Chapter Nineteen
Birdie
“ B irdie Lynn, be reasonable.” Rex finishes tying off the last rope connecting the banner for the holiday event underneath the Wild Hearts entry sign. His round hairy belly and plumber’s crack are visible in the ridiculous red and white costume he’s wearing. It takes everything in me not to giggle.
The Santa I’d hoped to hire has an exclusivity contract with the mall, so Rex stepped in. I ordered the largest available costume online and still it’s two sizes too small.
“You care about science and shit, but you’re telling me you don’t give a hoot about historical accuracy?” He’s been going on about needing a whip as part of his outfit all morning, the one currently tucked into his belt as he climbs down off the ladder. The whip he insists his Santa portrayal is not complete without.
I ignore him.
“Don’t give a hoot. You hear that, Sunny? Hoot. Hoot.” I put an animal-safe piece of jerky between my teeth and face the owl on my shoulder. My little friend gives a warbling hoot in response and snatches the treat, shaking out a full coat of pretty white feathers in the process. They’ve finally molted from forest green to pure white and right on time for the winter solstice.
It’s gorgeous out. Snow covers the land but it’s sunny enough to be comfortable with a thick sweater and scarf. I rock the prairie dog in my apron pocket up and down. He’s sleeping and likes to be jostled if I’m not actively walking around.
A wildly loud cracking sound makes me jump. Lemmy pops out and Sunny shrieks. I twist my shoulder away from Rex, who’s brandishing his whip and pouting at me for ignoring him.
“Unless you want us both passed out from Lampros Ascalaphus toxin,” I snap, glancing at the deadly avian on my shoulder. “I suggest taking it easy on the whip.”
“Sorry,” he grumbles, now at ground level and folding up the ladder. We start walking back to the house to finish the last of the event setup. “But seriously. Krampus had a whip. Santa probably did too if he’s leading a working team of reindeer. Which means if I’m meant to faithfully represent the old goat, I need a whip too.”
“You can’t go around beating kids for historical accuracy.” I roll my eyes.
“I can be nice Krampus,” he says. “And stern Santa. I mean, a little intimidation never hurt anybody. Toughen ’em up early, I say.”
“Absolutely not!” I try to snatch the whip away, but when I see that telltale smirk as he holds it tight, I know he’s just trying to get a rise out of me.
“You’re evil!”
“Right on character for Krampus, honey.” He strides forward, looking both so ridiculous and so wildly monstrous with his massive horns, fuzzy red outfit, and spray-painted silver hair, I contemplate detouring to the house first for a fifteen-minute break to seduce him into just giving up the whip already.
We just don’t have the time. Not today.
“Fine.” I say as we reach the big stone patio where all my volunteers are already setting up tents and tables. “Keep the whip but you can’t use it.”
“What’s the point then?” He stops and puts his fists at his hips defiantly. “I’m capable and can be very careful. No beating people with it. I’m sure I can manage that.”
“But then there’s the sound. Not only did it scare Sunny, it’ll frighten the other animals and all our visitors, most importantly the impressionable young children in attendance.”
“Kids like cool shit.” He shrugs.
“The whip stays at your belt.”
“Except for demonstrating its usefulness,” he counters. “You see, I have this idea. I put some of those gold spray-painted pinecones on a fence and whip ’em off, one by one. Skill with a whip isn’t just relevant to ranch life, it’s also—”
“Historically accurate,” I finish with a long-suffering sigh. He’s thought about this enough to get stubborn. My only option to get him moving and the event started on time is to make a deal with this demon. “Fine. Put the whip away except during demonstrations which will take place once an hour, no longer than five minutes, in a location far from the animals. All children present must stay back twenty feet and be accompanied by an adult guardian.”
I hold my hand out.
He clasps my arm in traditional demon fashion, troublemaking grin in full effect.
“A deal is a deal,” we say.
“And I’m holding you to it.” I give him an arched look. He loops the whip up and dramatically tucks it into his belt before slowly stepping back. “Now get to work. Photo op with the volunteers starts in five.”
“Yes, boss.” He winks and dances away before I can shove his shoulder.
A Wild Hearts Holiday: Solstice at the Sanctuary.
I stare at the banner hanging at the entrance to the patio, decorated on both sides by lit up Christmas trees covered in shiny snowflake ornaments. The sign matches the one we just hung up over the open entry gate.
Any minute now, people will come to the ranch not for a Christmas tree, but to learn about the sanctuary work. This is a soft launch to introduce phase one. I’m opening up the ranch to the public one weekend a month to give tours of the animals and the hikes up to the viewing platform. Aside from that, I’ll continue developing connections with the local school district, community groups, and even universities around the state.
I’ve done everything I can to prepare, and I’ve had so much help. Since the moment Rex and I woke up for morning chores, it’s been an absolute blur.
Mom and Orla showed up at dawn with a few of my demon cousins to make us breakfast and get started on food prep. They brought a lot of premade snacks—yule logs, cheeseballs, deviled eggs, and pumpkin pie bites—but they wanted to get some open fires going for s’mores, roasted chestnuts, fresh popcorn, and grilled meat kabobs. They even have a sugar cookie decoration station which should be a big hit. It’s probably too much food, but with Rex, there’s really never too much food. It’ll get eaten no matter what.
Rom and Noelle got here early too to set up the hot chocolate station and reading circle. My moms insisted on putting Rom next to them, and Noelle got busy implementing her vision. With only string lights, giant pillows, and an outdoor rug, she transformed the space into a cozy, magical, reading haven and has a big stack of holiday books she’ll be narrating throughout the day.
Coco arrived next. We’d met months ago when Rex’s actor friend, Vale, held a press event on the ranch for his new holiday movie. She’s his fake psychologist wife. Well, fake wife. Real doctor. She also has a soft spot for animals and was more than willing to run the petting zoo. I got a few of my best-behaved little critters, each in their own holiday garb—a chicken with a Santa hat, a ferret and rabbits with elf ears, and three goats with white furry collars—including chunky Vince, of course.
Sunny and Lemmy won’t be a part of the petting zoo, but I wanted to have them with me to show off some of the work I do in rehabilitating the slightly-more-wild animals that come through the sanctuary.
I check on Coco in the fenced off, heated area with the animals and make sure she’s comfortable before heading to the last volunteers to arrive, still setting up their tent.
Rom swats Rex’s hand away from the snack table, but I catch my mom handing him a plate of goodies as he rounds to her side. Noelle stops him for a selfie before he gets to his Santa photo op station, a quickly-crafted wood sleigh front filled with fake presents against the background of snowy Mount Winter Bliss.
“We have these fliers for the goodie bags!” Iggy snaps me out of staring at my favorite demon with hearts in my eyes. Right. My last volunteers.
“Oh, great.” I grab the fliers from her, highlighting the parks department programs, and tuck them in my apron’s bottom pocket. “I’ll get those sorted.”
Chad and Iggy offered to man a Junior Ranger tent, running children through quick lessons and activities in exchange for button “badges” they can pin on their coats. If they collect all six badges, they also get a fake ranger hat, just like the kind Chad wears with a custom ribbon reading Junior Ranger - Wild Hearts Sanctuary .
“I need one of these.” I pick one up, eyes misting with emotion. The badges and hats were all Chad and Iggy’s idea, but I sponsored the supplies. My first official partnership. “It’s just adorable.”
“Don’t forget a set of badges for your collection.” Chad hands them over. Tree Expert. Hot Springs. Migratory Animals. Fire Safety. Volcanologist. Water Conservation. “Do you need help with the guided hikes up to the outlook? You’re doing them every hour, right?”
“Every two hours,” I answer, tucking away my goodies. “The trail is open for anyone from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. but I’m only doing the guided tour three times. When I did a practice run with Rex the other day, there was just too much to say.”
“And show off,” he adds, eyes sparkling with warmth. Chad loves the outdoors as much as me and has been such a huge supporter. “You’ve got a lot to be proud of expanding your work and opening the sanctuary up to the public like this.”
“Thanks so much, you guys.” I give him and Iggy a quick hug, still a little overcome with how much we were all able to pull together in such a small amount of time.
There’s still so much ahead of me. This fun, exciting, chaotically thrown together event is just the beginning.
And it’s happening exactly when something else is ending. Rex is leaving at the end of next week. We don’t talk about it. And every time the thought pops up in my head, I push it away. It’s a conversation for another day. Not today. Not when everything feels bright and full of possibility.
“Showtime in twenty minutes, everyone!” I clap my hands. “The gates are open so guests could be arriving anytime! If you want a Santa photo op, do it now.” I bite my lip and try not to laugh watching Rex tug at his fake Santa costume, surrounded by fake presents in his fake sleigh. Giving in and letting him use the whip is the least I could do.
For a moment, I worry that this whole event, everything I want to accomplish, could be a total flop. What if no one cares? What if no one shows up except my friends and family hastily putting the finishing touches on each activity center?
You know what?
Fuck it , I think, channeling Rex’s nonchalant confidence.
Spending a day with my loved ones could never be a waste. And chasing my dreams for the first time in my life is exactly what I should be doing.
T he holiday event, it turns out, is not a flop.
Despite the frigid temperature and light snow, I’m sweating under my messy apron as I drop Lemmy off in his enclosure and prep for my final guided hike up to the outlook.
This group is my biggest yet. At least fifty people, maybe more.
“Sorry, folks. Just one second and I’ll be with you.” I hastily put my hair up, take off the apron, and chug a bottle of water. Sunny has long since flown off. The crowd was a little too much for my wild friend.
I wish I’d done a better job counting, but there had to be hundreds of visitors. The turnout is a little mind-boggling, including several bigwigs with the school district who seemed very excited to discuss field trip options and even an events coordinator from the Emberlight Resort. She was interested in organizing private tours for guests on a set schedule and the amounts she tossed out, even before proper negotiation, made my head spin. That partnership alone could help fund so much of what I want to do.
We had so many people show up, Rom had to send for more hot chocolate. Mom brought enough food to feed an army, so the snack table is still going strong. Iggy and Chad ran out of ranger badges and hats an hour ago. I’m just grateful I made triple the goodie bags I thought I’d need, filled with educational fliers and holiday treats, planning to let Noelle distribute them at the library. Instead, I’m down to my last couple dozen.
“Okay!” I walk back up to the group near the trailhead. “Last hike up to the viewing platform starts now! It’s a quarter mile uphill but not very challenging. We’ll take our time, learning about local flora and fauna as we go, and can accommodate most ages and abilities. I’ll be leading but I have a few helpers.” I point to three of my demon stepcousins who wave at everyone. “They’ll hang back with anyone who needs to go slower. Don’t hesitate to ask questions as we go.”
We make our way up the hill, pausing at each of the informational signs Rex installed for me. I designed them to highlight information about the terrain and wildlife visitors may see on the way up to the outlook or from the top.
“Fun fact.” I point to the last sign as we pause at the top and everyone takes in the view from all sides. “The Rocky Mountains are among the youngest in North America. One of the ranges formed just ten million years ago. That may not seem young, but consider that the Appalachian Mountains on the East Coast are over 400 million years old. As you take in what you see, remember that everything around you is in a constant state of change. It’s our duty to treat not only people and animals, but the land beneath us, with great care and responsibly.”
As the group oohs and aahs over the view, I manage the line queued up at the viewing scope. I found that giving them a thirty-second timer was the only way for everyone to get a shot at peeking at the otters swimming on the opposite side of the lake and the herd of moose moving through a nearby stretch of woods. There’s just so much to see and I can’t wait to have even more scopes up here to show off next year.
As a few people start meandering toward the path down, I know it’s time to leave and make a quick announcement for the group. Just as I’m getting ready to lead, a familiar face intercepts me.
Familiar and wholly unwelcome.
“Hi, Birdie.”
“Randy,” I say evenly, completely detached which is more than what he deserves. “If you’ll join the others, we really need to get going.”
“Sure. I just wanted to let you know I’m back in town.” He leans closer. “I think we should talk. Clear the air.”
Crap. Back in town? For good? I want to know, but I don’t want to ask. If it’s only temporary, that’s good news. If it’s longer, I need to come to terms with it.
I crack my neck and take a fortifying breath, only to see my demon cousin Simon’s panicked expression. Randy clearly wants to speak with me alone, otherwise he wouldn’t have waited until right this moment to show himself. I blocked him on my phone and just this morning via my email as well, so he’s had no way to contact me. I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. It’s the holidays. If anything could bring him home from his world travels, it’d be Christmas with his family.
This can go one of two ways. Randy and I talk now and clear the air , as he says. Or I brush him off and he follows me back down. I have no doubt that would lead to a scene in front of visitors as well as my family and friends. Imagining Rex’s reaction to seeing Randy anywhere near me makes the decision easy.
“Will you take the group down?” I look to Simon and my other cousins. “Randy and I should talk.”
“Are you s—”
“I’m fine. I insist,” I cut him off and look at Randy. “Let’s get this over with.”
My cousins herd the group away and then it’s just my ex-fiancé and I on a windy hilltop, standing on the cement foundation that was supposed to be cabins for a luxury retreat he’d envisioned.
My new reality is so much better, it still doesn’t feel real. But looking at Randy doesn’t make me want to dwell on how awesome my life is now. The sight of him, well-dressed and with a healthy vacation tan, brings up everything I’ve kept safely locked away since the day he left me at the altar—all the disappointment and confusion. The panic. The shame. And eventually, the anger.
I’m boiling over with rage just being in his presence.
“I forgot how incredible the view is up here,” he says, hands on his hips, looking around. He’d only hiked up here once to take measurements, bitching and moaning the whole time. “Cabins could easily go for twice the nightly rate I guesstimated with the way the rental market’s going in the area lately.”
I snort. “I don’t fucking care.”
His face spins to me, mouth popped open, chin pulled back in shock, giving him a neckless appearance that’s anything but cute. “I’ve never heard you curse.”
“You never really knew me,” I say.
He nods and kicks his shoe against the cement, looking down. “You never really knew me either.”
My jaw falls open and I want to laugh. So I do.
Again, he looks at me in shock.
“You’re going to try and make it sound like you jilting me on our wedding day without a fucking word is even partially my fault?”
His arms fly up. “I-I-I’ll own that wasn’t cool.”
“Wasn’t cool?!” I shout.
“I fucked up.” He swallows. Still, I take note, no apology. “I’m not saying I made the right call, but you had me backed into a corner. Like you said, we didn’t really know each other as well as we should have, you know? I tried to get you to go on a honeymoon, but I didn’t tell you how important it was to me, not just that trip, traveling in general. It’s what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember, but you weren’t interested. You shut me down every time.”
The conversation turns back to me being at fault so easily. How did I miss this before?
“I told you no,” I seethe. “Because I have animals that need me and day-to-day responsibilities. My place is here.”
“I always imagined we’d hand this off to a property manager and see the world. Your family is from abroad. Your dad lives in New York. It just made sense we’d travel. But you were so stubborn, you wouldn’t even agree to the honeymoon.” He shrugs.
“You thought you could convince me to give up this place, my home?” My mind reels for a second. “Of course you did. Because you always could before, steamrolling me into whatever you wanted to do!”
“I heard that Rex Perchaz is living here. That you two are cozy,” he says, eyes going steely. If it wasn’t his sister, it could’ve been anyone in town. I realize now that I put no effort into hiding him when we were in town together or even today. “Is that a monitor I spotted on his horn? You’re okay letting him stay here and work with children knowing he’s a danger to society?”
“That’s a crock of shit,” I say dangerously. “He’s the best person I know, and if you dare—”
“Are you and him . . .”
“Fucking?” I grin. “Yeah.”
But not just that. My feelings for Rex are ten universes larger than anything I ever felt for this man. If I could just pluck up the courage to actually talk to him, to ask for more. I need to keep fighting for what I want in life, and there’s no doubt in my mind that Rex is it for me.
“I never cheated on you, Birdie.” Randy shakes his head, like I’m the asshole. I’m the disappointment. Before I can even muster a response, he continues, “It sounds like we both got a wild hair out of our system. My trip was great and it gave me some awesome life experiences to share with clients, but I have to be realistic. My business is here. My life is here.”
With me? My eyes are bugging out of my head because I know him well enough to follow his train of thought. And I remember what I used to be like, how I’d respond.
That old instinct to be nice and agreeable is so dead, I can’t believe I ever thought we were compatible.
I could let him down easy. That’s what the old Birdie would’ve done.
He deserves to get to know the real me.
“ My life is here.” I smile. “Winter Bliss is my home. You can go wherever the fuck you want. But if you choose to stay, I want to make one thing absolutely clear—your life and mine are not a Venn diagram that intersect anymore. You’re nothing to me.”
He swallows then starts to open his mouth, but I put up my hand.
“No. Crazy thing. I don’t even want to hear it anymore, because you know what? You’re an asshole.” I poke him in the chest, and he flinches. “You come here, to my property. You hide in a group of people until I’m isolated. You try to fucking manipulate me into feeling bad or seeing you as the good guy or taking you back. You! You’re the bad guy, Randy. And you never even apologized for what you did. The only regret I have is that I wasted as much time as I did with you.”
He rubs his sternum, looking like he’s about to cry.
“I have one more thing to say, and then you can go.” I step closer, a predator closing in, voice soft. “You jilting me felt like the worst day of my life, but it wasn’t.” I chuckle, bewildered by how differently I view that day now. I feel nothing but relief that I didn’t walk out of the Hellfyre Inn that day with a ring on my finger. I lift my arms and raise my voice, so loud it’s almost a shout. “You gave me the best day of my life, Randy! It was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. None of this would’ve been possible without you. So thank you!” While I can see it all sinking in, I lower my voice and say, “And fuck you, Randy.”
A trash can tumbles over nearby. The wind is picking up out here with a soft flurry that sticks to my eyelashes. I’ll need to clean up the mess before I head down.
I push past Randy with one last dig over my shoulder, “You’re not welcome at Wild Hearts anymore, and if you’re not gone by the time I’m done up here, I’m calling the police.”
I pick up a couple pieces of trash and turn the can right side up when I see a dark figure stumbling through the trees. They’re on two legs, so I know it’s not an animal. No one should be up here right now.
“Hey!” I shout and follow the shadow through the woods. When I break through the treeline, I recognize the demon sprinting away from me.
“Rex?” I mutter to myself, before giving chase. “Rex! Hey, stop!”