Chapter Twenty One
On Sunday, I cook a big fry-up (with fresh orange juice and a special breakfast blend coffee Holly gave to me) for Luce and I. Instead of sitting crossed-legged with trays in front of the TV like normal, we decide to be civilised and eat at the kitchen table.
‘This is banging, Leesh,’ Lucy compliments me through mouthfuls of salty hash brown. ‘I’ll miss this when you’re gone, you know!’
‘Ah, I’m sure Alex knows how to fry an egg,’ I chuckle.
She smiles down at her plate, absentmindedly spearing baked beans with her fork. ‘I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but well, you forced me into having a tough conversation, so I’m going to do the same to you.’
Sudden sweat pools beneath my arms and I sit up poker straight in my chair. She couldn’t possibly know about the kiss with Finn, could she? Oh God, maybe Lottie saw us through the shop window and spread the word …
‘Erm, what about?’ I ask nonchalantly, though I clench my knife and fork so tight in my fists that they begin to carve out grooves in my palms.
‘I was just wondering if you’d had any more thoughts about what you might do next? I mean, I’m happy for you to stay with me for as long as you need to, but … you’ll have to get a new job at some point, right?’
My cheeks flame scarlet. I’ve been paying my way as best I can, picking up groceries, buying our takeaways, but my savings will only last so long, and after two and a half months of eating away at them, they are beginning to look a little slim.
Do I dare share my business idea? In the unforgiving light of the morning, it seems stupid and childish, but it’s the only thing I’ve got to say regarding my non-existent career plans.
‘Well, I - I was actually thinking of starting a candle business. You know, selling my own.’
I expect Lucy to gently tell me that perhaps I should reconsider my latest endeavour, but she grins across the table, nodding her head in encouragement.
‘That’s such a cool idea, and I bet your candles would sell so well! Where are you thinking of selling them, online?’
‘I think so, but also, I’ve been looking into craft fairs and stuff like that, there are quite a few coming up near and around Lily Vale, I’ve actually sent out some messages to enquire about getting a stall.
And I thought I could maybe find a small gift shop or something that might want to stock them too. ’
When I dare to look up from my breakfast to gauge Lucy’s reaction, I’m taken aback to see her dumbfounded expression.
‘Wow, you’ve really given this some thought, Leesh, well done!’
I can’t blame her for her surprise, I mean, on an ordinary day, I’m the last person anyone would expect to have fully researched a business plan. All this wedding planning must have knocked my scatterbrain right into shape.
‘Well,’ Lucy continues. ‘I guess that’s a reason to stick around Lily Vale for a while longer, eh?’
With an uncertain, weak titter, I gulp down my orange juice, very nearly choking on an errant pip.
She’s right, if I can secure a stall for the upcoming Summer Fair here in the village, I’ll have to stay for at least another few weeks after the wedding.
I know Lucy claims she doesn’t mind me kipping in her spare room, but it’s not fair to crash a newlywed’s honeymoon period, is it?
I’ll have to find a b-and-b or something, but what I’ll do after that, who knows.
After a quick search on my phone for local hotels and b-and-bs, I set out in pursuit of a likely looking one, supposedly on Rook Road.
I don’t tell Lucy where I’m heading, I just simply say that I need to walk off my breakfast and she’s happy to leave me to it, content with reading a fat, dog-eared book on the sofa.
I come across a row of charming mew houses, each with a sugary pastel shade door and small, neatly kept front gardens behind matching white fences. I stand before number thirty-three, the one with the mint green door and brass knocker.
Hm, this place looks nice. I wonder if they have any vacancies for the second week of August?
‘Hey.’
I’d recognise that deep, soft-yet-strong voice anywhere.
It reverberates through my bones, sending little electric shocks over my skin and forcing a muffled gasp from my lips.
Trembling despite the heat of the sun, I whirl around and face Finn.
Snowy is at his side on her lead and she ambles over to me, sniffing at my leg before deciding to give it a good lick as a show of friendship.
Finn, however, doesn’t look quite so pally. ‘I called you, you didn’t answer.’
‘Yeah, so?’
My tongue cuts much sharper than I intended it to, and he blinks as if wounded by it.
‘I just … well, is everything okay?’
‘Yeah. Everything's fine, why wouldn’t it be?’ I respond in clipped tones, every word a bite.
My defensiveness knocks Finn off guard, and he steps back a pace as though I’m a wild animal, liable to pounce at any moment.
‘Have I done something wrong?’
Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and shake my head. ‘No, Finn, you’ve done nothing wrong. This is about me, alright?’
He purses his lips, and I can practically hear the cogs turning in his mind as he puts it all together. ‘It’s about the other day in the car, isn’t it? About what happened between us.’
Scoffing, I shoot a withering glare his way. ‘It was just a kiss, Finn. Don’t make this into a big deal, okay?’
Stunned into silence, his brown-honey eyes bore into mine, searching my soul for the truth. Petrified that he’ll find it, I jerk my head away and stare at the floor.
‘I don’t think it was just a kiss, Leesh. These last couple of months, getting to know you and everything, well … it’s been amazing.’
A thousand butterflies awaken in my stomach, fluttering their fatigued wings in unison, desperate to take flight. And yet, I squash them down, killing each and every one before they have a chance to make me face what I’m too afraid to feel.
‘I told you, it was a kiss , nothing more. Sorry you got the wrong idea.’
Cold as ice, I turn on my heel, and rivulets of tears immediately stream down my cheeks. I’ll just die if he sees me crying, and yet, a huge part of my heart yearns for him to follow me out into the street, grasp my hand and hold me in his arms.
He doesn’t. He just lets me walk away, shivering beneath the scalding heat of the sun.