A Fae worse than Death: A paranormal romantic comedy (Supernatural Dating Agency Book 10)

Chapter 1

Tuesday April 30, 2019

After the sixth time of hearing NSYNC, I stormed into my colleague and best friend Kim’s office.

I say ‘stormed’. Given I was due to give birth next month it was more of a struggle through the doorway, followed by me standing there like a boulder. Still, I wore an angry expression to make my feelings clear.

Or so I’d thought. Oblivious, Kim continued to sing and didn’t even notice the effort I’d made to look stroppy. As I began to feel annoyed as opposed to raging, she finally noticed my existence and paused the song.

“Hey, what’s up? You in labour? Your face looks pained,” she queried.

“My ears are in pain. Why are you playing this song on repeat?” I snapped.

Kim made a mock shocked face, rapidly blinking her eyes, and her mouth dropped wide open.

“Wh-wh-WHAT?” She hit herself in the forehead and then stood up and began pacing her desk. “This is just not possible, bestie. Not possible at all.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and counted to ten. Maybe by the time I’d finished, she’d be done with the amateur dramatics, and I could find out how to get this song stopped before I hurled her iPhone and speaker out of the window.

“What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?” I snarled out as I reached ten and Kim had restarted the song.

“Listen,” she said. I waited, but all she did was sing some lyrics from the tune. “Get it?”

I didn’t, and at the end of my rope, I threw my hands up in the air. “I get that if you play that song one more time, I’m going to drain you. Do you get that?”

“Wow, your hormones are legit cray-cray town today,” Kim announced, taking one unknown step closer to her possible demise.

“You have one more sentence left to tell me what’s going on before your husband is a widower and you have orphan baby cubs,” I warned her.

“It’s a meme for May. ‘It’s gonna be May’. It’s how Justin Timberlake sings it. How can you not know this? Tomorrow is May, so today is the only day I can play this. I’ve even put the meme on my Instagram.” Kim looked genuinely perplexed.

“I don’t know how I could possibly be so ill-informed,” I stated with heavy sarcasm. “Could it be because I’m getting geared up for my maternity leave and I’m extremely busy? Because I have a lot on my mind right now, while one of my employees is singing and playing the same annoying song non-stop and putting me off what I’m doing?”

Kim’s hands went on her hips and her eyes flashed yellow. Oops, I’d pissed off a wolf. “Now listen here, pissy britches. I don’t mind putting up with your mood swings because I remember being pregnant myself, although I had three of them. Remember that? I carried three, while you’re being all bitchface and there’s only one in there. But… and it’s a big but… bigger than Kim Kardashian’s even… you cannot call It’s Gonna Be Me an annoying song. Nope, never, not at all.”

“Do not play it again,” I warned.

“You are no fun at all right now,” Kim huffed. “When I was pregnant, I was still a delight.”

I fixed her with a look and then we both fell about laughing.

“That’s more like it,” she said. “Thought I was going to have to escape through the window at one point. Now why don’t you go sit back down at your desk, and I’ll send Sita out to fetch you a chocolate doughnut from Jax’s.”

I suddenly felt a lot better.

* * *

The past few months had been a mix of joy and pain. My husband Theo and I, and our daughter Charlie, had been mourning the loss of Theo’s mother and father. It was strange not having Mary around. She had been a larger-than-life (or should that be larger-than-death?) character and very vocal, so the silence that now permeated the farm’s atmosphere had taken some getting used to.

But we knew that soon the silence would be no more and instead, there’d be a crying baby around. One that would grow as a witch at a normal rate until around their thirties/forties when their vampire genes would kick in. Our daughter had grown at an accelerated rate in order to save Withernsea from war. Cupid and Fate had intervened for me to experience another pregnancy without Theo and I having to wait another hundred years. Something we were very grateful for.

Charlie walked into my office just as I’d retaken my seat. She was the deputy manager of the dating agency now and would be the acting manager while I was on maternity leave.

“Hey, Mum. Can we just go through a few things?”

“Sure.”

Charlie sat in the chair across from me.

“Number one. Go on maternity leave. Shoo.”

I raised a brow. “That is not a nice way to speak to your mother, or your boss for that matter.”

“I’ve had a complaint this morning. About your aversion to Justin Trousersnake.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kim played the song about ten times.”

“Cry me a River, Mother.”

I raised a brow. “Ha ha ha.”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist that. But we are in agreement that you leave on Friday, right? Otherwise, my sibling is going to be born in the office and I do not wish to see my mother’s hoohaa.”

Max dashed in, grabbed my wastepaper basket, and began mock vomiting. “Please don’t mention women’s unmentionables near me. We all know how allergic to pussy I am.”

“We weren’t near you though were we, Max? You were eavesdropping again, weren’t you?” I rolled my eyes.

“Of course. Duh. How do you think I keep myself informed of all developments around here?”

“You could come to the staff meetings?” I suggested.

Max put a hand to his chest and laughed. “Oh, Shelley, you are funny. I’m going to miss you when you go on maternity leave.” He turned to Charlie and shook his head, mouthing, “No, I’m not.”

“I’m right here,” I stated.

“You are, honey, looking so darn beautiful, in that glow-up of impending motherhood.” He turned to Charlie.

“If you mumble anything other than I’m the most attractive mother-to-be you’ve ever seen, I’m going to cut off your balls,” I snapped.

“But I don’t find women attractive…” he pointed out.

“I’d lie if I were you,” Charlie advised him.

“Right. Okay then.” Max turned to me. “You’re stunning, Shelley. Simply the loveliest mother-to-be I’ve ever encountered.” Max pointed to Charlie’s notepad. “Add potential pay rise for me on there, sweetie. I think I just earned it.” He placed the bin down. “Look, I said that and managed not to dry heave.”

“Get out,” I yelled.

I heard him mumble, “Roll on Friday,” as he departed.

My hands were in my fringe pulling it slightly. “Charlie. How did I manage to recruit the most annoying work colleagues ever, present company excepted? I mean I have Kim, Lucy, Max, and Samara. I don’t know which of them is worse.”

Kim knocked and walked in with a fresh Jax’s coffee and a chocolate doughnut which she placed on my desk.

“It’s gonna be May,” she sang.

“Okay, I do know,” I told Charlie.

* * *

“So, to confirm your maternity leave. I know that as a vampire you would be fit enough to come straight back to work, but you need some bonding time. Therefore, I think you should take at least a month off,” Charlie suggested.

“I’ll do my best, but I also have to spend that whole month with your father. Look how Kim’s come back earlier than she had to—albeit part-time—because Darius was getting on her nerves.”

“More like she wanted a break from looking after three babies, and who could blame her? It must be tiring.”

The door opened. “It’s extremely tiring. Also, I have to service my very virile husband all the time. Even if I do my hardest work here, it will still be a rest at the side of home.”

“Your hardest work. Oh my god, Kim, you are hysterical,” Max said from the side of her.

That was it. My eyes took on a red haze and I launched at the door.

“Get to work,” I hissed.

“Whoa, hormonal much?” Max said to Kim.

“I know, right? Charlie, stick that doughnut in her mouth. It’s why I bought it. She can’t shout if she’s eating.” With that, Max and Kim headed off in the direction of their working spaces.

Taking a seat back at my desk, I took one look at my daughter’s face and the shake of her head, and I picked up the chocolate doughnut.

“As you were,” I said, and I stuffed it in my mouth.

“I’ve spoken to Lucy and she’s going to work full-time to cover Sam’s maternity leave. That leaves the other half of Kim’s job share free. Grandma has said she’d love to come back for a short while and so that’s organised.”

My mum had helped cover Kim’s maternity leave before. I sucked on my top lip.

“She loved it, being here with you. Now she can work and spend time with me. Working here is a feel-good job, on the whole, Mum. We create love matches. Spending time with family too makes it even better.”

“As long as she’s sure. If she gets fed up, then just put an advert out for someone, okay?”

“I will. Right, what’s next?” she mumbled to herself while consulting her notepad. “Oh, Sita’s done great work with handling the memberships, so if it’s okay, can we give her a promotion and make her an office manager? That way, when the reception is quiet, she can work on keeping tabs on any late payments or unused memberships.”

“Absolutely. Rav also says thank you. Since we employed his mother, she’s not sticking her nose into his relationship business.”

“That’s because she’s plenty to keep her entertained here. I mean she works out there near Samara and Max. She hears all about their lives, alongside the undateables and clients Sam’s following up on.”

“Speaking of undateables. Any luck with Boone yet?” The Brownie was proving not to be to everyone’s taste and had become our longest-unmatched client to date.

“No. Kim’s seeing him today. We’re in agreement that he needs to be moved across to Heart to Heart now. I’m going to talk to Max and see what our next course of action with him is.”

“Good luck with that. It would make my day if Boone had found love before I went on maternity leave. There must be someone out there for him.”

“I’ll try my best, but no promises. It’s Boone, after all,” Charlie said.

“Sounds like everything is under control then,” I acknowledged. “I do feel better knowing I’m leaving the agency in your capable hands.”

Charlie beamed. “I’m really enjoying it, Mum. I feel so balanced. Daytime here, and then back to the sea in an evening and on a weekend. It’s working out perfectly. And on that note, I’m going to go chat to Max about Boone. See if we can think outside the box and get him a match.”

“Don’t say the word box to Max or he’ll start dry heaving again,” I quipped.

Laughing, Charlie stood up, gave me a kiss, and headed towards the doorway before pausing and turning back to me.

“Now, take a deep breath if there’s any more JT played today,” she said.

“Okay, I will. I’ll remind myself it’s just a bit of fun.”

“Exactly. Okay then, Mum, Bye, Bye, Bye.”

“Uggghhh,” I whined.

She laughed all the way down the corridor. Now she’d given me an earworm. I found myself hearing that bloody song in my head all the rest of the day.