6 A Life to Save #3
I couldn’t bear to come across as the kind of girl who gets turned on in a second, so I tried to think of something else—but I couldn’t.
I felt my love for you growing inside me.
I’d always thought the saying “you can’t control the heart” was true, but it seemed you were shattering even that belief of mine, because you were doing a brilliant job of controlling my heart—a heart over which I’d now lost all control.
“Fine!” I blurted out, “You have a strong hold on me, but at least don’t gloat over seeing me like this!”
My over-the-top reaction left you speechless with astonishment.
Without meaning to, I’d managed to surprise you.
You didn’t know how to react, and for a moment I felt proud of myself, but that moment of glory lasted less than the blink of an eye.
Avoiding my gaze, which seemed to be seeking a confrontation, you got up from the hammock and went back into the bedroom, wishing me good night.
I was absolutely certain that at that moment you would have wanted to be anywhere else in the world. This time I’d really blown it. I don’t know what came over me, but my inability to make you shiver with pleasure had made me feel like an amoeba surrounded by plankton.
I got up from the hammock myself, sighing, and started walking along the shore. I felt really uncomfortable with myself because of the awkward situation that had arisen, and I couldn’t see a way out.
I waited half an hour before returning to the bungalow, hoping you’d fallen asleep. I tiptoed in and slipped under the sheet, breathing quietly, even though my heart was racing. Fortunately, you seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so I turned away and closed my eyes.
In reality, you were just pretending to sleep. With brazen confidence, you began to tease me by stroking my hair.
I was frozen stiff and careful not to move a single muscle, hoping my shivers wouldn’t give me away.
Since you weren’t getting any reaction from me, you started undressing me.
I was enjoying this new game, and I wanted to see just how far you’d go.
You stopped after taking off all my clothes, leaving me feeling embarrassed.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just stayed still, waiting.
After a long wait, I decided to slowly turn toward you and was startled to meet your eyes, which were watching me with amusement. “So, little rebel, have you buried the hatchet?” you asked me with a smile.
I smiled back at you, visibly flustered, and apologized for my behavior. I hoped my apology would be enough, but the lesson wasn’t over.
“Now I’m going to ask you something, but you’ll have to say yes before you know what it is,” you whispered to me.
I agreed.
“Do you want to make love to me?”
This time I was the one left speechless, my mouth agape in astonishment at hearing you ask a question that would have sent any woman in love with you into raptures.
A whirlwind of emotions was sweeping over me; clinging to the steep cliff face of my life in an attempt not to succumb, I was at the mercy of two distinct feelings.
In the end, the one from my heart prevailed, making me feel like the Sultan’s favorite, the chosen one by the man who, to me, represented the entire universe.
You had lovingly welcomed me into your arms at a time when I felt worthless, and you had managed to foresee this immense love of ours right from the start.
Perhaps, if you had known about the internal struggle raging at that moment between my heart and my mind, you wouldn’t have hesitated to call a doctor.
My fear had vanished as if by magic. I knew I was with you, but I felt as though I were about to cross the boundaries of the universe.
We were getting ready to spread our wings and soar together, holding hands. I was sure that two wings would be enough to fly, but I was careful not to tell you that; it wasn’t easy for anyone to understand what I meant.
“Honey, aren’t you going to say anything?”
I had drifted so far from reality that your voice startled me.
Looking at you with overwhelming emotion, I blurted out, “I can’t put into words what I’m feeling; it’s something beyond the human world.”
Taking your hands and bringing them to my face, I whispered to you, “It’s love in its purest form, an intangible emotion: the flight of the soul.”
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t explain to you what I was feeling in that moment, and I blamed the limitations that words sometimes have.
We stood there looking at each other in silence, listening to the language of our souls. As if by magic, the geckos began to snap their tongues, as if they were cheering us on, urging us to love one another.
I closed my eyes and asked you to speak to me; I wanted to hear your voice carried on a whisper and fade away on my lips.
I prayed for time to stand still. For the first time, I longed for the night to never end and for you to always love me with the same intensity.
I begged my soul to step back so I could truly appreciate the reality of your love.
The feeling I was experiencing at that moment was one of being reborn together with you.