Chapter 10
Logan had spent the night twisting and turning in his bed, unable to get any good sleep.
In truth, a healthy night’s sleep often eluded him.
Back when his wife and child had died, he had not been able to sleep for days.
They visited him in his nightmares, ghastly visions of guilt and shame that made his heart cry out in terror.
For a time they had abated, but now that his father was ill and he had met Amanda, they had begun again.
It was as though he should not be happy.
What right did he have to move on with his life when his wife passed on to the other realm?
What right did he have when he could do nothing to save them?
He knew people would say he could not keep punishing himself for this and that it wasn’t fair to himself, but surely someone had to be punished, and if not him, then who?
And Amanda…oh, the wise and fair Amanda with her sweet smile and her longing looks and the certain way she had of looking at him.
In another life, it would have been easy enough to fall in love with her.
It helped that she had an affinity for the Highlands.
He could almost forget that she was English.
But after all she had been through… She had already had a wretched husband.
The last thing she needed was another man who had caused harm to his wife.
No, it was better to deal with this child and then have things go back to normal.
Perhaps he and Amanda could remain friends and see each other on occasion around the village.
There were so few people he could confide in.
An element of shame filled his heart as he remembered all the things he had shared with Amanda.
He had opened up his vulnerabilities to her in a way that he never had before.
Even with his own wife, he had tried to protect her from his fears.
But with Amanda it was so easy to speak with her.
She had an enchanting way about her, a way to make him feel safe.
It was no wonder their little friend had latched on to her.
Speaking of their little friend, Logan awoke early and went to see Deirdre.
“How is the lass?” he asked.
Deirdre didn’t sleep much either.
“She’s well. I can hear her stirring. Ye should gae and fetch Amanda and perhaps we can begin tae understand what is happening here,” Deirdre said.
Logan nodded, but before he turned away, he had something he wanted to ask her.
“Deirdre, is there really naything ye can dae for my da?” he asked with the desperation of a man who wanted to save the ones he loved.
Deirdre had a grave look on her face. She reached out and squeezed Logan’s hand with the tenderness of a mother.
“I’m afraid nae, Logan. And I dinnae like how we are haeing this same conversation again. We simply hae tae let it run its course and hope that yer da can fight it. There are few stronger men than him. If anyone can fight this illness, then it’s him.”
Logan pursed his lips and sighed. “Ye said the same thing about Moira,” he said.
Deirdre looked away. “I know, Logan…” she said. “I did all I could for her. Sometimes in life, these things just happen and there’s naything we can dae about it.”
“But there must be more!” he cried, looking at his own hands. “All of this power, all of this wisdom, and yet still people die.”
“I know. Believe me, I know. I hae seen sae many people slip away, and there was naything I can dae tae help them. I am a healer, yet many times I am unable tae find a way tae save them.”
“How dae ye live with yerself, Deirdre? How dae ye make it through the day?”
Deirdre shrugged. The woman was brash and often had no qualms with speaking her mind. Logan had rarely known her to be tender; it was a side she only showed when she was with patients who needed it. But in this moment she walked up to Logan and placed a hand on his back and spoke in a soft whisper.
“I try and focus on the people I can help. I remember that there are plenty of people in this world who dae need healing, and I try and make sure I get around tae as many of them as possible. It’s easy tae focus on the things we cannae dae in this life, Logan, but there are still plenty of things we can dae.
Maybe ye should try looking for those as well.
Ye hae spent tae long living in the past.”
“I’m nae living in the past,” he spat.
Deirdre gave him a look. “Logan, there are illnesses of the body and illnesses of the spirit. Ye hae nae been right ever since Moira and the bairn passed on. I understand it, I really dae, but ye cannae continue on like this.”
Logan looked at her with glassy, liquid eyes. “And what remedy would ye suggest for this sickness, Deirdre? Is there some potion that ye could prescribe?”
“The only potion tae help is the same one yer ma turns tae, but I would nae recommend that. The only thing that works is life, Logan. Just life,” she said.
Logan pursed his lips and found the answer unsatisfactory, but it was the only answer he had. He quickly excused himself and went to fetch Amanda.
Logan’s mind was still troubled as he went to the guest chambers, but all of the doubts and the grim thoughts were dispelled as soon as he saw Amanda.
Like the radiant dawn in the morning, she pushed back the darkness and was a breath of fresh air.
Her hair was loose about her head, giving her a wild, liberated look, and the dress she wore accentuated the curves of her body.
Logan found his gaze lingering upon her before he greeted her, and he had to make a conscious effort to turn his eyes into steel so as not to leer at her.
He greeted her maid and found himself a little irked that he and Amanda were not going to be alone, but they turned anyway and went to meet the girl.
He chatted idly with Amanda, who said that she had had a fine night’s sleep.
She walked briskly and seemed to suffer no ill effects from waking up so early in the morning.
Deirdre waited outside the room and allowed them to enter.
She had locked the room for the girl’s own safety, as none of them wanted her running loose throughout the keep.
Amanda walked in first, followed by Logan, then Deirdre, and Ann.
The girl softened and smiled when she saw Amanda, but as soon as everyone else entered the room, she cowered and pressed herself against the wall.
The bed was made for an adult, so the girl looked incredibly small in the expanse of the sheets.
There was an empty plate of bread, cheese, and cut meat that Deirdre had left overnight.
There were not even any crumbs remaining.
The girl looked better than she had the previous day.
The wound on her head had been patched up.
Curls of her hair spilled over the bandage.
Her wide eyes darted frantically between all these strange people, and she pulled her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she tried to protect herself.
Her cheeks were no longer smudged with dirt; Deirdre had seen to her getting a bath, and no longer was the girl wearing the same clothes as the previous day.
Like Amanda, she had changed out of her bloodstained dress and now wore something different, something cleaner.
“It’s okay, lass. Naybody here is gaeing tae hurt ye,” Logan began, but the girl looked terrified. Amanda then walked further into the room and lowered herself to a crouching position, making her way to the edge of the bed. The girl pushed herself back, and Amanda stopped walking.
“I know that you’re scared at the moment and you’ve woken up in a strange place.
It’s strange for me too; this isn’t my home either.
But Logan here is a fine host, and I see that he’s already seen to you having breakfast. My name is Amanda.
I know things might be a little hazy for you because of your injury, but we found you yesterday.
All we want to do is help you and find out who did this to you,” she said.
As she said this, the girl’s eyes widened in fear, and she shook her head a little. Amanda turned around.
“Perhaps it’s overwhelming for her to be with so many people. I think perhaps only Logan and I should stay in the room for now,” she said.
Deirdre nodded. Ann muttered something under her breath that Logan couldn’t quite catch.
The two of them walked out of the door and stood to the side, still close but out of sight.
Logan also moved back to ensure that he wasn’t crowding her.
Amanda’s instincts had been right, for the girl began to relax.
Her arms unlinked from her knees and fell to her side while she rolled forward into a more comfortable position.
Amanda took this as an invitation to move forward herself and perched on the edge of the bed, still leaving enough distance between her and the girl so that the girl might feel safe.
“Now, you didn’t speak much yesterday. Do you think you could try and speak with me today? I’m not scary, I promise,” Amanda said, smiling widely.
A light smile wavered on the girl’s face as well.
It was only there for a fleeting moment, but it was gratifying to see.
The emotion struck a chord within Logan’s heart.
Here was a child who had managed to survive an ordeal.
During Moira’s pregnancy, he had often wondered what it would be like to have a wee girl.
“Perhaps you could start by telling me your name?” Amanda asked.
The girl mumbled something that was inaudible to both Logan and Amanda, so Amanda had her try and repeat it.
“Lillie,” the girl said, this time loudly enough.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Lillie, and what a pretty name that is! It’s like the flower, and I do so like the flowers,” Amanda said.
For a few moments she prattled on about flowers, and at first, Logan was getting irritated because this wasn’t what he had in mind when he had come to talk to the girl, but he noticed Lillie becoming more relaxed with Amanda.
The distance closed between them, and Amanda’s comforting way of talking drew Lillie in just as it had drawn Logan in.
He was relieved that he was not the only one to fall prey to her charms.
Amanda’s light laugh faded as she spoke again, this time her words taking on a more serious tone.
“I know this is hard, Lillie, and I know that you are very scared, but do you think you could perhaps tell us what happened to you? It’s just that Logan and I don’t like the idea that children are being harmed in this village, and if there’s anything we can do to stop them, then we want to.
But we need to know what happened first. I promise you that nothing bad is going to happen to you in this keep.
Only Logan and I are here to listen. Could you tell me what’s been going on? ” she asked.
Logan’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Lillie, hoping against hope that the child would answer.
Lillie’s gaze dropped to her lap, where she clasped her hands together, twining her fingers in and around each other.
Her voice was small and humble, damaged and frightened.
Logan’s protective nature surged within him.
Lillie was so small, so innocent, and to think that anyone could have done anything that caused her harm was unthinkable to him.
What was worse was that it had been going on in his clan, in his territory.
Just like before, when people were being hurt and he had done nothing about it.
Lillie’s words stumbled out of her mouth. There were plenty of gaps between them where she hesitated and paused, trying to collect her thoughts. She looked down, and Logan had to strain to hear her while Amanda remained close to offer a comforting presence.
“There’s a…a bad man. He haes children steal for him and get intae places that he cannae. He pays us in coin and bread and keeps us fed. He’s good tae us…in a way…but then he…then he’s bad.”
“How is he bad?” Amanda asked gently, trying to keep the words flowing from Lillie because she knew she might well end up turning mute again.
“I dinnae want tae dae it anymore. He haes us delivering things tae other bad men. They… I hated being there. I hated it! I dinnae want tae dae it anymore. But then he beat Maddie…” Her voice cracked at this and tears began to stream down her face.
“Maddie? Who is Maddie?” Amanda asked.
“She’s my sister!” Lillie wailed. “He beat her and then he cut me and he said that I should never return tae him. He said that if I came back he would cut my throat and he said that naybody would want me now and that I would be alone forever. I was running away from him when ye found me. I thought that I could find some food in the market, but I… I’m never gaeing tae see her or the others again.
He’s gaeing tae find me. I just know he’s gaeing tae find me… and he’s gaeing tae kill me.”
Her words were drowned out by her sorrow as she fell forward and leaned into Amanda’s ready embrace.
Amanda’s arms folded around the poor girl, stroking her back to try and comfort her.
Logan watched intently at this display of maternal instinct and was almost brought to tears himself.
However, there was a question he needed to know.
He walked up to them and lowered himself to his knees. Being as tall as he was, there was no trouble in him meeting the girl’s eyes, if her eyes were on show. Her face was buried in the crook of Amanda’s neck. Her small body shuddered as she wept.
“Lillie, I need ye tae listen tae me very carefully. I know this is difficult for ye, and I know ye are sad, but I need ye tae tell me who this man is. What’s his name?” Logan asked.
Lillie raised her head and sniffed away the tears. Her eyes were bleary and a trail glistened from her nostrils.
“His name is Bram MacGavin,” she said.
Logan became tense. His jaw clenched, and his hands curled into fists.
In the presence of the child, he managed to stifle the curse words that wanted to pour from his mouth in a wave of fury.
He rose abruptly and told Amanda that he needed to speak with her as soon as she was done with Lillie, and then he marched out of the room.
Damn that Bram MacGavin. Damn him!