15. Violet
Chapter 15
Violet
I feel so bad for blowing Dustin off during the puzzle challenge. So much so I decided to get in my car and drive to his farm. I need to apologize. I didn’t want to jeopardize the competition for him. It wasn’t his fault at all.
I shut my car off and close the door. It’s late in the evening and chilly outside. Good thing I’m still wearing my overalls over my sweatshirt. I knock a few times and wait patiently. I can hear the soft hum of cows mooing in the distance.
“Hey,” he says as he notices me standing awkwardly on his doorstep.
I fidget with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Sure.” He opens the door wider for me to enter. I slowly follow him to the couch, grateful to be inside and warm. I sit next to him, crossing one leg over the other. I bounce my knee.
How do I go about this?
He folds his arms over his chest. I can almost feel the tension, it’s thick in the air. He’s frustrated with me. I can’t blame him. I bailed on him. “I’m sorry.” I blurt in confession.
“For what?”
“Well. For abandoning you this week. For making you carry the challenge. It was a crappy thing to do.”
“It’s okay. It’s over with.” His expression says otherwise.
“No, it’s not. There are things I’ve left unsaid. Things I don’t tell anyone. But if you knew. I think you’d understand the reasoning behind why I left.”
“Okay, tell me. I’m all ears.”
“...Okay, I…there was something you said when I came over. Something that hit me hard. I don’t normally think about the past. I try not to.” I pause, trying to think about the best way to tell him, without divulging everything. I’m not ready for that. “You said you’d never felt more alone. I agreed with you because…well.” I pick at the edge of my overall seams.
Dustin studies me patiently, waiting for me to continue. He doesn’t breathe a word. It’s comforting.
“I’ve experienced a lot of grief in my life. I closed myself off from everyone and everything for the week. It wasn’t just you…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say more.” He reassures me. His features soften. “If I would’ve known I’d never made a big deal about it. And acted the way I had.”
“Truce?” I ask hesitantly.
“Truce.”
There’s something relieving about being open. Even if it’s only a small amount. I’m making strides. They’ll be longer and stretch further over time. I will have to break down my walls eventually, but for now I can revel in the little steps I take.
“Does this mean what I think it does?”
“If you mean that we are upgraded to friendship status, then yes. We can be friends now.”
“Do you still despise me?”
“A little.”
“Good. It makes things more enjoyable.”
He grins. “It really does.”
“For clarification purposes, there’s no best in there? Just friends?”
“That position is already filled.”
Why am I jealous all of the sudden?
I shouldn’t be; I never get jealous. It’s foreign. I don’t like it. What if he has a girlfriend? The thought passes as quickly as it runs through my mind. Why should I care? We became friends a second ago. It doesn’t matter if he has a girlfriend or not.
“Don’t look so disappointed. I’m not dating anyone. Nolan and I shared a dorm room in college together and became best friends.”
“Oh. I wasn’t disappointed.” My face suddenly feels warm. I’m sure my cheeks are a rosy hue.
I was never any good at lying. And I’m not any better now.
“Okay. I believe you.” No you don’t. “Ready for next week?”
I sigh. “Yes and no. The competitions get harder each time. It’s so exhausting.”
“That’s true, but at least we won’t be arguing anymore.”
“Are you confident that we won’t be?”
“No. Are you?”
“Nope. Not at all.”