Chapter 4
It surprises me, that none of it stops even after I put some distance between myself and the Restricted Section. Still disoriented, I stop moving as soon as I enter the solitary winding staircase leading from the Library down to the Dining Hall. I’m already late for the Opening Ceremony, but the images and the feelings just won’t stop attacking me, and it’s so dark and comforting here and I can’t show my face around people while I’m still like this.
So I take a seat on the top step and cradle my face in the palms of my hands. Why do I feel like I’m on the verge of crying? I haven’t cried since I was ten years old.
The images I saw back there and the feelings they evoke are relentless and powerful. Then there’s another one, one from my own childhood that threatens to surface.
The room, the details of it mercilessly starting to come into focus — the cold light shining from the lavish chandelier, the shadows in the corners around the carved bookshelves, the clumsy notches on the granite windowsill.
Desperate to shake the images off, I grab onto the first question that arises. Why is it resurfacing now, when it’s been a literal decade since I’ve last thought of it?
It’s all because of the Lexarcanum book, that much is clear.
It’s so intriguing, but it’s also making me wonder… Was it some kind of magic or was it just me being messed up?
I look up and out the window, the light slanting through only somewhat breaking the darkness. Out there, I can see the shadowy castle grounds with the Dame Gothel statue rising from the overgrown garden like an apparition, but I know what I see isn’t real.
That is, I can be sure only because I know the windows in the castle itself are enchanted to show the world above ground. If I didn’t know that, the masterfulness of the illusion would trick me into believing I was seeing the real thing.
That’s magic — real-life, actual magic.
Then there’s that thing I sometimes do. I see something interesting and my mind floods with images of ages past or places across the world, my imagination — or the desire for the thing to be something more than it is — making them so vivid and powerful, it’s almost like they’re real.
Is that what happened to me back there, I wonder as I keep staring out the window. Was it just a flight of fancy, no magic involved whatsoever?
My frown only grows deeper when another, more important question pops into my head.
Whatever it was that happened in the Lexarcanum… Should I tell anyone?
I imagine myself approaching Serra to tell her I’ve finished the task, but popped into the Lexarcanum in the process. Would she even give me the chance to mention what happened with the book and what I saw when I touched it? Or would she just fire me right then and there?
Goddamn it, I think with a pissed-off sigh. Did I really need this?
There’s the Opening Ceremony to think of, so I have to make a decision, stat.
I know I only have two options. To say something or to keep my mouth shut. But neither is sitting right with me.
If I tell someone — anyone, I might be taking my win away from myself. It would be well within the rights of the faculty to actually fire me. Even if they let me keep working as a Librarian…
My version of the events sounds too much like I’m saying I got picked by a book in the Lexarcanum, and we all know there’s no instance of that ever happening to a human.
So instead of just being ‘the filthy Scion’, I might end up being ‘the Scion with delusions of grandeur’.
I really want the Archivist job and I really don’t want to spend the rest of my days being seen as some stupid narcissist.
But…
If I choose to keep my mouth shut, will the truth still find a way to bite me in the ass, somewhere down the road?
Or more importantly, will I be fucking something up without even knowing it? The Lexarcanum magic is Divine Magic. Unlike Nature, Element and Mind Magic, it eludes explanations and is highly unpredictable even in its simplest forms.
Fuck. I literally can’t see a solution that wouldn’t either rob me of my dreams or make me a potential culprit in something larger than myself.
I still feel so disoriented and exposed, but if I don’t start moving now...
I push myself off the stairs and rush down to Level Minus Two. I start hearing the usual murmur coming from the Dining Hall even before I step onto the hallway with the faculty entrance.
What was I thinking? I haven’t made my decision yet.
I spot Professor Byrne stopping in front of the door with some man I’ve never seen before.
I keep walking, wondering if Serra’s already inside.
Byrne is telling something to the man as he leads him inside, but just as he’s about to walk in, the man’s gaze darts to mine and he stops midstep, his hand on the doorknob.
I only register the eyes as they lock with mine — deep but burning brown, sucking me in and lingering.
For one beat, two.
I almost stop walking. Suddenly, I’m hot in my skin and my knees are wobbly.
Frowning, I force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I sense the man’s gaze linger on me as I pass him by, prolonging the torture.
It’s only then that I realize I’ve just walked past the faculty entrance instead of going inside.
For crying out loud, Anna, I tell myself, get your shit together. For no other reason than to save face, I keep walking down the hallway, unable to shake off the image of those eyes — the sharp shape of them and that unusually striking color.
I throw a glance over my shoulder and see the man is gone. I breathe a sigh of relief. Just as I decide to stop and go back, I spot Serra walking towards me.
I give her a faint smile and the next thing I know, we’re standing in the middle of the hallway and she’s saying something, but her words are drifting to me as if through water.
Because there’s something inside me that wasn’t there before.
A presence.
Living, breathing, watching.
And they’re out of focus somehow, but I can see Serra’s eyes narrow at me and I can feel the touch of her hand on my upper arm, but my mind is buzzing and blank all at once and it’s taking all I have not to turn on my heel and flee into the safety of my room.
I catch myself running my hand down my face, saying, “Sorry, Professor Naehorn, I just…”
The next thing I know, her face is coming into focus again. “It’s alright. I take it you’ve completed your task?”
I just look at her for a second, realizing that this is the moment of truth. This is the moment I either tell her or keep my mouth shut.
It’s right then and there that I decide that it wasn’t my fault — that I ended up in the Lexarcanum. Even if I did mess something up, I’ll find out and I’ll fix it.
My lips curl into a smile. I’ll fix it as the Grimm Academy Archivist.
“Yes, Professor Naehorn,” I finally tell Serra. “I’ve completed the task.”
She gives me a smile. “You know, you don’t have to attend the ceremony if you’re too worn out.”
Now my stomach is fluttering with excitement. Sure, I feel more messed up than I’ve felt in ages, but it’s just the effects of the Restricted Section magic. Hell if I’m going to let that take this moment away from me — taking the Archivist’s seat at the Grimm Academy Opening Ceremony, in front of everyone who’s ever failed to take me seriously.