Chapter 14
fourteen
. . .
I'm up before dawn, inwardly groaning from the pounding in my head. Outside, the sky is still a deep shade of indigo. I quietly change into my running gear, handle my business in the bathroom, and slip out the door, taking painstaking measures not to wake Aolyn.
Aolyn, Ciara, and I had spent hours last night talking about boys and crushes, the latest drama circulating between dorms, and my complex and all-consuming Bond with Anders.
Much to their delight, I recounted the basics of what happened in the gym.
They both pestered me, insisting that Anders and I needed to sort out our differences—preferably in the bedroom.
Just as Aolyn was about to dig deeper into my "experience" in that area, Ciara swooped in, changing the topic to my Bond with Kellan.
As I step outside into the crisp morning air, I feel.
..alive, as if every cell in my body is awake and charged with energy.
I need a solid run to kickstart my day. Last night, my dreams were a relentless blend of Anders pinning me down, followed closely by visions of Kellan holding me, and then Jensn leaning in like he was about to kiss me.
Each dreamscape was a torturous hell I couldn't wake from.
The air hums around me as I stretch and warm up my muscles. I bend low, laying my cheek against my knee, the tight pull in my hamstring reminding me I need to stretch more. Last night, I skipped it, opting for a long, cold shower.
I groan when I feel the distinct shift in the atmosphere. It's different from the familiar energy of Baedyn. I turn and see Anders stalking toward me, his gaze fixed on me, clad in nothing but athletic shorts and running shoes. My pulse quickens as I stand straight, rolling out my ankles.
“Why?” I whine. “I just want to be alone.”
I don’t mention that I also need to process everything that happened between us last night. He walked away. I begged him to stay, and he just walked away and left me on the damn floor. I’m not sure if it’s embarrassment or hurt that upsets me more.
He shrugs, coming to stand beside me. “I need a run. And I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. It won't happen again.”
His words cut deeper than they should. Tears prick the back of my eyes as a fresh wave of hurt crashes into me, leaving me utterly confused.
I should be happy we didn’t kiss. I keep telling myself that I don’t want this, and I certainly don’t want him.
I swallow my feelings and shove them into another mental box, a skill that’s becoming far too easy lately.
“You look at me as if you're deciding whether to kiss me or kill me.”
I roll my eyes and mutter, “The thought has crossed my mind.”
Then, to myself, I add, “Both of them.”
I swear he hears me by the way his eyes light up. Needing some distance to gather myself, I say over my shoulder, “Don’t keep up,” as I race down the steps of Taeolyn.
The courtyard is empty this early in the morning; the only sound is the crunch of gravel beneath my shoes.
I push myself into a punishing pace, desperately trying and failing to outpace Anders.
In all the years I have attended this academy, I have never once seen him run, yet here he is, annoyingly keeping up with me, stride for stride.
At least he’s quiet. It seems we both get lost in our own thoughts, with only the rhythm of our breathing breaking the stillness.
I navigate through the trails that I know as well as my own heartbeat, having spent eleven years familiarizing myself with every twist and turn.
The silence between us gives me time to process the events from last night.
As I replay each moment with astonishing clarity, my confusing emotions only grow.
The way his intense gaze seared every inch of me, the unspoken tension building between us, and the way our mouths hovered just within reach.
He wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
If those students hadn’t interrupted, we would have kissed.
So why did he treat me like that? It doesn't make any sense. The more I think about whatever emotion he’s hiding, whatever keeps him locked away behind a mask of indifference, the more it fuels my desire to draw it out of him.
It might be hypocritical of me, but it’s maddening.
I know I’m doing the same thing; hiding my feelings and pretending to hate him when I’m just annoyed at him…
at myself, but I’ll admit there’s something between us, something far beyond a typical Bond.
Whatever it is, it’s intense and all-consuming.
Something that keeps drawing us together, no matter how hard we push away.
One of these days, neither of us will be able to ignore it anymore. The constant back and forth, the facades of hatred and annoyance, and the boundaries we’ve built between us will all come crashing down. And I think that day is coming sooner than either of us is prepared for.
The cool breeze kisses my skin as I work myself into a sweat, my sports bra doing little to soak up the sweat beading up and sliding down my spine. Still, I push myself harder, faster, willing each of my pounding steps to drive away the unrelenting, tiresome thoughts.
We run past all the other dorms on our left, and just beyond the wards, I know there’s a trail that leads around the backside of the lake. I don’t bother alerting Anders to my plan to leave the protection of the school grounds. He can follow me or not.
I feel the wards cling to me as I run through, as if checking my identity, before releasing me. I shudder, shaking off the sticky feeling as I keep going, continuing along the hidden trail.
Our footsteps feel louder out here as I find the rocky footpath to the lake, slowing down only so I don’t roll my ankle on the uneven ground. I miss running at home. The forest floors on Kyrr are spongy from constant rainfall. Here, the ground is packed and dry, and my joints rebel against me.
It’s a good thing Aolyn and I have separate bathing chambers, because the amount of time I spend soaking my muscles at night would never give her time to shower.
The path veers right, shrinking to the width of my shoulders. Large boulders line each side, winding up a hillside to overlook the lake below. I don’t bother looking back—not here. It’s too risky.
I reduce my pace to a slow jog. I can feel the heat of Anders behind me, but he remains silent nonetheless. I shouldn’t be scared out here, but running in the gray light of dawn isn’t the safest idea either.
Baedyn not only has Aticats, but several other creatures that could find me high on the food chain, especially with my height.
White lions with wings and beaks were also said to roam here once upon a time, although I don't believe in folklore.
Nevertheless, most stories contain some element of truth.
Ahead of me, a shadow of a creature on all fours sulks off the path, its form momentarily coalescing before turning to fix a large pair of yellow eyes on me.
My heart hammers as fear grips me, and I let out a piercing scream that echoes off the boulders.
In a split second, my feet lose their grip, sliding helplessly on the gravel as I flail backward.
Just as I brace for impact, a slick, solid stomach breaks my fall.
Holy shit.
Anders chuckles softly above me. “Scared of foxes?” he teases, his eyes sparkling as he looks down at me, my body braced awkwardly against him.
A fox? My mind struggles to reconcile the creature I thought I saw with a measly fox.
As Anders helps me regain my footing, his hands glide over my bare skin, trailing a current of warmth and emotions that sends a jolt through me. I take a moment to steady my breath, glancing back along the path, searching for the animal.
I swear it wasn’t a fox. I shake my head, blaming my lack of sleep.
Surely, I would recognize a fox. I often see them in the forest near my home. I draw in another shaky breath as my disbelief claws at me. It couldn’t have been.
“Want me to check?” he offers, placing a hand on my shoulder. My shoulder instinctively rises, shaking him off as I nod. Our bodies brush against each other as we switch places on the path. I extend my hands, awkwardly attempting to flatten my body as we pivot.
Once we’re both back on the path, Anders faces me with an annoying smirk playing on his lips. He tsks. “Who knew she was scared of foxes?” he muses. “I thought it was just—”
Before he can finish, he stumbles backward. In a reflexive attempt to catch him, I reach out only to find myself pulled down atop him. We both emit a grunting noise as Anders falls, and I land squarely onto his solid frame.
“Oh my gods.” I press my palms into his very bare, well-defined chest. “Are you okay?” My voice comes out strained with concern as I search him for signs of injury.
“There’s a...boulder...there,” he groans between gritted teeth. His strong hands wrap around my hips, his fingers pressing into my lower back, holding me in place. “Are you okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean to pull you down.”
I nod, feeling a rush of embarrassment as I attempt to shift my knee to ease myself off him.
Instead, I accidentally nail him squarely between the legs.
He curses softly, his grip only tightening on my hips as a pained expression deepens his features.
My hand slips on his slick, warm chest, bringing us flush once more.
The closeness sets my heart racing for all the wrong reasons.
“Shit. Sorry.” My cheeks flush in embarrassment as I fumble for the right words.
“That was totally an accident.” He has his eyes tightly shut, one hand draped over his mouth as he groans, yet somehow, he maintains a steady grip on me.
“Sorry,” I whisper, hoping to reassure him amidst the awkwardness.
“Just give me—” he groans. “A minute.”