CHAPTER 2 #2
He hated when I wandered around alone, so I snuck out while he slept.
It took hours, digging through trash cans and old boxes, but I finally found it: a small, red pocketknife with a nail file and tiny scissors tucked beside the blade.
I was so proud when his face lit up. He carried it with him every day after that, right up until he went missing.
The first time I opened the blade I was desperate.
I craved anything that would drown the ache in my chest. So, I slid my finger along the edge, surprised at how sharp it still was.
Sharp enough to split my skin. It stung.
My finger throbbed. But that little rush of adrenaline?
It yanked my focus away from what really mattered.
I loved it. I’ve had it on me ever since.
I need to make this quick before someone comes looking for me.
I suck in a breath, preparing for the sting, and pull my bottom lip down.
Wincing, I drag the blade over the soft, delicate flesh.
It fucking hurts, but the copper taste is just enough to help me breathe.
My head falls against the wall. Is this what an addict feels like?
The knock at the door makes me jump. Shit! I shove the blade in my pocket. My fingers skim my lips, checking for blood. I take three slow breaths to pull myself together. “Come in.”
Jess steps in with a soft look in her eyes. How am I supposed to be strong when she looks at me like that? I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to stop the sting. Don’t cry.
She sits on the bed and pulls me in without a word.
I try stopping it, but the sob slips out anyway.
God, it feels good. Her arms tighten as she slowly rocks us.
Another sob breaks free, louder this time.
I haven’t cried in so long. Maybe I can let go.
Just a little. Just one more sob. And then it breaks.
Tears flood my eyes and I’m full-on bawling before I can stop it.
“Um, Frankie,” Jess pulls back. Her eyes are wet and bloodshot, but it’s not from her tears. Tears aren’t red.
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry.” I scurry to the other side of the room, pressing my back against the door. I can’t believe I did that! I know better than to drop my guard. What the hell is wrong with me?
“It’s okay. I promise I’m fine.” She wipes her eyes, leaving a drop of blood on her flannel. Hopping off the bed, she spins around, proving she’s not hurt. By the time she faces me again, her eyes are back to normal, but we both know what happened.
“No, It’s not fine! I could’ve killed you.” My voice cracks. If I truly want to protect my friend, I need to push her away. I’m no good for her. I grip the doorknob, ready to leave.
“Please don’t go,” she begs. “Stay with me.” I know it kills her not being able to comfort me. She’s always been my rock, the one I lean on when I can’t stand on my own. But I can’t let her be that anymore. It’s too dangerous.
“I could’ve killed you,” I repeat because there is no better argument than that. I win, end of subject.
She plants her hands on her hips, pinning me with a look that won’t let me run. “No you couldn’t have. I told you as soon as I felt your magic, and you pulled away, instantly. It was fine. That’s the plan, right? I tell you, you pull away. Easy, peasy.”
I give in. Not because she’s right, but because I’m selfish. So, instead of walking out the door, I ask. “What if it happens again but you don’t tell me in time? Or I don’t pull away in time? I’m dangerous. I shouldn’t even be allowed to co-exist with humans anymore.”
She rolls her eyes as if what I said is impossible.
Why won’t she take this seriously? “If I don’t tell you when I feel your magic, then I’m an idiot and deserve what’s coming.
Honestly, Frankie, it’s going to be okay.
You don’t want to hurt me, that’s why you pulled away and your magic pulled back with you.
” She sits back down, patting the bed. “Come here.”
A sigh slips out. I should go, but my body won’t cooperate. I need her too much. My hand falls from the doorknob, and I end up on the floor, keeping space between me and the bed.
Relief settles over her face. “You might want to sit a little closer so we can share this little guy.” Reaching behind her ear, she pulls out a joint and lights it. “Say hello to my little friend.” She sounds just like Scarface and Tommy Chong’s love child.
“Helloooo, little friend.” I try my best not to sound like I’m still shaken up.
Eyeing the joint, I scoot closer so I’m only an arm’s length away now.
Maybe I should find a better way to cope with my mental health, but weed is exactly what I need right now.
Besides, how is smoking something that comes from the ground, any worse than taking a pill that’s made in a factory?
Although, I take anxiety medication, too, so there’s that.
Jess blows out a smoke ring and trails her finger through it. I really love her. She is the only person on earth who has known me longer than a few months now that Nate is gone. She’s more than my best friend; she’s my only family now. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Handing me the joint, she says, “For starters, you’d have to learn how to roll your own joints.”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “I’m serious, Jess. I love you.” I take two puffs, coughing a little while I hand it back.
“You’re just saying that because I am about to take you to the moon.” She laughs. “I love you too.”
A couple minutes later I’m sitting cross-legged on the bed trying to hold my cheeks together. I swear my face is going to split in half from laughing so hard.
“Wait, wait.” I wheeze. “Okay.” I try again. “Okay, I’m good.”
But I’m not good, because Jess snorts and it sends me over the edge. She wipes the corners of her eyes.
“I’m not kidding! He does this thing…” She lifts the back of her hand the way we used to in middle school when we practiced kissing.
Her lips part, moving in for the kiss when she collapses back onto the bed, laughing so hard she has to hold her stomach.
“I can’t do it…okay, yes I can!” She tries once more but when her lips meet her hand, she snorts again and we lose it.
“Stop,” I beg, trying to suck in some air so I don’t pass out. “I don’t want to know. You guys are so weird.”
She turns on her side, head resting on her palm. “Yeah.” She doesn’t try to argue. “Yeah, we are. But it’s not like we’re attracted to each other; we just get bored and make out sometimes. I’ve actually learned quite a bit from him.”
I don’t pretend to understand. They are the strangest non-couple I’ve ever seen. “I’m never looking at Ronin the same again.”
She bats her eyelashes at me and throws her red hair over her shoulder. “I can’t help it if gay guys melt for me,” she jokes. Only she’s probably not joking. Jess is beautiful and everyone notices. She could probably turn Neil Patrick Harris straight.
“Whatever.” I hit her with the pillow. “Do you remember poor Brayden our freshman year?”
“Poor Brayden?” Her voice raises an octave as she pushes herself upright. “Poor me! He hated me for no reason whatsoever.”
“Nooo.” I swear she’s delusional. “He hated you because you gave him a wet-willie every time he checked Zach out in science class.”
“Zach was mine,” she huffs, sending us into another fit of laughter.
We finish smoking and are discussing whether or not aliens treat their own planets better than we do, when Zarreth enters the room.
His large frame blocks the doorway, even with his wings tucked in tight.
I love the way his dark hair always looks a little messy.
He couldn’t care less how it looks, and damn, it’s sexy.
“Hi,” I say, letting my eyes roam over his body. Now that my mind is a little relaxed, that whole tantric sex thing is starting to sound pretty great.
“Hi,” he repeats, his expression stern while he sniffs. I hope he doesn’t smell the blood from when I cut earlier.
Jess turns to him. “Do you think aliens are the aliens, or are we the aliens?”
He doesn’t respond to her question. Just studies me, completely ignoring her. He’s so intimidating. Why do I find that so attractive? My mind flashes back to the first time he spanked me. It was liberating. Maybe tantric sex is not what I need. Maybe I need him to hurt me.
“I think we’re all aliens.” My voice is husky, but I can’t help it.
He knows I’m not thinking about aliens anymore. I can tell by the look in his eyes. It’s so intense I feel it in my soul. But then it fades. He’s probably remembering that I can no longer ease that ache inside him. I need to get my shit together.
Jess looks from me to Zarreth and stands, obviously feeling the tension between us. “I promised Ronin I’d be his wingman while he’s back, and there’s a rodeo in the town over. You know the bars will be crawling with sexy cowboys.”
Dammit! There I go, ruining another night. “I’m sorry. This was supposed to be about Nate.”
She pulls me into a hug. “His birthday is a week away. We still have time to plan something special.” Her lips press against my ear, voice low. “Besides, you know Nate would never want to cockblock you, and tonight would be the perfect time to practice the tantric sex thing I was talking about.”
It would be nice to feel his skin under my hands, to trace the deep line of his hips. I want him so badly, and I’m done feeling this way.
“I’m gonna do it.” I squeeze her tightly.
Her face is beaming at me when she pulls back. “Atta girl,” she says, already headed for the door. Right before she reaches it, she looks back. “I’m proud of you, Frankie.”