ALONE WITH YOU #2
With only a white t-shirt remaining, he ducked into his bathroom to wash his hands. He smelled like the gallery and weed since him and Jewel smoked like two trains all day while packing orders. Essence leaned against the doorframe and tucked her arms over her breasts.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” she grumbled. “I just don’t like people.”
“Kissa seems cool, though. What you tripping for?” A questioning frown marred his features.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired. Of everything.” Essence tapped her foot anxiously, her face hardening into a despairing grimace.
“Gotta be a little more specific, sis.”
“We ain’t no Huxtables, bro. I get the sentiment for Kissa and her family, but that ain’t us,” Essence pointed out.
“It ain’t, but I don’t see nothing wrong with it. I haven’t been here, but they getting old. I think Taci is probably lonely. Neither of us has kids, so just chill. Have some dinner and try to relax.”
“Since when you so family oriented or give a damn about anybody being lonely?” Essence turned her nose up.
“I ain’t say the shit was for me.” Eazy shrugged and thought about Bull. “You know I don’t give a fuck.”
“Not anymore.” Essence pushed herself from the wall.
“What that mean?” he pried, pausing with his brows bunched together.
“Nothing.”
“You got some shit to say, E? Don’t bite yo’ tongue.”
“It means Niva died, and you went into some dark hole. Then you took off. You pop up here saying you got a new job, and that worries me more than you being away.” Locking eyes with her brother, silence engulfed them before he pulled at his t-shirt on his shoulders to adjust it.
“I talked to Bull. We good. Me and Jewel got a good thing going at the gallery. All this shit is temporary, E. Whether you believe this shit or not, I do have a long-term plan. How about you quit worrying about everyone else and be selfish for once. Do something for you,” he encouraged.
“You talked to Bull? How is he?” she asked, unable to stop herself.
Seeing him with Toni and their kids, shit was a wakeup call.
He wasn’t sure he was ready for all that, but he wasn’t as closed off to trying to build relationships as he was before.
If Bull could switch up like that, Eazy thought maybe it wasn’t as impossible as he once thought.
All he knew was the goon life, as they called it.
Wasn’t no riding the fence. You was in or you was out. It took commitment to do what they did.
“He seemed cool.” Eazy didn’t want to elaborate because although Essence never let on about her feelings for Bull or vice versa, he knew she gave a fuck.
Her entire life consisted of keeping herself single in case Bull became readily available to her. Eazy didn’t want to be the one to let her down, but he had to keep it real.
“Just cool? What did he say? Did you meet his wife?” Essence interrogated.
“E, I love you. So, just hear me, aight. The shit with Bull, I know y’all have a bond. I would never doubt that. I even believe if anything was to ever happen to you, he would be there for you with no hesitation, but… he does have a family now.”
“Yeah. I heard about it,” she sneered, eyes rolling heavily.
“You might have heard different versions of it, but from what I can tell, shit real over there.”
His words made her pause. She nodded and took a deep breath before exhaling.
Letting go of the notion that her and Bull would end up together was a hard pill to fucking swallow.
He was the only man she ever imagined sharing a life with.
Knowing that would never be a reality left her heart cracking in her chest. She’d carried on the delusion long enough, and Eazy wouldn’t lie to her about no shit like that.
“You my sister, and I gotta keep it a buck with you at all times. I don’t want you to keep walking around with this devotion to Bull that won’t ever be reciprocated. I also don’t want you putting your life on pause for the next mothafucka.”
He regretted not having a baby with Niva now.
She wanted that more than anything. Jewel was his boy, and this was his family.
Now they were all somehow interconnected.
Then, there was Lotus. Fucking Lotus. His thoughts seemed to drift to her every five minutes throughout the day.
The harder he tried to block her, the more he thought about her.
“Eazy, Essence, get yo’ dysfunctional asses down here!” Summit called from downstairs.
“I swear, one day I’m gon’ smother his ass,” Essence grumbled.
“Come on.” Snickering, he slung his arm over her shoulder and dragged her downstairs with him.
With Taci and Summit at the head of the table, Eazy and Essence had to find their seats among the group in the other eight chairs.
Javon and Kissa were on either side of Taci on one side.
Clover was opposite her sister, and Jewel sat beside her with an empty chair at his side that Essence occupied.
Lotus took the spot beside her eldest niece, Cyn.
Eazy pulled out the empty seat beside her for himself, which left him next to his grandfather.
After they prayed over the food, Kissa helped serve everyone while they chattered away about how good things smelled.
“So, how was everyone’s Sunday?” Kissa asked once all their plates were stacked.
“I didn’t know we signed up for a therapy session,” Lotus mumbled, stuffing her face with roast and taking a bite from her roll.
“It was a simple question, Lotus. You just have a problem with normal conversation.” Kissa shook her head. “I know you would rather be tucked away from the rest of the world, reading a book or getting high, but we are here to have a family dinner, and I would like for you to participate for once.”
Essence perked up with interest. Maybe this perfect family wasn’t as ideal as she thought. Lotus tightened up in her seat, and instead of eating, she stirred her food on her plate with Eazy hawking her.
“I agreed to dinner. Nothing more.” Lotus dropped her fork to her plate. “I have no problem taking mine to go.”
“Lotus.” Javon’s words were sharp, but he barely budged in his seat.
The interaction was all too familiar with him.
Jasiel tossed back the rest of his brew, knowing it was coming.
Everybody thought shit was sweet because their parents were constantly forcing this quality time shit.
If he and the girls hadn’t moved in a couple of years ago, he’d probably only see them a couple of times a month.
Lotus skipped town the minute she got into college and didn’t look back until nearly two years ago.
“No. She thinks she’s better off without the rest of us,” Kissa snipped in his direction. “You don’t have to step in every single time we have an argument, Javon.”
“Me better off without you?” Lotus aimed her fork at her chest.
“Lo, chill,” Jewel chimed in.
“She better,” Taci spoke up. “At my table talking to her parents like that. What’s wrong with you, Lolo? I know you better than that.”
The rest of the dinner was quiet. Summit and Taci tried to draw conversation from everyone, but it was slim pickings.
Once they cleaned their plates, Kissa beelined for the kitchen to clean up while Lotus cleared the table.
When they had all the trash gathered, most of the men met up on the back porch with a cold brew to unwind.
Kissa stood at the sink doing dishes while Taci packed food to go and as leftovers for her fridge.
Essence sat at the table, undecided on which dessert she wanted to indulge in.
It was a hard decision between the pound cake and chocolate cupcakes with sprinkles.
“Dinner was delicious, Kissa. Thank you,” Taci acknowledged, taking a seat at the table across from Essence.
“Not gon’ lie, I thought y’all was like the Cosby Show or My Wife and Kids or some shit?” Essence decided on devil’s food cupcakes and brought one to her lips. “Why are you ruining my perfect image of your family?” she asked from a chair across from her grandmother.
“Trust me, it damn sure ain’t some picture-perfect shit,” Lotus mumbled.
“Well, me and Eazy lost our parents pretty early in life. Our mom had us, and when things didn’t go how she planned with our daddy, she hopped on the first thing smoking out of this town.
Our father was an aspiring artist by night with a grueling factory job by day that he hated.
He eventually went crazy and offed himself, which is how me and Eazy ended up with Summit and Taci.
So, you got the Cliff’s notes version of our situation.
” Essence shrugged, and her gaze gamboled from Lotus to Kissa, waiting on them to dish.
“My mama died when I was three, right after having Jewel” Lotus whispered. “My daddy met Kissa and married her when I was six years old. She’s been my mother in every sense of the word. Jewel don’t even remember our mama. Hell, I barely do.”
“Lotus keeps me at arm’s length. She’s only let me in a few times,” Kissa said, busting suds at the sink. “I’m not her mother, and she might have started calling me Ma, but… every now and then there is a disconnect between us.”
“Damn.” Essence cleared her throat and sat up straight. “That’s kind of heavy.”
“Ma. I love you.” Lotus sighed, walking up behind Kissa and hugging her. “You have been the best thing to happen to me. You have always supported me. Sometimes I just… I get in my feelings and in my own head. I’m sorry. It’s really not you.”
“I know, that’s why I let you have those moments.” Kissa sucked in a deep breath.
She faced Lotus and brought her into her arms before kissing the top of her head. Essence’s two glasses of Chardonnay were now weighing on her as her eyes misted.
“Now that’s the Cosby shit I’m talking about!” she gushed, popping the rest of her cupcake into her mouth.