CHAPTER 34
Frankie
A low, rough growl rumbles against my back, jerking me awake. I try sitting up, wondering what my mate’s about to rip apart, but his arm locks around my waist, holding me down. What the hell? I blink the sleep away, registering the slender wrist trapped in his grip.
I focus on the intruder and groan. Is it morning already? Kara grins at me, completely unfazed by Zarreth’s claws digging against her skin. I’m surprised she’s still alive. I silently thank Theia for watching over her this morning.
“Well,” she says, yanking her arm away, “good morning to you too, firefly. You always greet guests this warmly?”
Zarreth’s voice comes out in a deep rasp. “You're lucky your head’s still on your shoulders. You should probably think twice before sneaking up on a demon and his mate while they’re sleeping.”
The falkyrie winks at me. “Brynn’s orders. I’m only the messenger. Dawn’s the perfect time for the caves, so we should get out there before anyone else does.”
I push myself up on one elbow, and rub the sleep from my eyes. What are they up to now? “The caves?” I ask, not sure if I want to hear the answer.
She beams, way too cheerful considering everything that happened last night. “It’s a little tradition of ours. Think of it as a jump-start for people who need to get their head and magic on the same page. Come on, it’s better before sunrise.”
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, yawning while I stretch. “Fine,” I mutter. “But if this is just another way to get me to spar before breakfast, I’m going back to bed.”
Then it hits me, a scent so pungent it makes my stomach roll. “What is that awful smell?”
Kara gives me a sheepish grin as she stands. “That would be me. I was wounded by one of those creatures last night. The healer tried burning out the infection, but it’s still festering.”
My eyes fall to the dark patch along her arm. The skin around the bite looks raw and cracked, the center oozing with some sort of rot. Whatever the healer did, it doesn’t seem to be working. “It looks awful. Aren’t you worried?”
Kara holds out her arm, looking at the wound. “Nah, I’ve had worse. It’ll be gone in no time.”
Zarreth finally raises his head to look at the wound. “You might want to see another healer before it spreads.”
A grin stretches over her face. “Aww, look at the demon. He’s starting to like me. I must be growing on him.”
Zarreth shakes his head. “I wouldn’t go that far,” he says, acting like he doesn’t care, as his head finds the pillow again. But I know better. He’s come to respect the strange little falkyrie, at least Brynn and Kara, even if he’ll never admit it.
She waits for us outside while I shove my feet into my boots, the demon’s dying rasps from the night before playing in my head.
The beast…freed Dante… The words make me nauseous—unless it’s morning sickness.
Either way, I push them aside, trying to forget who was responsible for the bastard’s escape.
Zarreth is at the basin, splashing water on his face. He glances back while he dries his hands, eyes narrowing. Of course he sees it. He always sees it. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Pulling away.” He crosses the room. “You don’t have to hide it. You’re not alone, you know. I’m here for you.”
My fingers fumble, tightening the boot. “I know. I just feel so stuck. I want to go after him, not go to some stupid caves.”
His hand finds the back of my neck, his thumb pressing against a knot. “We will, but we need to focus on one thing at a time. As soon as we’re done with the portal, Dante’s dead.”
The sunrise spills across the crystal peaks before us, turning the entire mountainside into a blaze of shimmering silver. The cave’s entrance glows like the sun is rising inside of it, its rays reflecting off the long, translucent prisms lining the opening.
Zarreth stands beside me, his gaze fixed on the light shining from the entrance. His wings give a faint, restless twitch. “Stay next to me. It may look inviting, but things are rarely as they appear.”
Kara moves past us, her boots crunching over the frost-pale crystals. She glances at Zarreth. “She needs to go in alone.”
He shoots her a look that would make anyone tremble. “She’s not going in there by herself.” Here we go again.
Kara lifts a brow, clearly not intimidated, as she speaks. “That’s the whole point. It won’t open itself to her if you follow.”
He’s about to snap back, so I press my hand to his cheek before he can get it out. “It’s okay. I can do this.” It’s only a cave, right? I’ve faced worse.
He studies me, letting out a long exhale, and steps back. The look he gives Kara is sharp enough to cut through the crystal mountains, but he doesn't argue.
Kara’s gaze finds mine. “Be open. That’s all the cave asks.”
Okay, that doesn’t help much, but I nod and step forward anyway.
The moment I cross the threshold, I stop dead in my tracks.
I’ve never seen anything so wondrous in my entire life.
The walls rise in sweeping arches made of quartz, each reflecting the light in a different way.
Bands of crystal run like frozen rivers into the dome overhead, throwing rays of sunshine over the walls.
Peace settles over me, and for a long moment I just stand, taking it all in.
Several arched pathways open up around the chamber, leading to God only knows what.
I really hope I’m not supposed to make my way through those dark tunnels.
I try summoning light to my palms, but, of course, I have no luck. Shit!
“Some guidance would be nice,” I say out loud, to no one but myself. Or at least I thought it was to myself, but in that moment, an opening to my left lights up. Something pulls at me, leading me in that direction. I guess that’s the one.
I leave the chamber behind, stepping under the glowing arch. The walls are like polished glass, so clear it’s like I’m surrounded by mirrors.
I catch sight of myself in one of the panes and glance down to find my palm resting on my stomach.
It still doesn’t feel real. I stand sideways, lifting my shirt.
A little spark of excitement shoots through me when I picture a little baby bump.
Then I wince, thinking about my poor vagina having to spit out babies that belong to a seven-foot demon.
I shake the thought away. I can’t think about the future, or the twins—not with Dante walking free. The next stretch of wall gives me three more versions of myself, all slightly warped: one taller and thinner, one stretched sideways, and one with a face that seems too close.
The light from the crystals form different angles, flashing off my eyes, my cheekbones, my hands. It feels like walking through a warped funhouse, except Jess isn’t here to trip over her own feet and make me laugh until I nearly pee myself.
My boots make small, hollow sounds on the smooth floor, and every step I take seems to ripple through the reflections. I keep my eyes forward, but movement at the edge of my vision has me glancing to the left. A reflection stands just like I do, except her head is already turned toward me.
What the fuck? I blink, taking a step closer. She’s staring straight back, as she should be. Okay, it’s just my nerves. That’s all.
I push on. A few paces later, the wall to my right shows my profile, except the eyes track me as I pass. A chill runs up the back of my neck. Um, that’s creepy. Okay, I know I didn’t imagine that.
I slow down, watching the next few reflections for movement.
Most mirror me perfectly, but every so often, one moves a second too late, or keeps its gaze fixed on me even after I’ve looked away.
The farther I go, the more the reflections seem to lean toward me, like figures behind glass pressing in to watch.
It’s all I can do not to get the hell out of here and crawl back in my bed. This is not how I wanted to spend my morning. A little warning would have been nice, Kara!
Their faces—my face—follow me, eyes tracing my every move. I try to stay calm, but when the wall ahead ripples and a reflection steps forward, I nearly lose it. “No fucking way,” I mumble as the form takes shape right in front of me.
Fighting demons and beasts is one thing, but I don’t do ghosts—or whatever the hell that is. I turn to run, but it moves so it’s standing before me once again. Shit!
It has my face. Same hair, same eyes. Only hers are a darker green, almost black at the edges. Behind her, a shadow forms, curling like smoke and forming into wings. I wonder if this is what Zarreth saw during the battle yesterday when my magic killed that beast.
She tilts her head, a slow crooked smile playing at her lips.
“You keep pretending you’re better than me, like you’re not full of darkness, but you’ve always been this.
Why do you think it’s so hard to summon your light?
It’s because you’re no better than I am—you don’t deserve the little bit of light you have.
” Her voice is a rough echo of mine, only a little raspier.
Her words hurt, because they’re true. I’m no better than her. I’ve always been full of darkness. Maybe that’s why it was so hard for my mom to love me. I shut the thought down as she steps closer.
Her smoky wings ripple as ash falls from them, dissolving into the air. My fingers twitch as shadows float along my hands. “Stay back,” I warn, my voice shaking.
She laughs, taking a step closer. “Why? I’m not the enemy. I’m what you could be if you stopped fighting it.”
I would give almost anything to stop fighting it, but I don’t want to be her. I won’t let myself be her.
I pull the darkness back, summoning the light instead. It fights me like it always does, but I have a feeling it will be more effective. My pulse climbs until finally it flares to life in my palms.
We face each other, the glow of my light shining over her dark wings. Her head tilts, as they stretch wider. The shadows are reaching for me. “You think the light will save you?” She laughs, her voice turning eerie now. “You burn with it, but it’s the dark that listens when you scream.”
I’ve heard that voice before, not out loud, but in the corners of my mind when I’ve been afraid to truly let go. I plant my feet, raising a hand. “I’m not you.”
Her smile sharpens, as do her eyes. “You’re exactly me.”
The smoky wings snap forward, sending out a whip of shadow that lashes toward my legs. I jump sideways, the heat of my own magic rising. White explodes from my hands, meeting the rush of smoke. It throws sparks through the cavern, splashing both of us in jagged light.
She lunges, wings sweeping low. I throw up another wall of light, but the edges crumble where the smoke touches it. Shit! My heart thunders while I throw another burst. Come on! Do something!
It drives her back a few paces, but her grin only widens. “You can’t burn what was born of the same fire.”
Her smoky wings flare higher, and for a moment we’re locked here, light and shadow grinding against each other. Then a glow from deeper in the tunnel flickers.
A figure stands further ahead, beaming with white light. Something pulls inside me again, like the cave is trying to drag me toward her. I know I have to reach her, but I also know fighting this shadow again won’t get me there.
I take a small step toward the glow. The smoky version moves to stop me, wings spreading to block my way. My arms are heavy and I’m exhausted, but my shadow self doesn’t look tired at all. Her wings flex behind her, nearly filling the entire cavern.
Taunting me, she smirks, her voice low. “You can throw all the light you want, but you know you need me. A part of you even wants me, craves me.”
Her words land hard, and my whole body reacts. I could just give in, finally stop hiding. Let it all free and not give a fuck what happens. But I can’t. The only way to keep everyone safe is to tuck it down deep. Pretend like it’s not a part of me.
I step back a little, lowering my hand. The light at my palm sputters and dims. “You’re not wrong”.
My shadow blinks, caught off guard. I force myself to meet her eyes, my own eyes.
“You’re the part that killed innocent demons, the part that nearly killed my mate.
But that’s not all you are. You’re the one who brought down a ruler who carved his power into living flesh for centuries.
The one who broke bodies and minds for pleasure.
You did what no one else could do, and I’m not ashamed of that.
Not anymore. I’m no longer afraid of what you are, of what I am. I choose who we are now.”
For the first time the grin slides off her face. The smoky wings shudder and fade away. She stares at me for a moment like she’s debating her next move. I bring my hands up again, ready to stand my ground, but she gives me a small, almost weary laugh. “About time you figured it out.”
The rest of her begins to unravel, smoke breaking apart until there’s nothing left but the faintest scent of embers. I step forward, placing my feet where she stood. I finally get it. I was never meant to fight myself, just accept who I am, every part of me.
Ahead, the figure with the lightning-streaked wings turns, disappearing further down the tunnel.
“Wait,” I cry, following after her.
The path narrows, then opens into a small chamber. A shallow pool lies at its center, a bluish glow coming from it. The air carries the scent of wet stone and something faintly electric. It feels like it’s about to storm. I kneel beside the water, watching as the ripples pulse.
I reach my hand out, but stop when the figure appears at the far edge of the pool. She looks like me, not a stranger, not an enemy, but steadier. Her shoulders are straight, chin lifted with confidence. Her translucent wings arc high, their veins streaked with bolts of white lightning.
I quickly pull my hand back, feeling like an intruder. “Why is it so hard to reach for you?” My voice cracks.
She suddenly appears beside me, even though I don’t see her move. Her hands lay over my stomach, her touch warm. “Because you were never meant to love only part of yourself.”
I freeze, realizing for the first time that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been reaching for the parts I thought were worthy, turning away from the rest. How could I do that when my children are made from all of me. Light and dark. Joy and fury. Every single piece.
They’re not mistakes, not contradictions, and neither am I.
“Yes.” Her voice is soft, smile certain. “I was never waiting for you to become worthy. I was waiting for you to see that you already are.”
The glow around her thins as she dissolves, leaving behind an empty quiet. I lean forward, looking into the pool of water. The reflection that stares back at me is exhausted. Messy. Whole.
I hold her gaze.
“I’m worthy.”