Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
I come from a long line of criminal masterminds, so when I say I know how to dispose of a body and leave no trace, I mean it.
I was currently having body disposal thoughts about Fred Wilhoit, my insurance adjuster. The only reason I’ve held off on killing him is because I really want him to suffer first. I think pregnancy has made me a sociopath.
My name is J.J. Graves, and I’m the coroner for King George County, Virginia.
It’s a part-time job that somehow takes up most of my regular work week and weekends.
Unfortunately, it’s also my only job at the moment, since my funeral home is nothing more than a pile of rubble and ash.
I’ve been told by good old Fred that I can rebuild. If he ever gives me the money.
The good news is that Jack and I can commute to work every day since the county decided to pony up the money and renovate space at the sheriff’s office so I have a proper lab and autopsy suite.
The bad news is there’s no ventilation in the ceiling or drains on my table.
Everything is government issue, which means they paid ten times what it’s worth and it’s still crap.
“Maybe we could stop for donuts,” I said, as Jack turned off Catherine of Aragon onto Commonwealth toward the Towne Square.
He’d taken to going down side streets instead of passing by the funeral home—or what was left of it—every day. I’d burst into tears at the sight a couple weeks back, and I guess it traumatized him because we took a different route every day now. Pregnancy hormones were weird.
“You’ve already had breakfast. You can’t possibly want donuts.”
“Of course I want donuts,” I said. “Who would ever turn down a donut? And a granola bar hardly counts as breakfast.”
“You’re just trying to stall going to the lab,” he said with a grin. “You know you don’t have to go in. There are no bodies waiting for you.”
“I don’t like not having something to do,” I said. “Besides, I feel obligated. The county ponied up the money to make a space for me. I feel like I need to be there.”
“Don’t get too attached,” he said. “I talked them into it by telling them there might come a day when you’re not doing autopsies and your rebuilt lab won’t be available to the new coroner.”
“You giving my job away?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“Just negotiating,” he said. “You have a new lab, don’t you?”
“Sneaky,” I said, approvingly. And then I sighed. “I need to get the funeral home back up and running. I have employees sitting on their hands while I’m waiting on the stupid insurance money. It’s a lot of pressure being someone’s boss. I feel responsible.”
“They’re not sitting on their thumbs,” Jack said. “Sheldon is picking up shifts at the Ale House, Emmy Lu is secretly changing the recipes for Tom’s donuts so he doesn’t go out of business, and Lily is doing rotations at the state crime lab. Everyone is fine.”
“Tom’s donuts are much better since Emmy Lu started making the dough,” I said. “I like them better than Lady Jane’s now.”
“Is that a hint?” he asked.
“I don’t think there are any hints about it,” I said. “I told you I want donuts. I wasn’t trying to be subtle.”
He laughed and passed by the sheriff’s office, and then he turned the corner toward the Donut Palace.
“You’re a good man,” I said, already imagining the hot sugar melting in my mouth.
“Parking downtown is getting ridiculous,” he said. Cars lined all the businesses and there were no empty spots to be seen.
“I’ll just hop out and run in,” I said. “Just circle the block and I’ll be quick.”
I hopped out of the car before he’d stopped all the way, waving at a car as I passed in front of it. I opened the door to the Donut Palace, and the little bell over the frame gave its usual half-hearted jingle.
The place looked different than it had a couple of months back.
Gone were the folding chairs and the cracked laminate counter that had been there since Tom’s father ran things.
Emmy Lu had gotten her hands on real bistro tables, a chalkboard menu written out in actual handwriting, and given the inside a fresh coat of paint.
There were cute sayings stenciled on the walls and mismatched coffee mugs in bright colors.
If Lady Jane’s was about bringing a little sophistication to King George County then the Donut Palace was about down-home comfort.
Emmy Lu knew the people in this area better than anyone.
And if she had anything to do with it, no one would be drinking out of Styrofoam on her watch.
The morning rush had thinned out, but wasn’t entirely gone.
A couple of guys in work boots had claimed one of the bistro tables, and a woman with a stroller was parked by the window drinking a cup of coffee and writing in her journal.
Emmy Lu was behind the counter boxing up a dozen for a man in a county water department shirt.
She glanced up when the bell jingled and smiled, dimples fluttering in her flushed cheeks.
Emmy Lu was about a decade or so older than me and she’s what I always imagine Betty Crocker would look like if she were a real person.
She’d gotten married right out of high school and had her first son six months later.
She popped out four more boys in the following four years, and when her youngest graduated high school a few years ago her husband left her for someone half her age and double her cup size.
We were all glad when she and Tom had started dating.
She deserved a good guy, and Tom had always been that.
“There’s my favorite dead doctor,” she said.
“Are there others below me on that list?” I asked.
“It only matters who’s at the top.”
The water department guy looked back and forth between us then took his box and left. People reacted in different ways when they found out I spent most of my time around the dead.
Emmy Lu wiped her hands on her apron and said, “You want the usual?”
“Please tell me there are bear claws.”
“We’re plumb out. We’ve got glazed, chocolate, and a blueberry cake that nobody ever orders but Tom insists on me making.” She looked me over, head to toe, and whatever she saw made her frown. “Are you sleeping? Morning sickness?”
“And here I thought I was looking much better? Guess I need to break out the concealer.”
“You look beautiful as always,” she said. “But I’ve been pregnant five times. I can tell.”
“I promise I’m fine,” I said.
“Just make sure you’re taking your vitamins,” she said. “I never did. They made me throw up. But I hear they’re good for you and make your fingernails grow. You want chocolate glazed?”
“Make it a dozen.” I glanced at the coffee setup behind her. “And two coffees to go. Just black.”
She put the box together and said, “Tom’s out doing deliveries to local businesses. Between you and me, business picking up has been an answer to prayer with everything that happened with the funeral home. I’ve been grateful to have something to do with my free time.”
“You’ve really turned this place around,” I said.
She beamed with pride. “I think Tom’s a little surprised by the success. Especially in this economy. Any news from the insurance adjuster?”
“Don’t get me started,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Jack and I have talked about buying a separate property just to get things up and running. King George only has one other funeral home.”
Emmy Lu made a face. “And everyone knows they bury people without their underwear. There are a lot of horror stories about Here and Now Funeral Parlor that aren’t meant for public discussion.”
My lips twitched. I’d never been sure if the stories about my competitor were true or not, but it had certainly helped business when times had been tough. “I’ll leave the gossip to the professionals.”
Emmy Lu snorted and said, “Coming from the master herself.”
I grinned and gave her a wink. Small-town communities thrived on gossip. It was my civic duty as a woman and a business owner. She handed over the two to-go cups of coffee.
“If I haven’t told you yet,” I said. “Your recipe for donuts is leaps and bounds better than Lady Jane’s. You’ve really put your mark on this place.”
Emmy Lu leaned forward and lowered her voice. “He still thinks I’m using his dad’s recipe.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” I promised.
She slid the box across the counter. “That one’s on the house. Just make sure you feed that baby something besides fried dough and sugar today. You should be glowing with the promise of motherhood. Not because you’re glazed from the inside out.”
I decided not to take offense. She had my best interest at heart. And the news of the baby was still fresh on everyone’s minds. After Jack and I had almost gotten blown up at the funeral home, it seemed a good time to let everyone know about the pregnancy.
Jack was idling at the curb with his on-duty lights on when I came out. I got in, handed him a coffee, set mine in the cupholder, and gave him the box.
He took a donut and handed the box back without a word.
It was a two-minute drive between the Donut Palace and the sheriff’s office, and his phone buzzed just as he pulled into his spot.
He glanced at the screen and hit the button for the dash speaker.
“Lawson,” he said.
“Sheriff, this is Dispatch. We’ve got a call out of Newcastle. The Windsor Luxury Condos on Westminster Street. Responding officer is requesting coroner on scene. Suspected homicide, unit 403, fourth floor. Officer Plank is on-site. CSI team has already been called.”
“Copy that. We’re en route.” He clicked off and then looked over at me. “How many of those donuts are you planning to eat?”
“Enough for my reflexes to be slow enough for you to deflect when I punch you in the face for asking a question like that.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said. “Even in a hormonal rage you don’t really want to do me harm.”
“I think you’ll know when I’m in a hormonal rage. The donuts are keeping the rage at bay. I only have good thoughts.”
“That’s because you’re headed to see a body instead of sitting inside your new government lab.”