Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Milady, it’s an honor.” The captain tips his head in respect. “But are you wishing for death?” His voice is gruff, but not unkind. Stern in a way that commands respect and can instill fear when required.
He’s an older man, human, and his salt-and-pepper beard marks his age.
The tattoos lining his arms and the leathery, suntanned skin mark his experience.
It always seems the humans are the ones most willing to take risks.
You’d think it would be the immortals, but perhaps some humans find their lives are more precious when living with some excitement.
They know the history of our lands and who to pay heed to. I’ve never abused my position, but it makes it easy to get compliance when others know who I am.
“I’m already cursed to die,” I respond dryly, ready to get on with this trip. The water gets rough up north, and I hate the cold.
Mikael has been quiet, more reserved, since our fight. Getting ready and following me in silence. It’s not unusual for me to handle business as the leader of Varithen, so no one questions why he hasn’t chimed in.
When shopping, I got the best quality material for our new clothing because I want to stay as warm as possible when we get to the island. Before the sun began its rise, we departed Josef’s.
He was waiting to wish us well on our journey. I left the horses in his care, letting him know I would send someone to retrieve them. And, if no one comes, to consider them a gift. He didn’t need me to explain that meant I might not return. He knows the stories.
We load onto the boat with the rest of the crew. Half of them are readying the ship, and the other half are in the process of loading cargo into the hold.
“We’ll be off by the time the sun crests the horizon,” Harkin informs me, then returns to barking orders at his crew.
“Good,” I respond to the air. He’s already walked away, pointing and yelling at one of the sailors.
Leaning over the rail, I listen to the world around me wake with the beginning of a new day. Was it really only yesterday that we were entering the city at dawn?
A gentle breeze swirls around, twirling loose strands of my hair as it pushes soft waves into the hull of the ship.
Overhead, the occasional cry of a seagull cuts through the birdsong that accompanies dawn as it transitions into day.
Dockworkers haul crates and push carts, consulting with the harbor warden, who is carrying around a leather-bound pamphlet and flipping through its pages.
“Are you sure?” Mikael comes up on my left, standing beside me with his back to the dock, looking out at the ocean with his sketchbook in hand.
I look up and nod, then turn toward the day unfolding before me, the normalcy of these people’s lives as they prepare for another turn of the sun. Boots click on the cobblestone just off the docks as city guards start their patrol.
I straighten and grip Mikael’s arm, my fingers digging into his jacket.
“What is it?” He turns around and looks in the same direction as me.
“My father is here.” My breath hitches, possibly stops entirely. Clad in his full armor, my father follows behind the city guards.
What is he doing here? It’s too early for the annual inspection. There could be a myriad of other reasons he would visit. At the request of the city’s council, assisting with guard training. I rapidly run through scenarios in my mind, but stop myself and look up at Mikael. “We can’t be seen.”
Turning from where I pointed out my father, he looks down at me. “Let’s go below deck.”
“I’ll be right there. I’m going to make sure the captain knows not to mention my presence here.” I only visited shops Josef recommended, whose owners don’t give out information about their customers.
Except, perhaps, to the general of the king’s army. They may not realize the harm they could do in mentioning to my father that I was recently here.
“Captain, a word?” I wait for the old man to finish speaking with his second.
“What do you need?” he asks.
“Your discretion.”
“Of course. My crew knows the punishment for breaking vows of silence. And your coin is the payment for your secrecy. If I was in the business of sharing my clients’ whereabouts, I wouldn’t have any.” He runs a finger across his throat.
He had made his crew take vows, but he and I don’t have one.
We all have a threshold for secrecy, even the captain, especially when pressured by the king’s men.
Trust doesn’t come easily, but my consolation is that we’ll likely be long gone if we’re ever given up.
I head below deck, going to the room we were assigned.
Mikael is lying on the bed that’s anchored into the corner. “Only one bed.”
I lean against the wooden doorframe. “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday—for how I said it.”
He sits up and leans his back against the worn wooden planks of the cabin wall. “It’s fine, Bryn. I didn’t really think there was a chance, but you cannot fault me for trying.”
The ship’s groan joins the muffled shouts and footsteps from the deck. I remove my cloak, and sling it over the chair near the bed. The mattress creaks when I put my weight on it and scoot back, sitting next to Mikael, and lean my head against the wall. “Can we be cordial?”
“I’d love that.” He pats my thigh. “So, we’re going to the legendary island? And you’re sure this is the right place?”
“Yes.” When I returned from getting supplies, Mikael was asleep, and we haven’t discussed the riddle with the silence we maintained throughout the morning. “I wrote down the riddle last night before going to sleep.”
From the inner pocket of my vest, I remove a folded piece of paper and hand it to him.
Fire is born of silver-flamed tongues.
Ice holds the secrets we dare keep.
While greed slumbers in places unseen,
Where truths are worth their weight in gold.
Cold the heart may stay.
Feed the beast and clear your way.
Or live in torment for all to see.
“I saw the word beast on your arm before you walked out. That word combined with ice and greed slumbers, I knew it could only mean Emberfrost. The land of dragons and the fire-bellied mountains.”
“Dragons.” He grunts.
“Unfortunately.” I wanted the lines on Mikael to tell us that we must slay the beast or die trying. Not face more secrets and truths. Yet, curses supposedly know exactly what each person needs. Not wants.
“Did you figure anything else out? What we’re supposed to do?” Mikael asks.
“Well, dragons love gold, as we all should know.” I look down at the riddle, focusing on secrets and truths. “Yet, it seems we may have to offer something more precious. If we can even get to whichever dragon we’re supposed to before getting eaten alive or frozen.”
Mikael extends his legs down the bed behind my back, nudging me away from the wall as he lies down, hands behind his head. “Might as well get some rest.”
“I’m not sure I can.” I look up at the wooden rafters above, worn from their many journeys on the sea. If this ship can weather the many storms it’s braved, I surmise I can too.
His chest rises and falls with his breaths. “Close your eyes and focus on relaxing your muscles. Soften your brows. Release the tension in your legs. Go through each body part.”
I do what Mikael says and let go of the tension within my body. An odd silence falls over the ship. The crew’s shouts are no longer audible; only the soft thud of boots every now and then.
Creaking timbers and waves that lap against the hull permeate the silence as the ship settles into a steady rhythm. The gentle rocking is calming, so I might as well try to get some sleep before the violent waters of the north.
It’s been a long time since anyone’s embraced me, held me in their arms where I felt safe. Mikael’s arms were once that place, and I’m curious if it feels the same, even after everything.
Are these thoughts and feelings slipping through the bond I’ve tried to obscure? Or do I truly miss the all-consuming adoration? Maybe it’s both.
The choice to explore this curiosity is dangerous, and the outcome could rock the foundation that I built myself upon after his betrayal and the battle.
But I want to feel it again.
I lie back against the mattress. “Mikael?”
“Mmm,” he rumbles.
“Will you hold me?” I ask, hesitation lacing my words—sure this is a bad idea.
The bed dips below me as he turns onto his other side. His beautiful gray eyes look at me, into me. Can he feel more of me than I can of him, through the bond?
Mikael knows me as well as I know him.
Yet, I’m not the same person I was the last time we were together in a bed like this.
He was my other half. No…
Is my other half, my bonded mate.
Mikael wraps his arm around my stomach, pulling me onto my side and into his body. My form molds against his with ease.
The familiarity guts me.
Even after all the years we spent apart.
Dropping my forehead to his chest, I close my eyes and picture myself in the past, breathing in the scent he always wore that mixed with his leathers—vanilla and cinnamon.
A scent that remains even now, and it brings me back to better times.
His fingers are only a ghost of a touch through my clothing as he moves them in lazy swirls up and down my back.
My chest constricts, and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears that want to fall. My bond with him is so powerful that we were hated for it. It wasn’t understood.
But it didn’t matter, because we’d take on anyone—even a deity or ruler—if they tried to deny us our love. It’s why the way his arm feels around my body pulls at the bond that wants so badly to be free from its tattooed cage.
It’s why I covered it up.
His heart beats slow, but steady, stronger now that he’s healed. I linger, allowing myself to reminisce on the last time we were like this.
It was a moonless night, the stars shining brightly above us during a cool spring evening.
It was a normal night, like so many we had, when we’d lie in his bed after a long day or time spent apart due to our respective duties.
We’d spend hours within each other’s hold or take turns reading to each other, simply existing within each other’s sphere.
And this is why nothing can be the same. There will always be a before.
Thoughts and memories swirl until my mind recounts what the vampire who attacked us had said. Fulfill Ignatus’s last words.
Disentangling myself, I pull back and ask, “How did your king die?”
Mikael’s brows knit. “He was slain, his head removed from his body.”
“You’re the general. You didn’t stay to find out who did it? You left… for me?” I can’t help the shock that leaves with my words.
He pulls me into a deeper hold, closing his eyes, and drops his forehead to mine and continues, “I was forbidden from speaking your name or seeking your presence after the battle. His death gave me the freedom to seek you out, to find you, and to save you from this curse. There are those at court who did not like my departure. They feel it is a betrayal of my duty to the kingdom, but my duty has always been to you—to our bond, to our love. You may be angry with me and hate me, and I accept that, but I never stopped loving you.”
His words ram against the walls I built, trying to claw their way through any opening and break apart the hardened shell around my heart. They try to undo the hate I let fester to protect myself from the devastation of his betrayal.
“Why did you betray me?” I push out the question that has haunted me for centuries.
What did I do to deserve this pain? He said he never stopped loving me. How do you betray someone you bonded yourself to, loved and claimed to still love even after you broke them?
“I would explain everything to you, but the words will not pass my lips. I am bound by the magic of my kind. Bound through the duty that I once had to the king.” Sadness coats his voice, but he says nothing else, only kisses my forehead and releases me.
I slide back, putting some distance between us. I knew it was a bad idea.
He must see the hurt on my face because he continues, this time looking at me.
“I’ll keep saying it until you no longer question my motive.
I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for what I did.
The first step is saving you from a cruel fate—one that exists because of me.
I’ve made my choice, and this time, I chose differently. ”
His hand slides against my cheek, resting in my hair, along my ear. I want to jerk back, but the intensity in his look keeps me still. “You. I choose you. Even if it ruins me. Even if it’s my death giving you back your life.”
“Neither one of us is going to die.”
I want to tell him that I never stopped loving him, just buried that love in anger, but it feels too soon.
Like it won’t matter, because these trials will end in heartbreak.
Maybe it’s my own hesitation about trusting him again.
For now, I can stick to the promise I made to myself, even though I’m internally railing against it.
Let the bitterness and anger go. I remove his hand from my face and return to his embrace.
I remain in his arms and let him hold me as I drift into sleep.
One change at a time.