Chapter 32 #3
My heart does a little flip as butterflies take flight. I clear my throat. Pulling my hand away from his feels like a frigid gust of air cutting through the warmth, leaving me immediately clearer-headed but unbalanced.
“I have some questions for you,” I say, aware that time is running out: twenty-two seconds left. “Tonight. After dinner. Can we meet down by the river at our spot?” The words tumble out, and I almost blush at the idea that we would have a spot.
“See you there.” He stands while taking my hand. The air fills with iridescent waves, buzzing with unspoken words and possibilities. Every cell of my being hums with anticipation.
Then, as if the world around us slows, he leans down, turning my hand over, and presses a soft kiss onto my palm.
The touch reverberates through me, all the way to my soul.
My jaw drops to the desk, and I can’t help but notice the hushed gasps from those around us.
When the shock fades, laughter bubbles up inside of me—nervous, giddy, and undeniably excited.
Is this how it feels to have someone pining for you?
I feel multiple pairs of eyes on us as he turns, casually sliding his hands into his pockets while that infuriating yet enchanting air of confidence surrounds him as he saunters away, leaving me breathless and filled with a longing to chase after him and finally discover what it would feel like to have him claim me like promised.
Later.
Later, I will find out.
Three additional men sit across from me, their presence hardly worth noting, but they’re all sweet nonetheless.
They’re all from my kingdom, so I thank them for their time, knowing that I’ll be their queen one day.
By the time I reach the final spot on my list, I’ve gathered a respectable number of candidates.
Kellan claims the last seat, and a contented sigh escapes me as I sense our Bond coalesce in the air.
He greets me with that same warm smile he’s worn every day for the past fifteen years, a smile that instantly soothes me.
I know it’s selfish, this desire to keep him close while still knowing it’s Anders I’ll be Bonding with, if the prophecy is true. But I’m not ready to let Kellan go. Not yet. The idea of him Bonding with anyone else makes my stomach turn.
“Saving the best for last?” I let a teasing smile dance on my lips, both a challenge and an invitation.
“Raea, you don’t have to choose Ryker just because of some prophecy.” Okay, I guess that’s how we’re doing this. It’s the same conversation we had the other night in my room. My brow furrows at his bluntness, irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
“Kellan, you know it’s not up to me. When the time comes, I don’t actually get to pick, do I?
” I lean back and cross my arms over my chest defensively, annoyed by this conversation and the whole scenario.
I hate feeling like I’m toying with his emotions, but he has to understand there was always a possibility we wouldn’t Bond even without the prophecy.
Kellan looks exhausted, like he, too, has felt the invisible weight of the Bond this year.
His freckled face looks a little flushed, and the longer strands of brown hair seems as though he’s been tugging at them repeatedly.
His hazel eyes, usually bright, look dimmer today, but there’s a desperate plea written across his features.
“RaeRae.” He leans closer. “You know how I feel about you. I don’t want to Bond with anyone else. You’re my best friend. Screw the prophecy. Just tell me I can make you happy.” His words wrap around me, squeezing my heart, and I reach across the table, taking his hand in mine.
With Kellan, everything feels softer and warmer, like a cozy blanket on a chilly evening or a gentle hug when the world feels overwhelming.
Things feel so right with him, I don’t know how I can feel so strongly for two different men.
Lifting my gaze to meet his, I see a world of unguarded emotions reflected back at me—hope, love, and a hint of despair.
“Kellan, I love you. You have to know that,” I confess, my words spilling out in a rush. “We still have a year left. Things can change. I’m not making any decisions, okay? Not until The Ceremony.”
He nods, but it’s clear it’s only to pacify me.
The weight of this brokenness between us weighs on my chest, crushing me.
In a simpler life, one where Kellan and I weren’t tied to a crown, I would be perfectly content to settle down with him in a little cabin on the edge of the woods and raise a few children as we grew old together.
A sob almost escapes me at the thought. The idea of Kellan not being in my life just doesn’t make sense, but if Anders and I Bond, where does that leave him?
“I love you too, RaeRae,” he whispers, his voice deep with emotion. A heavy sigh escapes his lips as resolve washes over his face.
“And that’s time. Please hit submit on your lists before heading out. Class is dismissed,” Professor Becca announces.
As the crowd disperses out of the hall, filtering back into the dorms and dining hall, Kellan keeps hold of my hand, ignoring the glances from those who notice.
Before we step through the door, I pause and bury my face into his chest. I’m not sure what to say, but in a way, I know I’m letting go of years’ worth of hopes and dreams that he’d be mine.
“No matter what happens, you’ll always be my best friend,” I whisper, my voice barely above a murmur, before pulling away to wipe away an unexpected tear.
Nothing has changed, but I can feel it coming.
There might be burning heat and ice between Anders and me that are undeniable, exhilarating even, but Kellan holds my heart in a way that Anders never could.
Kellan leans down, pressing a tender kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone to gather my emotions.
I can’t be sure, but it feels like its own kind of promise. He won’t let me go without a fight.
Kellan and I walk in silence, the heavy doors of the Academy Hall echoing shut behind us. My footsteps fall softly against the marble, but I can feel the weight in every step—not from exhaustion, but from the way he looked at me. The way I looked back.
Kellan walks just behind, close enough that I can hear the controlled rhythm of his breath, but not close enough to touch.
He hasn’t said a word since, and he doesn’t need to.
We reach the archway leading out into the moonlit path when I finally speak.
“You didn’t have to say what you did…in there. ”
He doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he stops walking. I turn, and he’s standing in the silvery light, jaw tight, eyes shadowed and unreadable.
“I didn’t say everything,” he mutters, voice barely above a whisper.
My breath catches. “What does that mean?”
He takes a step closer, not enough to close the distance, but enough that I feel the pull of it. His gaze finds mine, and it’s raw—vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen from him.
“It means I can feel you slipping through my fingers, Raea, and I don’t know how to stop it.
It means I’ve been watching you fall for someone else, and it’s killing me.
” His voice breaks slightly, but he doesn’t look away.
“It means I don’t want to be just your best friend anymore.
You think I don’t care, but gods, Raea…I’ve cared every moment you looked past me.
I just didn’t know how to say it…until now. ”
Silence falls between us like a blade.
He doesn’t wait for my answer. He gives a small, pained shake of his head and walks past me into the night.