CHAPTER 25
Killian
Violent thrashing awakens me from my slumbering afterglow. I jump on the bed, my senses on high alert, trying to assess the threat immediately.
Next to me, Aimee is writhing uncontrollably on the mattress, her limbs flailing in different directions.
“No! No! No!” she sobs in her sleep, sweat marring her beautiful skin. Fuck, she’s having a nightmare. I inch closer to her, tapping her with precaution on her shoulder, trying to avoid startling her.
“Umbra, baby, it’s okay. Wake up.” I try to coax her out of her night terror, but she keeps jerking, full on crying now, tears staining her red cheeks.
“No, no, Jonathan! What are you doing!” She half screams, half sobs, before her body slumps down on the bed, catatonically. I panic, grabbing both of her shoulders and shaking them gently.
Jonathan?! Who the fuck is Jonathan? What the hell is she dreaming?
I freeze in stupor as understanding dawns on me, frosting the blood in my veins.
All the flinching, her defensive mechanisms, her need to always be in control…
Her reaction to me that night when she tried to punch me and I pinned her to the bed… Someone had molested her in the past.
“Aimee, Aimee, wake up!” I whisper-shout at her as anger coils inside me like a vicious beast. My shadows are swirling around us in blasts of crimson, threatening to wreak havoc on the room.
“Why? Why? Why?” she says in a defeated voice before opening her eyes wide, her pupils blown out in absolute terror. She recoils from my touch right away, shrinking into herself against the headboard.
“Stay away! Don’t touch me!” She sniffs, her body trembling. She hugs her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth, while inhaling and exhaling deeply. Her eyes are splotchy, her gaze lost, as if she’s somewhere between here and some dark, twisted, horrible corner of her mind.
My heart shatters like glass under heavy boulders seeing her like this. I will fucking kill whoever did this to her!
“Little umbra, it’s me. Killian…” My voice is barely above a whisper, and I show her my hands, palms up, trying to convey that I mean her no harm. I would rather die a thousand deaths than ever cause her even an ounce of pain. “You’re safe here, Aimee. Come back to me,” I beg her.
She’s humming, counting slowly as her eyes move across the room in wide sweeps.
“One clawfoot bathtub by the windows.” She mumbles.
“The feel of the silk sheets against my bare legs. The crackling sound of the fire warming the room.” She’s grounding herself, I realize with relief.
She’s finding her way back to me. “The smell of you.” She looks me straight in the eyes at the last statement, and all I want is to engulf her in my arms, to hold her close and swear that nothing and nobody will ever hurt her again, not as long as I still rule over these wretched lands.
“I’ll never be safe anywhere. Not when what haunts me lives inside of me,” she says, returning to herself.
I tentatively reach a hand towards her fingers that are clasping each other just above her knees, but don’t make contact.
My hand hovers in the air, and I gulp before asking, “Can I…” my voice trailing at the end, preparing for her rejection.
She nods slowly, and I barely graze her warm, clammy skin before she flings herself in my arms—her hands clinging to my shoulders, her head resting on my chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She sobs in my arms. “I’ve ruined everything.” I push her back gently to look at her face, and I’m taken aback by the guilt swimming in her puffy eyes. Agitation and rage battle to reach the surface, and I clench my teeth painfully, my fangs piercing my lower lip.
“What are you on about? You have nothing to apologize for, Aimee.” She looks up at me, her face blank and eyes guarded. “If anything, I am the one who is sorry.” Her eyes narrow, and she tries to wriggle herself free from my grasp.
“Don’t you fucking dare! I don’t need your pity, Killian!”
“Pity? Pity?!? Let me finish, umbra! I am sorry I did not meet you earlier! That I was not there to stop whatever happened to you from happening. That I did not know you earlier so I could have hunted that bastard down, and torn him limb from limb, and fucking fed him his own slimy, mutilated member.” I am shaking with unkept rage, my shadows twisting and turning, begging to be allowed to unleash upon whoever did this to her.
“Who is this fucking Jonathan? Give me his full name and I’ll bring you his bloodied head on a golden platter before morning. ”
All of a sudden, her body relaxes in my grasp, the corners of her lips going upwards, just barely.
“Sometimes I forget what a violent creature you really are,” she snickers and falls back into my embrace, circling her arms around me, letting them rest just below my shoulder blades.
I kiss her hair, running soothing circles on her backside. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, little umbra, and I will not insist, but know I am here, whenever, or if ever, you feel ready to share your story.”
She sighs against my chest, then tilts her head up, looking in my eyes. “I guess the least I could do is explain what just happened.” I open my mouth to say no, she doesn’t need to explain anything she doesn’t want to, but she beats me to it.
“I’ve never told this to anyone before. Kept it hidden out of shame, guilt, I don’t know. I don’t want to be treated like a victim, and I will fucking kick you in the groin if you ever do so.”
I chuckle and nod.
“Good,” she says, before sitting back on her haunches, her gaze lingering somewhere behind me.
“I was fifteen when I got raped by some boys from Vroni.”
“Boys? As in plural?” I tense up, feeling the rage return tenfold. “How many do I have to maim?”
She laughs dryly before continuing. “Three boys. Jonathan Vimont, Corbyn Berhyden, and Rami Barrakad.”
I file those names for later, making sure to call in Blaise for another manhunt as soon as he returns from the current one.
I will personally torture each of those limp-dicked cowards, peeling their skin layer by layer, breaking their bones one by one, healing them just enough so I can start it all again.
By the time I am done with them, they will wish their whole lineage was never born, and they’ll beg for a death that will not come for decades.
Living for a thousand years means you become extremely well-versed in torture, finding new and creative ways to inflict pain on your enemies. My fingers itch to do just that.
“They were just a few years older than me, and well, on completely opposite sides of the social spectrum. I was withdrawn back then, and didn’t have any friends.
My sister was the social butterfly. I was the quiet, awkward, boring sister of the Foretold One.
People treated me like an afterthought on the good days.
On the bad ones…” Her voice trails off, and I hug her just a little harder, my heart bleeding for the Aimee of the past. How anyone could ever think this stunning female was boring, it was simply beyond me.
“The first time Jonathan spoke with me, I almost tripped and fell in the middle of the main square. I was more than a little weary of his sudden attention. But he insisted, charming me, sweet-talking me, being kind, and I relented. Deep down, I was just like any other girl my age. I craved to be liked, to have a boy fawn all over me, tell me I’m beautiful, that I’m special.
I was desperate to be loved. To be kissed for the first time.
” I brush my fingers through her dark curls, placing soothing kisses on her naked shoulders.
She doesn’t inch away from my touch, and I’m fucking grateful for that.
My shadows extend and graze her sides in loving circles.
“We had been stealing moments together for a few weeks, so when, on my fifteenth birthday, he said he wanted to go somewhere outside town, that he had a surprise for me, I gladly, stupidly accepted. I even borrowed one of my sister’s dresses for the occasion.”
Her golden eyes are dull, muted to a lightless yellowish hue, and I’d sell my soul to Akaori just for the chance to make them sparkle like the sun again.
“He took me to an abandoned cabin near Amnesnoll, saying he had something romantic planned for us, and I idiotically believed him. That was my second mistake. The first mistake was ever trusting him to begin with. My self-preservation instinct tried to warn me that something was very, very wrong. That I should turn around and just leave. But I didn’t listen.
I didn’t trust my inner voice; I was such a fool!
” A single strangled sob escapes her lips, and I squeeze her arms to bring her back here, with me.
“Aimee, nothing that happened was your fault. You are not to blame for the actions of those deranged bastards. Stop belittling yourself on their account,” I breathe.
“I know that now. It took me a long while to get there, but I know,” she says. “Yet, sometimes it’s hard to remember.” She offers me a sad smile, and I vow to myself that I will avenge her no matter what.
“Once inside, he started kissing me, pulling at my clothes, and I tried to get away, I swear I did, but it didn’t matter.
He overpowered me so easily, like I was nothing.
Like I didn’t matter. His friends were there, and they all immobilized me and did what you can imagine.
They took their turns, each more vile than the other.
I struggled at first. I cried. Shouted to the high heavens.
But eventually I just lost all sense of time and space, of pain.
I was just a puppet in their clutches, and after they had their fill, they just left me there discarded, like a piece of trash. ”
“And you didn’t tell anyone?” I ask, frowning.
“Not a soul,” she whispers so low, I can barely catch it, even with my inhuman hearing.
“Not even your sister?” I ask incredulously.
A shadow of something dark passes through Aimee’s eyes before she quickly snaps out of it.
“Not even her. We weren’t close, Killian.
Not how twins should be. Not enough for me to lay my broken soul bare in front of her.
Besides, I felt so contaminated, so foul, I didn’t want anyone to know how rotten I was on the inside.
I believed I was completely to blame for what had happened to me.
That I somehow provoked it. That I somehow deserved it.
I pushed through the pain, the shame, and the first chance I had, I ran away and never looked back.
That’s how I ended up in Annerough, and found ways to cope with my brokenness.
I learned to defend myself. To dance. Dazzle and ensnare, yet always retain the upper hand.
To control the narrative, and use males for pleasure, instead of being used and abused by them. ”
My control slips, and my shadows lash out in the room, books flying everywhere.
I breathe heavily against her skin as I reel them back in.
“You deserve the world, and nothing short of it, little umbra. If you can’t believe anything else in this cursed life, believe that.
Believe me. I will burn this realm for you and lay its ashes at your feet, if you say the word. ”
Her subdued smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
“I wish that were true, Killian. I really do. But you have a destiny to fulfill, a prophecy to bring forth, and that has nothing to do with me. As heavenly as being in your arms feels, this is not real.” I tense at her words, and pull back to stare into her sad eyes.
“Don’t say that,” I say through gritted teeth. “You’re mine now, little umbra. Nothing and nobody can change that.”
She reaches for my face, stroking my jaw tenderly.
“Fate already did when it intertwined your life with Aurora’s.
I will not be the reason for your kingdom, your legacy, to lie to waste.
” She places an innocent kiss on my cheek, then moves to back away out of my arms. I feel her absence like a blow deep in my gut.
“What are you saying?” I want to grab her and bring her back where she belongs, but the way she looks at me has me paralyzed.
“That you will eventually have to let me go, Killian. When you find Aurora, and you will both step into your power together, nothing else will matter. Defeating Morweena is your obligation, your predestined future. I will become just a second thought, and I’m okay with that.
I’ve accepted the outcome, and so should you. ”
“Never,” I seethe. Why does she have so little faith in me? She could be nothing less than the blinding sun that my entire universe revolves around. “I will find a way to have you and convince your sister to help us.”
“Mhm,” is her only response, her gaze lost again in the vast darkness of her mind. She unfurls from the bed, gathering her clothes as she goes.
“What are you doing, umbra?” I watch her as she dresses slowly, her eyes lingering just for a second on my naked form.
“I’m going back to my room, Killian. I should have left as soon as you finished rocking my world. This thing between us can never go beyond the physical. You’ll come to see things clearly sooner or later.”
With that, she pulls the door open, and disappears out of sight, leaving me dumbstruck and aching, in more ways than one.