Chapter 2 #2
Outside edge. He could do this. His toe-pick hit the ice for extra height into the jump.
Up and around and the jump was perfect. The landing looked like he did single Axel jumps all day.
What didn’t look right was how he stopped, popping up onto both toe-picks, his eyes were wide as his hands shook and his entire body moved with how hard and fast he gasped for breath.
Dmitrii thought he heard Dr. Aubrey saying something.
He thought he heard people skating nearby.
He closed his eyes. One scent. Ice … just the ice.
The same ice as always, the same ice as that day.
One scent. Blood. His blood on the ice …
Ice. Blood. Dark. Nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to smell, nothing to touch.
Touch. He felt cold. He felt ice under his fingers.
Concentrating on the cold, he let his hands touch it, even as he heard feet skid to a stop near him.
He was on his knees. His hands were on the ice. He hadn’t fallen.
Slowly, the world was coming back. Something to hear. Dr. Aubrey was telling him how well he had skated. He could feel her hand on his shoulder. He could see the concern and worry in her eyes. With his senses back, he looked up from where he knelt on the ice.
“Come on, let’s get you off the ice.” The doctor’s voice was soft and concerned.
“It was a nice Axel.” Coach Truskel had known that Dmitrii was dealing with fear. She had assumed people were exaggerating. She helped him up though, looking over to her other skaters to gesture for them to keep doing what they were doing.
Soon, the two women were off the ice, and the doctor was telling Dmitrii how well he had done, how promising that was. He had done an Axel, the jump he was the most afraid of. Then, once he had calmed down completely, the doctor left with a reminder to be at her office in the morning.
Dmitrii stayed with his new coach to rest on the bench and truly catch his breath. He didn’t care at the moment how stupid his skating had probably looked to others. His doctor was right. He had done an Axel. It was progress, and he hadn’t made progress in way too long.
As Coach Truskel knelt near his head, Dmitrii looked over at her, trying to give a smile, but it was hollow at best. “Sorry …”
“No, there isn’t anything to apologize for. I should have taken it more seriously with what your last coach said.”
“I … I really can’t talk about it now. I ….”
“No, you need some rest. Talia, I mean Dr. Aubrey, told me you did a few hours with her yesterday and now this today. Plus, it is so soon after getting here. Did you drive?” That last question held concern.
Dmitrii shook his head. “No, I am just taking a car. I have an app on my phone.” He started to reach for it.
His coach shook her head. “No, don’t worry. I’ll have my assistant drive you.” She straightened up and gently touched his shoulder before leaving in her search for one of her assistants.
He didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, he reached down to untie his skates. Once they were dried off and packed away, he slung his skate bag over his shoulder and walked back to where Coach Truskel was standing with two other people.
As he approached, she looked back at him and smiled. “Andy, Mitch, I don’t know if you know Dmitrii Lebedinsky?”
The taller of the two men was the first to reach out a hand. “Hey Dmitrii. Good to have you here. I’m Andy, this is Mitch. I’m going to be the one giving you a ride home.”
“Thank you.” Dmitrii could feel his heart finally beating at a normal speed again. Honestly, he wanted to just go back to the hotel and collapse into bed for a few hours. He hated feeling this exhausted, but the ice just took so much out of him now.
“Oh, no problem. It’ll be nice to get a little sun and fresh air. Where are you staying at, Dmitrii?” He had his keys in his hand as he led the way out of the rink and into the summer heat.
“I have the address here someplace. It’s the extended stay off Old Ox and 28 by the airport.” He grabbed his phone to look up the exact address.
“Oh, don’t worry. I know where that is. So, who all came out here with you? We don’t get a lot of foreign skaters coming out here to train.” He didn’t say a single word about how ‘training’ would normally involve a lot more than having a panic attack after a single Axel.
“I flew here by myself. My coach talked to Ms. Truskel about me being able to use some ice time while I was out here.”
“Are you even old enough to be staying in a hotel by yourself?” Andy paused at his car, a small, gray SUV that had seen better days.
“I’m eighteen.” He hadn’t really looked at what the legal ages were in America. He has assumed that he was fine. No one had said anything about not being fine.
“Still…” Andy pressed the button on his key fob to unlock the door and slid into the driver’s seat as he started the engine.
“I don’t know how I feel about you being all alone in a hotel like that.
” He waited until Dmitrii was buckled in and then drove out of the parking lot.
It was only about a fifteen-minute drive, but Andy hadn’t finished talking about how he didn’t approve.
“Does Lisa know you’re staying in a hotel alone? ”
“It’s not a big deal. Honestly. What is the different between a hotel here or my apartment in St. Petersburg?”
“You’re only eighteen. I know, I know. You’re an adult but …”
“I’m fine. It’s a perfectly safe hotel. I had to get it approved by the skating federation before they agreed to my staying there. It is very kind of you to be concerned, but I am fine.” Maybe Dmitrii was more convincing this time, but Andy let the subject drop.
“You’ll be at the rink tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning. It will depend on that.” He didn’t want to lie. With luck, he’d be out here for the better part of the summer, so he didn’t want to get on the bad side of anyone.
“That woman who was with Lisa earlier?” Andy clearly had no idea who Dr. Aubrey was.
That was a little surprising to him. Dmitrii didn’t actually know how many figure skaters his doctor had worked with.
He did know there had been at least some.
With how many high-end rinks were in this general area, he assumed it was a lot, but Dr. Aubrey did work with athletes from many sports.
“Yes. I see her in the morning, and then she determines if I am allowed to skate.” He kept his explanation to Andy vague. Not that he was exactly embarrassed to be seeing a psychiatrist; however, he also didn’t want to announce it to everyone.
Andy didn’t ask any more questions before he finally pulled up into the parking lot of the hotel to drop Dmitrii off. With his bag slung over his shoulder, he thanked Andy before walking through the main entrance of the hotel. He was looking forward to just collapsing in bed.
Honestly, the extended-stay hotel room differed little from the various apartments he’d lived in back in Russia. A bed, a TV, a couch, and a little kitchenette he would never use. It was also just as empty.
It was still early, but there really wasn’t anything to do until tomorrow. Tonight he would go for a run before eating and watching something on his laptop. If he could at least hide in a familiar TV show, this place might seem a little less foreign and a little less alone.
It didn’t work. Even after the run and trying to wrap himself in something that reminded him of home, he still lay awake in the hotel bed, staring at the textured ceiling and hearing the traffic outside.
Long after he should have been asleep, rest eluded him.
He didn’t want to think about how broken he was.
It had only been one meeting with the psychiatrist. He couldn’t expect instantaneous miracles, but he really needed one.
Finally, as the clock read two something, he managed to fall asleep. Dmitrii’s night wasn’t restful, more a tossing and turning that somehow passed the hours. All he could keep thinking of was his accident, and how he didn’t actually remember most of it.