Chapter 28
Idrifted in and out of a sea of darkness, the fog blanketing me in comfort. Muffled shouts rang out. A vibrating growl rumbled close by. The bitter-edged scent of purloe flowers.
Shade. He was here.
I tried to pry my eyes open, but they were heavy, aching, and wouldn’t respond.
The wave of darkness swallowed me again.
In my next moment of awareness, everything was quiet. I was moving, then warm liquid surrounded me, stinging my open wounds and rousing me to consciousness. My eyes flew open, and I groaned, blinking against the too-bright light of flickering candles.
I lay in the tub, Wista kneeling beside it, face twisted with concern as candlelight reflected against the tear tracks staining her cheeks.
The sight sent my heart racing—only when she spoke of her past, did she show such emotion.
Her mouth broke into a watery smile, but the sadness remained in her eyes.
Something, no, someone beneath me shifted, and I became aware of the strong arms cradling me. The cloth moved gently across my skin, taking with it smudges of red.
Shade.
The caress was in such contrast to the earlier forced touch, tears spilled over my cheeks, dripping into the bathwater. I couldn’t begin to unravel the emotions assaulting me.
Shame. Guilt. Anxiety. Fear. Anger.
Malicious eyes and phantom pains flashed, digging a path in my chest, demolishing walls I erected years ago and leaving an empty hole in its wake. A cavity of despair.
I released a sob, and muscles bunched beneath me, drawing attention to the fact Shade’s torso was bare, his body free of clothes, save for his undergarment. The ridges of his scars so different to the skin of the king, they had the opposite effect. Comfort, not fear. Calm, not anger.
This close, the woodsy notes to his scent dominated the floral, with something else underlying it, spicy and warm, settling the turmoil in my chest.
He cleaned every inch of my skin with careful touches. When he reached the apex of my thighs, he paused, silently asking for permission to continue. I nodded, unable to say the words, to verbalize any of the tumultuous feelings jumbled within me.
Ever so gently, Shade cleaned me, removed him from me.
There was nothing sexual about the touch, only gentle care.
Emotion built in my chest until I couldn’t hold it in any longer, releasing a harsh cry.
The arm around me squeezed, hauling me even further into the warmth of Shade’s chest. Securing me in safety as he cleansed my skin, replacing it with his own touch.
Cradling me close, Shade stood from the tub, and I leaned my head against his chest of pale skin and swirling black.
There was a mottled patch of skin directly above his heart distracting me from the tightness in my own chest—the hollowness of my heart.
A handprint was burned into his flesh, like a flaming hand had been placed there.
I hovered my own palm above it, my hand fitting the print almost perfectly. The mark was small. Feminine.
A burning sensation flared in my chest as my fingers curled over his scarred skin. Whether it was jealousy or anger, I couldn’t tell, not with the maelstrom of other emotions suffocating me. Perhaps a mixture of both. Someone had hurt Shade, and I couldn’t stand it.
Wista draped towels over us, patting me dry but careful not to touch Shade, who refused to let me go.
My breath hitched when we entered the bed chamber.
Were it not for the missing rug, it could have been any other day.
Not a piece of furniture or pillow was out of place, the blankets pulled down to reveal fresh sheets.
Shade placed me on the mattress, and all I could do was stare at the soft canopy above.
Phantom hands gripped my ankles. The feeling of being dragged down the sheets ran along my back. Stars dotted in front of my eyes, my chest constricting as I relived it all.
Then Shade was there again, hauling me into his dry, bare chest and bringing me back to the present.
I released the breath I had been holding, soaking in his scent on my next inhale.
I closed my eyes and rested against his chest again, his abnormal thrumming heartbeat grounding my churning thoughts. A soft click told me Wista had left.
“I have you now, my Solis, and I will never let you go.” The roughness to his words brought back stinging tears, and there was no stopping the heavy sobs that followed, racking my entire body.
I broke.
Right there in Shade’s arms, I mourned.
For myself. For the person I had been before this horrific night. Before the king stole from me.
The weight of all my decisions suffocated me in a wave of dark despair, the thrumming beat beneath my ear the only thing stopping me from letting it smother me entirely.
I failed.
Eleanor. Shade. My mother. Myself.
I failed us all.
More spectacularly than I would have thought possible, and now Eleanor was in more danger than ever before. I defied the king, and Shade tortured him; there would be repercussions. My eyes flew wide as icy dread settled in my veins.
“Eleanor!” I exclaimed, pushing myself upright, intending to find her immediately. I needed to make sure she was safe.
Large hands pulled me back, turning me to face soft silver eyes.
“She’s safe, Wista has people watching over her,” he murmured, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. His words did little to comfort me. No one could be trusted, not with this.
“I have to see her.” I frantically searched the room for the robe I hadn’t put on and found it draped over the back of the chair in front of the dresser.
Shade stopped me before I could move again, cupping my face and pulling me back to him.
His swirling silver eyes held me in place as he spoke, more firmly this time.
“My Solis … Eleanor is safe. You are safe—at least for now. You need to rest. To recover.”
“But—”
He silenced me with his lips, a soft caress against my mouth filling the dark hollow in my chest with light and warmth, which spread across me in a wave of burning embers.
The gentle kiss ended before it really began, and when Shade withdrew, his face was a mix of concern and mild horror, worry reflected in his silvery gaze.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Not after—” He broke all physical contact, taking with him all the calm and safety filling me moments ago. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” I breathed, fisting his shirt to stop him from moving farther away. I needed him more than I needed air to breathe. He was the only thing keeping me from falling into the darkness threatening the edges of my mind. He hesitated, studying my face. “Please don’t leave me.”
The words were vulnerable and selfish, everything I despised being.
“I will never leave you, not while I can still walk this plane.” It was a rough vow, his sincerity shining brightly through molten eyes.
“Are you sure you want me to touch you? After …” His nostrils flared and his eyes burned brighter.
He didn’t need to say the words; we both knew what he was asking.
“I need it. I need you,” I muttered, flattening my palms against his chest and drawing strength from the humming vibration to admit my feelings.
“Your touch grounds me. Your scent calms me. Your voice sends my heart beating from my chest. Your eyes make me feel truly seen for the first time in my life.” I stared into those silvery orbs swirling with deep emotion.
My voice softened, leaning closer, drawn by the invisible pull that hooked me the moment I set eyes on him.
“I like when you kiss me. I want it. I crave it. I can’t stop myself—no matter how hard I’ve tried. ”
Then I kissed him just as he had kissed me, a softer caress of lips than any other kiss we’d shared.
It didn’t go deeper, but it didn’t need to.
The small brush a promise of tender care and gentle touches, of protection and warmth.
It was enough to send my heart bursting, filling with enough light to banish the darkness. For now. For this moment.
He pulled back slowly, caressing my cheek. His swirling silver eyes were filled with compassion and something I recognized but couldn’t put into words because none would sufficiently describe the feeling.
I didn’t fight him when he circled me with strong arms, cradling me against his chest and brushing a light kiss atop my head.
I closed my eyes, grateful I could still have this, that the king hadn’t stolen my ability to be this close to him, to kiss him.
Other than the ceremony, Terym hadn’t forced his mouth on mine; if he had, I might have lost this feeling.
The connection.
The desire.
My kisses would always belong to Shade and no one else.
“Rest now, my Solis. We’ll see Eleanor in the morning.” His promised words relaxed me enough to allow sleep to claim me.
A slam startled me awake, and I sat upright, searching the room for the source so I could understand what it was.
The light streaking through the heavy curtains told me it was already morning.
The blankets fell, exposing my naked and bruised body to the cool air.
Shade urged me back down and covered me again, then sprang to his feet, putting himself between me and the door just before it flew open.
Captain Gensen and Pierce entered the room, hands on the hilt of their swords, and surveyed the area with narrowed eyes.
Finding the room empty, save for us, they split, allowing King Terym to enter between them.
His neck was raw and red, and considering I likely had a matching bruise, the sight wasn’t nearly as satisfying as his black eyes and swollen nose. I hoped it was broken.