40. Violet
Chapter 40
Violet
I had to get out of there as fast as I could. I know why she kept this a secret from me for so many years. And why she kept it from Henry as well.
I caused my parent’s accident and then I kept Darcy from years of being with her soulmate. She was always meant to be happy. Everything she does is selfless.
Henry’s words keep ringing through my mind. Not until a few years ago before she was diagnosed with dementia did I find out about how she felt. She had to have been holding back from telling him for thirteen years. Now that she has dementia everything is wrong, so wrong. The years she does have left with him, will she even remember them as the disease progresses? No, most likely not. The thought aches in my bones.
How can I not ruin a relationship with Dustin too? He deserves way more than the shell of myself I am offering him. I only have a small part of myself to give, and what’s left of that is broken. The more and more I think about it, the more I know I need to save him from the turmoil that is my life. I’ll only bring him down with me.
After making it back to my shop, I spend the rest of the day filling flower orders, watering plants, and organizing inventory. My phone continues to vibrate in my pocket every few minutes during the day, but I can’t bear to look at it. I know it’s Dustin. I know that he cares. I know that I will let him down.
It’s for the best.
Once afternoon rolls around, I slump on the couch dreading what I know is inevitable.
“Violet, are you okay? I was so worried about you, you weren't answering any of my calls or texts. Did something happen with Henry?” He looks so worried, and the sight makes what I am about to do hurt so much more.
“I’m okay.”
“You’re lying. I know you, darling. I can tell when something is wrong. Just tell me. I’m here for you.” He grabs my hand in his.
I shake my head. “I—”
“Whatever is hurting you, we can get through it together. You’re not alone anymore.”
“That’s the problem,” I say shakily. “I don’t think we can do this together. There’s nothing forcing us to be together anymore. Now that the competitions are long over there's nothing forcing this. You have to focus on the farm, and I have my shop to run. There isn’t time left for you and me.” I can’t handle losing you if I get any more attached.
I think I’m already too attached. It’s going to ruin me regardless of the outcome.
“You know that isn’t true. There will always be time for you and I.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can. What can I do? Why are you upset? I can take some of your hurt on my shoulders. I can take it all.”
“I mess everything up, okay?”
“No, you don’t.” His expression softens.
“Yes, I do! I am the reason my parents are gone! I am the reason Darcy never went after Henry, her soulmate. She spent the past thirteen years of her life hiding her love for him because she didn’t want to feel like she was putting anyone else above me. She thought I would feel abandoned. I’m going to ruin your life like I do with everyone else's. And I can’t let that happen.
“You are not at fault for either of those things.”
“I am though, you don’t even know. I haven’t told you. I’ve been too afraid to tell you.” I pause, wishing the words I have to say never had to leave my mouth. “I made my parents late that day because I was too worried about how I looked. We were going on vacation, and I spent an extra hour worried about my hair. If I didn’t make them late, we would have never been in an accident. Then to make things worse, I put my headphones in and ignored them the whole car ride. I don’t even remember the last thing I said to them.”
“That’s not your fault. You were a kid; how would you know something like that would happen? You didn’t.” His voice softens.
“It is.”
“No, it’s not, and I’m never going to leave you no matter how much you try to push me away, dammit. I love you. Are you hearing me? I love you, Violet Tarynn Hart.”
He loves me?
No. No. No. This isn’t good. I’ve loved him way longer than I admitted it to myself. If I tell him that, he will never have a chance at what he really deserves. Someone who can give him everything, all of them. That someone isn’t me.
“I—I’m sorry but I don’t love you, I never have and I never will.” I try my best to keep my voice toneless. I look down at the ground, fighting back tears that threaten to fall.
“You don’t mean that.” His voice is shaky.
“I do. Now go. Please.” I don't want him to go. I am madly in love with him. And the thought of hurting him is devastating.
“I—”
“Just go Dustin.” The defeated look that crosses over his face breaks me as he turns to leave.
Just like that, he’s gone. He said he would never leave. But I said the only thing I knew that would make him.