21. Jasmine
JASMINE
Immediately after work today, I dove into a stack of books Rebecca dropped off for me.
I’d called her about them the other day and was grateful when she offered to bring them with her to her next appointment for one of her puppies.
Since I haven’t heard from Marisole yet, I can keep thinking about the bargains I can make with my father.
But since I haven’t made a bargain in a long time, I have to brush up on the rules.
The last bargain I made was with Marisole. At the time, it seemed like a simple decision. After all, it was an agreed-upon exchange between two people, tied with magic.
I’ve allowed my brain to forget most of my childhood and teen years, trying to dissociate from my traumatic past. I don’t want to remember my mother leaving me without saying where she was going. I also don’t want to remember having no one to turn to besides Marisole.
Could this be why I’m not particularly thrilled to tell Jake this part of my life? Definitely. But since I’ve locked away most of my past, I wouldn’t know where to begin.
This bargain with Marisole and what happened afterward is in the giant pile of things from my past. And I know that, to make this bargain with our dad, I’ll need to remember it.
Needing magic to bind the bargain is one thing, but wording it matters just as much. Both parties need to agree, and if you say it wrong, it can end badly for either of them. A bad bargain can leave one side trapped in a deal they never meant to make.
It’s how demons come to this realm and steal souls.
They make a bargain with the person, trading their soul for whatever they want.
Except most people who give up their souls don’t really understand what they’re giving up in exchange for what they’re asking for.
And often, they’re manipulated into thinking they’re getting what they want, when it’s nowhere close.
Someone could ask for riches in exchange for their soul, which might be granted.
The person could wake up the next day with a full bank account.
But an hour later, they could find themselves in jail for robbery, even though they never did it.
It would be a side effect of the bargain altering the minds of everyone around.
Even if it wasn’t something they physically did, it would be what everyone would believe.
So, the demon would get what they want, and the other party would end up more miserable than before they made the bargain.
If I’m to make a bargain with the God of the Underworld, I have to figure out exactly what I want and what I can offer, because getting either wrong could cost me everything.
There are always things that could pop up that I can’t account for, but the first step is figuring out what the God would want that he doesn’t already have.
My head is hurting from all the thinking and reading, but I can’t stop now.
If I stop, I die. There’s no other way for me to get out of this mess except to make a new bargain.
If I don’t hear from Marisole within the next few days, I’ll have to risk going back to the spell shop and requesting another call to reach her, because I can’t do this without her.
My plan relies on her knowing what I’m doing, because I need her to be on the other side of the portal when I land there. If it’s someone else, I’ll be captured or killed on the spot. Knowing my father, he might want me captured alive and tortured for leaving our realm, so I can’t afford a mistake.
An hour later, as I’m reading the last book I received, a faint knock echoes from my stairs. I flip over my phone on the coffee table, but there’s no message from Jake.
I need to be prepared for anything that may come my way, so I call on my magic, letting my shadows flow from my fingertips to the ground.
Every time I call on my power, it hums, as if thanking me, and my skin itches to remain this way, with my shadows constantly out and around me.
The pain I would’ve felt when I previously used my shadows is no longer there.
With every step down the stairs, I let my shadows trail up the walls. They prepare to form a barrier in front of me, depending on what’s on the other side of the door.
Luckily, when I reach the bottom step and look out the window beside the door, I see Jake standing there.
I sigh in relief and allow my shadows to retract. The markings will be visible for a short period of time, but I’m glad I don’t have to hide them from Jake anymore.
“Oh, hi,” I say, relief breaking through. My lips curl into a grin, but I quickly frown when he doesn’t return it. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk.”
I nod and try to remember everything that had happened over the past few days. What could he want to talk about? Could he have found something out about me? My heart rate quickens with each wandering thought.
“Um, do you want any tea? Water?” I ask when we get into the apartment.
I don’t dare face him, for fear that tears will stream down my face.
There aren’t many times I wish I didn’t have a soul, but these emotions I’m dealing with because of Jake have me wanting to make a deal with a demon just to be rid of them.
Not waiting for Jake to respond, I walk toward the kitchen, knowing he’ll close the door. He does, but he also speeds up and grasps my wrist before I can get farther away.
“Jasmine,” he says softly.
“What?” My voice wobbles, no matter how hard I try to make it steady.
“All I said is we need to talk, not that there’s anything wrong.
Would you look at me?” I let him pull me toward him and spin me around until my chest meets his.
His arms wrap around me, and he presses a kiss to my temple.
“I know I don’t ask a lot of questions, but I need you to know it’s not because I don’t care.
It’s because I want you to tell me when you’re ready.
Whatever demons you’re facing, it wouldn’t be fair of me to demand to know. ”
I blink into his chest, unable to understand why he’s telling me this. He cares for me so easily, so deeply, when I know he shouldn’t.
“There’s a reason we’re enemies, Jake.”
“But you won’t tell me, will you?” he asks, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me away until my gaze meets his.
I pull my lips inward and shrug. “I need more time.”
“More time.”
“Yes, which I know isn’t fair to ask of you, but there’s something I have to do before I’m able to tell you the…truth.”
Jake lets me go and stalks over to the couch. He drops into the middle and leans forward, putting his head in his hands.
I don’t know how much time passes. I stay in the middle of my living room, letting him think through what I said.
I’ve confirmed I’m keeping at least one thing from him.
It wasn’t a lie when I told him I had to do something.
I have to talk to Marisole. I need one person I can trust to tell my dilemma to.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to confide in Jake without putting him at risk.
He’s already around me too much, and I’m afraid if I tell him I’m a princess of the Underworld, he’ll become as much of a target as I am. Unfortunately, without knowing what to bargain with my dad, I have zero leverage.
Jake sits up a minute later and says, “If I ask you a question, can you answer it truthfully? No bullshit.”
“How will you know if I answer it truthfully?” I ask.
“I won’t. But I’d hope we’re to the point where you’d tell me if you can’t tell me the truth, rather than lie to my face. Are we not?” Jake leans forward and rests his elbows on either leg.
“We are.” My heart races with each passing second, as I can’t predict what he’ll ask.
The bond between us is a mix of multiple emotions, and I’m having a hard time distinguishing my own feelings from his. Maybe instead of standing, I should sit, try to calm my breathing. I think about sitting at the island, but being near him calms me. I plop down next to him on the couch.
“Why did you go to Rebecca’s Spell Shop?”
“To get books,” I answer immediately, letting the answer roll quickly off my tongue. It’s not a lie because I did look at books when I was there last. “You’ve been?”
He shakes his head. “Rebecca’s husband, Hunter, has become a friend of mine since I’ve been in town.”
“Ah.” He knows.
“These books?” Jake picks one up from the coffee table. It’s a book about spellcasting and the intentionality behind saying the right words. I figured since there aren’t specific texts about demons and bargains, that was the next best thing. Witchcraft is similar to the magic demons have.
“Yeah, those books.”
Jake studies the books for a minute, picking them up and flipping through the pages. “Looking to improve your witchcraft?”
I furrow my brows. “Can you ask me what’s on your mind? I’ll tell you the answer.”
Jake sets the book down, then turns to me. “Did you call someone from the Underworld?”
“Yes,” I say.
Jake doesn’t bother hiding his frustration as he clenches his fists and rises from the couch. “And I don’t suppose this is for my benefit? To help me?”
I shake my head, lowering my gaze to the floor. Jake paces the living room, back and forth, with his hands on his hips. The silence is deafening. I can’t decide whether I should stand up and go to him or stay on the couch and give him space.
Jake walks into the kitchen and places my kettle on the stove.
He makes us tea and brings me a cup. He’s not talking to me yet, but at least he’s no longer clenching his fists.
I never thought I could meet someone as patient as Jake.
Instead of demanding answers, he’s waiting, like he always does.
There are things I can tell him without worrying about his safety.
“I was contacting my sister,” I mumble, letting the secret freely flow from my lips. My tone is a whisper because I don’t talk about Marisole to anyone. I barely speak her name aloud to myself.