Chapter 23 Lessia
Lessia
Lessia’s knuckles were as white as the faces around the somber dinner table tonight as she leaned over the balcony, staring at the darkness seeping between the dark bushes and trees beneath her.
They’d all forced food into their mouths—Lessia couldn’t even remember what they’d actually eaten—and while there had been sorrow in the silence, Kerym’s smiles between bites and Soria’s and Pellie’s still awe-filled faces as they whispered to each other about what had just happened had been a nice distraction.
Merrick had acted strangely—had been entirely quiet during dinner and then disappeared as soon as he knew she was safe in their room—but she wasn’t surprised. She knew his mind by now and was quite certain that his thoughts were consumed with ways to keep her alive.
An angry rush of air hissed through her clenched teeth.
How she wished he didn’t have to. She was so tired of the twists and turns.
Of the power and powerlessness. Of fate and prophecies and having no choice.
It was as if she had several ropes tied to her limbs, and they were pulling her in different directions.
One urgently toward the north, to help her friends fight a war they’d likely lose.
One toward an unknown place, to find the one who could keep her alive.
One toward Merrick, to go away with him and never look back, figuring out life as they went.
One toward Vastala, the land that had never been hers but that she’d freed all the same.
It felt as if the tethers would rip her apart, tear her limb from limb until the only thing left was what fate and the gods and everyone who’d forced her onto this path wanted in the end.
A broken Queen of Nothing.
Her shoulder shook from holding back the rage building within her. The only thing she’d wanted in life was choice. And yet… once again, she stood before an impossible one.
How could she choose herself over her friends? Over a nation? Over people she’d promised to do better for?
The darkness of the night pressed around her, the familiar feeling thickening her throat, causing sounds to ring in her ears that she knew still existed beneath this castle. But Lessia welcomed it. Let the pain remind her of who she now was. Of what she’d overcome. Of what she’d yet to face.
Death. It was where it would all lead in the end. And somehow… it wasn’t so terrifying anymore. With those invisible souls around her…
There was comfort in knowing she wouldn’t be alone. Even if it had nearly killed her already, knowing Merrick, the great Death Whisperer—the warrior who had walked this realm before she’d even been a thought in her parents’ minds—would go with her.
As if she’d conjured him, his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her together once more. But where he must feel turmoil from her—fear and rage and love and everything in between—there was nothing of that in her mate.
There was only…
Lessia spun around, finding his eyes sparkling with so much silver she couldn’t help but smile at him.
“I love you too,” she said softly when he only continued to drink her in, his eyes flying over her as if it were the first time he’d seen her.
“Good.” Merrick gave her a knowing grin. “That’ll make this a lot easier.”
Lessia frowned at him. “Make what easier?”
He reached within his black jacket, and as he pulled out several letters, Merrick steered her toward the big bed, setting himself down onto it before he jerked his head for her to join him.
There was still a wrinkle between her brows as she sat down beside him and accepted the papers he offered her.
“What are these?” Lessia asked as she realized the first had Loche’s handwriting, the second her sister’s, the third Kalia’s, and the fourth, one she didn’t recognize.
“Time.” Merrick nodded for her to read, his eyes glistening in the many candles he’d lit around the room. “They’re time.”
She narrowed her eyes when his hand moved to the word she’d once carved above his heart, something like understanding mixed with fear and sorrow and devastating guilt coiling within her.
“Just read,” Merrick said. “Read, and then you can argue.”
Lessia’s hands shook as she lifted the first letter—the one from Loche.
Lessia,
As I write this, I think about our time in that horrid cabin.
You were so strong already then. Standing up to men trying to tear you down, facing your fears head-on, and yet… it was your kindness, your loyalty, and the way you see—truly see—people that drew me to you.
Never lose those qualities.
Promise me that.
But, my friend, my dear Lessia.
It’s time to turn some of that kindness inward, give that loyalty to the one who loves you most, and see yourself for all that you’ve done.
Iviry, as regent of Vastala, and I, Loche, as regent of Ellow, hereby formally absolve you of all duties as related to Havlands and any war that might come upon us.
We do not expect you to return, and the only thing we ask is that you fight for your life.
Find the person or thing that will keep you alive.
Find love and time and freedom and peace.
And most of all, find that light that will keep darkness at bay.
Your friend always,
Loche Lejonskold
The tremors in her hands moved into her arms, and she glanced up at Merrick, who appeared as impacted as she did.
“Read,” he growled, although the hands running up and down her back contrasted with his harsh tone.
The lump in her throat only allowed her to nod, so she picked up Kalia’s letter next, the suspicion that had begun to take root within her making her unsure whether she could handle reading the letter from Frelina.
Lessia,
How far we’ve come from those streets in Vastala. I remember watching you from the dark alleys, trying to understand why you shied away from everyone, why you hid from the entire world.
Now I know. I know the guilt you carried.
I felt it when I wasn’t able to save you that day when Rioner’s soldiers came.
I felt it when I watched you continue to struggle in Ellow and didn’t know how to help you.
I feel it now as I write this, but you know I am no good at goodbyes, so I am hoping you’ll forgive me.
Cedar and I have left to gather the half-Fae in Vastala—and to let everyone know how the world will work under Iviry’s rule—and I am hoping you won’t be at the castle when we return.
Merrick spoke to me before we left the ships—he is not just terrifying overall, but terrifyingly clever as well—and I talked to the children, so what I write next comes from all of us.
Please let go of your guilt. You took care of us when no one else would. You cared for us better than our parents ever would—and in some way, we all consider you a mother or sister. You’re our family, Lessia, and as such, we want you alive.
Go and find out how to remain that way.
And in the meantime… we’ll be wreaking all kinds of havoc.
Love,
Your family
A whimper fought to be freed from her throat, and she whispered, “M-Merrick?” as she forced her watery eyes to his.
“Just read,” he said again, his own voice shaking as he took the letter from her, leaving her with the two final ones. “Please,” he added in a whisper when a heavy tear fell down her cheek.
“I—” Her words cut off when Merrick lifted his hand and placed it on her chin with such tenderness that her throat closed with how much she loved this male before her.
His eyes still sparkled, and she could tell…
if she chose not to continue reading… he wouldn’t fault her. He’d… he’d do whatever she wanted.
That’s precisely what these letters were.
They weren’t just time.
They were an offer of choice—an informed one.
Lessia closed her eyes and leaned into his touch before whispering “Okay.”
Her vision was still blurry when she opened her eyes again, but she blinked away the tears as she picked up Frelina’s letter while Merrick’s hand landed on her knee, and tried to ignore the spots where the ink had seeped out after getting wet.
Elessia.
My dearest sister. My family.
First of all, I am so sorry for the time I slapped you. It was immature and I have regretted it every day since (although I won’t lie, it did feel great at the time).
We might not have had all the time together that I had hoped we would, but what we’ve had—albeit in war and fighting and sorrow—I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I feel so lucky to have seen who you’ve become: a brave, strong, loving person whom I will always look up to.
And that’s why I beg of you—go with Merrick.
Figure out how to live and love and be happy.
I know you’re probably thinking about the rest of us back here—that you need to sacrifice yourself for us—but please realize that you already died for us, Elessia.
I think it’s enough now.
I think it’s time to be a little selfish.
I think it’s time to enjoy the Death Whisperer (ugh, now I remember that horrible vision, but I am trying to be happy for you instead of grossed out!).
I love you. So much. And we’ll see each other again—of that I have no doubt.
Go!
Frelina
Tears dripped onto the paper, making entire words disappear, and Lessia quickly put it to the side, bringing the final letter—a much shorter one—to her face.
Better to just get this over with.
Lessia,
I have never seen Merrick like this, and I don’t particularly care for it, so please just go with him and put the male out of his misery.
I will take care of your sister. I know I’ve been an absolute bastard, but I intend to marry her and spend whatever life I have left making her smile (and possibly have her stomp on my feet once in a while).
Seriously, though, go with Merrick, and just know that I will do everything in my power to keep Frelina safe.
Your future brother-in-law,
Raine
A snort burst through the tears, and Lessia looked up at Merrick. “D-did you know about this?”
Pulling her so she sat sideways in his lap, Merrick nodded. “I am not sure your sister will have him, but it’ll do him good to fight for something other than a buzz.”
Lessia’s eyes flew across his hard face, the tears she’d tried to fight slowly working their way down her cheeks as she took in every feature, every sharp angle of the male she loved.
“When did you do this?” she whispered as he eyed her right back, his hands clenching where they lay on her thighs.
“Before we left,” Merrick responded. “I… I had a feeling and I… I needed to do this, Lessia. I needed you to see that we all want you to stay alive. No one wants you to die for them—not your friends, not your family, not Havlands.” His voice grew hoarse.
“I beg you to go with me to try to find this other person. I’ve traveled to other realms before, so I know where we can start, and Kerym promised to take over my duties here—he’ll stay and make sure the orders I gave are seen through. Then he’ll return to the others and…”
Merrick stopped himself, but Lessia knew what he’d been about to say.
Kerym would return to the others and fight—and they’d most likely lose.
And even if Lessia and Merrick were successful, they’d likely not make it back in time.
She had never visited any other realms, but she knew they were far away.
“Please, Lessia.” Merrick leaned his forehead against hers. “Listen to them. Listen to me. It just about killed us all when you and Ydren rode off outside Ellow. I… we can’t go through that again.”
She let his eyes hold hers as she wound her arms around his neck, and she savored the silver swirls, savored this male who would do anything for her. Her decision came easier when she felt the acceptance within the Death Whisperer—how he wouldn’t ask again, how he’d leave it up to her.
“All right,” she said softly, and the hope that flickered in his eyes slammed into her heart.
“You’ll go?” Merrick’s eyes bounced between hers. “You’ll come with me?”
She nodded, unable to say anything else, because if she did, she might just take it all back for how much it hurt to make that movement.
Merrick bowed his head as well before his lips captured hers. Not with the urgency she’d expected, but with patience, with love, with everything in him that hummed in happiness right now.