Chapter Two
I’m running so late this morning that I almost miss the eight o’clock train, but I sprint across the platform and hop on just before the doors close.
Shockingly, there’s a couple of seats free, so I plop down next to a smartly dressed woman and sip the rest of my take-out coffee.
If Mr Farley were here, he’d lecture me on how it will stain my teeth and how the sugar will give me cavities, but I couldn’t care less.
I need caffeine this morning more than I need perfect pearly whites.
Sleepily, I gaze out of the smeary window and watch the world whiz by in a blur of grey.
I just can’t believe Lucy - my loopy Lucy Middleton - is getting married.
Absentmindedly, I splay my left hand across my lap and glance down at it, trying to picture a ring sparkling on my finger.
My brow creases and I ball my hand into a fist. I don’t do boyfriends, not at all.
Sure, I dabble in dating, but I never allow a fling to turn into anything serious.
I’d rather just have fun, after all, who wants to be tied down to a man these days?
Well, Lucy does, she’s literally about to tie the knot in the near future, binding herself to another person for life.
Life might be a bit overly dramatic, I mean, divorce is always an option, but personally, I’d prefer not to walk down the aisle at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly opposed to marriage - not for other people, anyway - it’s just not for me.
It’s funny, people always assume that I’ve been burned before, but it’s not the case.
I’ve never been terribly scorned by a bad man, I’ve never even been cheated on (at least to my knowledge), the truth is I’ve just never been all that interested in spending extended time with anyone.
None of the guys I’ve dated have wowed me enough to the point that I’ve thought ‘huh, maybe I’ll stick around for this one.
’ Nope, I tend to get all antsy at the six-month mark, and by the seventh, I’ve let them go.
I can’t imagine being with one person forever - coming home to the same face, having the same boring conversations, getting into bed with the same body - my God, how incredibly tedious!
I’d best keep my thoughts to myself when I speak to Lucy.
She’ll be in a post-engagement bliss bubble, and God forbid my negative view on marriage ruptures it.
I swallow down the lump that’s just formed in my throat.
I still need to call her, it’s been two days now since she asked me to be her maid of honour.
Who knows what I’ll say when I finally muster the courage to pick up the phone.
I’ve privately come to the decision that I’m not the right girl for the job.
For one thing, I’m not exactly an advocate for getting married, she deserves to have a maid of honour who sings the praises of holy matrimony, not one who’d rather remain single for life.
And let’s not even mention my ditziness, my clumsiness, my awful planning skills …
Speaking of which, shit, have I missed my stop? Frantic, I crane my neck and look around, searching for a sign of where we are. My heart stops racing when the robotic voice over the tannoy announces that the next stop is Surbiton Station, and I scramble from my seat and march toward the exit.
‘Erm, excuse me?’ The woman I was sitting next to calls after me. ‘I think you’ve forgotten something.’
I twirl around and cringe to see her pointing to my brown leather handbag, which I’d left bunched up on the seat and was about to leave behind. Blushing, I thank her and grab the bag before leaping off onto the platform, feeling like a right idiot.
Thankfully, I make it into work on time, and Denise greets me with a much-needed coffee.
‘Sorry it’s only instant,’ she says as she hands the mug to me. ‘Between dropping the kids off at school and getting here, I didn’t have time to run into Costa this morning.’
‘It’s fine, I’m just grateful for any caffeine!’
Gulping half the cup in one swig, I hang my bag up in the cloakroom and head into the office to go over today’s schedule.
Oh God, Bitey Benjamin is coming to have some fillings done at noon, that’ll be a barrel of laughs.
Little Benjamin Miggins may only be eight years old, but he’s got mighty sharp teeth, and he’s not afraid to use them - I learnt that the hard way when I was trying to get him to open wide and he chomped down on my pinky finger so hard, he drew blood.
Mr Farley is due to arrive in about half an hour, so I go and prepare the treatment for our first patient of the day.
You’d think I’d be used to the clinical, medicine-y smell of this place by now, but it still makes my nostrils prickle and sets my nerves on edge.
As a kid, I was terrified of the dentist, and the scent of it didn’t do anything to put me at ease - perhaps dentist offices should try lighting scented candles?
A nice sandalwood or calming lavender could do wonders for patients’ nerves.
The door swings open and I flinch involuntarily as Mr Farley swans in, bringing in fresh aromas of minty toothpaste and sharp aftershave. Even at my grown age, it seems I’m still afraid of the dentist - only for an entirely different reason than when I was a child!
‘Morning,’ he says briskly. ‘Is everything ready?’
‘Yes, Mr Farley, I’ve just finished sanitising the tools.’
Seeming mildly surprised, he gives a quick nod. ‘Good. Then we’ll get started.’
It’s a busy morning of cleanings and drillings, and I’m absolutely knackered by half eleven.
When I get a spare moment, I sneak to the cloakroom and snaffle the cereal bar I stashed in my bag - I was in such a rush earlier, I didn’t have time for breakfast, so this will have to tide me over until one.
At fifteen minutes past the hour, Mrs Miggins drags her whining son through the door. The flustered woman scuttles up to the reception desk, her short hair sticking up in all directions.
‘I’m so sorry we’re late,’ she hastens to apologise. ‘Benji was hanging out in the boy’s bathroom at school with his friends and refused to come out for his appointment.’
I glance at the ginger-haired boy’s mischievous expression and I don’t doubt it for a second.
Something tells me this little boy is a bit of a troublemaker, you know the type - the ones always shouting out in class, throwing erasers at the swots, mouthing off to the teacher.
Let’s just hope he’s on his best behaviour today.
At the request of Benjamin, Mrs Miggins stays in the waiting room while we get to work.
I guess he thought he was getting too big to have mum in the room with him, and I’m stunned to see he seems to have matured greatly since the last session.
Amazingly, he sits through the whole procedure like an angel, even when Mr Farley brings out his scary drill and goes to town on his cavities, the kid barely even whimpers.
When all the fillings have been filled, Mr Farley lifts up the chair so that Benjamin is suddenly upright again.
‘Now Benjamin, Alicia is just going to put some gauze in your mouth, is that okay?’
With a look like butter wouldn’t melt, Benjamin nods sweetly. ‘Yes, Mr Farley.’
Just as I push the gauze into his chubby cheeks, an evil gleam flashes in his eyes. Before I can register the warning sign, he chomps down on all four of my fingers, hard.
‘Ouch!’ I rip my throbbing hand out of his mouth, crying out in agony. ‘Oh, you vicious little shit!’
The silence in the room is deafening. Benjamin’s jaw hangs open, the gauze pads slipping out of his mouth and plopping onto the floor. Mr Farley’s expression morphs from shock, to disappointment, to utter fury in less than three seconds. I’ve really done it now.
‘I-I’ll …’ I gulp and force a shaky smile to my lips. ‘I’ll just get some fresh gauze.’
No one breathes a word during the rest of the appointment, and my heart is pounding so insistently, I’m sure everyone else must be able to hear it in the silent, sterile room.
Oh God, I’ve really messed up this time …
Finally, Benjamin is all done and he leaves the treatment room a much more subdued child than he entered. I make to follow him, eager to apologise and explain the situation to his mother, but Mr Farley grabs my arm and halts me.
‘No, Alicia. You stay here.’ His expression is stony and freezes me in place. ‘I don’t want you anywhere near my patients right now.’
My stomach drops, and I nod in reluctant agreement.
I wait alone in the cold, piercingly white room, picking up the soggy bits of gauze that fell onto the floor, if only to distract myself.
After about an age, Mr Farley returns. The quietness of the room is agonising as he closes the door behind him and sets his laser-point glare on me.
‘Right, do you want to tell me what the hell that was about?’
‘I’m sorry, it’s just - well, he bit so hard and I was -’
‘Swearing at a patient, Alicia? A child? Completely unacceptable.’ Sighing, he rubs at his well-lined forehead. ‘Look, this is the final straw. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to let you go.’
‘What?’ I gasp, my chest tightening. ‘B-b-but Mr Farley, it was a mistake, I -’
‘Yes, well, there have been far too many mistakes lately. I like to think I’m a fair man, I’ve put up with enough of your antics, your silliness, over the years - but this is too much. I’m sorry Alicia, but the decision is final.’
There’s no point in trying to fight it, but I do anyway.
I beg, I plead, I even begin to cry, but Mr Farley remains resolute.
I’m out of here - fired, canned, given the boot.
Oh God, I’ve lost my job. I’ve never been fired in my life, not even when I worked as a content writer for a health supplement website and kept spelling the names of the vitamins and minerals wrong.
What happens next is all a bit of a daze.
Denise gives me one last big hug and then I leave in shame, sniffling into my sleeve.
I barely remember catching the train, but I must have, because I’m walking along the dingy, litter-strewn street to my flat, tears rolling down my cheeks.
It’s just as well my lease is up soon, although I do have enough saved to cover rent for a few months, with no money coming in, I’ll find my savings account depleted pretty quickly.
Inside the flat, I kick off my shoes and flop down on the sofa, wondering what the hell I’m going to do now.
I should call Mum; she might have some advice or at the very least, it could be comforting to hear her voice.
But how can I admit to her what’s happened?
She was so proud of me for getting this job, she went and told all her friends the minute I signed the contract, insisting I could make a real career of it.
I wasn’t ever sure that’s what I wanted, but the pride shining in her sweet face was enough to make me knuckle down and put my all into my work.
But it wasn’t good enough, and now I’m back to square one - figuring out which road I should take next.
That’s one benefit of having no discernible career path - as long as you can train on the job, you can pretty much do anything.
I’ve been a dental nurse, a waitress and a call centre operator, just to name a few roles.
But this job was the first one that my Mum seemed truly proud of me, I think she wanted me to start night school so that I could train to be a fully-qualified dentist and maybe even have my own practise someday.
Deep down, I knew that was never on the cards for me, you need to be very passionate about dentistry to get to that point, but still, I loved that Mum had such high hopes for my future.
Now they are dashed and in tatters - well, if I tell her, that is.
She doesn’t have to know I’ve been fired, not yet, anyway.
I mean, I’m sure I’ll find another job soon, and in the meantime, I’ll just live on bread and water.
Telling her would only cause upset, and I really don’t want to do that.
She’s probably disappointed in me enough, compared to my brothers, Sam the paramedic and Kevin the social worker, I’m definitely the let-down of the family.
There’s a muffled ping from inside my bag, indicating that I’ve received a message. I fish out my phone, and my chest caves with guilt when I read the text on the screen:
Well - is it a yes or a no? L x
Ugh, on top of everything, I still need to respond to Lucy.
This is just too much - my lease is over next week and I’ve got to decide whether I should continue it without having secured a new job, or let it end and muddle through some other last-minute plan.
Though what on earth that plan will be, I have no idea.
I mean, should I even stay in London? There’s not much keeping me here, its not like I’m tied to a career or anything, and it is so expensive to live in even a crappy area.
Mum and my brothers live close by, though …
oh, God, what should I do? I don’t have the mental capacity to make such a huge decision right now!
I pause mid-spiral, an idea forming in my mind.
Maybe I don’t have to have everything figured out right this very moment, maybe I can transform this messy situation into a golden opportunity to give my best friend a hand.
Since I’ve got no job holding me back, and soon will have no flat to live in, I suppose I could always bundle up my savings and take a little trip …
Before I can consider whether it’s a stupid idea, I dial my friend’s number, and she picks up almost instantly.
‘Oh, good, I’ve been waiting for your call!’ Lucy says cheerily.
I try to match her energy, though I’m as deflated as a popped beach ball. ‘Hey, Luce.’
‘Hi-i-i-i!’ Her voice is high-pitched and tight with anticipation. ‘So, are you being my maid of honour, or not?’
With a deep breath, I allow a grin to tug at my mouth. ‘Yes.’
‘Woohoo! Oh, I’m just so excited!’
‘So am I. In fact, I want to be there for you every step of the way. Like, literally be there.’ I swallow, steeling myself for what I’m about to say. ‘Luce, I’m coming to Lily Vale!’