Chapter 24 #3
He stares at me for a moment, and I fear he’s trying to come up with an excuse. “You’ve never kissed before, have you?”
“I had a huge beak during most of the day, and no birds my size.”
“That’s the problem. You spent years on that island, alone. I don’t think you… I’m not saying you’re immature, but you are not ready for a kiss.”
“It’s just a kiss.”
“It’s still your first. Imagine, years from now, you’re going to look back and say, oh, no, I gave my first kiss to that filthy human. That can’t be.”
“You know you’re not filthy. Am I filthy? Disgusting?”
“No. You’re lovely, but you’re still Marlak’s little sister—.”
“We’re the same age !”
“But you’ve been alone on an island most of your life! I can’t kiss you, and please be warned that I’m the most dishonorable man I know. You don’t know the effort it takes to say no to you.”
I’m trying to make sense of what he’s saying and then realize perhaps there’s another reason he doesn’t want to kiss me. “Do you agree with Azur? That I was cruel?”
He takes a deep breath, and tilts his head. “I stand by what I said. You were poisoned as a child, but I think you don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“I was pathetic.”
“It is quite impressive that you can look back and recognize it.”
“See? I’m not a child.”
“No. But…” He takes another deep breath. “I must be honest. I hear you talking about your past and what you did, and all you do is feel bad for yourself, feel weak, feel pathetic. Not even once have I heard you mentioning any remorse for what Renel might have felt.”
“He hated me.”
“Was it a reason to choke him?”
“It’s not choking. It’s… stopping the air flow. And I was training.”
“Couldn’t you find a volunteer to train on?”
“Marlak and I practiced on each other, and my father brought some servants sometimes. On Renel… My father said it could help him find his magic.”
He raises an eyebrow. “So you were doing it to help him?”
I pause and look down, oddly ashamed. “No. I was doing it to show my father that I was stronger than Renel—as if there was any doubt.”
“But you did doubt whether your father would favor you.”
“I guess.”
“Listen, you said you wanted to belong, that you wanted a family. Your family is Marlak and Renel. If Renel hates you, that’s his issue.
Don’t let hatred taint your heart, and don’t be too proud that you can’t apologize, say you were wrong.
Perhaps, when you were young, you didn’t pay attention to how he felt, or didn’t care, but you can do better now. ”
Tears are prickling my eyes, but I force them back. “Is that why you don’t want to kiss me? Because you think I’m still cruel?”
“I want to kiss you! But I think your mind is still too young. If I’m telling you to open your heart and admit your mistakes, it’s because I see the goodness in you.
What Azur said, that people bond in cruelty, is true, but I don’t think it makes people happy.
I’ve seen it, seen my cousins doing it, and it drained them. You can choose differently.”
“If I apologize to Renel, will you kiss me?”
“No. First, I want you to do it from your heart, and second, like I said, I won’t kiss you.”
“But you want to.”
He rolls his eyes. “That’s not even the point.”
“Would you like to see me naked?”
He glares at me. “Mirella, do not tempt me.”
I want to tempt him, so I unlace and start to lower my dress, but he places a hand over mine and stops it.
“What if we made a deal?”
“What deal?” I ask.
“One year from now, after you’ve lived your life, learned more about the world, seen more fae. One year. If you still want to kiss me, I’ll kiss you.”
I point upwards. “Kiss me like they’re kissing?”
He coughs. “Uh. If you want, sure. But not now. Remember I need to help Astra defeat the Witch King. I’ll need my focus.”
“Astra and Azur are kissing their soulmates.”
“Yes, but she’s Tiurian and he’s fae. I’m human. I need to keep my focus, so any… talk about kissing… is not a good idea. I can’t kiss you in one year if I die, right?”
The thought causes a stir in my chest. “I don’t want you to die. I love you.”
His eyes soften. “You don’t know what love is. You’ll forget me as soon as your life goes back to normal. I’m sure of that.”
I feel foolish for the words I said. “You mean that you’ll forget me.”
“I won’t forget you. We’re friends, and we can be friends forever.”
His words poke my heart and hurt so much. I don’t want to be only his friend, but I don’t want to show how sad I am, so I try to change the subject. “You really think things are going back to normal? That the Witch King is going to be defeated?”
He winks. “We have to hope, right?”
“Yes.”
I hope they succeed, and then, I hope for more.
One year. I can work with it. I can make him fall in love with me in one year.
ASTRA
I’m running in a garden, sword in hand, chasing a shadow. When I reach it, it turns to me—and has my face.
My eyes snap open, and I see Marlak looking at me.
“How long did I sleep?” I ask.
“Just a few minutes.”
I sit up. “We can’t wait.”
“I know.”
I walk to the pitcher, wash myself quickly, get dressed, and then we walk down the stairs. Ziven’s already there, with Marlak’s sister. Soon everyone joins us, even Ferer and Nelsin.
I conjure a flame on my hand, just to make sure Marlak’s magic is active within me, then quench it quickly. Closing my eyes, I try to search for Zorwal, see through his mind, and I feel he’s weakened, but I also sense his location.
“Zorwal’s still in the castle,” I say. “He’s healing, so he’s not as powerful as he usually is. Still, he feels confident that he won’t be found or hurt there, perhaps because there are a lot of guards, and he’s… in an unusual place, where people won’t look for him.”
Azur narrows his eyes. “Can you pinpoint where in the castle?”
I close my eyes and look through Zorwal’s mind. Odd. “It looks like a prison. There are cells. Two rows, with bars only.”
“The castle has several prison rooms,” Azur says. “What color are the walls?”
I try to look again through that murky image. “Black. Or else they’re dirty. Or some dark stone.”
Azur clicks his tongue. “There are at least three rooms like that. We’ll have to look through them. What about Otavio?”
“The human castle,” I say.
Azur blinks. “I can’t transcend to the human lands.”
“But I can.” Then I add, “If you give me a drop of blood.”
“Won’t it weaken Marlak’s magic?”
“It won’t. I… just know it. Trust me.”
Azur pricks his finger, lets a drop fall on a spoon, then gives it to me.
Lidiane approaches with three capes. “They should be good now. I know my magic failed last time—”
“It didn’t fail,” Mirella says. “I didn’t notice you coming up the stairs; I just knew you were coming. The only reason I was able to intercept you is because I had seen Ziven and his plans.”
“Ziven?” I ask.
Mirella shrugs. “I can see him. Sometimes.” She turns to Lidiane. “Your magic never failed.”
Azur glares at Mirella. “And yet you had to stop them from going to the castle.”
“I thought it was a trap! That bloodpuppets would find Marlak. I did the best I could.”
He takes two steps toward her. “Zorwal almost killed Lidiane, thanks to you.”
She looks regretful. “I didn’t know he was following me. I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
Lidiane waves a hand. “It’s fine. So if my magic works, that’s even better. You’ll be able to walk into the castle unnoticed. Not invisible, mind you, just unnoticed.”
I take one cape and attach it to my back, while Ziven and Azur do the same. I know that in theory, I should bring more people with me, and yet I can’t shake the feeling that the fewer the better.
Marlak gives me a long kiss goodbye, then I walk to the garden with Azur and Ziven. It’s all so sudden, so fast, that it’s hard to believe what I’m about to do. Or at least try to do. Not try, no. I have to succeed.
We emerge in a room with many cells, but something about it feels wrong. “Not this one,” I whisper.
We disappear, and then appear in a similar room, full of cells. This one’s similar enough to my vision, but I don’t see any guards or jailers. On a corner, a prisoner moans.
“Want to move on?” Azur asks.
I walk back, and take a look at the prisoner, who’s gagged and bleeding. I recognize his eyes, his hair, his burned scars. My breath stills.