Chapter 26
What just happened?
River sat there, on her bed under the covers, staring at the dark wall across from her. That same question returned to her mind time and time again, dragging her deeper and deeper into a grief so profound she didn’t think she could ever find her way out of it.
She had expected it, of course—or rather, she had tried to convince herself to expect it, to accept the possibility that Archer would want nothing to do with her or this child now. But she had clung onto hope and that had been her biggest mistake.
She should have never been so hopeful. She should have never allowed herself to think there was even the slightest chance that Archer would be glad to hear he would become a father.
From the very first night of their marriage, he had made it clear to her that this was something he didn’t want, and now he had only confirmed it for her.
How foolish of me to think he had truly changed! I kept tellin’ meself he’s nae the man with whom I fell in love and yet I see him as that man.
Her Archer, the one who had courted her so relentlessly over the course of so many weeks, the one who had forced her to fall in love with him, was long gone. The man she had married was back, and he was nothing like her Archer.
A cold, painful sensation spread over her chest and River clutched at the fabric of her shift in an attempt to calm it.
Then, her hand drifted lower, to her stomach, which showed no signs of growth so far.
There was only the familiar, soft curve of her stomach, nothing to indicate there was life growing there.
But there was. Jenson had said so, and soon, it would show.
And everyone would know that Archer, their Laird, had rejected the woman who carried his child, if not his child as well.
I willnae let him use this bairn. Nae matter what, I willnae allow it.
The rest of the day passed with River in bed, pretending she was sleeping when Layla and the children came to see her.
She didn’t have the heart to tell them what had happened, nor did she want them to see her like this.
Every effort she made was that so Arya and Colby would be protected from it all, sheltered as much as possible from the cruelties of life, and this included Archer and her relationship with him.
She didn’t want them to worry. She didn’t want them to think anything was wrong.
It was only the following morning, when she could not pretend to be asleep anymore, that she finally got out of bed and greeted Layla, who had come to her chambers alone.
That was quite unlike her. It was also quite unlike Arya and Colby. The two of them almost always followed her if they were already awake, and considering the fact that it was quite late in the day, they had to be.
“Good mornin’, me lady,” said Layla in a chirpy tone, a bright smile gracing her face. “How are ye feelin’ today?”
Though Layla sounded cheerful and carefree as always, there was an edge to her voice, something that River quickly recognized as concern. Her she smiled at her, her eyes were just a little too narrow, too sharp, as if she was trying to look right through her and find the ailment by sight alone.
River realized then that no one apart from her, Jenson, Finlay, and Archer knew she was pregnant. She doubted any of the three men would have told anyone else, and so it was no wonder that Layla was still concerned for her.
“I’m alright, Layla,” said River, though her fatigue was evident in her voice.
Nausea had gripped her again from the moment she had swung her legs over the bed, and now that she was walking around the room, trying to get ready as Layla opened the windows and let the fresh air in, she was struggling to walk without heaving.
“Ye daenae look alright, me lady,” Layla said, now her concern clear, with nothing to hide behind. She rushed to River’s side, laying a hand between her shoulder blades, and River could feel it trembling.
“I am,” River assured her. “I’m nae ill.”
“Me lady—”
“I’m nae ill,” River repeated. “I’m pregnant.”
Behind her, Layla froze. River could feel it in the way her hand stiffened where it lay on her back, as if she had been dealt a blow.
“And the Laird?”
The question was asked slowly, hesitantly, in a voice so quiet it made River think Layla didn’t even want her to hear it.
Though they had hardly spoken about Archer, especially since her regained his memories, Layla seemed to be quite perceptive—at least enough to understand that something was wrong between them.
“He will be movin’ back to his old quarters.”
It was all River said; it was all she had to say. The hand on her back softened and gave her a gentle pat, and River could have laughed at the gesture if she didn’t find it so earnest, so kind.
Before Layla could say anything else, River spoke, just so Layla wouldn’t worry too much—or pity her. River didn’t know which would be worse.
“I have a letter that I need to be delivered,” she said and she walked over to the desk, where she had kept the letter she had written to Aidan, along with every letter he had sent her.
She fished it out of the pile and handed it to Layla, who took it in her hands carefully, so as to not wrinkle the paper.
“Is this for yer brother?” she asked, once again perceptive.
“Aye,” said Layla and at least for a brief moment, she could breathe a sigh of relief. Some of the weight disappeared from her shoulders, but it was not enough for her to draw in a full breath.
“Ye read his letters?”
“Aye,” said River. “And…and I should have never doubted him.”
Layla’s smile widened as she looked at River, which in turn offered River another wave of relief.
It reminded her that she had people who loved her there with her.
She had Layla, she had Finlay, she had Arya and Colby; even if she couldn’t have Archer, even if her child grew up without a fatherly presence, they would both be loved.
Her child would be so loved.
“I’m glad, me lady,” Layla said. “It often is that way.”
For a moment, River wondered if Layla was referring to Archer, too, but she didn’t ask to clarify; she didn’t want to. It was one thing, knowing that her brother loved her, and another hoping that Archer would.
A knock on the door pulled River out of her thoughts and she turned to see it remain closed. It was odd; most of her visitors simply entered after knocking, but now she had to call this one in.
And when she did, it was Keir who entered, much to her surprise.
“Keir…what are ye doin’ here?” she asked, puzzled.
“The entire castle is sayin’ that we’re ill,” said Keir, and that certainly wasn’t a surprise. News traveled fast, and soon enough, everyone would know the real reason behind her illness, too.
Before River could respond, Keir’s gaze fell on Layla as she came to the sitting room, and his features contorted in such a strange way that River feared something had happened to him.
“Me l…Layla,” he said, stuttering through the words. “Layla. Good mornin’.”
River had to stifle her laughter. Ever since she had found out Keir harbored an intense and not so secret love for Layla, she had begun to see the man with different eyes. She had always found him churlish to say the least, but with Layla, he was a different person.
A person who stammered and blushed and couldn’t string a sentence together for the life of him.
“Good mornin’, Keir,” said Layla, giving him one of those bright smiles. “Are ye well?”
“Och aye,” said Keir. “Quite.”
“Good,” said Layla. “So am I, in case ye were wonderin’.”
“Och aye, of course,” said Keir. “Where are me manners?”
It was like watching a particularly graceless bird try to woo a female of its kind, River thought as she watched them. The entire time, she remained silent, simply watching, not wanting to interrupt them. Keir was doing better than usual, after all, and she didn’t want to ruin his chances.
But then an awkward silence settled over them, Keir and Layla simply staring at each other, and River knew she had to act to spare him the pain.
“I’m quite alright, Keir,” she told him, and Keir jumped upon hearing her voice, as if he had completely forgotten she was there, too. “Layla can tell ye everythin’, isnae that right, Layla? Ye can sit here and discuss while I get ready for the day.”
“But me lady…daenae ye need me assistance?”
River shook her head. “Nay, nay…sit with Keir. I’ll be fine on me own. It wouldnae be the first time.”
As she spoke, River retreated back into the bedroom, closing the door that separated it from the sitting room.
For a few moments, she didn’t even bother getting ready; she only stood there, by the door, trying to listen in to their conversation—if there was even any—but the door and the walls were too thick for her to hear.
Eventually, she gave up and began to wash and dress, hoping that Keir would find his usual eloquence eventually, once he was used to Layla’s proximity.
By the time she was done, she had decided to stay in the bedroom for a little while longer, just to give them some privacy.
When she opened the door once more, she found the two of them sitting close to each other on the sofa, but her sudden appearance forced Keir to jump back, his head snapping to the side to stare at her.
“Ye’re pregnant!” he said, his tone caught somewhere between enthusiasm and fright.
River couldn’t help but laugh this time. “Aye, so I am.”
After her response, his enthusiasm seemed to fade rather fast, and River knew that Keir had suddenly come to a realisation.
She wondered what Archer had been like in the time since she had last seen him.
He had clearly not shared the news with Keir, but judging from the man’s expression, he had been anything but excited for it and Keir had known something was wrong.
Now he knew what it was; now he knew the joyous news had brought Archer no joy.
“I’m guessin’ this isnae somethin’ many people ken,” said Keir.