CHAPTER 1
Frankie
I jolt upright, sweat plastering my shirt to my skin.
“Fuck!” The word tears out of me, scraping across my raw throat. I must’ve been screaming. Air rushes in too fast, and I can’t force any of it back out.
The room is dim, shapes barely there, but it’s enough to grab onto.
“Dino.”
I clutch the one-eyed dinosaur to my chest, desperately trying to steady my breath.
“Devil’s Ivy.”
The glossy green leaves trail down my wall, catching what little light there is.
Nate.
I don’t say his name. I won’t even look at the photo on my nightstand. It would shatter me.
God, I miss him. Pressure builds behind my eyes, but nothing happens. Why can’t I cry? Why can’t I do something, anything, to get this feeling out of me? I could scream, but Miss Kitty would just glare at me.
It’s been four months. Four months since I nearly killed an entire demon horde with my magic. Four months of burying my emotions so deep I barely know how to function. Four months since I killed my mate…or nearly killed him.
I can still feel the warmth of his skin fading away as blood slides down his cheeks. Aradon’s oily, dark magic clamps around my mind. Zarreth’s eyes go empty, his head hitting the ground with a dull thump when it slips through my fingers. Our mating mark fades right before my eyes.
Stop it! I shake my head, rubbing the tattered wings inked over my heart. It’s still there. He’s still here.
I swing my legs to the floor. They land like they’re made of lead. Everything takes so much energy these days. I yawn and stretch my arms overhead, padding out of my room and nearly tripping over the gray and black cat. “Scram.”
She yowls, irritated that I dared to step into her path. “Excuuuse me for interrupting your early morning stalking session.” Anytime Zarreth sleeps at his own place, Miss Kitty turns into a tiny, furious bloodhound, stalking the house like he’s her mate instead of mine.
I scratch behind her ear, silently apologizing for snapping at her before entering the bathroom.
The bags under my eyes are all I can stand to look at while I brush my teeth.
I look too much like my brother, and it hurts every time.
But tonight we are celebrating his birthday, so I suck it up and put some effort into my appearance for once.
I style my curls in a loose braid and splash water on my face.
A thin coat of mascara, and coconut oil on my dry lips, will have to do.
It’s not like Nate will know the difference anyway.
I quickly change into a pair of jeans and my brother’s favorite blue flannel then head outside to wait for Zarreth.
The cool breeze wraps around us, carrying the scent of damp earth and wildflowers. The last remnants of the moon cast a silver glow over Zarreth’s face, illuminating his sharp jawline. Damn, my mate is handsome with that devilish grin he’s wearing and eyes so amber even the sun would be jealous.
He swoops down, and my stomach flips hard enough to make me laugh. Flying is the only time the noise in my head goes quiet. It’s the closest I get to being happy anymore.
“I wouldn’t distract me if I were you. What if my hands slip?” he teases as his grip loosens momentarily, sending my heart into my throat.
My arms tighten around his neck. “Zarreth, I swear to God if you drop me—” I pause, searching for something clever. Wow…I got nothing.
“You’ll what?” he chuckles. His eyes dare me to play along as his thumb rubs against my thigh. I almost press into the heat of his hand, but I stop myself.
I shake my head. Dammit, Frankie! I hate being like this. “Nothing,” I sigh, not wanting to get his hopes up. How much longer will he put up with me? I know he’s my mate, but he’s also a demon—a demon with needs. Why can’t I just be normal?
“Don’t do that.” Pulling me closer, he dives toward the stream.
“Do what?” My hand drags across the surface, spraying water. I pretend everything is okay while he shoots back into the sky.
“Beat yourself up. We’ll get through this.” That’s easy for him to say. His magic doesn’t lash out and hurt people just because he’s having a bad day.
Logically, I know dark magic doesn’t work on mates. But every time I get close to letting go, I’m dragged right back to that cave. Aradon’s magic overtakes mine again, forcing me to hold my mate’s face in my hands as I watch the life drain out of him.
“We better get back. The sun is starting to rise.” Changing the subject is my go-to move lately.
His shoulders sag slightly when he realizes I, once again, refuse to talk about my emotions. “You’re right.” There’s a quiet note of frustration in his voice. “Can’t have someone spotting us.”
He swoops down and lands on my back deck, setting me on my feet. My hands wrap around the back of his neck, my eyes finding his. “I’m sorry.”
His expression softens in a way only I get to see when he pulls me in. When his lips brush against my head, my chest eases a little. We’re okay. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Melita. I love you just as you are.”
I know he does, and that’s part of what bothers me. He deserves so much more than being mated to a broken halfling who can’t have sex. I pull away and plaster a small smile on my face. “I love you, too.”
Tucking his massive wings, he sits on the porch swing, patting the spot next to him.
I’m still in awe of them—their beauty, their strength.
It truly amazes me how something so powerful can move with such ease.
They bend, but they never break. Just like him.
I sink next to him, resting my feet on his lap as we watch the deep blues of the night sky give way to the pink and orange of the morning.
A bluenose pitbull runs around the side of the house and bounds up the stairs. MJ’s tail wags when I scratch behind her ear. She’s gotten used to demons now that Jess and Ronin live together.
My gaze drifts toward our weird little collection of homes.
Ronin bought the farmhouse next door, and Jess moved in after her lease expired.
He spends most of his time in the Dark Realm anyway.
Zarreth bought the place I was renting and had a house built across the road from it.
Apparently, immortality comes with long-term financial benefits.
A moment later my best friend appears, holding two cups of coffee. Her oversized hoodie is so long, you can’t see the shorts she’s wearing underneath. Well, might be wearing, anyway. For someone with a shopping addiction, she rarely wears clothes.
Looking at Zarreth, she nods her head to the side, her silky, red hair swaying as she signals for him to move. Everyone knows this swing belongs to Jess and me. It’s probably the only thing our little group agrees on.
“What’re you doing up so early?” I ask, sliding my feet off Zarreth’s lap so he can move.
“Being an awesome friend, obviously.” She hands me a mug filled with my daily fuel.
Zarreth pushes himself up. “I have to go anyway. Are we still on for the bonfire tonight, my moon and stars?” He can barely hold back his grin at the cringy pet name.
“Gross. This game you two play makes me queasy.” Jess pretends to gag as she plops next to me, taking Zarreth’s place. “I can’t believe you guys subject me to this kind of torture.”
I ignore her comment. “Yep, we got stuff for s’mores and everything, sunshine of my soul.” I blow on my coffee, letting the steam warm my face. “Well, s’more flavored whiskey anyway.”
Chuckling, he bends down and kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll be back by then.” He disappears in a cloud of smoke before I can respond. He’s been doing that a lot lately, leaving without telling me what he’s up to. Not that he owes me an explanation, but we tell each other everything. Don’t we?
Jess nudges the swing. “Where’s he going?”
“Who knows?” I tug the blanket over us. “He’s been at his house more than usual lately.”
“You’re the one who insisted he have his own place,” she says.
She’s not wrong, but six months isn’t long enough to live with someone, destined or not. “I know, but what could he possibly be doing over there that he can’t tell me about?”
“I hate to say it, but…” Jess makes a jacking off motion with her fist.
“Jess!” I scold, bumping my shoulder against hers. “You’re probably right, though. He has to relieve himself somehow, and it’s definitely not with me.”
I sigh as she takes my hand in hers. “Still not doin’ it, huh?”
“No,” I groan. “Trust me, I want nothing more than to make love to him.”
Jess recoils like I spit in her drink. “Make love? Gross. What are you, ninety? Should I get you a shawl?”
“What do you want me to say?” I lean toward her, heat flushing my face. “I want him to rail me like a lot-lizard at an all-you-can-eat truck stop?”
Pride lights up her face, jaw nearly hitting the floor.
“Hell yeah. That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
” She squeezes my hand, her grin fading into something more real.
“I know you’re worried about hurting him if you lose control, but what if you make sex more about having fun instead of making love? Just let him take you to pound-town.”
I sigh. That sounds fun, but it’s not that simple. “First of all, sex with Zarreth is always fun. Second, it’s more about the emotional side of things…not just physical.” I side-eye her and add, “I don’t expect you to understand.”
She pulls back, hurt reflecting in her blue eyes. “What the hell, Frankie! You basically just called me a whore.”
Dammit, she’s right. I’ve been so mean lately, and it keeps coming out before I can stop it. “I’m sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean it like that.”
She pushes her forehead to mine, always so quick to forgive. Even when I don’t deserve it. “I know…plus, it’s kind of true, so I can't really be mad.” Giggling, she pokes my ribs until I join her. “Do you notice I’m wearing Tyler’s shirt?”
My brows shoot up before I can stop them. “Tyler!? He’s been chasing you for years. Aren’t you afraid he’ll get attached?”
“Ha, nope! When I left, he was still cuddled up with Mandy. I think we wore him out.”
I gape at her, my brain doing absolutely nothing. “Mandy from the Tavern? Wow, you had a wild night.”
“That’s the thing. It wasn’t wild…well, not at first anyway.
” She crosses her legs and leans closer, all excited.
“Tyler had Mandy and I sit face to face and lightly touch each other—like fingertips along the jaw and across the collarbone. I couldn’t believe the tension that started to build.
I swear I could have come from that alone. Maybe it’s something you could try.”
“Like tantric sex? I never thought of that.” What harm would it do? Even if it doesn’t work at first, maybe it will eventually. “It’s a hell of a lot better than having panic attacks. Turns out hyperventilating isn’t exactly the sexiest foreplay.”
MJ drops a ball in my lap and nudges me with her head. I throw the drool-soaked toy and the pitbull launches after it, trotting back for another round.
This time Jess throws the ball. “I wish Dante would just come out of hiding already. Once we destroy his ass, maybe your anxiety attacks will go away.”
“Speaking of Dante, I hope Ronin found something on him.” I can’t believe he and Zarreth haven’t tracked him down yet. They’ve been scouring the realms for months.
Jess shoves the blanket off her lap and stands, stretching tall. “All I know is he’s bringing back a case of demon brew tonight, so I better get to bed so we can celebrate.”
“Good idea. Sounds like you need to recover from your sex-capades last night. Who knows, maybe we’ll actually see the boys drunk for once.
” I keep the hopeful expression glued to my face, not wanting her to sense how hard this is without Nate.
This is the first time I’ve agreed to do anything fun since we’ve been back. I won’t ruin it.
I pull myself together and focus on Jess as she responds. “I’d pay good money to see that.”