7. Blake
Later Same Night
Open the Door . . .
My man, my man, my man! When they talked about outstanding men, I knew Scott Chad McLeod was in the conversation. Yes, I should have taken Q’amie’s advice and told him far before today came. How did you broach that kind of conversation?
After my mama, Mrs. Joanne, and Nadia took me out of the office into the breakroom, I snapped back into reality of what I did.
I wouldn’t say that I was mortified by my behavior, because the bitch deserved a bullet in her head to turn her from a blonde to a redhead.
I would say that I should have had better restraint. I could have just slapped the ho.
Mrs. Joanne fussed at me about not taking this time of the year off.
For years, she’d told me that the business should have been closed this week in remembrance of my son.
I heard her, but it felt more natural to work through the pain.
My mind told me that if I could work and give others happiness while I hurt, eventually I would get the same happiness.
Today was the loudest sign that the shit didn’t work like that at all.
My daddy and Scotty stayed in my office for a few minutes longer after we were all in the breakroom.
I wasn’t sure what they were doing. When they finally came into the breakroom, I formally introduced my parents to Scotty.
Yeah, it was an awkward situation to do it, but hell, no time was better than the present.
I left the office with Scotty. The ride to my house was quiet.
He kept his hand on my thigh the entire time, which gave me comfort.
My mind still reeled from not only what that bitch said to me, but Scotty’s reaction as well.
He referenced my son as his. There were mixed feelings about it, but not in a bad way.
I felt seen and loved, but I also felt unworthy. I guess that is kind of bad.
Like he promised, when we got to my house, Scotty ran me a warm bath with my favorite bath beads. If that wasn’t enough, he undressed and washed me. It was so intimate and made me fall in love with him even more.
When we were in the streets, we both put out the strong, fuck with me and die persona.
People didn’t fuck with us separately, so when we were together, they knew better than to test their fate.
A lot of people who didn’t know me on that level or only knew me based on my business thought I was an angel.
That was the persona I gave the people when it came to my business.
I ensured their happiness. Only if they knew . . . My halo was like a fucking frisbee.
Scotty and I sat on the couch in my den. I had my bowl of ice cream, and he had a damn hot dog. His obsession with hot dogs should be studied. We went to Sams the other day and got them in damn bulk for both of our houses.
The television was on with one of my favorite movies. The movie watched me more than I watched it. I placed my bowl on the side table, then snuggled into Scotty’s side. He wrapped his arm around me before he kissed my temple.
His head lowered to look at me. “You ready to talk?” His voice was soft and sympathetic.
I didn’t want to, but I knew that I needed to let this pressure off my chest before it combusted. For the next several minutes, I told him the day that changed my life, the day that I lost some of my softness, my compassion, my faith that God would always cover me.
He held me as I spoke and cried. The more I talked, the more my chest felt lighter. My shoulders felt like they didn’t have to be as strong as they were. My man was willing to take some of the weight.
“I love you, and I’m sorry that happened to you. There are real fuck niggas out there.” He turned his body toward mine. “I know that shit hurts. I couldn’t imagine a pain like that. Let’s change the perspective.”
My perplexed expression gave me away. “How do you change the perspective of losing your child?”
He leaned forward and kissed my lips. “I want you to listen to me. Take everything I say in before you respond, okay?” He didn’t speak until I nodded. “It hurts like hell that our son died. I know it might feel like God didn’t cover you, but I want you to think of it differently.
“I learned a long time ago that, sometimes, God lets stuff happen so that He can save you from more hurt later.” His hands flew up.
“I know, losing your son was a deep hurt, but think about it. That fuck nigga didn’t want the son that he created.
It would have been painful for you and our son if his father wasn’t in the picture.
Yeah, eventually, I would have come along to step in, but trust me.
I know the pain of not having a father, and that’s a hole no one can truly fill. I don’t care what anyone tells you.
“Travis Marlin will never be replaced, love. What I can guarantee you, though, is that when we have his little brother or sister, they will be loved by both of us. Shit, that fuck nigga wasn’t supposed to be the father of your children.
It was always me. I want to have a beautiful daughter with your smarts and a son with your eyes. ”
I didn’t realize I was crying until his fingers wiped the tears that fell.
He spoke to my heart. His perspective was hard as hell to accept, but I would take the time to do it.
My head lowered before I closed my eyes.
I didn’t raise my head before I spoke. In a quiet whisper, I asked, “Do you want to see his room?”
His finger went under my chin to lift my head. When our gaze connected, the corners of his lips turned upward. “Of course, I want to see my boy’s room.”
God, where did this man come from? Was he created just for me?
He got up then pulled me up. I led the way to the room that stayed locked for most of the year.
The only time I went into it was on the day my baby died.
It felt like I was close to him when I did.
No one outside of my maid had seen the room in completion, not even my parents.
The door was locked by a keyless number pad. It had a key lock as well. I entered the numbers that unlocked the door . . . my original due date. With my hand on the door, I took several deep breaths.
Scotty’s arms wrapped around my waist from behind before his lips landed on my neck, then traveled up to my ear. “I got you, Blakeney. I swear I do.”
With that confidence, I opened the door, and we walked in. The theme of the room was a little black prince and lion. The thought I put into the room was intense. I felt Scotty’s breath hitch.
“Um, I wanted Travis to know that he was meant for great things. He was a little prince that would one day be a king.” I pointed at the king-sized bed. “I put that in here so I wouldn’t have to be too far from him during his infancy.”
Scotty had yet to say anything. My body turned in his arms to face him. “Blakeney, is this the kind of thing that you do for other parents? This is . . . I don’t even know a word good enough to describe it. You are truly gifted, baby.”
My eyes scanned the room and thought about the what-ifs.
“Thank you. Yes, I do this for others because it brings me peace. I remember how at peace I was when I came up with this theme. The excitement for my son to come home to this room.” I pointed at the crib.
“He would have pulled himself up over there to be my big boy and try to walk,” I said with a titter.
Scotty joined my laughter. “Shit, his bad ass would have torn these stuffed animals up, baby. I could hear you fussing now.” We both laughed. He kissed my forehead. “I want to meet him, Blake. Can we do that?”
Some Days Later
A Visit with a Prince . . .
My heart sat on my chest as Scotty followed the GPS direction to get to the cemetery where my son was buried.
This morning, when we got ready, my man stepped out of the bedroom in what I would call business casual attire.
I asked him why he was dressed up. When he told me why, I felt my soul cry with love and happiness.
I’m going to be in the presence of a prince. I have to dress accordingly.
With all the hell I had caused in this world, I didn’t know if I deserved a man like Scotty. He wasn’t perfect, but he was what I needed. He was the calm to the storm that lived in me. He loved me, and it showed in everything he did and said. His actions lined up with his words.
We pulled up to the cemetery, and I gave him directions from the entrance. My . . . our son was buried toward the back. My smile came through when I saw my daddy’s car. I told my mother the other day that we planned to come today. I didn’t think that they would come as well.
Scotty pulled up behind my father. He got out of the car as soon as he turned it off, then walked around to open my door.
My father got out of his car once he saw Scotty and me get out.
My daddy followed the same routine to walk around and open the door for my mama.
My heart swelled when balloons popped out.
Scotty and my daddy dapped each other. They went out for drinks the other day. I assumed everything went well. They seemed buddy, buddy.
“Hi, Mama and Daddy. What are y’all doing here?” I asked after our hugs.
My mama sucked her teeth. “Girl, I know you didn’t think we were going to miss a chance to visit our grand boy. It’s been a while since you’ve been here.” She took my hand into hers. “Let’s go see our boy. Scotty, you look nice. Come on.”
My mama was so pushy sometimes. Scotty chuckled. “Yes, Mama Marla.”
My head snapped in his direction. Mama Marla. When I caught his eye, he gave me his sexy wink. Welp, I guess it was safe to say that my parents liked him.
My daddy and Scotty followed Mama and me to Travis’s grave. My smile was bright when we arrived. The company that we hired to take care of his grave was doing a great job.
Scotty stepped beside me. I heard him mumble damn. “Baby, I’ve never seen anything like this. Wow, my boy is laid out in the best fashion.”