Chapter 21 Lena #2
Maia folded her arms over her chest, lips tightening into a stubborn line as she demanded, “I want to stay.”
Lena tensed, her body ready to leap to Maia’s defense should the priest punish her for her insolence.
But Brother Dunstan simply offered Maia a gentle smile.
“Whilst your dedication to Lady Lenora is admirable, I’m afraid I must insist. The more sets of threads in the room during her practice, the harder it will be for Her Worship to concentrate.
” When Maia still didn’t look convinced, the priest said, “Why don’t you wait outside, and I shall call for you when we are done? ”
“It’s alright, Maia,” Lena said. “I’ll be fine.”
Finally, Maia relented. Iska led her out of the chambers, leaving Lena alone for the first time with the High Priests of Naebya’s Church.
On the surface, Brother Dunstan didn’t look like much of a threat.
He had to have lived at least fifty winters, and his body was frail enough that a strong wind might blow him over.
But there was a wisdom in his gaze that unnerved her.
Fooling Dimas was one thing. Fooling a High Priest was another entirely.
But if Brother Dunstan had any inkling of her true intentions, he showed no sign as he sat beside her and said, “Close your eyes.”
Everything inside of her fought against the command.
In the Wilds, using every sense to its fullest ability was how you survived.
To close your eyes when faced with a threat was a sure way to get yourself killed.
But if it meant getting the priest to believe she was on their side, then Lena had no choice but to obey.
Slowly, her fingers itching to reach for a blade that wasn’t there, Lena closed her eyes. In the darkness, she was overly aware of the rustle of Brother Dunstan’s robes. Of the steady sound of his breathing.
“I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose. Do not release it until I tell you to.”
Skepticism knit her brows, but Lena did what he asked. The musky remains of incense tickled her nose as she drew in her breath. The gesture wasn’t dissimilar to how her mother had taught her to fire a bow, and the unexpected reminder caused the Fateweaver’s power to spark in response.
Just as her lungs started to burn, Brother Dunstan said, “Good. Now release. You felt it, didn’t you? Naebya’s gift? It calls to you.”
Lena opened her eyes. The priest’s threads hovered in the air around him, encasing him in an intricate silver web.
“Yes,” she said.
There wasn’t any point in hiding it, but admitting it out loud still left a sour taste in Lena’s mouth.
“And yet you are still resisting. You’re going to do the same thing again, but this time, when you feel that flicker of magic, I want you to embrace it.”
Lena shut her eyes once more, her heart fluttering in her chest. On Brother Dunstan’s command, she drew in a breath, holding it in her lungs just as she had before.
Seconds passed before she felt the rumble of the Fateweaver’s power, a steady, ice-cold sensation in her chest. It was stronger than it had been in the tunnels, and her pulse quickened in response, her body bracing for pain before her mind could tell it not to.
“Focus on the beating of your heart. Relax your mind. When the urge to fight against your power rises, I want you to breathe out. Release your fear with your breath and tell yourself: I am in control.”
The ice-cold feeling in her chest began to spread outward, and Lena’s palms became slick with sweat.
Her heart was thumping so hard in her chest she thought it might burst. She should run away from the sensation, run from it like she had from her bōda’s abilities and her complicated feelings for Finaen.
But as Venysa had warned her before, these powers were not something Lena could ever outrun.
So instead of fighting her magic, Lena did the one thing she’d always been terrified to do.
She surrendered.
It was like releasing an arrow. Something within her snapped as she let go of her fear, and like a bowstring going slack, the icy feeling in her chest receded. Almost as if, just like the korupted in Forvyrg, it was waiting for something.
As if it was waiting for her.
When Lena opened her eyes, Brother Dunstan was smiling. “How do you feel?”
The priest’s threads were fainter, their power over her easier to ignore. Lena couldn’t help the smile tugging at her lips. “Everything feels … clearer.”
It was the only way she could think to describe it. For the first time in almost a fortnight, the pain in her head was bearable, and the hum of power that usually accompanied a person’s threads had gone from unavoidable to barely noticeable.
Her relief barely lasted a few seconds before Brother Dunstan’s threads began to flicker and the magic inside of her rose in response. In less than a heartbeat, Lena’s control broke, and pain surged in her head with a nauseating throb.
She should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy.
With a knowing dip of his head, Brother Dunstan commanded, “Again.”
She practiced for the next hour, holding her breath until she thought she might faint, letting the icy sensation of the Fateweaver’s magic spread a little farther each time.
She had lost count of how many breaths she’d taken.
Of how many times she’d gained a modicum of control just to lose it again.
Her dress was soaked through with sweat by the time Brother Dunstan finally ordered her to stop and called Iska and Maia back inside.
“This has been a promising start,” he said as Iska handed Lena a cup of water.
“The more you practice, the longer your control will last. When you can maintain control for longer than a few seconds, we will move on to more … advanced work. For tonight, you shall rest. Now, if you will excuse me, I must retire to the church. Lady Maia, shall I escort you to your dormitory, or do you wish to stay a little longer?”
Maia wrapped her arms around herself, looking suddenly small in the shadows. “I’d … like to stay, please.”
“Very well. Just ask one of the guards posted outside when you wish to return.” The priest gave Maia a small, kind smile before leaving the room.
Iska bowed her head and followed after the priest without looking back. The door to the Fateweaver’s chambers clicked shut a moment later, leaving Lena and Maia alone for the first time since they’d arrived at the palace.
Lena suddenly felt uncomfortable. It was easy to hide her true motivations from Maia when there were other people around, but now that it was just the two of them, the urge to tell her everything was almost impossible to ignore.
Instead, she got to her feet, her muscles aching with the effort. “How are you feeling? Dimas said the healer gave you some herbs?”
“Yes, I’m to take them twice a day. It’s a little soon to tell if they’ll work, but I do feel a little brighter.”
“Good, that’s …” Lena paused. Took a deep breath as the words she’d been wanting to say since Dimas had used Maia against her spilled from her mouth. “I’m so sorry I got you involved in all of this, little wolf.”
Maia closed the space between them, took Lena’s hands into her own. “No. You don’t apologize. If anyone is to blame, it’s my brother.” Hurt flashed in Maia’s green eyes. “I’m sorry he betrayed you.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lena shook her head. “That isn’t your apology to make.”
Maia smiled even as tears limned her eyes.
“Aright, but I still want to help you. I’m going to learn everything I can about your—about the Fateweaver’s magic.
It might take a while; my first day with the novitiates involved a lot of praying and trying to memorize passages of text.
I don’t understand most of it, but I can read enough to get by. ”
Maia’s mother had insisted Lena’s mother teach Maia and Finaen to read alongside Lena. Kelia had never explained where she’d learned, but she’d been more than willing to share her knowledge with anyone who would listen.
“Anyway,” Maia continued, saving Lena from the painful memory of her mother.
“The passages we’ve been given mostly just contain stuff about the Zvaerna Order’s origins, their duties …
there’s nothing much in them about the Fateweaver’s abilities.
” Maia paused, pulling her lower lip between her teeth in the way she did when she was nervous. “What does it feel like? Your … magic?”
The question caught Lena off guard. “It’s … hard to explain,” Lena said, searching for the right words to describe it. “It doesn’t really feel like mine, I guess.”
Nothing did these days. Her mother’s legacy was the last part of herself Lena was truly sure of, and now that had been taken from her, too.
“Is that why you’re fighting it?” Maia asked.
Lena sighed. “I guess. I don’t know.” She couldn’t talk about this. Not without putting Maia in more danger than she already had. Lena got up from her seat and started toward the door. “I’m going to get some sleep. You should, too. You need the rest.”
She was a few feet from the door when Maia said, “You’re doing it again.”
Lena paused. “Doing what?”
“Pushing me away. I know you want to protect me, but you can’t do everything by yourself.”
“I don’t mean to.” Lena’s throat felt tight, her words hoarse.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a bōda?”
Lena had known the question was coming. It was inevitable, really, and even if she had enough control over her power to alter Maia’s threads, to shift this conversation in another direction, Lena wasn’t sure she would.
Because a part of her wanted Maia to ask.
Because, somewhere deep down, Lena was tired of hiding from the people she loved.
“I guess I was afraid.” She couldn’t look at Maia as she said it.
“Afraid of what?”
“That you’d see me differently. You know what most of the people in the Wilds think of the bōden. If people knew, they’d have cast me out.”
Lena swallowed the lump in her throat. It was why her mother had always told her to keep her visions a secret. Why she’d always taught her to never linger in one place for too long.
Why nowhere had ever truly felt like home.
“I understand,” Maia said softly, “but for what it’s worth, it wouldn’t have changed anything. To me, you’ll always just be Lena.”
The words struck something in Lena. Something raw and vulnerable. They were words she’d always wanted to hear. An acceptance she never thought she’d deserve. But instead of relief, all Lena felt was numb.
Because she wasn’t just Lena. Not anymore.
And if she couldn’t sever the bond between her and Dimas, she never would be again.