
“He wouldn’t do this if he wasn’t sure, Ivy,” Mia says gently.
I glance at the heavens and wish I had his confidence.
This isn’t just a ceremony.
It’s a very public test of our relationship and I don’t feel ready for it. I’d be better prepared if I knew what the collar looked like, but Henry insisted he wanted it to be a surprise. He’s refused to show me it, and the only thing he’s said about it is that it’s been made for me.
Specifically for me.
“I can’t wait to see your collar,” she says, smiling as she tries to reassure me. “Tell me what it’s like, Ivy. It’ll be a secret between us girls.”
The color drains from my face and I stare at her blankly, finally shrugging my shoulders.
Mia stiffens for a moment, now aware that what she thought would be a fun and reassuring conversation has highlighted the reason I’m so damn nervous .
“He hasn’t shown you, has he?”
I shake my head.
“That’s bold, even for Henry.” Mia smiles as she selects a brush and starts applying makeup. “He had it made for you, Ivy. It’ll be perfect. He won’t let it be anything else. Not when it’s you.”
The powder catches in my nose and I sneeze.
“He wouldn’t take the risk if he wasn’t sure about you, Ivy. He trusts you. Absolutely. You need to trust him as much as he trusts you. You’re his mate. He’s yours. You’re meant for each other.”
I smile weakly, closing my eyes so she can continue painting my face. Mia’s good and she takes her time, making sure it’s done right. Making sure I’m comfortable and it's not forced on me. Making sure it’s enjoyable and it’s what I want.
“It’s perfect,” she says, leaving not one shadow of a doubt that it’s true. “Shall we get you into your dress?”
I shake my head and she stiffens. I offer her a faint smile and the look of concern on her face deepens.
“I can do it myself, Mia. You need to get ready too.”
She smiles and she isn’t buying it.
We’ve done this dance before, and Mia knows I want some time alone. She’ll have heard my racing heart and smelled the anxiety dripping from me. This is the same as the last time she helped me dress for an unfamiliar ceremony, except it’s completely different.
I stare at the pale pink dress hanging in my closet. It’s perfect and I dread to think how much Henry spent on it. It’s soft and elegant and the layers make me look like I’m floating when I move. Make me feel like I’m floating.
I’m anything but elegant as I twist my arms awkwardly trying to get into the dress, and Mia intervenes, securing the dress before I rip it to shreds in frustration. The door creaks as she fastens my shoes, leaving me fiddling with the dress and wondering who’s walked in.
“You’re late,” Ryan says.
He pokes his head into the closet and freezes. Mouth open. Eyes wide as they meet mine in my reflection. The paleness in his eyes floods with color and for a moment, they’re as dark as the ocean.
“We need a minute, Mia.”
She frowns and complains that Ryan’s changed his mind, suddenly deciding there’s a reason to delay. One that cannot wait. One that trumps Henry and the coven waiting for my arrival. Mia rolls her eyes as she leaves, agreeing to meet us outside the hall.
The door slams shut and Ryan exhales as his eyes dart wildly around the room, looking anywhere but at me. He shoves his hands deep into his pocket and his weight sinks as if he’s resigned to doing an odious task. Something unpleasant. Something that’s going to hurt.
“Ivy, Henry and I…” He tips his head back and stares at the ceiling, praying for salvation. “We’re close because we were turned together. By the same sire on a battlefield when he led the Roman army for Aurelius and I led the Gauls. In the thousands of years we’ve known each other, he’s saved me more times than I can count.”
I nod and wait, uncertain where the hell this is going.
“I know you didn’t want to be here,” he says, edging forward. “We all knew. But I didn’t understand it. Not until…”
His eyes meet mine and they’re wild with emotion. He’s torn and this is killing him. Ryan’s teetering on the verge of madness, and it won’t take much for him to fall into its troubling waters .
And I don’t understand what’s wrong.
“I know, Ivy,” he says in a terrifyingly calm tone of voice. “You didn’t mean to share it, but you did. I know all the hate and anger and pain of all of it. Of everything Henry did.”
I nod and he turns away.
“Of what we did.”
I recognize the emotion far too late to save him from it, and Ryan’s carried this burden silently. Alone. And I understand both the shame and loneliness he’s experiencing. The fear too. I’ve been wary while he’s been distant, and until the night we saved each other, barely a kind word passed between us. Now, he’s struggling to find a way to tell me what he knows and I don’t know what to say.
“If you don’t want this,” he says, pausing too deliberately for comfort. “If you’re not ready, Ivy, then so help me I will stop this. Henry isn’t always right and if this is wrong, you need to tell me now.”
I stare at my reflection, looking at a girl who seems so small. So fragile. So strong and determined. My fingers play with the delicate fabric, and I can’t ignore the thoughts whirling through my head. She stares back at me and she’s beautiful. She’s wearing the wedding dress I’d have picked if I’d been given the choice, and she looks like she’s ready. For everything she hoped and dreamed, now it’s finally here.
She isn’t a stranger, even if I don’t recognize myself like this. I’m not the person I was when I arrived here, but then, neither is Henry. We’ve changed each other and what was once the opposite of everything I wanted is now the thing I can’t breathe without.
Henry and I get this moment again—in a way that’s entirely different from how I’d dreamed it would be—and this ceremony is a chance to ease the pain of everything that passed before .
Nothing will undo it.
Nothing will erase it.
Not entirely.
It’s a part of our story and we can’t change, even though both of us wish things had been different. The choice we’re left with is clinging on to the pain and letting it rule us or accepting it and letting it go.
“I’m okay, Ryan.”
“I mean it, Ivy. I’ll never betray Henry, but if you don’t want this, I will stop it.” He steps forward and grabs my arm. “If this isn’t right for you, then it isn’t right at all.”
The girl staring back at me smiles and her eyes brighten, sharpening a little before she turns and I lose her. Ryan stares at me, looking for me to give him an answer. He needs certainty and he isn’t the only one.
I need it too.
My choice is binary and either I’m sure enough to take the path ahead or I should turn back now. There’s no room for doubt and less for hesitation. I need to be the girl in the mirror and I smile, finally certain she’s me.
“You’ll walk me there?”
Ryan jerks his head back and his eyes flicker, almost flooding with tears.
“Ivy…”
“I wasn’t asking.” I tilt my head confidently and he exhales. “I’ll fall in these damn heels if you don’t.”
Ryan stares and the shadows holding him in their thrall lift, leaving him in his usual shades of dark. He offers me his hand and I hold mine out, meeting his gaze as we wait, millimeters apart.
“Only if you’re sure, Ivy. ”
“I am.”
I slide my hand into his.
His fingers wrap around mine and Ryan smiles, relieved. He guides me out of the room and down the stairs, taking much more of my weight than strictly necessary. We’re not in a hurry and I doubt I could go much faster even if I wanted to and Ryan needs the time to collect himself.
“Would you have helped me do a runner from my fiancé?” I ask.
Ryan tips his head forward and laughs freely. “He’s not your fiancé anymore, Ivy—and without a second thought.”
We’re still laughing when the doors swing open and the silence of the grand hall tries to impose itself on us. Neither Ryan nor I care as we form a bond that’s evaded us for far too long. If today is about acceptance, then I’ve found mine: of Ryan as well as myself.
Henry waits and Ryan smirks.
“He’s getting restless,” Ryan says, flicking his eyes toward Henry.
I turn to face him, and his light blue eyes seem as bright as this morning, his dark blond hair as perfectly groomed, and his demeanor as unruffled as always. He’s standing in front of a small army of vampires, all eyeing me with intrigue, like a pack of wolves ready to attack.
“The coven can feel it, Ivy. He’s about to tear everyone to fucking shreds to get to you.”
The corners of my mouth curl into a smile as I take a small and very tentative step into the room. It’s bigger than I remember it being. More imposing. The ceiling is higher and the arches are more ornate. The decorations are more impressive than the ones when the priest bound us together and Henry’s made damn sure the room is full of peonies .
“Don’t. Fall. Over.” Ryan whispers as he tries to hold me steady.
“Not. That Helpful.” I say under my breath through gritted teeth.
Henry steps forward and his eyes are wilder, more consumed by the emotions raging through him. He’s tracking every movement, watching every muscle as if he’s readying himself to attack. His features are as feline as his stride and he walks with the grace of a panther stalking its prey.
One that’s holding a red velvet jewelry box.
He smiles and I smile back.
He’s certain and I’m nervous.
He’s confident and I’m far from it.
Ryan stops and I need to take the last few strides alone, and Henry’s eyes flick to the floor, showing me my mark. He doesn’t need to say anything and he made me rehearse this so I’d be ready. It’s different now. It’s not a meaningless performance. It’s a dance we’re doing with hundreds of eyes fixed on us, scrutinizing every goddamn move either of us makes.
Our gaze is locked and there’s no doubt, no uncertainty. Henry isn’t easy and he isn’t soft. He never flexes in the way I expect and he demands the impossible. But he’s steady when I’m unsure and if his love is a gale then I’d willingly be swept away in it.
I’m a fragile, delicate girl who refuses to break, and if he’s a force of nature then so I am. Henry has the strength to fight, to race toward whatever danger faces him and meet it head-on, unflinching. But I am just as brave. Just as fierce. And my courage is the quiet roar of bravery that demands complete openness and surrender.
I’ve covered the most ground and Henry waits; aware the next step is still mine to take.
This isn’t the time to make a mistake.
It’s not the time to be unsure.
It’s the time to find my goddamn mark and hit it.
My feet stop and we stand so damn close but so far apart it’s agony. Henry’s eyebrow arches and I know I’m late again. I’m letting my nerves get the better of me and I close my eyes, snatching a few seconds of calm before another storm.
I cling to the delicate fabric of my dress and my knees bend, slowly and lowering to the ground.
Henry exhales and his tension breaks.
I inhale and my tension rises.
The red box looms before me and I stare at it, transfixed by the candlelight as it catches the velvet. It’s shimmering and my breathing hitches as Henry’s fingers glide across it, unhooking the latch with a resounding click.
“It’s okay, lea.”
My eyes snap up to his and I find all the reassurance I need in his calm, controlled gaze. His knuckles brush my cheek and I exhale, oblivious to everyone else around us. This is ours. This is us. And this moment is something we’ll do together, as a pair.
“Did you want to see?” he asks.
He’s softened when I needed him, deviating from the plan to give me a choice. It’s one he’s trusting me to make and it’s the lifeline I need, and my head nods before my mouth can get my words out.
“Good girl.”
Henry’s grinning like a goddamn idiot as his hands open the box and there’s not a fucking chance I’m going to be speaking soon. It’s not a fucking collar. It’s a choker necklace. Its diamonds dazzle and the rubies shine like dark red torches, sitting in gold loops and swirls.
“It matches your ring,” Henry says. “That is your tradition, and this is mine.”
Balance .
We’re in perfect equilibrium.
Not equal, and not in opposition.
I smile as Henry’s fingers shake almost imperceptibly as he lifts the collar from its casing, and they calm as his hands slide it onto my neck. It fits around the base and extends up, covering less than I’d expected but more than feels easy.
Henry gently pushes my head down and locks the back in place, securing the choker around my neck.
“It stays on, lea. Unless I take it off.”
I know. He’s been explicit about this already. Henry isn’t saying it because I need to know it. He needs the entire coven to know I know, and I’ve accepted this collar for all it is, without hesitation. Without question.
Because it means I’ve accepted him.
As he’s accepted me.
“Master.”
His eyes close and his relief and joy are palpable. More than that. They’re present. They’re a wave of emotion that hits me in the chest and leaves me breathless. It’s unexpected and it’s a storm as intense as any hurricane, colliding into me and carrying me away.
It’s heavy and it’s light. It’s fire and ice. The pain and pleasure of an eternity spent living half a life. There’s a tether binding me to him, and him to me—and neither of us could escape it, even if we wanted to. It’s a bond running from me to him and back again, and although I don’t understand it, I’m certain this is right.
It’s the tether that holds us together. The light the priest tried to summon. It’s as bright and as present as sunlight and as magical and mysterious as moonlight. It’s all we are, all we ever were and ever will be, and the sound of Henry’s music plays as my silence contains it.
I burn as Henry’s presence pours into me, flooding my body and mind with a force I can’t withstand. My head turns light, my vision narrows and my heart jumps, skipping beats as it tries to remember what it's meant to be doing.
I sway and Henry grabs me, lifting me into his arms.
“You’re safe, lea. I have you. Always.”
He plants gentle kisses over me as my breathing slows and my vision recovers in time to see Ryan edging toward us. Henry growls and Ryan raises his hands, lowering himself slightly as he inches closer.
“What happened?” he asks.
“We’re mates,” Henry says, pulling me against him so tight I wonder if he’ll ever let go, “and Ivy just felt our bond. It snapped into place now she’s accepted everything I am. I’ve given her my collar and she’s given me her heart.”