Chapter 13 #3
“I don’t feel well,” I murmured, just loud enough for Jasila to hear.
She glanced at me, then at Dalkhan, missing nothing. She gave a small nod.
I pushed my chair back and stood, the movement feeling impossibly loud in the silence.
I turned to leave but didn’t even make it three steps.
His power struck like a vice. Invisible hands gripped my limbs, freezing me in place.
I gasped, my body locking as his voice, sharp as ice, cut into my mind.
“Sit. Back. Down.”
The rage behind his every word lashed against my consciousness.
“I said,” his voice came again, lower and even more dangerous, “sit down.”
His power released me.
Shaken, I stumbled back to my seat.
Theo and Tavrik eyed me with open confusion. They hadn’t heard him. Hadn’t felt his will crushing down on me.
I kept my head bowed, every nerve aware of his unspoken fury pressing against me from across the room.
I was trapped. Made to endure the torment of his silent wrath. The food in front of me might as well have been poison.
Tears welled in my eyes, hot and unwelcome. I blinked rapidly, refusing to let them fall.
Hours passed in suffocating agony before at last, Dalkhan stood. The movement was sudden and violent. Every head in the room snapped to him.
He stormed from the hall. The air itself seemed to crackle with his rage.
Everyone rose as he left, but I didn’t move.
I couldn’t.
I sat there with my head low, shoulders hunched, shame curling around me like a noose.
The second he was gone, the pressure lifted just enough to let me breathe. I pressed my fingers against my temples, trying to ease the throbbing.
Jasila’s hand on my elbow jolted me from my daze.
“Come,” she said.
Wordlessly, she led us back to our rooms, her grip on my arm neither gentle nor harsh, simply present.
“Are you alright?” Theo asked as we walked. “What happened back there?”
I ignored him. I ignored them all. My focus narrowed to the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other.
When we reached my chamber, I slipped inside, shutting them all out.
I slid down against the door until I hit the floor, knees drawn to my chest and arms wrapped tightly around them.
Finally, finally, I let the tears come.
I jolted upright. The room spun, shadows warping and stretching against the wall. My heart pounded, each beat a thunderclap inside my head, drowning out everything else.
The sheets tangled around my legs like serpents. I kicked wildly, thrashing against their grip as sweat poured down my spine. My feet hit the floor hard enough to send shockwaves up my calves, but I was already moving, tripping blindly through the darkness.
I lurched forward, my knees hitting the ground in front of the basin with a painful crack. I gripped the edge, just as I retched.
Nothing came up but acid, searing my throat raw. I folded in half, ribs crushing against my spine as wave after wave of dry heaves tore through me. Each spasm like razors raking up from my gut, shredding everything in their path.
My hair was plastered across my face in damp ropes. I swiped the strands away from my mouth with shaking hands just as another wave of nausea hit me. The retching echoed off the chamber walls, bouncing back to mock me.
“Stop,” I rasped. My free hand pressed against my stomach, trying to hold my insides together. “Please… stop.”
But my body wasn’t listening. Fire crawled up my throat, leaving nothing but charred emptiness behind.
A sound ripped from my chest—part sob, part scream. I collapsed sideways, curling into myself, both arms locked around my middle. The stone floor leached heat from my fevered skin, but the relief didn’t even touch the inferno still raging beneath my flesh.
It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my fingernails into my scalp until the skin gave way. The sharp pain cut through the nausea for one blessed second before Dalkhan’s face materialised behind my eyelids, grinning.
I sank teeth into my lower lip, splitting it open. The copper taste of blood flooded my mouth as I forced myself up on quivering arms.
“I need to get out of here,” I sobbed, pushing sweat-soaked hair from my face.
I dragged my aching body toward the tub, stripping away the drenched fabric of my slip as I climbed into the water.
I sank into its depths, a shudder radiating outward from my bones.
Every muscle slowly unknotted as the steam rose around me in ghostly spirals, carrying away the stench of fear, sweat and bile.
I slipped under completely. Water pressed into my ears with gentle insistence, transforming the chaos in my head into distant murmurs. My hair floated around my face, and for these few stolen moments, there was only the steady rhythm of my heart—no longer hammering, just beating.
When I surfaced, I reached blindly for the soap and cloth, moving on instinct.
The rough fabric scraped against my skin as I worked it into a lather, intensively scrubbing.
Red bloomed across my arms and chest, but I didn’t stop.
I couldn’t stop until every trace of him was scoured away. Until the water ran clear.
Until I was new again.
Mira called my name from the other room, knocking sharply on the door.
“Coming!” I called back.
I knew what that meant.
The day was beginning.
Tavrik and Theo practically trampled each other racing back to the fighting pits, their shoulders colliding as they disappeared around the corner in a tangle of limbs and curses. Mira and I exchanged a look—half-amusement, half-relief—before choosing to visit the library instead.
The morning hung heavy between us. I’d kept my mouth shut while she dressed me, trapping every bitter word behind my lips. She stole glances at my face in the mirror, each look deepening lines of worry across her brow.
Yet, she never pressed. Never demanded explanations I couldn’t give.
The guilt of my silence sat heavy in my chest. She deserved better than my locked-away pain. None of this was her fault.
As we began our walk toward the library, I pushed away the festering dread and linked her arm with mine.
“I’m sorry, Mira,” I said, squeezing her tightly. “I just didn’t feel too good this morning.”
Her face transformed, worry melting into something softer.
“Don’t apologise, Elira. I understand.” Her hand covered mine, squeezing back. “But you know I’m here for you. You can tell me anything.”
My heart sunk. I couldn’t.
Not this.
I forced my lips into what I hoped passed for a smile and bumped my forehead against her temple, breathing in the familiar scent of jasmine in her hair.
“So,” I said, pulling back, “are there any other places within the palace I haven’t seen yet?”
Mira’s eyes lit up. “Oh, there’s so much more to explore.” She bit down on her lip, a grin threatening to split her face. “One place in particular—”
She giggled high and bright, then slapped her free hand over her mouth like she could stuff it back in.
I grabbed her arm, shaking it with mock desperation. “Tell me! Where?”
She bounced on her toes. “The bathing house.”
“That’s it? Mira, that’s possibly the most boring—”
“It’s not boring!” she shrieked, then glanced around to make sure no one heard her.
We emerged onto the walkway, the warm sunlight painting everything golden. The breeze caught our hair, sending my dark waves dancing with her pale strands.
I dragged her to the railing, our backs to the sprawling palace grounds. “Explain. Now. With details.”
“It’s absolutely breathtaking. This enormous sunken pool—no, that’s not right. It’s like…” she threw her arms out wide, nearly smacking a passerby, “like a small lake! Inside! With marble steps and—”
“How big exactly are we talking?” I interrupted, enjoying the way she flailed, trying to capture something beyond words.
“Huge!” She paused, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “Well, that’s not the best part.”
“I’m listening.”
“The water is perfect. Not too hot, not too cold, with these oils that make your skin feel like silk and scents that make you forget your own name.” She gestured wildly again, painting pictures in the air. “But the real attraction…”
She trailed off, eyebrows waggling. “The people.”
“What about the people?” I asked, unable to contain my own amusement.
“It’s not private, and um, well…” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Clothing is optional. Actually, it’s more than optional. It’s actively discouraged.”
A laugh exploded out of me, so loud it scattered a flock of birds. Several people turned to stare, their expressions ranging from curious to confused.
“You’re telling me…” I panted between fits of laughter, “there’s a giant, naked person soup just sitting in this palace and nobody thought to mention it?”
“Naked person soup!” Mira wheezed, slapping my arm. “That’s exactly what it is!”
“Theo is going to kill you when he finds out you’ve been hiding this from him.”
She sighed dramatically. “I know.”
“Well, I know where I want to go next time.” I winked, feeling lighter than I had all morning.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” She chuckled, threading our arms together again and pulling us back into step. Moving as one, we continued to the library.
Mira was still in a fit of giggles as we pushed through the heavy library doors.
Belshin appeared from behind a stack, arms loaded with books that looked ready to topple. His whole face lit up.
“Mira,” he said with a little bow. Somehow his books didn’t go flying. “Elira.” Another bow. “I didn’t expect to see you both so soon.”
“You know me, Belshin.” Mira tucked her hair behind her ear, still grinning. “I can’t resist a good romance book.”
“And you, Elira?” His smile turned teasing. “Here for some of Mira’s favourites?”
“Not today, though I might have to.” I gave Mira a look.
She shook her head and scrunched her nose.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”
Surprise flashed across his features.
“If that’s okay with you, of course.”
He beamed. “Absolutely. Mira would you—”