A Grumpy Witch’s Guide to Finding Love (Hemlock Harbor #1)

1. Rule #1 Theres No Such Thing As A Free Breakfast

Rule #1: There's No Such Thing As A Free Breakfast

Zoe

B etrayal was a heartless bitch.

That was the thought that rolled through my mind as I trudged up the last flight of stairs that led to my fourth floor walk-up. The rundown apartment block was in the grubby part of Hemlock Harbour.

The small town I now called home was the dictionary definition of the Pacific Northwest. Nestled between evergreen forests and the Pacific Ocean, what was once a sleepy fishing town, was now overrun with tourists looking to spot whales in the wild. I couldn’t be too mad about it, at least they weren’t going to Sea World. But the peak of whaling season left me more annoyed than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those psychotic sea pandas, but I could do without the strangers who flocked here.

Exhaustion hit me like a wrecking ball as the door to my apartment came into sight. The thirty minute trek after a full day at work had been a killer. My car had once again broken down, and I had neither the money nor energy to get it fixed. I thanked every god that both existed and didn’t, that it was Friday night. The week had been stupidly long and I couldn’t wait to collapse and rot. When I grabbed the door handle, it glowed blue at my touch and a soft click sounded as it unlocked. Then I kicked the wood panel at the bottom because it always stuck. I’d stopped asking the landlord to fix it, accepting that this was par for the course for my shitty life right now. My apartment was dark and mostly empty, nothing but a ratty couch, mismatched tables and chairs that I’d found at a yard sale, and my lumpy mattress on a creaky metal frame. My training bag slid from my shoulder, landing with a dull thud on the cheap linoleum floors. A long groan escaped me as my muscles relaxed now that the weight had been removed. With all the extra time I had on my hands lately, I’d picked up more shifts at the Muay Thai gym I worked at. It helped keep my mind busy and not dwell on the fact that I’d been banished from my coven. My gaze flicked to the fading four leaf clover tattoo on my left inner wrist. Soon it would disappear completely, and so would my magic.

I clicked my fingers and the lights flickered on, then off again.

“Oh, come on!”

I tried again, holding my breath as they flickered back to life and thankfully stayed on. I’d blame it on the faulty electricity, but I’d be lying to myself. Then again, I was pretty good at lying to myself these days.

After a quick shower in what could generously be called tepid water, I changed into my pajamas. It’s not like I had anyone to hang out with on a Friday night. Well, I could have if I wanted to watch my best friend hit on women at a club before abandoning me to take one of them home. I wasn’t in the mood for that. Twenty-six years old, and I found myself reheating two-day-old Chinese food and scrolling through Netflix, finally settling on watching Schitt’s Creek for what was easily the thirty thousandth time .

Wrapped up in a warm blanket, I was dissociating like a pro when the lights buzzed, and my whole apartment went dark.

“Oh, for fucks sake!”

I couldn’t catch a damn break. This building was trash. The electricity tripped up every now and again, the faucets leaked, the water heater was temperamental and the walls were paper thin. My neighbors had an enthusiastic sex life, I could tell you that much. Apparently Clay next door was a generous lover. Luckily, everyone in this building avoided eye contact with me because otherwise things would get real awkward, real fast.

Kicking off the blanket draped over my lap, I wondered if I should yell at the super about the stupid electricity again or just give up and go to bed.

Staring at the faded, peeling wallpaper, my shoulders dropped in defeat and I turned my face to the ceiling letting out a long, frustrated groan. Bed it was then. It took me four tries to place my wards, and I triple checked them before climbing under my covers. But despite my physical exhaustion, sleep was an elusive bitch.

I must have fallen asleep at some point though, because I was rudely awoken by my phone ringing. Reaching out from under my heap of blankets, I patted around till I located the source of my annoyance… that had fallen to the floor. I swore even more when Lewis’s name flashing on my screen.

“What do you want?”

“Well, good morning to you too,” he replied. I could hear his irritating smirk through the phone.

“I’m not scheduled to work today,” I said.

“Relax your face. I can hear you frowning. You’ll get wrinkles.”

“Fuck off. Why are you waking me at the ass crack of dawn?”

“It’s eleven a.m. ”

“My point stands.”

Lewis sighed in that long-suffering way of his before continuing. “Zoe, do you think you can come in and help with some new starters this afternoon?”

“No. It’s my day off. I’m exhausted.”

“Please, I’ll owe you one,” he begged.

“How about you give me a raise instead?”

Lewis Tanaka was the owner of the gym I worked at. He was also the first friend I made in this town. We had come a long way from the underground bare knuckle boxing fight he found me at five years ago. I was in a bad place then, and was heading for a worse place now. This was his way of keeping an eye on me.

“I really don’t want to,” I said. “I have things to do.”

“Like what?” he asked. This man knew damn well I was probably going to hide under a duvet today.

“I have a date tonight,” I lied.

“With what?” he scoffed.

“A man,” I hedged.

“And where did you find this man?”

“A bar.”

“You don’t drink.”

“I drink water.”

“Zoe.”

“Lewis.”

“What are you doing?” he sighed.

I knew he meant with my life, but I went for the more obvious answer. One that didn’t require soul searching and introspection first thing in the morning.

”I was trying to sleep. ”

Again, that sigh. Maybe he was running out of patience with my shit too. It wouldn’t be the first time someone did. Then he’d leave just like everyone else did.

“I saw Agatha and Katie last night,” he said softly.

My heart twisted as if someone had reached right into my chest and held my heart in a vice grip. Just hearing the names of two of my ex-coven mates was painful.

“I need a smoke,” I muttered, rolling over to hug a pillow.

“No. What you need, is to realize that you don’t need them. You’re stronger than that.”

“I do need them,” I whispered.

“You really don’t.”

I made a non-committal sound. Lewis wasn’t fully aware of the situation. He didn’t know that they hadn’t just been my closest friends and roommates who had seemingly turned their backs on me. He didn’t know that I was a witch, and I needed the power of a coven to have full use of my magic.

“Luckily Marcus was nowhere in sight,” he continued when I didn’t reply. Hearing my ex-boyfriend’s name didn’t elicit the same type of reaction though. That was pure, unadulterated rage. The narcissistic asshole had plotted and planned to get me kicked out of our coven before taking over leadership. But I was in no condition for hurt or rage right now. This was not how I wanted to start my day. I lived my life with an unhealthy dose of avoidance and distraction. Facing my demons first thing in the morning was not on my bingo card for today.

“Can we not talk about this?”

“It seemed like they were interviewing for something. Maybe a new roommate?” he barreled on.

I rolled onto my back and groaned. “Why are you the way you are? ”

“Because I need you to know that you’re worth more than people who can replace you in the blink of an eye.”

“Everyone is disposable, Lewis.”

“Not you. Not to me.”

“Careful. That almost sounded romantic.”

“Eew. Don’t be disgusting.”

One drunken night about six months after we met, Lewis and I made the mistake of kissing. We’d both gagged and regretted it immediately, agreeing never to talk about it again. We had more of a sibling relationship now. One where he was the eldest who had his shit together, while I was the disappointment falling apart at the seams.

“Get dressed. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“I’m not working today.”

“Yeah, okay. But at least let me feed you. Let me guess? You had three-day-old Chinese take out last night.”

“It was only two days old, thank you very much,” I grumbled.

“How are you alive?”

“The eternal question.”

I hung up without saying goodbye.

Reluctantly, I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the cracked mirror above the chipped off-white sink. My navy blue hair was dull and hung limply to my shoulders. I had dark circles under my big brown eyes that would rival a raccoon, and my light brown skin… well I had been blessed with great skin, so I took my wins where I could get them. I ran my fingers gently over the half-sleeve tattoo on my right arm. It stretched from my shoulder to above my elbow. The skull represented death, the snake was a symbol of transformation and new beginnings, and the flowers reminded me that something beautiful could bloom out of it all. It was meant to be a reminder, but it felt like a taunt right now .

I washed my face and brushed my teeth then dressed in tights and an oversized Bring Me The Horizon t-shirt. Running my fingers through my hair, I padded across the cold floor to answer the knock that had sounded. Waving my hands, I undid my protection wards before opening the door.

“Hello, my tiny trash panda,” Lewis said, handing me a coffee and walking in like he lived here.

“Gimme,” I said, making grabby hands for the coffee he’d brought me.

Inhaling the scent of vanilla and caramel made me happy, and that first hit of caffeine brought me back from the grave. This man knew me too well. “Thanks,” I mumbled. I was not a morning person.

“You’re welcome,” he said, dropping a kiss on top of my head before setting some brown paper bags on my kitchen island while I grumbled and followed him.

Lewis was one of those classically handsome men that seemingly stepped out of a romance novel. Tall with dark cropped hair that was a little longer on top and a body toned by martial arts that had women drooling. He filled out a suit equally as well as he rocked a casual look. Today, he was dressed in blue jeans and a black Henley shirt, his sunglasses balancing on top of his head.

“You’re awfully grumpy for someone who’s getting a free breakfast.”

“Lewis. You’d have me committed to a psychiatric facility in five minutes flat if I was nice to you.”

“Touché,” he said as he set out several white cardboard takeout boxes.

“What did you get?”

He pointed to each container. “Pancakes. Eggs Benedict bagel. Almond croissants and some fruit for health.”

“Sure. Because fruit’s going to help the cause.”

“Ah, you’ll burn it all off at gym this afternoon.”

I glared at him across the top of my coffee cup .

“Is this a bribery breakfast?”

“Maybe.” He stuffed an entire pancake in his mouth like an absolute savage and gave me a smile that melted most women’s panties. Just not mine.

“That doesn’t work on me, you know.”

“I know, but I had to try.”

“Felt gross. Don’t do it again.”

“I really need you to help me assess the new intake today,” he pleaded, giving me puppy dog eyes. “You don’t have to run an actual class.”

He took a long sip of his coffee while I stuffed my mouth with the bagel. I couldn’t answer him if my mouth was full, which meant he had to grovel a bit longer.

But instead of Lewis groveling, my piece of shit apartment went on the fritz when my magic surged for no good reason. Every single damn appliance went haywire. I hastily pulled in my power, trying to reign it in.

“The fuck was that?!” Lewis exclaimed.

“Probably a ghost,” I mused and he threw me a filthy look. Lewis Tanaka did not fuck with ghosts. He refused to watch any paranormal movies because he was convinced it was all real. If only he knew how very right he was.

“You really need to get a new place.”

“Maybe if my cheap ass boss gave me a raise I could. But this is the best I could get.”

He gave me a pained look. He wasn’t cheap, but I liked to give him grief about it. He increased my pay when I took on more shifts, but there was only so much he could do without being unfair to the other trainers.

“I told you that you could move in with me.”

Lewis lived in one of the fancier apartment buildings in town. The kind that came with a doorman who wore a fancy hat and greeted everyone by name. And while I loved his place, we rarely hung out there. I felt like I made the place grubby. Added to that, I was fiercely independent and determined not to leech off of him.

“And be privy to the revolving door of ladies coming through that place? No thanks. I choose my sanity,” I said.

The lights went out. Then came back on. “Even if the power is shit.”

I could see him gearing up to give me another speech about coming in to work today, so I put him out of his misery. “What time do you want me there?”

The grin that bloomed on his face melted my annoyance. “Three.”