Chapter 18 Those Meaningful Moments in Spring
Those Meaningful Moments in Spring
Erin
“Til!” I called. “Wait!”
“No wait! Bath time!”
The front door was forgotten. The heavy oak stayed wide open, and it wouldn’t be long before tiny moths found their way inside the house to dance around the chandelier hanging over the entryway. My hand flailed for the banister. I was already out of breath. How were Matilda’s tiny legs so fast?
She skidded to a stop at the top of the stairs.
“T-Til?” I wheezed.
What had caught her attention? I edged around the corner. Her head tilted, she stood stock-still, round belly jutting out of her ruffled swimsuit, staring at the open door at the end of the hallway.
“What there?” She pointed at Lila and Cole’s old bedroom. “Matilda not been there.”
No one went in there.
Matilda had stuck her little nose into almost every room—except the attic—and she loved stealing Callan’s bed for afternoon naps, but this door was usually locked. I never went searching for the key.
I crouched beside her. “No one’s been in there for a long time.”
“Matilda go first.”
“No—wait—”
She bolted down the hallway but skidded to a stop at the door. She squealed, “It a princess bedroom!” and disappeared inside.
Slow footsteps pulled me down the hallway.
I paused at the end, my fingers skimming the doorframe, the shake in my hand refusing to settle.
Was I ready for this? I avoided this room.
When the door was closed, it was like all the bad memories stayed trapped inside.
I didn’t have to face them. I wasn’t sure I could.
I stepped inside. A deep breath filled my lungs as I lifted my eyes.
Lila’s really gone…
The photos and knick-knacks on the nightstand had been cleared away.
The four-poster bed still stood proudly in the middle of the room, the delicate mesh draped over the top, but the patchwork quilt Lila had sewn was missing, and the comforter folded neatly at the end of the bed was a simple and sterile white.
There was no reminder of my best friend except for the porcelain unicorn on the windowsill.
Matilda scrambled onto the bed and flopped into the mountain of pillows. “This favorite room.”
Wordless, I sank onto the edge of the mattress.
It was like Lila had never existed at all.
My heart would never be whole because a piece would always be lost with her wherever she was now, but the days had somehow gone on without her.
I’d been blessed with a little girl that Lila never got to meet except for a frail hand on my tiny bump.
She never got to have kids or grow old. I got all that, and the only thing left of her life was a porcelain knick-knack in a blank, white room.
How was that fair? Who decided? Guilt was a rock tied to my heart, tugging it down to dark, dark places.
I only looked up when footsteps shuffled down the hall. Mim hovered in the doorway.
“I thought I heard my little Til scurryin’ around up here,” she said.
“The door was open.” My gaze floated back to the unicorn. “It’s so…empty.”
Mim sighed, and shaking her head, she simply said, “Cole.”
“He packed everything away?”
“The week before he left. He took a few things with him, but most of it’s stored in the attic. The two of them had a hell of a time gettin’ it all up there.”
My eyebrows popped up to ask the silent question of “Who?”
“Cal helped him,” Mim explained. “It nearly broke his heart to do it. He told Cole there was nothin’ wrong with keepin’ everything laid out all nice like Lila had it. Cole wasn’t listenin’, of course. Stubborn, that one. Like his father.”
“I didn’t know…”
“You’ve been avoidin’ this room.”
I couldn’t deny it. I hadn’t even trusted myself to creep up to the door. “The last time I was here…” Well, it had been the last time.
The antique bed groaned when Mim sat beside me. “There’s nothin’ to fear about this room. If Lila’s still in this world, she’ll be watchin’ over Cole.” She huffed a laugh. “She’s probably wishin’ she could chew his ear off like she used to. He’s actin’ so foolish.”
“He loves her.”
“He’s stuck. A bit like you, I think. The people in our past shape us, but sometimes, the best way to honor those memories is to keep movin’. Standin’ still won’t bring ’em back.”
“I know.”
“Do you, though? You’ve always been one to stick it out until the bitter end.
Not like your parents. I can’t say I wasn’t grateful for all you did for Lila in those last days…
I was… And I am. Not everyone deserves the type of love you’re willin’ to give.
” She patted my knee. “Just like how not all men are worth trudgin’ through an endless winter in the hope somethin’ good will be waitin’ if it ends. ”
I knew that. That was one thing I was certain of. “Nothing could convince me to take Jeremy back.”
“Cal’s got somethin’ to do with that.”
“He’s a good friend.”
Mim snorted. “Is that what you two are callin’ it? Good friends, eh?” Laughing, she shook her head. “Cal’s a good boy. He cares about you somethin’ fierce.”
“You’re worried I’ll hurt him.”
“I’ve known you longer than I didn’t. You won’t.” Mim cocked her head. “But just know, if you leave, he’ll follow.”
Even if I’d won Callan’s heart, this old house had already claimed his soul. He couldn’t live without the farm. “I would never ask him to leave here.”
“I guess you’re stayin’ then.”
Finally, I could give her a believable smile. “I guess I am.”
The crepe skin on her neck crinkled when she peered over her shoulder at Matilda. “And what about you, little Til?”
Matilda bolted upright and blinked at Mim.
“What do you say about comin’ down to my place tonight? My old man is off fishin’. You wanna keep an old chook company?”
Matilda tilted her head. She didn’t understand all the words.
“I’ve got ice cream and a real big TV,” Mim added.
“Yeah!” Matilda bounced over the bed and wrapped her arms around my neck. She grinned and said, “Please?” in her sweetest voice.
Mim’s thin lips curled into a smile. “You take the night off. Enjoy yourself,” she said. “Me and my little Til are gettin’ up to no good.”
I sank lower in the tub.
Warm water and sweet citrus bubbles pooled around me, and I sipped my wine before edging the glass along the tiles to settle by the wall.
The hollow ache inside my chest unknotted.
Tired muscles relaxed. Lila’s room wasn’t a gateway waiting to swallow me into a bottomless void.
I didn’t break down. I was calm. Fine, even.
My eyelids fluttered closed, and I let my hand dangle off the side of the tub as I sank low enough for the frothy bubbles to tickle my chin. I might have dozed off for a minute or two.
The bathroom door snapped open.
No knock, just the turn of the metal handle and the shock of the cold air gushing over my bare knees. Heavy steps stopped almost as quickly as I launched out of the water to snatch the towel off the rack and clutch it against my body.
“Sorry.” Callan almost choked on the word. “Mim said you were up for Til’s bath time, so I assumed…”
His mouth pressed in a line, a slash of embarrassed pink burning his cheeks. He was glaring down at his boots. No… His eyes were narrowed on a spot behind me.
What had caught his attention?
I swiveled my head, just enough, and gasped at the pink curve of my naked backside reflecting in the mirror.
“Callan?”
A pained “Erin” is what he managed to say in response, but his eyes didn’t shift.
I bit down on my bottom lip, but I didn’t move the towel to cover more of my body. Most of my thighs were bare. A sliver of my waist. There wasn’t much he couldn’t see.
“What are you looking at?” I wanted him to admit the reason his chest was heaving on those big breaths was that he liked looking at me.
“You know I’m looking at you.”
“You’ve seen that before. We went swimming on the weekend.”
“That’s not the same, and you know it.” His eyes darted back to the mirror, and the shock of it was just as powerful as the first time. He splayed his palm on his chest and took a deep breath, but he didn’t look away.
“You dressed up tonight,” I said.
“I thought I’d take you out to dinner.”
Water trickled down my legs. The chill seeping through the open door was enough to turn the trail into bumps. “Is that really what you want to do?”
“Right now? No.”
“What do you want?”
Callan’s eyes locked on mine. “I want to fall to my knees beside that tub and put my face between your legs.”
I gasped and clutched the towel a little higher, exposing even more of my bare thighs to the eyes he dipped down, completely unapologetic in the greedy way he looked at me.
“But you won’t?” I whispered.
Callan shook his head. “We’re not ready.”
“But…what about…you?”
He tilted his head, unsure what I was suggesting.
“Will you touch yourself?” I ask him. “While I watch?”
“You don’t want to watch that.”
“Don’t tell me what I want.” My tongue darted out to wet my lips as his fingers hovered, uncertain, above his belt buckle. “Take off your pants, Callan.”
“That’s not very nice manners, Erin.”
I huffed a surprised laugh that he could still be so playful. Along for the ride, I fluttered my eyelashes and whispered a sexy, “Please.”
He smirked. “Well, since you asked nicely…” Facing me square on, he unfastened his belt, the metal clunk echoing off the tiles. His hands stilled on the button of his trousers.
I urged him to keep going. “I want to watch you.”
“Erin…”
Was he shy? He shouldn’t be. “Please,” I whispered again.
The zipper dragged down, exposing a glimpse of his toned stomach and the neat trail of copper hair that disappeared into his blue plaid boxers. I clenched my thighs together to stop the throb between my legs from distracting me.
“More,” I instructed.
Callan’s head cocked slightly to the side. “I don’t usually like being bossed around in the bedroom.” Another playful smirk tugged at his lips.
“This is a bathroom.”
He edged the boxers over his hips. “I guess you’re in charge then.” The plaid dipped lower and lower until his erection bobbed free.
I stared. I couldn’t help it.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
Was it possible for a man to have a beautiful dick? God. It must be. My eyes were locked on it. It was right in front of me.
My reaction seemed to please Callan. He flashed me one of his lazy smiles as his hand moved in slow strokes up and down. “Your turn.”
“M-my turn?”
“I want to see more than that gorgeous ass, Erin.” He nodded at the towel still clutched tight to my front. “I think it might be my favorite. I love getting my hands on it. But let me see a little more of you so I can be sure.” He lowered his voice to purr, “Please.”
The low rumble of that word fluttered in my stomach. This sexy side of Callan was intoxicating. Self-doubt still sparked in the deep, dark parts of my heart, but, cautious, with my teeth buried in my lip, I inched the towel lower.
“More,” he instructed me this time.
I edged the white cotton down my body, exposing my breasts and those too-pink nipples to hungry eyes. Callan’s groan was strangled, and his big hand clamped into a tight fist around his cock. I shot the towel back up and stared at him, mortified.
“Erin.” My name came out of him in a pained growl.
Please don’t tell me you’re not attracted to me. “W-why did you stop?” Please don’t say that.
“I was about to come.”
My eyes rounded. “Because…”
“You know why.”
“Can you say it anyway?”
He jerked his chin down in a nod. “Those breasts… Heaven. You’ve got one hell of a gorgeous body on you.”
“And you’ve seen a few?”
“Yeah, a few.”
“When was the last time?”
“Four years ago.”
My eyes got even bigger. Four years? “Why did you wait so long?”
“Because that’s when I admitted to myself I was in love with you. There wasn’t anyone else for me after that.”
The towel slipped from my fingers and pooled on the floor.
My whole body was on display. Callan’s eyes slitted, hungry on their path over my breasts, my little belly bump, to the patch of hair between my legs.
It didn’t take many strokes of his cock before a rough male groan echoed off the tiles, and he came in thick milky bursts all over the bathroom floor.
His chest heaving, his shoulder slumped against the wall as he fought to catch his breath. “Fuck.”
That one word filled the hollow in my chest until I burst with a smile. He found me sexy. I turned him on. He loved me. Well, he probably didn’t mean “love” like “I love you,” but he wanted me.
Slowly, I slid back into the tub, covering myself with bubbles and enjoying the swish of the warm water between my fingers as Callan busied himself tidying up the glorious mess he’d made of the tiles.
The rustle of cotton, the clunk of a buckle, and the swish of the towel over the floor—I heard it all as I smiled at the ceiling.
Callan leaned over the tub. “Don’t take too long in here,” he murmured, capturing me in a sweet, lingering kiss. “I’m still taking you to dinner tonight.”