Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
“Stay along the main road. It leads to a lake; there’s an abandoned shack at the other end. It’s only a few miles from the edge of the Wastelands,” I say as we leave the gates of Sildrith.
“This might be uncomfortable, but I’ll get us as far as I can before I need to stop.” Mikael holds me tight, and the world around me blurs out of focus as his unnatural speed ferries me away from the palace.
Colors and shapes blend into each other, stone walls and grandeur turn into city streets and wooden buildings, then into the flat, winter-bruised farmland.
While his speed is very convenient, there is no way I could travel like this on a regular basis. My empty stomach drops from the motion, threatening to upturn the acid churning within. We didn’t have to go such a far distance the last time we traveled this way.
I lace my fingers around his neck, holding onto him tighter. Resting my head in the crook of his neck, I close my eyes and process what just happened.
A newly ascended vampire king.
That power I felt through the bond when we were attacked.
The vampires pursuing us.
With each revelation, betrayal rears its head again, flooding me with disappointed anger. I want to trust him, but it’s hard when he’s been omitting a big fucking secret this whole time.
Mikael stops at an outcropping of trees on the other side of the lake and sets me down before I can say anything.
He takes a few unsteady steps toward a tree, leaning against it for support. “How did you know the distance to this place?”
Casually asking me a question about distance from the capital after storming into it, rescuing me, and it being known he’s the new vampire king?
No.
If I’m forced to confront what happened, then he will be too.
I stalk up to him and slam a fist into his jaw. “You lied to me.”
Oh fucking Fates. I wince and grab my shoulder that screams in protest, reminding me that I have an injury, and it’s pissed that I just used it.
Losing balance, he pitches to the side but catches himself on another tree and straightens. He rubs his jaw, taking a few deep breaths before he closes the distance between us.
“I never lied to you. I lied to them!” His voice remains steady, but his eyes flash with hurt. “I didn’t tell you because—”
“Oh, right, because you’re King Kai the betrayer.” I scoff, cutting him off as angry disbelief lances through me. “How can something so pivotal as being king of the vampires be something you didn’t think was important?” My voice rises with each word.
I walk away, unable to bear looking at him any longer.
I had reluctantly reopened myself to him. Even with the curse unraveling the tattoo covering our bond, I could have blocked him out.
But no.
I chose to believe, based on what he showed me, that there were no lies or half-truths between us. Yet, he still withheld vital information.
Information that changes everything.
“Because I didn’t know if I would come back alive! My life is inconsequential compared to making sure you live!” The intensity of his voice matches mine, but without the anger.
His hand wraps around my bicep, but I jerk my arm out of his hold and storm away, needing to breathe, to be alone for a moment. “Don’t follow me.”
“I will always follow where you go.”
I turn, ready to throw another insult, but he pulls the chain from beneath his tunic and holds it out, dangling it between us.
“I don’t plan on ascending. I left immediately after his death to find you. To save you! This is what remains of Ignatus. His blood must be consumed to ascend.”
I point to the necklace he’s holding. “Vampires crossed the Wastelands to get to you because of that! You made yourself a target.”
Mikael drops the chain and takes a step closer, but I hold up my hand and shake my head. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me.”
“Because it didn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters!”
“Why?”
“Because,” I choke out, “it means there was never a chance of us working. You are the king of vampires, and I run a city—and I am the disgraced niece of the fae king.”
Everything in my life has gone up in flames again—because of him.
“And now?” I continue, needing him to understand the weight of what just transpired.
“You just stabbed, bit, and compelled King Thalen. He will not forget that, Mikael. In fact, I probably can’t even go back to Varithen.
Everything I worked so hard to build has once again been ripped from my grasp. ”
My chest constricts as the urge to cry or rage, or both, from this situation overwhelms me.
“I meant it.” He drops to his knees in front of me, placing my hands within his. “When I said I’m at your command, my queen.”
It all comes crashing back in, the memory of him in the temple with the crown on his head.
I slap my hand over my mouth, and take a step back. “You didn’t want to talk about the last challenge because you had to accept it. I saw you trying to rip the crown off your head. Is that why it took you so long?”
He drops his head and sighs. “Yes. I don’t want it, but I had to recognize that part of me does desire it.”
“Then why not drink King Ignatus’s blood and ascend? Become king as you desire?”
It’s a stupid question.
Deep down, I already know the answer.
“You. Always you.” He rises and steps toward me, but I retreat.
“I’d rather die trying to save you as the man you knew.
Not a king with more power. I would not make that choice without your consent.
Without you agreeing to stand by my side as I take on that responsibility.
And so, that information does not matter if one of us dies.
It is not relevant to my goal of keeping you alive.
It would have complicated our conversations, as it is now. ”
I want to be angry with him, but I only have myself to blame.
Everything is my fault.
All of it, from the beginning until now.
Falling for a vampire was my first mistake.
“I should never have fallen for you.” I shake my head. “Everything that’s happened is because of that choice I made.”
“Don’t say that.”
“This is the second time my life is crumbling because of you. Because I chose to love you.” My heart cracks, threatening to shatter like my soul.
The instinctual drive to protect myself, to fall back into old habits rises, begging me to cut him out again.
Except this time, through the bond, I feel his devotion and the truth in what he claims. He would rather die for me than become king.
“I meant it when I said I would leave and never return if that was what you wanted. I will still honor that offer.” Mikael returns to the tree he was leaning on, resting his back against the trunk.
I’m at a loss for what to do. Everything I worked so hard for over the last two hundred years is gone. I’ll never be able to return to Varithen. Not after what just happened.
“I have nowhere to go, Mikael.” I pace back and forth. “Finishing this quest we started is the only thing I have going for me. Although, maybe dying would be better at this point.”
“Bryn.” My name is tender on his lips. “Please know, I never wanted this. I only wanted to save you.”
“I don’t want to think about this anymore. Let’s finish what we started. I know where we need to go,” I say, then laugh, the sound sharp and manic as I realize how this curse has played out. “Fancy carrying me again?”
“I cannot. Traveling like that and for such a distance takes a significant amount of energy. I require rest before I can do it again,” he says, watching me as I unravel.
“Is anything else you care to tell me while we’re at it?”
“Stop,” he snaps.
“Or what? You’ll compel me to?” I throw the barb as if it’s a dagger, wishing I had a real one.
He’s within inches of me in a few strides.
“What happens when I do something that makes you snap? You could control me and I’d never know!” I slap both hands against his chest and aggressively push him.
“Don’t insult me.” His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t budge, standing as firm as an impenetrable fortress. “Do you really hate me again?”
“Yes. I believe I might,” I answer flatly.
I’m unable to lie, but I do believe that I could hate him again. Fuck. No, I can’t. I huff.
I hate that I didn’t know.
That he thought it not important enough to tell me because he doesn’t value his life or his desires.
Irritation that the Fates, or destiny, or whatever forces are working against us think we don’t belong together.
“No, you don’t.” Those gray irises roam my face, searching my gaze, then drop to my lips. He lifts a finger, trailing it along the vein in my neck.
Mikael’s other hand caresses my shoulder, moving it along the side of my body, slipping it around my waist. He pulls me securely against his chest and brings his mouth closer to mine. When he’s a breath away from kissing me, I twist out of his hold.
“Don’t try to get out of this.” I turn away and start walking toward the Wastelands. I’d stay here if the shack wasn’t in such a state of disrepair. The roof is collapsing inward and nature has taken over ownership.
“Don’t shut yourself off from me again,” Mikael says, fallen leaves crunching under his boots as he follows. “Answer my earlier question, how did you know the distance to that shack?”
“I attempted to go back to the Wastelands multiple times. I could only make it this far because it was too much back then. Peylin scouted the rest of the way when I asked her to do it for me. I was never able to face the consequences of my bargain. So I stopped trying.”
“Let me carry your burdens. They no longer belong to you.” Mikael offers, almost as a command, but he says it too softly to be anything other than a plea.
“They belong to the dead. Yet, the burden of a dead king still has weight,” I respond, continuing ahead of him. “The least we’ll be able to do is carry them together.”
Every ending has a beginning. Every beginning has an ending.
If we have to find the beginning of all the mess, it’ll be where I made that bargain with the Fates. I don’t know if I’ll be able to recognize the exact spot, but I’d know the surrounding view for all eternity.