DON’T HOLD BACK #3
As hard as Toni tried to shield her true emotions from him, Bull was fluent on her.
Reading the hurt behind her stare, as usual, he pretended not to care just like she did.
Shit went both ways. He didn’t see a reason to wear his heart on his sleeve.
Everything he’d done in the time they’d been together was more than proof of what it was.
Their daughter waddled in their direction, a perfect mix of both Toni and Bull’s best qualities with wide brown eyes, a button nose, and a heart shaped face.
Pushing past him, Toni reached for her daughter’s hand and led her to the stairs. Bull pivoted, eyes glued to Toni’s cheeks in the bodysuit hugging them as she swayed her hips and marched off. Reaching down to adjust his dick, he shook his head.
Toni moved through the kitchen, slamming cabinets as Bull stepped inside, swiping through his phone.
She was pissed, but she was so passive aggressive that she was going to pretend she wasn’t and hit him with one-word responses instead.
After setting her daughter up in her highchair, she gave her a bowl of fruit and Cheerios and decided to make herself a smoothie for the day.
“I eat all my food. I ready to go see the fishes!” Breeze hopped up from his little Spiderman table and chair set in the corner.
Bull had already gotten him dressed in his khaki pants and Polo shirt with matching Vapor Maxes.
“Me too!” Jou Jou slapped her hand against the tray of her highchair and stuffed a strawberry in her mouth.
“Daddy has to work. So, it’s just us,” Toni announced, watching the disappointment immediately hit Breeze’s little brown face.
Ironically, he could pass for Bull’s son, being from the same gene pool and everything.
Everyone always told her he looked just like his father, and she was never one to deny it.
Bull was amazing to her during her pregnancy with Breeze.
She was an emotional mess after they got married and lived in a state of guilt.
She cried over everything. If he so much as raised his voice at her, she broke down, and it drove him crazy.
When he thought she was sleeping, though, he would check on her and rest his hand on her belly.
Breeze was so used to his voice that sometimes when he was upset, the only thing that calmed him down was the sound of Bull’s steady tone.
From the day he was born, Breeze was attached.
Bull was his father out the gate. Toni went through some serious post-partum.
She couldn’t get out of bed; she didn’t want to leave the house.
When she stopped wanting to eat or wash her ass, Bull knew something was wrong.
He stepped up for Breeze, and she would always be grateful for that.
He was all the little boy knew, and Bull couldn’t front, he was his son in every sense of the word.
Often, he got quiet watching him. It was in those moments Toni suspected he was seeing the same similarities to Bronx that she did.
It was in those times that light switch Toni recognized would flip.
She sensed that he held serious disdain for her, and if it weren’t for Breeze, he probably would have gone through with his parents’ request to end her life.
Bull sighed when Breeze’s somber eyes looked up at him. He didn’t like telling either child no, and they both knew how to pull on his heart strings.
“Breeze, go get your backpack, so we can pack a nice lunch, okay. I’ll get you ice cream later,” Toni promised.
Hanging his head, he walked by Bull, who reached for his shoulder to stop him.
“Tell you what…” He squatted in front of his boy and looked into his eyes. “I’ll rearrange my schedule and just work from home later. How does that sound?”
“So, you go with us?” Breeze lit up.
“Yeah, man. I’ll go.” Bull caved, and his son threw his arms around him in a tight hug.
Toni’s heart warmed when his eyes met hers over Breeze’s shoulder.
“Go get your stuff like your mama said.” Bull nudged Breeze along, and he raced out of the room to grab his backpack.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Toni poured her smoothie into her glass and took a sip.
“It’s nothing. I’ll just let Chai know.” He brought his phone out of his pocket so he could text her.
“Yeah, wouldn’t want to leave her wondering where you are,” Toni muttered, slamming her glass on the counter.
“The fuck that mean?” Bull brought his eyes up and caught the glare in hers from across the room.
Toni could never hide her true feelings no matter how hard she tried. Either that or Bull was that good at reading his wife. He didn’t have time to pick through her reactions. If she didn’t want to speak up, he wasn’t going to sit around trying to decipher what the fuck was wrong with her.
“It means maybe you should try being a little more discreet with the bitch,” Toni voiced.
“I don’t know—”
“You must think I’m fucking stupid.” She squinted, irritated with the direction of this conversation.
She didn’t expect Bull to be Mr. Faithful.
This wasn’t even a real marriage on the inside.
It was what people saw from the outside that mattered to either of them.
To the rest of the world, they were a loving married couple with two perfect children.
It didn’t stop everyone from being skeptical about the relationship, and Chai was one of them.
Toni blamed her mother for bringing that bitch into her life.
Onika and Urso were pissed when she ran off and married Bull, keeping them from their meal ticket, which they considered Breeze to be.
They were still bitter about the situation years later and doing everything they could to undermine her marriage and remind her that Bull only married her because he felt sorry for her.
It was Urso that convinced Chai to apply for a job with Bull.
“Bad word, Mommy!” Jou Jou wagged her little finger and licked the juice from her strawberry off her hand and wrist.
“I don’t know shit unless you speak your fucking mind.” Bull gritted his teeth.
She was visibly upset, and he hated that he even gave a fuck, but somehow, over the course of almost four years, the person he thought he was supposed to hate evoked something else in him.
One minute he was telling himself that everything with Toni was manufactured.
His brother was dead, but she carried the last piece of him.
Shit was symbolic, so he rolled with it.
The minute he laid eyes on Breeze, it changed his entire life.
He vowed to always put him ahead of the bullshit between him and Toni.
No matter what. When Bijou came along, his baby girl, he took one look at her and knew he would burn the world down and everything in it for her as well.
Fatherhood had indeed given him a new perspective.
“Fuck you!” Toni snatched her glass off the counter and stomped toward the hall.
She wanted to shower, get dressed, and get the hell out of this house. Listening to her stomp up the stairs, he sat with Jou Jou while she finished her food. The familiar buzz alerting him that someone was at their security gate sounded off in the foyer.
“Come on, baby girl. Let’s go see who that is.” Bull scooped his daughter from her chair and carried her through the house until they reached the front door.
When he pulled it open and found Eazy standing on the other side, he paused. For a minute, he wondered if he was there for revenge.
Observing the little girl in his arms, Eazy’s shoulders relaxed.
Bijou clung to her daddy while examining the big, strong black man in front of her.
Without a word, Bull stepped aside so his man could pass.
With his hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket, Eazy took in Bull’s home before facing him.
“Uncle Eazy.” Bijou pointed to him, taking him by surprise before she brought her finger to her chin.
“Nigga ain’t playing fair.” Eazy grabbed Jou Jou from her daddy’s arms and held her against his chest.
She rested her head on his shoulder, and he looked down into her precious face.
“I’m glad you came.” Closing the door, Bull led him into the living room.
Toni kept a clean house, but Breeze and Bijou always left some trace of themselves in one room or another.
Bull didn’t mind. Before them, he spent so much time alone that it took a minute for him to adjust to that domestic shit.
He used to be anal as fuck about where things went, but his children were temperamental, so he learned to adapt.
When Eazy set Bijou down, she walked right over to a shelf, grabbed a small photo book, and brought it back over to him.
She flipped to the photo of him and Bull together about ten years ago and pointed to him.
“Uncle Eazy,” Bijou repeated.
“Damn. You still got this?” Dropping into a chair, he lifted the album to his lap and flipped through it.
Bijou stood right at his side, leaning against his knee as he sifted through the memories. Bull spent plenty of nights reminiscing while putting his babies to sleep. He would tell them all about Bronx, Eazy, Oracle, and all the shit they got into when they were young and reckless.
“I ready, Daddy.” Breeze burst into the room, holding his backpack in one hand, and Jou’s in his other.
When Eazy turned, his breath stopped. Something in the little boy’s eyes instantly reminded him of Bronx, and his hardened stare moved to Bull in question. Without a word, he lowered his head. Suddenly, all the confusion in the last few years made sense. Eazy needed no further explanation.
“You Uncle Eazy.” Breeze recognized him too.
Beaming with pride, he took in Bull’s children, both enamored with him being in their presence. It felt good to know he’d made sure they knew him, even if he wasn’t around.
“What’s up, youngin’.” Eazy dapped little man up.
“This is Breeze, that’s Bijou. We call her Jou, or Jou Jou,” Bull informed him. “Breeze, take Jou into the TV room. I’ll let you know when it’s time to go.”