Chapter Fifteen
Half-tangled in sweaty sheets, I stumble out of bed, blearily feeling my way along the hall to the bathroom. My head is banging, my ears are ringing, I’m sure I’m about to be sick - and I can’t simply blame the alcohol this time.
The taxi back from the club last night was dreadful.
Everyone was still buzzing from the shock of the surprise stripper, and I had no choice but to laugh and pretend it was my plan all along to hire a sexy lady instead of a man.
Neither Jen nor Gina said a word the whole drive back, which can’t have been a good sign.
I’m sure Gina was avoiding eye contact, but Jen was more than happy to pierce me with her furious glare, much to my anguish.
Lucy was rather quiet too; I thought she’d quite enjoyed Ash’s performance in the club, but maybe she just went along with it because she was so embarrassed and taken aback.
Groaning, I splash my face with cold water. I hate the thought of Lucy being humiliated during her own hen party, and it’s all my fault.
I should take a shower, but I’m much too low to go through all the effort, so I wash up as best I can in the sink and drape myself in flared leggings and a grey t-shirt that still smells relatively clean.
The stairs creak conspicuously with each step, and I pray that Luce is in the kitchen so I don’t have to face her.
Perhaps I can sneak straight out the front door without being noticed …
‘Good morning!’ So much for avoiding her, Lucy is sitting cross-legged on the couch, tapping away at her laptop with a cup of tea resting on the coffee table in front of her. ‘I was going to take the morning off, but there’s just too much to do for this new book. Back to reality, eh?’
‘Ha, bummer,’ I mumble, edging toward the front entry hall.
‘Hey, thanks so much for yesterday.’ She twists around on the sofa to look at me. ‘It was quite something!’
Face burning with shame, I square my shoulders and avert my gaze, focusing on the flecks of gold in the beige carpet. ‘You’re welcome. Listen, I’ve got to pop out, I’ll see you later.’
It’s the most obvious excuse in the world, I mean, what on earth would I have to pop out for?
It’s not as if I’ve got a job around here to go to, or any friends, I wouldn’t be surprised if the bridesmaids want nothing to do with me after the fiasco of last night.
Sure, it seemed like they were having fun, but they were all about five drinks down, and a wild night can look different in the cold light of day.
I should know, I’ve lived through many that I’ve regretted the next morning.
I wander aimlessly around the high street for a while until my feet naturally take me toward the park. It’s still early, so the morning dew clings to the grass like tiny diamonds, shimmering like pure magic when the sun hits them.
A little West Highland Terrier comes racing toward me, barrelling straight into my leg and begging for fuss. I glance around for her owner and spot none other than Finn, bolting across the damp grass to catch up with her.
‘Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have let her off the lead.’ Slightly out of breath, he quickly clips the lead to her red tartan collar.
‘Aw, you never said you had a dog!’ I stoop to give the little love a tickle under her wiry chin. ‘I love Westies.’
‘I don’t, this here is Snowy, she belongs to my neighbour, Bess,’ Finn says. ‘But she has arthritis and sometimes struggles to walk her, so I help out when I can.’
‘That’s sweet of you.’
Tugging at my t-shirt, I begin to wish I’d put on something a little less unflattering. I look as if I’ve just rolled out of bed, well, I pretty much did . But Finn doesn’t seem to notice my dishevelled appearance, or at least, he doesn’t comment on it.
‘How was the hen?’ he asks as we walk side by side, Snowy bobbing along between us. ‘Did the wax melts go down a treat?’
‘Ugh, please don’t make me talk about it!’
‘Seriously?’ Finn’s brows knit together. ‘They didn't like them?’
‘No, they liked the wax melts fine. Loved them, in fact.’ I shake my head at the ground, as if that might dislodge the memory of last night from my mind. ‘But everything ended in disaster.’
‘Disaster ?’ Finn scoffs. ‘Surely you’re exaggerating.’
‘Oh no, I’m not!’ I assert, hands on my hips. ‘It was going great, we’d had a lovely afternoon, a fab dinner at a posh restaurant and I’d booked us the VIP area at a club.’
‘Sounds nice.’
‘Yeah, but I also booked a stripper.’
Amused, Finn snorts. ‘Uh oh, Lucy wasn’t into it? That’s funny, I never had her down as a prude.’
‘That wasn’t the problem,’ I cringe, preparing myself to tell the rest of the tale. ‘The problem was I accidentally booked a female stripper.’
Unable to control his laughter, Finn doubles over and Snowy begins to bark along with him, eager to be part of things.
‘Oh man, I’d kill to have been there!’
Tutting, I shove him hard in the ribs. ‘Yeah, I bet you would have.’
‘No, I mean to see everyone’s faces,’ he can barely get the words out, he’s chortling so heartily. ‘That must have been hilarious!’
‘I’m glad you think it’s so funny. This woman was practically naked , jiggling and twerking for a group of extremely straight ladies. Honestly, no one knew where to look.’
That only serves to make him laugh even more, until tears stream from his eyes and roll down his cheeks. ‘Wow, what a night!’
‘Seriously, it’s not a joke!’ I stuff my hands into my pockets, eyes cast down to the tiny daisies poking through blades of grass. ‘I’m worried I’ve humiliated Lucy terribly in front of all her guests.’
‘Why, was she upset?’
Dithering, I lift my shoulders in an awkward manner. ‘It’s hard to say. I think she was shocked, of course, but she was laughing and so were the other bridesmaids. But maybe she was just trying to save face and didn’t want to create a big scene.’
Now it’s Finn’s turn to shrug. ‘It’s impossible to know for sure unless you ask her.’
With a pained grunt, I squeeze my eyes shut and rub hard at them. ‘I was afraid you’d say that.’
‘Look, this is just my two cents, but it seems to me that Lucy’s a good sport. Who knows, she might have even enjoyed a female stripper more than having some sweaty bloke swing his bits and pieces about.’
‘Ugh, thank you kindly for that mental image!’ I let loose a small chuckle, yet I’m still all churned up inside. ‘Lucy’s not my only concern, though. Her aunt was so offended, she literally stormed out and Luce’s mum had to run after her. Neither of them spoke to me during the taxi ride home.’
‘Well, you can’t please everyone.’
‘Yes, but I’d at least like to please the mother of the bride!’ I sigh, chest caving inwards. ‘It wasn’t my intention to make anyone uncomfortable. I tried so hard to plan this event to perfection, and one silly mistake has completely ruined it.’
‘Oh come on, don’t you think that’s a bit of an exaggeration?’ With a cajoling smile, Finn tilts his head to one side. ‘Did everyone like the afternoon tea, the goodie bags?’
I cast my mind back, conjuring up the image of our lovely lunch at the Cosy Little Tearoom. ‘Yes.’
‘And did everyone like the spa?’
‘Yes.’
‘And the restaurant?’
‘Well, yes, but -’
‘Three out of four ain’t bad! You can’t let one little blip put a downer on the rest of a, let’s face it, pretty fab day out. Anyway, it sounds like everyone bar one mardy auntie had a blast with the stripper.’
‘Maybe.’ I suppress a shudder, not wishing to relive it a moment longer. ‘I always do things like this.’
‘What, hire strippers?’ Fin teases.
‘Obviously not! I mean, I’m forever making daft slip ups, honestly, I feel so stupid.’
‘Hey, you’re not stupid at all. And this ‘slip-up’ might have just made Lucy’s hen party the most memorable one ever.’
‘I guess so.’ I throw him an arch sideways glance. ‘How did you get so wise, Mr Morton?’
‘Ah, I’m not so wise. I’ve been a fool before, believe me.’
Although I know better than to allow my tongue to wag unchecked, I still can’t resist the tantalising question on the tip of it.
‘Like with your ex?’
The silence lingers between us as we walk on a couple of paces, but it’s not so tense that I feel I’ve put my foot in it - it’s more a contemplative, pensive sort of quiet. His expression still, Finn bends to stroke Snowy between her little pointy ears.
‘Yeah, I definitely know a thing or two about putting your trust in the wrong people. I thought we were all mates, her, me and my best mate. Turns out they were getting a bit too friendly behind my back.’
‘That’s awful.’ I scowl at thin air, as if Finn’s horrible ex and former friend are standing right before me.
‘Yep, it was.’
Bitterly, I think of all the rotten cheaters I’ve known - Lucy’s ex-boyfriend Craig, my Dad. They serve as a stark reminder as to why I never allow myself to catch feelings, and why I’d never stick around long enough to risk it.
‘I don’t think I’d ever trust anyone ever again if I was hurt like that.’
‘Eh, you’ve got to move on.’ I’m stunned by how breezily he speaks of the matter, as if he’s referring to an overly-dunked soggy biscuit that’s dropped into his mug of tea, not the breakdown of a relationship and a friendship. ‘Or else you let them win, don’t you?’
‘I don’t see it that way.’ I stick out my chin defiantly. ‘You’ve got to protect yourself first and foremost, allowing anyone else in that close again would be a daft move.’
With a wistful, soft smile that awakens the butterflies in my tummy, Finn carries on. ‘I’d hate to live that way, closed off from real connection and the chance at love.’
‘You still believe in love?’ I scoff, much more cruelly than I meant to. ‘After what happened to you?’
He turns to face me, and I’m not ready for the sincerity in his golden-brown eyes. I shrink under the weight of it, vulnerable and exposed. ‘Yeah, I do.’
The world stills around me, the very air between us suddenly much thinner, as if we’re standing at the peak of a very steep mountain top. I drink in a quick gulp of it and give a shaky, semi-dismissive laugh, strolling ahead of him.
‘Hm, I don’t. I learned long ago that the heart is a precious thing, not to be shared with others who will only stain it with their mucky, careless fingers.’
‘Sounds like a lonely way to live.’
‘Not at all!’ I counter, a little miffed at his persistence. ‘I have friends, family, that’s all I need.’
Thankfully, Finn takes the hint and swiftly drops the subject. ‘Fair enough. Hey, fancy coming to the pub for a spell? I’ve been working on a brand new brew, and I could do with another set of taste buds.’
I take a step backward, hesitating for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Having a tipple in the pub with Finn sounds ideal right about now, but something is holding me back, a shiver of cold anxiety swirling through my chest like a silent snow storm.
‘It’s a bit early for me.’ I shrug my shoulders, backing away even further. ‘But thanks for the pep talk.’
Finn nods graciously, though he can’t disguise his confusion.
My feet drag along the ground as I walk away, as if they don’t want to leave at all. Doggedly, I ignore their discomfort and carry on.
When I get back to the cottage, there’s a note on the kitchen table, propped up against a vase of fresh lilies.
Gone to meet Alex for lunch
L x
Well, looks like I’ve got the place to myself for at least an hour or so. Tentatively, I lift my arm and have a little whiff of the pit. Hm, I already needed a shower, and all that walking in the summer sun certainly hasn’t helped matters.
Deciding to indulge in a little self-care, I draw a deep bath, borrowing a splash of Lucy’s strawberry-scented bath milk to make it all bubbly. I even fish out one of my favourite candles - rose water and chamomile - out of my suitcase and light it on the bathroom windowsill.
Sighing contentedly, I sink into the warm water, closing my eyes as I breathe in the sweet fragrances that envelope me.
With nothing but the gentle sounds of my own breathing and bubbles popping, my mind drifts and flits between topics and random musings, until it lands firmly on Finn.
Why didn’t I just go with him to the pub?
I had nothing else to do, and besides, we were having a nice time together.
But that’s precisely the problem. It was too nice, too familiar, too comfortable - and that in turn makes me wildly un comfortable.
Aside from my brothers, I’ve never been close with men, never had any male friends and I certainly haven’t had any boyfriends, not since I was a teenager have I called anyone that.
So this exhilarating yet peaceful, makes every hair on my body stand up thing I’ve got going on with Finn - this is uncharted territory.
And I may be adventurous but I’m not an idiot, I know exploring that unknown, perplexing winding road can only lead to pain.
I’ll lose myself, I’ve seen it happen countless times before to people I love, and I won’t let it happen to me.
The water sloshes noisily around me as I sit up and slick my dripping hair from my face with both hands. I want to believe in love, at least for Lucy’s sake, I truly do, but how often does it ever work out? There’s a reason half of marriages end in divorce. You can’t argue with statistics, can you?