WHAT ABOUT ME? #3
“Very transparent.”
“You dropped the paperwork off. Now you can leave.” He nodded to her car waiting for her, and she slowly turned to walk back to it.
Bull didn’t wait for her to get into her whip before he went inside to follow up on the order.
It took him thirty minutes to get everything confirmed.
He decided to peek in on the kids and then check on Toni, thinking she was in their bedroom.
He found the space dark and empty but paused at the window on her side of the bed they shared.
She sat outside next to the pool in a lounge chair, staring off.
As he started down the steps, his stomach growled from the warm aroma of the roasted chicken.
One thing was for sure; shorty could burn.
He found that out early, and if she didn’t know how to cook it, she would teach herself until she mastered it.
Both times she was pregnant, she was trying to make all her favorites from different restaurants since they couldn’t go out all the time.
He was impressed with how she self-taught herself by simply watching YouTube or the cooking channel.
She set the dish on the counter to cool off, but he bypassed it when he noticed the bottle of tequila nearby.
The sliding door leading to the pool area was left open, so he ducked outside in the cool early September air.
“Is this it? Is this what our life is going to be?” Toni sniffled and gripped the glass of tequila tighter while her wet eyes stared into their pool.
Already tipsy off the wine from earlier, she’d tossed a few shots back, too, and Bull didn’t know her to fool with hard liquor as much.
“What you talking about?” he asked, releasing an annoyed sigh.
Part of him really wanted to know what was on her mind, but he wasn’t for all this emotional shit.
“What am I talking about?” Toni’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Is this how you want to live? Not ever having anybody to share this already hard life with?”
“I’m sharing it with my kids… and you.”
“But you don’t love me, Bull! This is an arrangement for us! I’m starting to wonder if this shit was even worth it.” Shaking her head, she stood and slightly bumped him on her way back inside to pour herself another shot.
He locked his hand around her wrist, stopping her.
“You think your life and those kids’ lives aren’t worth it?” he asked, brows fusing together. “I do every fucking thing for you, and yo’ ass want to stand here ungrateful like—”
“What does it mean if I’m not happy, Bull? Or you! We’re both fucking miserable and walking through this shit, faking for everybody, including ourselves. How is that good for our kids?”
He understood her reasoning, but seeing her crying was a trigger. Toni in any kind of pain brought out a fierce, protective side that Bull had developed over the years. Shielding her from the dark shit out here was something he did out of sheer habit now.
“I don’t disrespect you in front of them. I provide for you, I protect you—”
“And you do that all with your Superman costume on like we are some contractual obligations for you to uphold! Anytime we get close, you yank away, at least from me.”
“What you want from me, Toni?”
“I want… you know what… it doesn’t matter.” She sniffled and wiped the tears that crowded under her nose.
Bull’s chest tightened. He didn’t like that shit.
When she tried to slip past him, he pressed the palm of his hand against her stomach, stopping her.
He didn’t say anything, but his eyes softened in a way that she rarely saw when aimed at her.
Usually, there was some kind of shield in front of them, like he was trying not to study her so hard.
“It matters.” His tone was low, causing flutters to erupt in her stomach when she caught the flicker of sincerity lingering in his gaze.
“No.” She shook her head. “I can’t do this with you.”
She pushed past him into the house, leaving him standing there, looking out at the pool.
Bull was a strategic man. He always thought things through so he could prepare himself for the outcome.
Choosing to marry Toni was the first time he didn’t see an end game.
In the moment, all he wanted to do was make sure nobody harmed her or her baby.
Then, her baby became his baby, and she became his wife, making them a family.
Not only that, but he planted his own seed, and he loved Jou Jou more than his own life.
Somehow, the love for her and Breeze flowed right over to Toni, and he spent most of his time denying it.
He fucked up and made a mess out of things, all out of loyalty to a brother who chose the life he lived and ended up paying for it.
Most days he held a lot of resentment for Bronx, even if he was dead.
His parents were also on that list. Entertaining Chai was just that.
He thought fucking her would keep his mind off Toni and how she solidified a place in his life.
She was everything a nigga like him didn’t deserve.