Chapter 22 - Vanessa
VANESSA
“Go ahead and drink this for me, would you? It’ll help coat your stomach and intestines,” I said, handing a steaming mug to Ricky.
He was bundled up and lying on my couch.
I would have preferred if he’d showered before settling on my furniture, but he needed a lot more care before he could stand in the shower for that long.
Even if I helped him like I had Leo, it wasn’t possible at the moment, and I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to do that for Ricky.
What had happened between Leo and me had been special—something born of the connection between us—and while I wanted Ricky to get better, it was different with him.
Even if I was still really pissed at Leo.
I should have been happy we were all safe, but I was still so damn upset about how Leo had handled things. Every time I thought I was over it, I saw the scared employees’ faces, remembered how many times I’d had to crouch behind something to avoid gunfire.
Honestly, I was still grappling with the fact that I’d had a direct hand in killing Chadwicke.
Yes, I’d always been a part of the plan to take him down. In fact, it had been my plan. But there was a huge difference between reconnaissance/auxiliary support and ramming into the warlock with a truck.
I could still hear the sickening thud. The way his head had bounced off the hood before he went flying. The craziest thing was that I didn’t feel bad. In fact, I knew it was a good thing. I was simply struggling with my role in it.
What was I supposed to do now? Go back to my job at the grocery store and pretend I was completely normal? My world was supposed to be my garden and restocking shelves, not vehicular manslaughter.
So, yeah, perhaps that emotional turmoil was making me act a bit harsher toward Leo, but that didn’t change the fact that he had put a lot of people’s lives in danger.
“What is it?” Ricky questioned cautiously, looking to his alpha. Leo nodded. I didn’t take it personally that the beta was suspicious. He’d been through the ringer, and if he wanted the comfort of some extra assurance from his best friend, I wouldn’t hold it against him.
“Tea,” I answered. “But if you mean specifically, it’s a combination of valerian root and chamomile to help you sleep, dried red elm powder to coat your digestive system with healthy mucus, and willow bark, which will help with the pain.
This should help you sleep, and your body repair itself enough to get some solid food in you tomorrow.
I imagine they didn’t feed you much there. ”
Ricky shook his head, and I saw so much hurt cross his features. Every time I saw how much pain he was in, it made me realize that I would hit Chadwicke with the truck all over again, even if it tore me up inside.
Did that make me a hypocrite? Maybe. I didn’t know. My emotions were all over the place.
“Do me a favor and sip it slowly. Once you’re done, I’ll give you some warm broth, then you can pass out.”
“No solids?” he asked, so hopefully.
“Solid foods are for tomorrow. It would shock your system right now. If you’ll excuse me, I need to make some calls.”
I left him in Leo’s company as I went to the kitchen and finished the broth while searching the internet for a wildlife rehabilitation center around Chadwicke’s compound. When I returned with the broth, Ricky’s mug was empty, and his head was bobbing toward his chest.
“You know what, the broth can wait until you’re awake. If you’re that tired, you should just sleep.”
He looked to me with bleary eyes, but when he spoke, his voice was already miles better.
While I had picked all the herbs in my tea for their specific medicinal properties, it was always a bit surprising how well shifters responded to them.
Had to be that enhanced healing ability they had.
“Are you sure? I won’t mess anything up? ”
“No, it’ll be fine. Broth is very easy to reheat. You get as much rest as you need.”
It was like he was waiting for my permission, because almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth, his eyes slammed closed, and he slumped into the couch. Leo caught him before Ricky fell off the couch, then arranged his beta in a more comfortable position.
“You know, this wouldn’t be possible without you.
” Leo’s voice was soft when he spoke, but when those gorgeous eyes landed on me, they were smoldering with so many emotions.
He looked proud and worried. It was a myriad of expressions all at once.
“From the moment I remembered him, I was so worried he would be lost to me forever. My best friend. Every alpha needs his beta. We’re two sides of the same coin, meant to balance the pack and keep it healthy. ”
It wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, but somehow, Leo had the ability to put so much feeling into anything he uttered. Sighing, I looked at Ricky. Leo and I had to talk things out more clearly.
Even if I didn’t want to.
Because as much as I liked to think of myself as a mature person, there was a large chunk of me that wanted to be angry for a while longer. To just simmer in it and not have to work through the mess going on in my head. But ultimately, I knew that wasn’t fair to Leo or myself.
“Let’s go into the kitchen,” I said flatly.
If we were going to go through all the emotional labor of having a mature, adult conversation, I wanted to be around my cats, and since I had just fed them, they were all congregated in the kitchen.
I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before Goober and Fork went to investigate our new visitor on the couch, but for the moment, their attention was firmly on their food bowls.
“Okay.”
Leo followed and sat across from me at my small kitchen table.
He didn’t say anything, just waited for me to get things started.
That made sense. I was the one who had the problem.
For a long moment, I had no idea what to say.
This wasn’t exactly an issue I’d had to deal with before, and hopefully I never would again.
“Do you understand why I’m upset?”
The best way to have a productive discussion was to figure out if we were on the same page. And while I felt it was obvious why I was upset and how Leo had messed up, he came from a different world. His rules were different.
Leo sighed. “You don’t like how I chose to fight when the gloves came off.”
“That’s one way to put it,” I said. “You scared me, Leo. Your bloodlust, the way you went after people… it was almost demonic. It was like I couldn’t feel you anymore.
And it wasn’t just because you were in your wolf form.
It’s like you weren’t there at all, and only this killing machine remained.
You didn’t care who got hurt. You didn’t care who got caught in the crossfire as long as you got your pound of flesh. ”
Once more, Leo’s face was awash with several emotions. I thought he’d interrupt, ask me what I’d expected, but he only listened intently. And to be honest, that made me bolder, made it easier to put my words in the right order.
“I understand we went there to kill someone, but it consumed you. Did you even notice the guards firing their weapons at me because of you? And I don’t know if any children like Rosette were hurt.”
“Rosette?”
“A girl at the party. We were talking about gardens before her mom whisked her away. And I know she wasn’t the only kid there, because the warlock specifically mentioned having activities for the young ones.
A lot of those security guards were firing everywhere to hit you.
Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you know for a fact that no children were hurt because of that? ”
Guilt spread across Leo’s handsome features.
He took a long moment to answer, but I didn’t interrupt the silence.
Although my patience wasn’t exactly at its best at the moment, I could tell he was thinking.
And to me, thinking was better than having a snap answer, because he was making sure he meant what he said.
“No. There are gaps in my memory of what happened. It concerns me. I’m worried I no longer have control over my inner wolf—something I have to have as an alpha.”
“Hearing that scares me.”
Leo met my eyes. “It scares me, too.”
What were we even supposed to do now? I wasn’t certain, but what struck me was how Leo was being completely honest with me.
I wasn’t a wolf or a shifter, but I knew it was no small thing for an alpha to admit he was worried of being incapable of leading his pack.
Despite the grim news, I valued that immensely.
Even if I didn’t know where this left us—if we were incompatible and from far too different worlds—I did know I could trust Leo to always be honest with me.
“What happened is over, but I feel like you understand where I’m coming from. Am I wrong?”
Leo shook his head. “I do understand where you’re coming from, and I’m ashamed I let myself get so carried away. That I lost sight of the lives that were important. I don’t know what the future is bringing, but I don’t want that to happen ever again.”
I stared at the shifter across from me. Who would have thought the nearly mute and overwhelmed shell of a man who had stood covered in rags in my kitchen turn out to be so eloquent? Maybe I really was making a mountain out of a molehill.
“Okay, then.” I took a deep breath. “Clean slate?”
“Clean slate.”
Well, at least that was one thing taken care of.
All that was left was approximately two thousand questions, number one being: how had I broken Ricky’s curse?
“How is it?” I asked, draping a hot, damp wash cloth over Ricky’s head as he slowly sipped broth in my kitchen.
He didn’t seem to have the dexterity to hold a spoon yet.
Fine motor function would probably return once we got the tremors to stop, and hopefully that would stop once his temperature was regulated, and his temperature would probably regulate once we got calories in him and—