Chapter 34 #2
“I promise you I will not leave that way again,” Louisa said, gently catching his hands in her own before he could withdraw them. “Whatever happens between me and Julian, you will always know where I am and why.”
Kit studied her for a long moment, his dark eyes searching her face for whatever proof he required. Louisa held perfectly still under his scrutiny, letting him take the time he needed.
“Do you promise properly? Not the grown-up kind of promise that means nothing.”
“The real kind. The kind I gave my word to keep and have never once broken.”
His shoulders finally relaxed, apparently satisfied. Then he threw his arms around her neck and pulled her into a fierce brief hug, before pulling away just as quickly.
Julian, watching from beside the carriage, met her eyes over the boy’s shoulder, and Louisa saw in his expression something that mirrored what she felt: relief and tenderness and an aching gratitude for a homecoming she had not expected to be granted three days ago.
Then, apparently embarrassed by his own display, he turned to inspect Eleanor, who was being carried out of the second carriage by her nursemaid, cooing at the sight of him.
“He missed you more than he will admit,” Julian remarked quietly.
“I gathered as much.”
“So did I, if I am being honest, though I suspect I made rather less dignified a show of it than he just did.” Something rueful touched his mouth. “I very nearly threw my arms around your neck the moment you appeared at the front door. I barely restrained myself.”
“How disappointing. I would have liked to see that.”
“Then I shall save the demonstration for a more private occasion, Duchess.”
Dinner that evening carried a warmth Louisa had nearly forgotten a house could hold, Kit signing his way through an animated account of Rosalind’s opinions on her newly repaired stall, Eleanor babbling happily in her chair between them, banging a small wooden spoon against her tray with evident satisfaction at the noise it produced.
“He says,” Louisa translated, laughing, “that Rosalind considers the new stall door entirely inferior to the old one, and has made her displeasure known by refusing to enter it for the better part of two days, and that Mason has taken to calling her ‘the Duchess’ behind her back, on account of her particular standards.”
“I am not certain whether to be flattered or insulted on Rosalind’s behalf.” Julian snorted.
“Flattered, I should think. She has excellent taste, by every account.”
“A remarkably peculiar horse.” Julian did a poor job of hiding his grin.
Kit’s hands moved again, quick and pointed, and Julian answered before Louisa could translate, his own signs slower but entirely correct.
“Oh my, she is not peculiar. Her taste is beyond reproach Julian said with a flourish.
Kit’s whole face broke into delighted surprise, and he signed back rapidly, too fast for Julian to follow, glancing toward Louisa for help.
“He says you are improving remarkably, and that Rosalind would likely approve of you now, provided you continue bringing her the good apples rather than the bruised ones from the bottom of the barrel, which Mason has been doing for years and ought to be ashamed of.”
“I shall make a note of it and speak to Mason soon. A horse’s dignity is not to be trifled with.”
Eleanor banged her spoon again and babbled, as though adding her own opinion to the matter, and the whole table dissolved into laughter, Kit’s shoulders shaking with silent mirth.
“She agrees with you, I think,” Louisa said, wiping her eyes.
“She agrees with everything, provided it is loud enough to accompany her spoon.”
“A woman of simple but firm convictions.”
“I’m beginning to suspect that she takes after you in that regard.”
Louisa caught Julian staring at her, the warmth and love in his expression making her breath catch, however many times she had seen him look at her exactly that way.
“Careful, Your Grace. I might start thinking that you are flirting with your wife at the supper table, in front of the children.”
“I have been flirting with my wife at the supper table for longer than either of us has properly acknowledged, Louisa. I merely used to disguise it as conversation about drainage.”
Kit’s hands moved again, curious now, and Louisa found herself flushing as she translated.
“He wants to know what we are discussing so quietly.”
“Tell him,” Julian said, “that his guardian is besotted with his wife, and that he ought to grow accustomed to the sight of it.”
Louisa signed it, and Kit rolled his eyes with theatrical disgust before returning his attention to his plate with a small, satisfied smile.
She found Julian in his study later that evening, the children long since settled for the night, the fire burning low in the grate.
“I thought I might find you here.”
“I was waiting for you, rather than merely sitting here by accident.” Julian rose from behind his desk and crossed to the small cabinet beside it, pulling open a drawer she had not noticed before.
“I have something I have been meaning to show you.”
He withdrew a single folded page, worn soft at its edges as though it had been unfolded and refolded a great many times. Then he handed it to her without a word.
Louisa unfolded it and found Kit’s drawing of the four of them together, herself with Eleanor cradled in her arms, Kit close at her side, and Julian beside them all, exactly as it had looked the morning she’d first found it propped against his inkstand.
“This is Kit’s drawing. You kept it.”
“I could not bring myself to put it away, not once I understood what it meant.” Julian’s voice had gone quiet, almost reverent.
“I looked at it a hundred times these past months, Louisa, and told myself it was merely a child’s sentiment, nothing more.
In truth, I think Kit saw the whole of it before either of us were brave enough to. ”
Louisa’s eyes stung, tracing the careful, deliberate lines of Kit’s charcoal, four figures standing close together, none of them apart from the others.
“He drew us as a family,” she said softly, “before we had properly agreed to be one.”
“He did.” Julian’s hand found hers, warm and certain. “I do not know that I have ever been more grateful for anyone’s stubbornness in my life.”
She laced her fingers through his, and they stood a long moment in comfortable silence, the drawing held between them, the fire crackling low.
“Do you remember what Kitsaid to me, the day I refused to explain it properly?”
“I do not believe you have ever told me what Kitsaid.”
“He asked exactly what I was trying to protect you from? And when I told him this was the arrangement you had asked for, he pointed at this very drawing and told me that Kit clearly saw something more.” His thumb absently stroked her knuckles.
“I told him to leave the matter alone. Now, I wish I had listened to him sooner than I did.”
“You listened eventually. That is what matters most, I think.”
“Eventually is rather a generous word for how long it took me.”
“I was not especially quick about it myself, Julian. We were both determined fools.”
“Determined fools who arrived at the truth in the end.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the gesture achingly familiar now.
“I hope,” he added, something almost shy entering his voice, entirely unfamiliar on a man she had never once known to hesitate about anything, “that one day he will need a bigger piece of paper.”
Louisa looked up at him. “Do you?”
“If that is what you want.” His eyes held hers steadily, searching, his whole heart plainly offered. “I find I want a great many things now that I once told myself I could not afford to want. A larger family is rather high among them, provided it is what you wish for as well.”
Louisa stepped closer, close enough that the drawing rustled gently between them, and reached up to press her palm against his jaw, feeling the warmth of him beneath her hand.
“It is what I want,” she murmured. “A house full of drawings too large for any single sheet of paper to properly hold. Kit teaching a new brother or sister to sign before they can even walk. Eleanor banging her spoon against a table more crowded than it was tonight.”
“That is a very ambitious vision, Duchess.”
“I have always been ambitious, Your Grace. You knew that the very first afternoon I proposed marriage to you.”
“I did know that. I have never once regretted it since.” He drew her against him, his forehead resting gently against hers. “I love you, Louisa. Entirely, and without a single reservation left standing between us.”
“I love you too.”
She kissed him, soft and certain, sealing the promise between them. The fire burned low and golden around them, and their small, hard-won family slept peacefully upstairs, exactly where they belonged, with room enough for whatever came next.